The Greatest Little League Baseball Player Ever!

Then


Now

Jackie Earle Haley...better known as Kelly Leak from the Bad News Bears films, may be known for another reason come this spring. Turns out Jackie Earle has returned to acting, and had a supporting role in the movie Little Children. I've yet to see the movie, but apparently it is a set in boston movie about the lives of married couples and their children...If I'm not mistaken Jackie plays a pedophile, but I could be wrong.

Well it turns out that Jackie's role won the New York Film Critics Award for Best Supporting Actor. And now they are talking Oscar!!!! I've never been this excited since I saw that Johnny Lawrence/Chaz Osbourne himself Billy Zabka was nominated in the best short film category a few years ago!

The movie is written and directed by the same guy who did the movie In The Bedroom, and stars Kate Winslet and Jennifer Connelly...and their breasts.

I've missed Jackie Earle. He made two of my favorite movies of all time...Bad News Bears and Breaking Away. And that's pretty much it, but he's always garnered much respect from me. Now all I can say is congratulations! And Good Luck Jackie Earle, I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors...and if I had a vote come this spring...you'd be it!

My attempt at being Kobayashi

Last Wednesday night, I decided to throw my hat into the ring of competitive eating.

I'd long thought I had quite the stomach, and figured, if they can do it...So can I. In the past I'd had my picture taken at various restaurants where if you eat the big burger you get your picture on the wall. But now, I wanted more...I wanted a title. I wanted to be the Spikes' Hot Dogs "TOP DOG". I chose the venue...Davis Square. I didn't choose Davis because the record is 2 hot dogs less than the Allston Location...I chose it because I wanted to come over to the other side of the river and take away one of it's accolades...To plant the Allston-Brighton flag into Somerville's home turf.

The record for the Davis location is 12 dogs. You may think this seems like a small amount, but for those of you who aren't familiar with a Spikes Dog, the are quite large, and the bun isn't so much a bun as a large piece of French Bread. I did some research, and tried my best to prepare. I'd often chug gallons of water with dinner, to try to stretch my stomach, I came up with a plan of attack, and decided that last Wednesday was the night of nights.

I showed up at the location with my trusty Nano in hand...loose fitting pants around my waist and a hunger from eating only a light breakfast during the day. I spoke to the man at the counter, and said I was going to try to best the record...he told me the rules (1.5 hours, all hot dogs and buns must be eaten, no bathroom breaks or trips out of the store, and no puking) and before he started me off, he let me know that the owner of the current record was sitting directly to my left.

A woman, smallish in stature probably around 100 pounds. She turns to me and says "if you beat my record, I'll just come back and beat you tomorrow". I admit, I was intimidated. I rip through the first 6 hot dogs at a blistering pace, my plan...eat 10 hot dogs in 30 minutes, then coast to the last 3 to set the record...if I have time I'll eat one or two more to make my record a little bit harder to break.

I think I had her worried through six hot dogs...which I think I ate in 10 minutes.

At dog seven, she knew she was going to be keeping the record and left. I hadn't hit the wall, but I was having trouble eating the dogs, requiring a lot more liquid. I got through 2 more dogs, and wanted to call it quits. But Realized if I ate one more, I'd have eaten the second most hot dogs in the history of that particular location (tied really, one other had eaten 9). I knew 10 wasn't a possibility. I choked down the last dog, now full to the nth degree. Her record was safe, and even more, she had my respect. Even though I still had about 45 minutes to go in the contest, I knew it was over, the taste of hot dog was becoming vile to me, I couldn't swallow any more without taking a swig of pepsi (like swallowing a pill), So I told the man that I was all done. He got me my trophy, a Spikes visor (they didn't have my tshirt size)...Took my picture, banished the one time holder of second place to the next row, and congratulated me.

I left knowing that I could have prepared more, and I probably could get over the 10 dog mark, if I wanted to try again...but really, what do I have to prove. I know I did my best, and know that I gave it a good run.

I thank my friends that were there to support me, and I wish that I could have done better for them. But alas, I did not, but they had a good time.

I think it will be quite a long time before I eat hot dogs again and enjoy them, but I'll be back, and this time it will be fore my enjoyment, not to try to win some tshirt and get my picture on the wall.

Kobayashi...Girl at Spikes...you are the true heroes of the eating world, I am but your servant.

Fall F'n Finale!!!

Ok NBC cut the shit...Let's stop calling the winter Hiatus anything other than what it is...a time to take a break for the holidays and make some space for some holiday specials and reruns.

Let's stop this fuckin Fall Finale Insanity. You've already practically ruined my life chaining me to my tv for almost 3 nights a week...if you add Sunday Night Football and Friday Night Lights together. Now you need to try to fool me into thinking that this Fall Finale is anything other than the last new show that will be on for a while? I'm too smart for you NBC. I know what you're up to...You're hoping IDENTITY will be this years Deal or No Deal. Something that next year you'll be able to fill 3 hours of programming per week with...since sooner or later people will tire of the worlds most famous Obssessive Compulsive Howie Mandel. I understand this...really I do...and to tell you the truth I could use the break...but don't try to fool me that this is something than it really is! A Break!

And more importantly...Please don't use this opportunity to sell two sets of dvd's for a whole season!

Don't make me buy Season 1a and 1b of Heroes! I'll fuckin download that shit illegally so fast and hand it out like jesus flyers outside of a red sox game...I swear to god.

Thank god Monday Night Football doesn't have a "Fall Finale" at least I'll have something to watch on Monday nights.

Statute of Limitations

The Duffless Foundation came upon a situation where it felt it could do some real good for society. A situation came up where I was gmail chatting with a Friend of the Foundation (FOF for future reference). During the conversation I was relaying a story about when I was in the movie theater in Beautiful Revere Massachusetts seeing The Sixth Sense...when near the end, when you figure out that Bruce Willis' character is in fact dead already, a woman sitting behind me yelled out, "I knew he was dead!" over and over again. In my attempt to tell a story, I never thought that I may run into an issue that the person I was speaking to might not have seen the movie yet. I mean, the movie was out in 1999! This FOF took solace in the fact that he was one of two people in the world who didn't know the ending. To him I said...FU, you can't be pissed at me for revealing the secret to a movie that not only has 99.9% of the population seen, but that was released in a previous decade, nay MILLENIUM!!!!

It was decided that The Duffless Foundation will now set the guidelines for when you can talk about movies without consequence...A Statute of Limitations. Follow these guidelines and you can worry not about being a douche, you are covered by our Douche Free Guarantee.

The Duffless Founcation Decrees that up until a movie is released on DVD or six months after the release of the film in theaters, you need to ask someone whether or not they've seen the movie before discussing any part of the plot and or quoting any particularly memorable or funny lines.

This situation is different in the case of a movie with either a twist, or a mystery...a la The Sixth Sense. A 1 year cushion will be added. After one year of release of the dvd, a person is no longer required any courtesy in talking about the movie.

Depending on how much you like the person, if a film is outside of this one year period, and makes it clear to you that they haven't seen it, it is your discretion as to whether or not you reveal the plot twist/quote.

After 5 years of being released, not only will you be completely absolved of any douchebaginess for revealing anything about the movie. Also, if someone still hasn't seen the movie, it is up to your discretion whether or not you want to make fun of them or not.

So to recap.

Length of time before you do not need to ask someone whether or not they've seen a movie before mentioning plot and or quotes:

6 Months or DVD Release. No Plot twists or Special Circumstances
1 Year after DVD Release. Plot Twists or Special Circumstances.

5 Years after release of movie, No douchebaginess/make fun of person.

Thank you very much, any questions can be sent to Fuge.dufflessfoundation@gmail.com

Lard Clock Catastrophe

Now don't get me wrong, one thing I love more than a good donut is John Goodman. I love a skinny-ish John Goodman in Revenge of the Nerds, I love a fat John Goodman in almost everything. I especially loved when John Goodman seemed to spend a year or two randomly appearing on SNL for seemingly no reason. I think he just thought it was funny. Goodman as Linda Tripp, pure hilarity.

But all I'm saying is this, if I were running a huge donut company, I don't think John Goodman would be my go to guy for voiceover work.

Chocolate Frosted Cake Donut, 360 calories, 20 grams of fat - - soooo f'ing good, and soooo f'ing unhealthy - mmmmmm Goodman.

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack to the State House Again.

Apparently, for only $5.95 billed to your cell phone or credit card, you can do a walking tour of Boston narrated by the scarved one himself, Steven Tyler. Run by TalkingStreets.com, this tour "Rebels and Dreamers of Boston", starts off in the Public Gardens and takes you on a historical tour of the city, narrated by Steven Tyler.

You can hear a sample here: http://www.talkingstreet.com/tours_freepreview.php?tourid=bos

I really don't know what else to say about this, its just so weird.
The Lower East Side of NYC one is narrated by Jerry Stiller, now THAT might get my 6 bucks!

I want my Two Dollarism.

Well, I could blame the Loch Ness Monster, Big Ben/Parliament or Maryland Crabs for my recent MIA status, but that only accounts for 2 missing weeks, lets chalk the rest up to a mean case of the lazies. But I'm back, and will try to post more - and despite my attempts to kill Nessie with a hammer, he/she is still swimming around the Highlands.

While listening to my ipod on my journey, I discovered something new to love, something so awesomely funny it is found in a rare few songs. What is this? Well, I'm glad you asked. My new favorite thing is when a song unexpectedly has a 2 Dollar word. Prior to this, my favorite cheesy terrible song feature was the use and abuse of thunder.

Below you will find two of my favorite examples of what I like to call Two Dollarism. Yes, I know the expression is 25Cent word, but at the foundation we enjoy 2 Dollar Beer Summer, the "I want my two dollars" kid, and these songs are at least 4x better than anything 50cent ever recorded, so I'm sticking with it. If you have more examples, use the comments section and go down in the annals of pop culture history. I said annals.

Example 1 - Jessie's Girl - Rick Springfield

"Y'know I feel so dirty when they start talkin' cute
I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is prob'ly moot
'Cause she's watchin' him with those eyes
And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it
And he's holdin' her in his arms, late late at night "

Ok, he just worked the word Moot, into what is arguably one of the top 20 Eighties songs. Moot! Not to mention, I love the way he says "I just know it", it sounds like a verbal shaking of the fist...I love the irony of having such a word like Moot in what is a sugary pop song.



Example 2 - Cleaning Out My Closet - Eminem
"Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen who you think this record is dissin', but put yourself in my position, just try to envision witnessin'your Mama poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen, bitchin' that someone's always goin'through her purse and shits missin', going through public housing systems, victim of Munchausen's Syndrome, my whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't 'til I grewup, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya' stomach, doesn't it"

Munchausen's Syndrome, really? Did Eminem just rhyme missin with Munchausen's Syndrome? Classic! Now thats a Two Dollarism if I've ever heard one. Although, to be technical, I believe Mr. Mathers was a victim of Munchausen's by Proxy, which is when the parent gets attention by making the child ill, as opposed to Munchausen's when the person makes themselves ill, but I'll let it slide this time. Send us your Two Dollarisms!

The Duffless Foundations Lifetime Achievement Award

It's been a while...but I've found my inspiration, to blog again. I found this inspiration in the marathon viewing of 20 episodes of the first season of the excellent television program Scrubs.

And after this marathon session, I've decided to award the Duffless Foundation Lifetime Achievement Award to John C. McGinley. To all the educated great members of the Foundation, you know that John C. has a great Resume, or CV to our British members, that really doesn't need to be mentioned, but just in case there are some new members out there, here it goes. John C. really came out to the forefront of the Hollywood world in the mid 80's with a role in Oliver Stone's award winning Viet Nam war epic Platoon, playing the whiny "Red" always looking for a way out, he did find himself stealing the show from names such as Defoe, Berrenger, Sheen, Depp, Whitaker and Foundation Gravel Voice Hall of Famer Francisco Quinn.

Stone obviously saw something in a young McGinley because he brought him in on some other films...Wall Street, and Born on the Fourth of July. McGinley realizing how great it was to work with talented people, then moved on to work with the geniuses that are Swayze, Busey and Reeves. Point Break brought us big action, great performances and unforgettable quotes. John C. played the asshole boss better than anyone else ever dreamed of.

Later on in his career, John C. made a couple of more great choices. That brings us to 1994 when John C. was blessed to work again with some of the greatest actors of his time...First, he was in On Deadly Ground with Steven Seagal...then later he joined up with Busey again and Ice T in the updated movie version of The Most Dangerous Game...entitled Surviving the Game.

John C. then decided to make his name in television, with guest appearances on Friends and The Practice, before making his triumphant return to movies. Many people may have passed on the 1999 film that really led him down the path to today's award. The movie had no major movie stars, wasn't hyped very well, and wasn't given much respect more than being a movie that was written by the guy who did Beavis and Butthead. But John C. knew there was something there. The movie of course was Office Space. The movie became something of a definition of an entire generation of cubicle dwelling office workers. And John C. knew that. Choosing his projects was always one of John C.'s greatest attributes.

John C.'s other great attribute is is range...Early in his career he was often cast in Dramas, but now he realized that he can take over the comedy world...not only on the big screen, but in TV land as well.

Which brings me back full circle to the Scrubs Marathon that I had this past weekend. Zach Braff may get all the headlines, but everyone knows that John C.'s Dr. Perry Cox is the true, true star of this show. The show is laughs through and through, and most of them are courtesy of John C. McGinley

Because of his work, and our appreciation, on behalf of The Duffless Foundation...I want to award the Lifetime Achievement Award to Mr. John C. McGinley!!!!

Congratulations John C.! We appreciate your work!
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001525/

Thirty is the new...

Today is a historic day in the world. I am no longer a twenty something, I am now 30. I know, I know, thank you all for your kind birthday wishes. To be honest, I don't feel any different except that people decide to call me old man, and ask me if I feel any different, so then I think that maybe I should feel different. Well maybe subconsciously I do feel different, I did just go to a financial advisor about retirement plans.

ANYWAY I digress.

This blog is purely to celebrate the awesomeness that happens on my birthday.

Here are some notable events that have happened on my birthday:

in 1957 Sputnik was launched, starting the Space Age.

in 1822 Future president Rutherford B. Hayes was born.

in 1777 George Washington led troops into Germantown PA...heavy American casulaties occured.

In 1940, Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini conferred at Brenner Pass in the Alps, where the Nazi leader sought Italy's help in fighting the British.

In good news though, in 1970 Janis Joplin Died!

Some other famous people that share my birthday include:

Alicia Silverstone (also 1976)
Susan Sarandon (1946)
Charlton Heston (1923)
Stuttering John Melendez (1965)
Liev Schreiber (1967)
One Hit Wonder Jon Secada (1961)
Armand Assante (1949)
Russell Simmons (1957)
Rachel Leigh Cook (1979)

So, not a bad day, couple of oscar winners, two stars of a classic teen movie, a one hit wonder who may have had more success on the latin charts, and others.

Enjoy my birthday everyone, and I hope to bring you blogs for many many years to come!

DAMN YOU NBC!!!!

I'm a fickle tv watcher...I'll admit it. It took me a while to come around to the American Office. I would skip My Name Is Earl all the time. But I've come around. I now consistently watch 5 shows on your network! Three of them are full hour long shows...Heroes, Studio 60 and ER (yes, I'm back watching ER too), and what do you do to repay me. You use the song that was in my head for 4 entire years during my college years as a theme song on your commercials for Friday Night Lights. Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow was literally in my head for roughly 4 years. From the middle of my first semester freshman year, til right about the time of graduation...There was a good chance that I would be humming, whistling or even singing that song. The funny thing is that Sheryl Crow is one of the last things you'd ever, ever expect to be singing. In college I was a hardcore freak...I wore jean shorts a wallet chain and a blue hooded sweatshirt every day.

I listened to bands like Snapcase, Sick of it All and H2O...I didn't listen to Mix 98.5 shit like Sheryl Crow, but without fail, it was in my head. I hate to admit it, I would have been dissallowed from going to shows, I am lucky I wasn't branded a poseur. But I couldn't help it.

What didn't help matters is that my friend jay, would often wait until everyone was being quiet, and would sing the song so I would get it fresh in my head again...and I'd be really pissed, but what could I do. I think it took not being around Jay an other friends every minute of every day, to be rid of Ms. Crow's early 90's song...but now it's back...

Every time I turn around I see the promo, and here that voice and that opening line: God I feel like Hell tonight. And I hate you for it NBC...What have I done to deserve this fate!

Do I have to watch Deal or No Deal?

Must I not make fun of John Madden?

I'll do it...I swear! Just stop that commercial!

Rudd vs. Livingston - Take a Stand!

The time has come for The Foundation to take a stand, the battle Rudd vs. Livingston has raged on for far too long. Decisions like this are not easy, but I am ready to stand and be counted. Is Livingston a poor man's Rudd or is Rudd a poor man's Livingston? While I cannot speak for Fuge, my vote has been cast.


Both actor's careers have taken them down the same roads. People often confuse them or find them interchangeable. Who doesn't love both actors? The both were raised in the Midwest, are the same age give or take a few months, and both came into public attention circa 1995/96 ( Rudd in Clueless and Ron Livingston in Swingers). Need I also mention both are cute, funny, and scruffy looking. Who are you calling scruffy looking?

Anway, Rudd came out of the gate stronger. His first major role being the romantic lead to Alicia Silverstone in the underrated Clueless. At the same time, Livingston was playing a supporting role to Vaughn and Favreau, but he was still money.

Livington then eclipsed Rudd, with the veritable cinematic bitch slap that was Office Space. Rudd floundered for a little while, taking roles in some small romantic comedies like The Object of My Affection and Overnight Deliveries. During this time, Livingston floundered as well, he just couldn't seem to capitalize fully on his Office Space street cred.Both then switched gears and headed towards the dramatic. Livingston in Band of Brothers and Rudd in The Cider House Rules.

The next stage in the Rudd vs. Livingston battle took place on the small screen. Livingston playing Berger, one of Carrie's longer lasting boyfriends on Sex in the City and Rudd moving in as Phoebe's boyfriend/husband on Friends.

This was a defining moment in Rudd vs Livingston. Both took on romantic comedy special tv appearances on two wildly popular shows. However, the fact that Livingston wound up on Sex in the City with Rudd on Friends is of utmost importance. The Sex in the City role was funny and cute, but had a touch of the dramatic. But Rudd's role on Friends was all goofy and funny/romantic, no drama whatsoever. It is this distinction that lifts and separates these two awesome actors. Rudd is, by his very nature, funny. Livingston can act funny when given a good script, such as Office Space, however I don't think he is naturally as funny as Rudd. If I had to put money on who would be funnier at a dinner party, my money would be on Rudd. Hands down.

Rudd spend some of his time in the early 2000s taking on improv based roles, such as his character in Wet Hot American Summer and small roles in episodes of Stella and Strangers with Candy. He seemed to thrive in these goofball comic roles, andwhile he seemed to be having fun, they garnered him little attention.

By this time, both actors appeared to be neck and neck, but then it was Rudd's turn for some cinematic bitchslapping of his own. All his improv work paid off bigtime with his role of Brian Fantana in Anchorman (mmm sex panther)followed up by a strong performance in The 40 Year Old Virgin. At last he found his niche.

Livingston took another route, while still enjoying being a wise ass from time to time, he went the more dramatic route with a brilliant cameo on House and starring on his own TV show this summer Standoff - while not a well written show, Livingston is the best thing about it and I wish him all the best.

The past 2 years have been the defining point in the Livingston/Rudd battle. I think it is clear who has my undying allegiance. I'm clearly a Rudd woman. However, by no means doubt my love of all things Livingston. I consider myself like Vince Vaughn, I started out with Livingston and he means to world to me, but in the end it was Rudd who stole my heart. I ask myself, who can give me more laughs per minute and who can make me snarf a 2$ beer. Rudd. Rudd all the way.

I've been gone too long

But I'm back now. As some of you may know, The Foundation lost a dear friend recently, and no, I don't mean Bruno Kirby. My friend Jason passed away after a battle with cancer that lasted 2.5 years.

So, between going to Ireland, and dealing with the passing of my friend, I've been far from ready to post entertaining and funny blogs for my readerships enjoyment. This hiatus is now over. I feel that I'm back and in the game now. I have been upset and crying a lot over the past couple of weeks, so it helped me remember this:

The Top Five Movies that are guaranteed to make Fuge Cry no matter the circumstance...In reverse order Casey Kasem style.

Number 5. Field of Dreams

Having a catch with your old man, even after he was dead??? That's Touching. And this is the only time I'll call it, "Having a Catch". It's playing catch, but for somereason in Iowa, they call it "Having a Catch".

Number 4. Rudy

When I was at Umass, one of the greatest things that the campus offered was the Cable Station. Which showed relatively new movies (movies you'd see now on Starz or Encore). And they would show them for two weeks at a time or so. Whenever Rudy came on the station, the part near the end when the crowd chants for the Coach to put Rudy in...RUDY, RUDY, RUDY!, everyone on campus would start along with the chant. That's where the allergies start kicking in, and right when he runs on the field and bloated John Favreau yells, "he's so little", and after he sacks the quarterback and the still bloated Favreau yells "Who's The Wild Man Now?!" full on waterworks.

Number 3. Good Will Hunting

No real joke here, but It's Not Your Fault, It's Not Your Fault. Well it is my fault for having to break out the tissues for that scene.

Number 2. My Girl.

I know, it's questionable that I even admit that I've seen this movie. Little Anna Chlumsky never really did anything else besides make this movie. But I defy anyone to watch the funeral scene, where she's crying and asking where Thomas J's glasses are. "He Can't See Without His Glasses" without wiping the salty discharge from their eyes at least once.

Number 1. Brian's Song.

I've often said that this movie is the only excuse for any guy to cry out loud. I mean it's about football, it stars Billy Dee Williams and a Young James Caan, is about two friends who break racial barriers and play for the Chicago Bears. ONe gets cancer and dies, and Billy Dee does the most moving speeches in the locker room and when accepting the ComeBack Player of the Year award. I won't even try to pretend I"m not crying when I'm watching this, cause as soon as someone asks why you are crying, all they have to do is see Billy Dee in that afro, and everyone will understand.

So there it is, the five movies guaranteed to make me cry. I promise, I'll be back with some upbeat, positive funny posts in the near future, but I really just wanted to get back in slowly to the game.

Oh yeah, by the way, Ireland was awesome, but I really wish they had their own tv. I watched mostly English TV while I was there, and the Irish stations carried nothing but English American and Australian programming...I think I actually watched more "Friends" while hung over in the morning in 9 days in Ireland than I had in the bast 3 years of my life. I love English programming so much, I wish I got a taste of some Irish programming, it would have to be good, I'd think..but alas other than news...Nothing.

High Fidelity type musings: or how I learned to be happy and still love Bob Seger

So, I got stood up tonight. I was supposed to meet him at Sligo. Walk in the door Bob Seger is playing on the jukebox, Hollywood Nights and then Turn the Page. I'm in heaven, this night is going to be awesome! For those who don't know, there is little I enjoy more than playing Seger on dive bar jukebox.

Cut to 45 min later, he's a no show, and I'm stood up. He is either very late or was killed in tragic blimp accident over Harvard Stadium. I take off and feel sad. I've got a slight buzz on and just don't feel like being alone.

I walk over to the Davis Square square. A busker is playing guitar, some standard song. Then out of nowhere, the guitar guy starts playing Way Over Yonder in the Minor Key, by Billy Bragg and Woody Guthrie. I love this song. Seriously love this song. This random song, on this weird and random sad night. I can promise you, no one else was meant for that song tonight. It was played for me, and only me. I clapped, gave the guy a dollar and a smile. It makes me think of Rob in High Fidelity: "People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" Yes, this happens to me, too much Cure and Smiths in my life. But sometimes, the perfect song plays at the perfect time and all is back to right in the world.

It also makes me think about some Badly Drawn Boy lyrics: "And songs are never quite the answer, Just a soundtrack to a life" Tonight, despite being a bit sad, the soundtrack was spot on. Way over Yonder was simple and made me smile. The pure joy of that moment made up for my indulgent sadness. It's these little, simple things; a song playing just for me, just for me in that crowd, that makes all the difference.

Irish That Guy!

Ok, as I've posted in the past, there are a bunch of guys that are known as "That Guys" you might not know their name, but when you someone says..."You Know...That Guy that delivered the pizza to Spicoli in Fast Times", you can immediately picture him. Bill Simmons, has brought the level of "That Guys" to astronomical heights in his column for ESPN page 2.

Today, in preparation for my trip to Ireland, I'd like to add another face to the That Guy Hall Of Fame. The man is Colm Meaney. Some of you may know him as "That Guy From Star Trek The Next Generation"...

Some of you may know him as "That Guy from Cliffhanger with Stallone and Lithgow", some of you still may know him as "That Guy who's car gets smashed when it gets attached to the plane in Con Air"...

Some crazy people out there may even know him as "That Guy that played the mayor in the movie Mystery Alaska, yeah, that guy remember his wife was banging that guy that played Shep in ER the Glory Years before Gilbert Lowe died and Doug Ross went on to win oscars!"

But I'll always know him as "That Guy that is in every movie who needs someone to play either an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman or an Englishman."

So in honor of my trip to Ireland...I hereby enshrine Colm Meaney into the "Duffless Foundation That Guy Hall of Fame"

Congrats Colm.

A Man Called Hal

Why I love Hal.
Hal takes up race walking. Hal built the equivalent of a grown up fort in his garage. Hal has a rich fantasy life. Hal fills the house with the most elaborate Domino display ever. Hal stops going to work because he's rented a steamroller and is busy crushing things for fun. Hal sneaks the boys out to stock car races. Hal loves to roller disco. Hal builds a fighting robot with the nerd kids. Hal dreams of buying a Porsche. Hal leaves a couch on train tracks. Hal is a militant soccer coach. Hal gets carried away with poker bets. Hal gets drunk and tears down walls to put on an addition to the house. Hal is delusional and has beautiful visions of grandeur. Hal takes a baby and daddy class and bets on the babies, such as which baby can fill a diaper the most, baby shuffle board, baby drool-off. Hal has a Christmas tree selling scheme. Hal buys a hot tub. Hal starts a pirate radio station. Hal makes the boys build him a Tiki Hut in the garage. Hal gets caught up in the world of motivational speaking. Hal makes an elaborate pitching machine in the driveway out of toys and garage junk.

But my favorite HAL episode ever is when Dewey has to sell magazines for school, one of the prizes are "Pogo Shoes", Hal then has dreams of himself a neighborhood hero, bouncing around the hood in his pogo shoes, to the envy of all the other neighborhood dads.

This is why I love Hal, he's the dreamer of the family. He's rarely the center of the episode, but for me always the best part. He has a rich fantasy world in his head, he is the ultimate dreamer. Its not that he's a bad dad, in fact he often bonds with his boys over his own crazy schemes and dreams. Malcolm in the Middle is all about Hal. Bryan Cranston, pure genius.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUN_5fecL8Y

Bye Bye Bruno

It's a responsibility that the Foundation takes upon itself...but not one that it necessarily likes to do. We at the Duffless Foundation feel it is our responsibility to report on the deaths of our favorite hollywood celebs...and today, it is with sadness that I announce the passing of one Mr. Bruno Kirby. Kirby, probably best known for his roles opposite Billy Crystal in "When Harry Met Sally" and "City Slickers"...

But I remember him best playing the role of uptight 2nd Lieutentant Steven Hauk. Kirby was great playing the polka loving, radio station lackey that was trying to reel in Robin Williams as Adrian Cronauer.

I'll also remember Bruno as Victor Ray, Carmine's nephew in "The Freshman"...It must have been quite the thrill for Kirby to work next to Ferris Bueller and The Godfather in the same movie! Also, finally, Kirby is also well known by the Foundation in his role in This Is Spinal Tap...In fact we just spoke about this recently. Not even knowing that Mr. Kirby was fighting Leukemia. Kirby played the limo driver Tommy Pischedda. With a remarkable showing in the extra scenes. Truly the best extra scenes a DVD ever included. Just ahead of Just Over Eighteen volume 2...but I digress.

So to wrap up, the Duffless Foundation will point their two dollar beers up towards the heavens this week, in honor of a legend. Mr. Bruno Kirby, dead at age 57.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0456124/

Whacking Day! It's Finally Here!

This Saturday! 5:15pm!! Snakes on a Plane - Boston Common Theater!


BUY TICKETS NOW! - http://www.fandango.com/MoviePage.aspx?date=8/19/2006&mid=88794

Pre Game at The Tam - starting at 3:00pm!

Give a shout out and let me know if you are going!

He was in What?

I was flipping through the channels yesterday on a rather weak Sunday afternoon for television viewing. I was pretty hungover from the day before, so I just really wanted some background noise to hopefully nap to.

I came across the Baseball movie "Angels in the Outfield". I think it's actually a remake of an older film, but this was the one starring Tony Danza, Danny Glover, Christopher Lloyd, That Guy Taylor Negron and a young Joseph Gordon-Levitt of "10 Things I Hate About You fame".

What amazed me about this wonderful piece of trash movie...was that there was not one...but TWO oscar winners in the cast. Playing the role of the Foster Mother who cared for young Levitt was Brenda Fricker, who won her Oscar for Supporting Actress in "My Left Foot". Also, making an appearance was a young Adrian Brody who played young ballplayer Danny Hemmerling. Brody of course won his best actor oscar for his role in the movie "The Piano".

So Fricker actually starred in this film, after her oscar. Maybe she thought that this would help her with the American Audience...I don't know. Brody was much more understandable, he was a young actor trying to make a name. He has since been much more selective with his choices of roles since winning an oscar. Actually come to think of it...I don't even think he's made a movie since he won...maybe he is like George Costanza, he knows when to call it a day.

So when I was watching this, I started to come up with a list of movies that I couldn't believe had Oscar winning actors in it.

We'll start at the top...

Ishtar...Perhaps Dustin Hoffman (wins for Kramer vs. Kramer and Rain Man) and Warren Beatty (never won for actor but did win for Director for Reds) thought that this one looked good on paper, but obviously that didn't translate to the screen.

Every Tom Hanks film until Big.

The Next Karate Kid. Hillary Swank has been in three films that I remember...and won two oscars. One was with Mr. Miyagi...and was pretty awful.

Boat Trip, Snow Dogs, Rat Race and Chill Factor...Cuba Gooding Junior.

Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion...Mira Sorvino.

Rocky Horror Picture Show...Susan Sarandon

Return of the Killer Tomatoes...George Clooney

Satisfaction...Julia Roberts

Toys...Jamie Foxx and Robin Williams and was written and Directed by Oscar Winner Barry Levinson!

Career Opportunities...Jennifer Connelly

And Finally, the classic of all classics...Jury Duty, starring Pauly Shore and Tia Carrerre, also starred two time Oscar award winning Actress Shelly Winters.

Which just goes to prove, that no matter how bad a movie appears to be, you maybe, just maybe may catch either a future oscar winner on the way up...or a former oscar winner who is crashing down, down, down.

Punishment for my month long exile.

I am guity and I must be punished. I've been lazy, busy, away for work, but mostly lazy. For these sins I must be punished. Its been exactly one month since my last post. As absolution to the pop culture Gods, I have watched the following 3x today. Don't get me wrong, I kinda like Guttenberg. Perhaps I'm a glutton for punishment, but I have a soft spot for this guy, he's been the butt of jokes for all these years and always has a smile on his face. All you jaded, gen x cynic types must admit, you kinda liked Mahoney growing up! He's the quintessential nice guy boy man. The definition of non threatening. This video and his moose knuckle find me, for the first time ever, thinking about that fact that Guttenberg probably has a penis.

From You Tube and Gawker - I give you the greatest and worst movie intro of all time, but look at GBerg, look how happy he is! A 2$ Beer to anyone who rents and watches this movie! This song is stuck in my head!

F' The Emmys

So, I just looked at Boston.Com and there was an article about the emmy nominations being announced today. And first of all, I want to know, why the hell do they announce them at like 5 in the morning LA time? Is it that important that other countries get the nominations, considering there aren't any BBC shows up for best reality program, although there should be.


Let me ask you this...

How does Neil Patrick Harris, who plays Barney on How I Met Your Mother, arguably the greatest television role since Latka Gravas, not get nominated for Best Supporting Actor in a comedy. It is the single greatest comedic performance on TV today! And more on this, Was Will and Grace funny? Ever? How long with the Emmy's continue to suckle on NBC's Ass? First it was Frasier picking up more Emmy's than Scott Weiland picked up arrests for Posession, I think even the dog (that just passed away) got a nomination for suporting actor a few times, now it's Will and Grace. I swear to god, that show stopped being edgy about 3 minutes into the first show. Oh my God Gay People!!!!!! Let's give them emmy's, maybe they won't realize we won't give them the right to marry!!! I will say that the character Jack, played by Sean something or other is probably one of the better parts of that show, but that doesn't mean he should be winning emmy's every f'n year. Barney is the best character on a comedy series...period...and I will not back down until that is known by everyone.

I do give the Emmy's credit for nominating Allison Janney and Alan Alda from The West Wing. But Martin Sheen, he was barely in this past season, he hardly deserves to be nominated as a lead in a drama series. Even if this was the best non-sorkin West Wing, Sheen's character was not in it enough for him to be nominated.

I know I'm rambling, but didn't Weeds get nominated, and didn't Mary Louise Parker win a Golden Globe for her role in it a few months ago? Why didn't that transfer over to the emmys? I mean, has that much quality programming come out in that time? Elizabeth Perkins, Kevin Nealon, Mary Louise Parker and Justin Kirk all deserved to be nominated in my opinion. It's one of the fuge top 5 of shows out there on the air.

One other is Entourage, and Jeremy Piven, who is awesome deserves a nomination for supporting actor, but I think that Kevin Dillon aka Johnny Drama shouldn't be overlooked. Maybe it's because these shows are soooo Awesome the assholes at the academy feel that they can't nominate more than one person per show or something. I don't know but it's just wrong. Why limit it to five nominees, if people are awesome enough, just nominate them and let people pick from 7 or 8 people instead of just 5.

Finally, in the Reality Show/Competition category, I really have no real qualms with the shows picked, survivor, project runway, amazing race. But Ed Vs. Spencer needs to be on that list somehow...if you haven't seen the show it is about two friends, who I hear are former professional snowboarders, who live together. Every show they come up with a competition. Oh yeah, and they are English and call eachother names like Twat and Cock all the time. So they have these competitions like "Who can become the most famous", "Who Can Gain The Most Weight" and "Who Do Women Like More" and hilarity ensues, there is constant attempts to sabotage, there is trash talking and mind games, there is drunkeness, there's a little bit of everything. Then the winner gets to put the loser through a Humiliation, which often involved nakedness or runins with the cops.

It's great, watch it, and vote for it for an Emmy next year. Finally, I think the Duffless Foundation should be responsible for all awards given to movies and tv shows. I mean it's only fair that the two most awesome bloggers in the world be allowed to bestow awards upon movies and tv shows.

Right?

A Tribute to the Moustaches of Tombstone

Boy's I'm your huckleberry! I recently learned that all the moustaches in the movie Tombstone were grown by the actors and not fake. I have to salute their dedication to kick ass facial hair. Although you may disagree, i've saluted the fantastic face fur in order of awesomeness. However, I have to give Billy Zane some props for his pretty boy curls, but no stash, mean no tribute, sorry Zane!

Heat Vision and Jack

Someone described this show as the "greatest show you'll never see" and now thanks to you tube, you can see it. I got my hands on a copy of Heat Vision and Jack a few years ago, passed it around friends, and then forgot all about it. Sometime Saturday afternoon it just popped in my head again, and now, loyal foundation readers you too can see the legendary HEAT VISION AND JACK! Shot in 1999 after the Ben Stiller Show went off the air, this pilot was shot with Stiller, Owen Wilson and Jack Black as the lead. Stiller was trying to find a good vehicle for his pal Black, who at the time was struggling in obscurity, although an underground fave in Tenacious D before they went big. A bidding war broke out over this show, however at the last minute the network decided it was too expensive and too crazy to air. I wish networks would take more chances on quality shows like Get a Life and Arrested Development and realize how far street cred can get you. But these bastards never learn, and Heat Vision was to only survive as an underground video.


Heat Vision and Jack is a spoof of action and sci fi shows, think The Six Million Dollar Man etc. It has, sniff, rest in peace, Vincent Sciavelli and, in a career defining role, Ron Silver. I'm not embedding this because its 30 min long, however treat yourself to watching this. Let it download, get some cookie dough and laugh your ass off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lWgXDOAJ5s

England like a Mofo

So I've been watching and reading a lot of British things lately, the latest Nick Hornby book, Coupling, The Office and let us not forget Ed vs. Spencer which Fuge was nice enough to point me to. Ed vs. Spencer is about two roommates who compete each episode on things like who can gain the most weight, anyway, this show merits its own post, I mean one of them was England's Air Guitar champion for 2 years in a row, that's skills.

So anyway, in the last six month I've realized I've picked up a lot of British slang, here are some of my favorites, some old favs and some new:

Minge: the area which houses the vajayjay, ie, the muff or the mound, or a woman's front ass
Pants: underwear or panties
Redundancies: layoffs, ie. your job has become redundant, pack your shit and get out
Knobhead: dick head
Jumper: sweater
Trainers: sneakers
Nappys: poopy diapers
Togs: swim trunks
Bin Bag: trash bag
Bollocks: balls
Buggerer: an anal sexer!
Poof: homo
Prat: moron
Brill: Brilliant or awesome
Slag: to make fun of, not your mom
Tosser: chronic masterbator
Skint: broke, no cizzash
Ponce: Slacker and perhaps douchebag
Snog: vigorous Frenching!
Shag: vigorous boinking!
Pissed: get drunk
Knock Up: to wake up, not impregnate
Fanny: see minge! - in the Uk, fannypack would mean vaginabag
Kip: short nap
Mini Break: small vacation/long weekend
Sacked: fired
Smart: looking good
and my new fav
Gusset: the front, crotchal region of a women's panties

There are so many, please share your favs!

Dane Cook still sucks, and All Things Sandler!

Sometimes I think I'm so obsessed with pop culture that every conversation I have is Foundation material. Also, I'm very, very lazy. So, instead of an original blog posting, this one is inspired by an email conversation I recently had with a long time friend I met in college, he's also a long time Foundation reader. Due to a sick trainwreck like curiosity he rented some Dane Cook to see if he was indeed as bad as I claimed. He then posed the following question: "Is there any correlation between Cook and Sandler, Sandler was loved by all the meatheads at school when we were there?"

Good Question, yet my hatred of all things Dane Cook, leaves me recoiling at the mere comparison to Sandler. My good friend at least had the courtesty to state that Cook and Sandler are not as bad as "Larry the Cable Guy" - well, point made, but that doesn't put Sandler in the Dane Cook category. I'm not a huge Sandler fan, however I'm not, not a Sandler fan, if you know what I mean, he has brought me some joy in my life, and I know for a fact my friend loves Madison.

My Response: HOW DARE YOU! Have you seen Billy Madison? Perhaps a small correlation - I've never really loved Sandler's stand up, but Cook is just a hack, and I'm getting the vibe that you kinda liked it and I hang my head in shame. Not as bad as "larry the cable guy" - - that's like saying shit tacos are better than shit sandwiches - ok, now that I've thought about Spinal Tap I feel better - - a funny guy you should check out is Zack Galifinakis - his stand up is hysterical! I saw him on Comedy Central a few times, and then last year during the comedians of comedy tour - he was great, so was Brian Poshen and suprisingly, Patton Oswald is funny, I'd not have guessed that, but Zack G is by far one of the best comedians working today, I don't know why you didn't care for the David Cross cd's, you break my heart."

My friend responded by clarifying his hatred of Dane Cook, however he then issued the following challengef: "Billy Madison & his CD are very funny but the rest of his career is complete horseshit and you cannot deny that."

This challenge led to a Foundation critique of all things Sandler, cut and pasted from my email for your reading pleasure:
Billy Madison - pure genius
Wedding Singer- HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!
Spanglish- I'm the only person in America who liked this movie!
Big Daddy- I kinda liked it, but half due to jon stewart and the kid is kinda funny
Mr. Deeds - horrible, although mostly Wynona Ryder's fault, but still, not good - but you have to admit Tutorro was good in it
50 First Dates- neither good nor bad, terrible soundtrack
Punch-Drunk Love- this has been a source of heated debate between Hunter and myself, he loves it, I said it was a fucking arty piece of shit.
Anger Management - snoozefest
The Waterboy - dumb, just fucking dumb
Little Nicky - by far his greatest sin against humanity
Happy Gilmore - dude, this is funny - 80's throwback funny to movies like One Crazy Summer - but not quite as good
Bulletproof- never saw it, but lets say it sucks balls
Mixed Nuts- its been a long time but I remember it being vaguely entertaining
Airheads- dude, I like this movie - mostly for buscemi, but its a great throw away sat afternoon movie and......and he had a small role in Shakes the Clown - have to give him some respect When all is said and done, I have to give him the thumbs up - show me someone else in hollywood who keeps a low profile, isn't annoying and just likes to make movies with his friends - I can't fault him on this at all - I have to give Sandler the thumbs up! The smartest move he ever made was to leave stand up for comedic acting.

I would like to thank my friend for his long time dedication to the arts, and while we sometimes disagree, I've rarely had question of his cinematic and comedic tastes! Now go out there, and you find that fucking puppy!

Please see this movie!

I want to urge all Foundation readers to go see An Inconvenient Truth. I saw it today and it was very done but frightening. However, I left the theater with a sense of hope, a hope that its not too late, a hope that we can all do our own personal best to save the environment. Al Gore jokes aside, he did a wonderful job with this film and not since Jimmy Carter have I ever seen a politician use their access, connections and passion to actually try and make this world a better place. I wasn't sure what to expect from this movie, but I was shocked at how well the material, which is basically a slideshow, is presented. While this post is not typical of the intent of this blog, I consider this one of the small things I can do to help the cause. I URGE YOU TO PLEASE GO SEE THIS FILM. It's currently playing in Harvard Square and other places around town.

If you don't want to listen to me, here are some other thoughts on the film: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/inconvenient_truth/?sortby=rating&critic=fresh

Wish both Foundation members luck!

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 7897186

What Station Plays The Oldies?

I'm listening to Oldies 103 FM in Boston right now, and I've heard Grand Funk Railroad, Elton John, Billy Joel (Uptown Girl which was from the 80's) and Eric Clapton.

I'm wondering when a classic rock station took over for Oldies 103. I'm not complaining too much, the music is good, and I get to here some great songs like Brandy and Bus Stop on a daily basis, but where can I go to find songs like:

Earth Angel
Sh-Boom
In The Still Of The Night
Sillhoette on the Shade
even The Lion Sleeps Tonight!

I want DooWop, I want Old Motown, I want Frankie Valli, I want Frankie and the Teenagers.

I mean, I actually heard Matthew Wilder's Break My Stride, and Turn The Beat Around by Miami Sound Machine on Oldies, so I know they must have changed format.

Bad News Belinda

Bad news Belinda Carlisle, you are gonna burn. According to this T shirt and apparently the bible, Liars go to Hell. "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death." Don't blame me Belinda, blame the Bible, but maybe God likes shitty music and you will be spared? Your song is damn catchy.

Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth
Ooh heaven is a place on earth
They say in heaven love comes first
We'll make heaven a place on earth
Ooh heaven is a place on earth

Here is the main question, who exactly says, "in heaven loves come first?" I did some googling and I've yet to find that "expression" anywhere, yet, you claim "THEY SAY IN HEAVEN LOVES COMES FIRST", really? they say that do they? Funny, I've never heard it. You fill that song with LIES!!!!!! When I google the expression only links to your own song come up, weird huh? I want to know who "they" are, and how do you know them? According to God, you are no more than a whoremonger! How do you sleep at night? "They" don't exist, because you are a LIAR. Tsk Tsk, Carlisle, Tsk Tsk.

World Cup Action

Tomorrow starts the World Cup. Which means, I'll be living the life of Ben Kenobi...an Old Hermit.

I'll try my best to post here, but please view my other blog...

http://thedoubledeuce.blogspot.com/

Thank You!

Moustaches

So, many of you will know that I'm a big fan of the Moustache...There's something to be said someone who has the confidence to sport hair nowhere else but on their upper lip...

I will honor these men with a series of posts honoring The Greatest Moustaches of all time.

These Moustaches will cross many different realms of pop culture. Movies, Reality TV, Sports, and Politics...

The first honoree is none other than WWF superstar and the star of the movie No Holds Barred with Tony "Zeus" Liston...Hulk Hogan.

Yes Thunderlips himself, the Ultimate Male.

In fact I've taken to calling the Fu Manchu style of Moustache, the Hulk Hogan in his Honor.

Hulk Hogan has been a good guy, he's been a bad guy, he's been a nanny, he's been an Alien...but one thing has always been constant...his moustache.

So here's to you Hulk.

Thanks for all the Moustache Memories.

Toss this cookie!

Is it me or does this cookie look like a vagina?

Ok, so I recently won a free dozen homemade cookies from our friends at the Casa Highland blog. It's about time my mad googling skills paid off. So, I was asked to let Casa Highland know what kind of cookies I want. Hmm...this of course lent itself to more googling. Where I discovered, the Worlds Filthiest Cookie(not to be confused with the worlds stinkiest cactus - that goes out to you Tremblay.) Apparently, this nortorious cookie was eaten by Chris Rock and Marilyn Manson on the Graham Norton Effect, but couldn't be shown on tv.

I may just settle for chocolate chip.

Video of the cookie on Graham Norton:http://www.lickdeeznutz.com/mansonrockcookies.mov

I'm Back...with Mixed Emotions

First things first...I would like to echo my foundation compatriot in honoring the passing of the fine actor Paul Gleason. He is a major factor in two of my all time favorite movies. One as Duffless so thoughtfully recounted in her earlier post was The Breakfast Club...

The other, is a much different film but nonetheless a shining moment for Mr. Gleason. The movie...Die Hard. Paul Gleason's role was small, in comparison to the other roles in the film, but he was still an integral part of the film, bringing both comedy and drama...Intensity and Frivolity.

He played the role of Deputy Chief of Police Dwayne T. Robinson. The sometimes bumbling man in charge at the scene at the hostage situation at Nakatomi Plaza. Dwayne was definitely not the most popular member of the LAPD that night, in fact, he made many more mistakes than he made sucesses.




My favorite scene involving Mr. Gleason is really every time that he introduces himself in the movie...which is really like 4 or 5 different times during the movie. Just the way he'd say "This is Deputy Chief of Police Dwayne T. Robinson", really just made me melt. Anyway, We'll miss you Paul, but If I was at the Oscars next year, I'd clap it out for you when you appear in the Parade of Dead stars.

Ok, a bit of an explanation of my absence. I had computer issues again. I've been very active in trying to get more technologically savvy...So I bought myself an Ipod. An Ipod Nano to be more specific. It's so awesome! The problem was my computer was ill prepared to accept the awesomeness of myself and an Ipod together. So it broke.

I was finally able to get it to the point that I could get it to work, or more specifically, my friend the IT guy got it to work, I just supplied the PBR. Anyway, in between the time I got the Ipod, and go tthe computer fixed, I bought a laptop. This laptop is the single greatest thing that's happened to me since I lost my virginity. I think so at least, as I was kinda drunk. Both when I got my laptop, and lost my virginity.

I digress. Now that I have the laptop, I can't believe it took me so long! If someone had just told me that I could search for pOrn, play poker and download music all while taking a shit, I would have bought this thing long ago!

That being said, I'm back, and I have no excuse as to why it will take me 20 something days to post something again, in fact I have another post in mind for tonight, but I'll hold off on it, in order to give Paul Gleason the respect he deserves.

Good Night Deputy Chief Of Police Dwayne T. Robinson.

Good Night Mr. Dick Vernon



Anyway,

Now thats it! I'm gonna be right outside those doors. Next time I have to come in here, I'm crackin' skulls.

Rest in Peace Principal Veron. Paul Gleason, another great character actor taken too soon.

I remember clearly the day that I realized I was getting old. I saw the Breakfast Club 2 or 3 years ago and actually started to feel for the principal and what he was trying to do. It was then I knew I was old. When I was a kid, I wanted to be in the Breakfast club, they were so cool - - and now I relate more to Dick. How the tide has turned.

Here is the Duffless Foundation Tribute:

Richard Vernon: What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire?
John Bender: Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.

Richard Vernon: [Andrew laughs at Bender's backtalk] You think he's funny? You think this is cute? You think he's "bitchin," is that it? Let me tell you something. Look at him - he's a bum! You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is!

Richard Vernon: You think about this: when you get old, these kids - when *I* get old - they're going to be running the country.
Carl: Yeah.
Richard Vernon: Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me.
Carl: I wouldn't count on it

Richard Vernon: You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and a little less time trying to impress people.

Richard Vernon: What was that ruckus?
Andrew Clark: Uh, what ruckus?
Richard Vernon: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.
Brian Johnson: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

Richard Vernon: Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.

We've got motherfucking snakes!

As you may be aware it is 2$ Beer Summer - - and one of the official activities of this summer is Snakes on a Plane. Save the date, August 18th! 2$ Beer Summer field trip to see Snakes on a Plane -

Location: Boston Common Theater
Time: TBD - Evening
Required Pre-game : many many 2$ beers at The Tam
Sam Jackson Impersonations: unlimited

Facts about Snakes on a Plane:
1.) There are snakes, and they are on a plane.

2.) Sam Jackson only signed on for this film because of the title. It was later changed to "Pacific Air Flight 121", but Jackson demanded they reverse the change. "We're totally changing that back. That's the only reason I took the job: I read the title."(imdb)

3.) In March 2006 New Line Cinema, due to massive fan interest on the Internet, allowed for a 5 day reshoot to film new scenes to take the movie from PG-13 to a R-rated film (originally the film wrapped principal photography in September 2005). Among these additions is the Jackson character's line, "I want these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane," a line that originated in an anticipatory internet parody of the movie

Firecrotch! Firecrotch! Firecrotch!

Ok, so there is this mega rich douchebag named Brandon something who hangs around with Paris Hilton - he got loaded and was "interview" by TMZ where he shared his drunken thoughts about Lindsey Lohan and her flaming red, freckle shooting v-jay. While, this dude is without question the biggest douchebag in the universe, I have to give him a mini golf clap for 1.) His dedication to 200$ Beer Summer and 2.) Firecrotch! Not since the Ginger kids episode of South Park have I seen such red pube bashing.

On a side note: I've been trying, with varying degrees of success, to lauch "Slam Pig" in 2006 - perhaps if my father were an oil magnate I'd have more success.

From Gawker or Defamer, I can't remember which:

The little war between Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan has a whole new front: Brandon Davis, the oil scion best known for boozing his way to the top of Los Angeles’ tower of celebutwat nightlife. The omnipresent cultural pornographers at TMZ have released a video shot last night, featuring Paris Hilton and Davis — who’s so drunk as to sport some impressive facial bloat. Always a gentleman, Davis defends his lady friend, ranting about Lohan for an impressive three-and-a-half minutes before throwing the ultimate gauntlet (as transcribed by our brother Defamer): “Lindsay Lohan is a firecrotch, she has freckles coming out of her vagina, and her clitoris is seven feet long.” Well, now you know.
For quick reference, we’ve put together a handy rundown of Davis’ important stats from the video:
• Usage of “fuck” (including “fucking”): 10
• References to Lohan’s freckles: 3
• References to Lohan’s genitalia (including her “pussy,” “skanky pussy,” and “7-ft long clit”): 5
• References to the orange/red color of Lohan’s pubic hair: 4
• Number of times Davis utters “firecrotch”: 10
• Unflattering references to Lohan’s attractiveness as compared to that of her incarcerated father: 1

Beautiful Weirdos

At the Foundation we try to understand and celebrate all things pop culture. Sometimes, just sometimes, we run a foul of something we just can't categorize. I had just such an experience today in the middle of Davis Square on my way home from work. Who are these beautiful weirdos? What are they doing, and why? I ask you loyal readers to come to my aid, what is going on here?. Are they simply celebrating 2$ Beer Summer? Is this what happens to those kids in high school who quote Monty Python just a "little" too much? Is this a mating ritual, God help me, are these people couples, yet I am still single? Help me explain these creatures!

Here is what I know: They appeared tonight at 7pm, they are multi generational and co-ed,they dance to the phat beats of their a accordian and recorder players. The men and women do not mingle while dancing, but both wave white scarves and jingle jangle when they dance.

The men wear:

• Clockwork Orange type white clothes
  
• blue suspenders
• red and blue ribbons on their nipplish areas
• sleigh bells around their shins
• red baseball hats, black shoes and blue neckerchiefs
  

The women wear:

• white pants and shirts, but they rock blue vests
• yellow and blue arm ribbons
• sleigh bells on their shins and black shoes

I decree a challenge. The first person who can explain to me who these people are will win a 2$ beer. However, the the funniest explanation wins, TWO, that's right, TWO 2$ Beers, courtesy of the Duffless Foundation!

T & A

My foundation partner in crime Duffless called me out for using T & A to get comments on this blog...

I do not even want to give that accusation the time of day! Is it my fault that the first picture on GIS that I could find of the lovely Ms. Amanda Peterson was one of her in a lovely bikini? I think not.

But now I will gladly flaunt the T & A.

In Fugitive's first ever Girls of the 80's Extravaganza!

In addition to the previously mentioned beauties Ms. Peterson and Ms. Heyser I would like to add:

Phoebe Cates

Easily one of the greatest scenes of all time. Definitely the greates scene that included Judge Reinhold whackin' his bag.



Kelly LeBrock

I know that she has become very "bloated" in the past few years...and she was tainted by having sex with Steven Seagal...But you can't say you didn't wish you were in the shower with her in Weird Science

I know these next two pictures aren't all that sexy...but they are two of my favorite girls of the 80's

Diane Franklin

Go that way...really fast. If anything gets in your way...turn.




Kerri Green

Andi You GOONIE!!!!


There are plenty more, but here is the first wave...Hot chicks from the 80's....more to come.

Would You Like To Go To Prom With Me?

I'm not afraid to let people know about my love for teenage romantic comedies. If they are Shakespearian works translated into Teen Pop culture even better. I'll stand by the fact that 10 Things I Hate About You is one of the finest films made during my lifetime. I'll say that Mellissa Joan Hart was robbed of an oscar nod for her role in Drives Me Crazy. Going back to my youth, I'll rabidly debate that Amanda Peterson (Cindy Mancini) from Can't Buy Me Love was at one point the hottest chick in the world (growing up in Billerica with nothing but cable to keep you company doesn't give you a very big sampling to take from).

There are a couple of things that movies like this have in common. Generally, one of the leads (the popular one) falls for the other lead (the unpopular one) or vice versa...Although one of the two parties doesn't realize that they should be together. Then invariably something happens to piss the other one off, then it takes a some kind of epiphany and they realize they should be together and then they get back together.

Another common theme in these kinds of movies I was reminded of tonight when watching "How I Met Your Mother" which I'll say again is the best new tv show on the air. I grew up in the northeast...maybe this has something to do with it, but I always get annoyed when I watch these movies, and the characters call the big dance you go to at the end of your senior year "Prom" and not "The Prom" . I always thought you asked a girl to go to "the Prom" with you not ask a girl to go to "Prom" with you.

Maybe this is a california thing. And since there aren't a hell of a lot of movie studios based in Wilmington Massachusetts the California dialect wins out. I'm not upset by this if this is the case...I would just like to be educated. I've never been outside of New England for more than like a week and a half at a time...so I'm ready to believe anything, it just always sounds weird to me...I can overlook this weird way of speaking as long as the weird art girl can win over the football captain, and he'll get drunk and make out with his ex girlfriend, and the art girl who now looks like a pop star will get pissed, but then he'll do something to get her back, like Sing an embarrassing song during band practice, or get her favorite band to play at "The Prom"