A little bit creepy.

I watch a lot of sports, a lot of tv in general really, but specifically, I watch a LOT of sports. And with Baseball and Football sharing a very similar demographic it's not entirely surprising to see that the same advertisers are featured in the broadcast, but one particular advert (in there for our British readers) that has really been bothering me recently is one for Direct TV. You may know the history of the ad campaign, basically actors/actresses are hired to recreate characters that made them famous, only this time, they talk about Directtv and it's superiority to cable. Some examples of the ad campaign include Charlie Sheen recreating his role of Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn in Major League, and The guy that played the liquid metal Terminator in Terminator 2, recreating the liquid metal Terminator in Terminator 2.

The newest version of these ads has got me a little bothered though...The ad, features footage from the movie Poltergeist, in which the little girl is in her parents bedroom, looking at the tv, she then turns around and says: THEY'RE HERE!. Pretty much the most famous scene from the movie, and it was used in all the ads, and posters and whatnot for the movie.

The next shot is one of Mr. Craig T. Nelson, recreating the scene from the movie, but instead talks about how it isn't a poltergeist, it's just that they forgot to switch from Cable to DirectTV, and all the HD options they have and what not. The fact that Craig T. Nelson is recreating his most famous role this side of Minnesota State University, doesn't bother me so much, what bothers me is that he is basically starring in the commercial with his former costar, who died tragically during a hiatus from filming the Awful sequel Poltergeist III, apparently there was some misdiagnosing of illnesses, and she eventually had a cardiac arrest and died. I mean, isn't it a little bit creepy, that this guy is getting paid to recreate a scene in which he's acting with co star who died like 20 years ago. He didn't find this the least little bit creepy?

I mean, I'd like to think that even though Craig T. wasn't involved in the filming of Poltergeist 3 he would have had some sort of a bond with his costar, in fact reading IMDB it says that "The Poltergeist Girl" (Heather O'Rourke for those of you checking) was a calming presence on the set, so you'd assume that he at least would be friendly with this girl...And you'd think he'd be more than a little freaked out to know that he'd be seeing himself on tv recreating a scene through special effects, with his screen daughter from 25 plus years ago, who died at a very young age. I mean, maybe he thinks its a tribute like Natalie Cole singing backup to her father's famous songs and winning tons of grammies for them left and right. Although that was a little f'n creepy too if you asked me. But this just bothers me every time I see it...I mean, he can't be that poor that he needs to take any role that comes his way, he couldn't have suggested another scene that didn't contain so much of "The Poltergeist Girl"?

I don't know, maybe I'm making too much of it, but it just really kinda freaks me out every time I see it, which like I said, during the baseball playoffs and football season is quite often.

Segway Abe

Today I was driving home from work and saw a guy on Mass Ave on a Segway, in full Abe Lincoln gear, including beard. On his back it said Segway Abe. Being a menace on the road I managed to snap a photo while driving. It didn't come out so hot but I found a closer up one on google which I put below.

I don't know who this guy is, or what he's doing but it is fantastic!! Despite the never ending winters these are the kind of things that keep me loving Boston. The creative weirdo factor is so high, especially around Somerville and Cambridge. From the Morris Dancers I posted about a few years ago, to the SKUL bicycle "gang" and now Segway Abe - I love it!

Too bad Sarah Vowell isn't for another 2 weeks, I feel like she'd be a person who'd appreciate the awesomeness that is Segway Abe. For some weird reason comedians and quirkly misfits (think Conan O'Brien) love our pal Abe.

I found several sites with people trying to figure out who/what he is. I found his myspace page, which could be the only thing left worth checking out on myspace, for the sheer fact that he's listed as being from Vinyl Sidingsburg , plus his only friends seem to be other Abe Lincoln's. Have I mentioned this is fantastic?

http://www.myspace.com/famousfartzone

I think I just threw up

I love romantic movies. Particularly I like romantic comedies, your average pos crappy romance movies are a wonderful guilty pleasure treat. However, I simply cannot stomach Nicholas Sparks movies. The ladies at work are always going on about crap like The Notebook and how much they love the book and movie. I like some REALLY REALLY bad romance movies but even I have a standard, and Nicolas Sparks is well below my that line.

The last few days I've begun to see commercials for a movie called Nights in Rodanthe. Weird title I know. Anyway, at very first glance it looked like just another Diana Lane middle aged woman finding herself Under the Tuscan Sun type of thing. That was until they revealed a little bit of dialogue that had me almost literally recycle my dinner.

So let me set the scene, based on the limited information in the commercial, Diane Lane is going through a potential divorce. She is also is some sort of innkeeper at some ridiculously nice summer mansion seemingly on the beach. It's off season and Richard Gere is her only guest and he's dealing with some drama of his own. They have some dinner, yadda yadda yadda, and she shows him some wooden box that she's made (yes, I giggle that she showed him her box, I'm a child, but I digress) anyway upon showing him her box she says:

"I made that, it's to keep special things safe."

he replies:

"Who keeps you safe?"

to which I reply:

vomit

REALLY!?! WHO KEEPS YOU SAFE?

are you freaking kidding me, this has to be one of the worst lines in film/literature history.

Pass me a gun.

Do yourself a favor and don't watch this:

Still Better than Dean Koontz

Earlier today I was informed that All Star Sandwich Bar in Inman Square, Cambridge MA serves poutine. Obviously, I left my house in a matter of seconds. I've been meaning to check this place out for ages, it was good and my belly was sated, but little did I know that I was going to be in for the surprise of the year when I found a youngster reading an Ann Coulter book, IN PUBLIC!

All Star Sandwich Bar is one of those hipster friendly places, in hipster friendly Inman Square. Sure, all sorts of people go there, but boutique sandwich shops in the Republic of Cambridge are the least likely place you'd expect to see someone rocking out with conservative pablum.

I was so surprised I had to surreptitiously take a photo, please excuse the upskirtcam-esque quality from my shitty cellphone. I had to make it look like I was taking a picture of my food, which is all very common among the hipster foodie crowd, lest she think me some sort of weirdo.

I spent time while enjoying my lunch trying to figure out the state of today's youth. Why would someone be reading anything coming out of Anne Coulter's brain, let alone in public? If I had tried that shit at Umass when I was her age they'd have taken my bongs and frisbees away! This young women didn't seem to be the"fuck you world I do what I want" type and I think she's a bit too young to have been overly influenced by Alex P. Keaton, but there she was - sitting there, eating her lunch, doing her thing. I guess I am glad to see people thinking freely and doing what they want, but aside from hurting my soul, seeing someone reading this kind of material in Cambridge is tantamount to wearing a Yankee's hat in Southie.

I think there are a few possible explanations:

1. She actually likes Anne Coulter - sad really, but possible I suppose
2. She's working up the courage to kill herself, and isn't a tasty sandwich a nice last meal?
3. Some sort of leftist experiment
4. She's an idiot savant and this is the last book left in recorded history she's yet to read
5. Some sort of sandwich related dare
6. She is desperately lonely and hoping that the opposites attract thing might really work - if so, sign me up!
7. Catering didn't show up at the the Hitler Youth meeting
8. She's Gov. Palin's knocked up daughter (eating for two obviously) hiding out from the media in liberal town (Republic of Cambridge)

If you have any other possible explanations as to how this could have happened, or insights into today's youth, I'd love to hear them.

IPOD Etiquette

I'm putting this out there, because I'm not sure of the answer. And I hope any Foundation readers may be able to help me out. I know that we haven't posted in a while, so I know that may be asking a lot, but whatever, I feel like our faithful readers will forgive us.

I take public transportation to work...I love it, well most of the time I love it, I hate the redline and it's 10MPH rule on the Longfellow bridge, but whatever, I haven't put gas in my car for like 4 weeks. But what this means is I often have 45 minutes to an hour of time to kill in the morning and again in the afternoon. So I have taken to doing many things to pass the time, sometimes I read a book, sometimes I read any variation of free newspaper or magazine available at the stops I am frequenting. Sometimes I'll read a book, sometimes I'll play Solitaire on the IPOD...and sometimes, I'll watch movies/tv shows on the ipod that I downloaded from the interwebs.

The question I have, is this, the screen on my ipod is pretty small...and in certain lights very difficult to see, but still I worry, because sometimes, not often, but sometimes an image that may not be suitable for all ages comes upon the screen. A random boobie here, a simulated sex act there, you know basic Pay cable type of stuff, but not Skinemax stuff. For example, I watched Beer Fest on the Ipod, and like 10 seconds into the movie, there's a LOT of Boobs. Like dozens of them...I embarrasedly covered up the ipod and waited out the boobs (I went back later, don't you worry I don't turn down the opportunity to see boobs very often). But what's the rule of thumb here?

Do I assume that the screen will be unviewable by anyone else? Do I care? Do I not watch The Wire when children are present on the bus? Do I not watch Weeds, during rush hour on the red line? Please, all opinions are welcome, but I want to know, should only Network aired programming and G Movies be allowed to be seen on busses and trains? I mean obviously, I'm not going to download the Hustler Real College Girls series and watch them on the bus, but is there a line I shouldn't cross?

Thanks in advance for your comments in opinions!

HD Snob

I've been so lazy, and haven't posted anything in far too long, but I feel like I need to post SOMETHING...ANYTHING...so I figure I'll post an excuse, as to why I haven't been posting. After my trip to LA/Vegas (I promised a blog, you never got one, I can't find the cord to my camera, so haven't uploaded the pictures yet) I happened to find myself with a few extra paper dollars. I had a few car repairs that I needed to tend to, but I did the more responsible thing. I bought a new TV and accompanying Surround sound system.

The TV I got was a Panasonic Viera 42 inch plasma. It looks very similar to this one, I can honestly say, that this is the best money I've EVER...EVER spent.

Well, except for that 10 bucks I spent to see Prince that time, That is still the best money I've ever spent. I mean, I got to see Prince for 10 bucks...what can top that outside of a stripjoint?

Anyway, tying this back to the title, I never really believed people who said they refused to watch stuff that wasn't in HD. I thought it was hogwash, I mean, they've lived without it for decades, and its not like they are forced watch non HDtv on a 13 inch black and white zenith....It took me all of a day and a half to see what they were talking about. Again, this goes back a bit, but I was watching Game 5 of the NHL playoffs between the Bruins and Canadiens. The first four games had been played on NESN HD, but with the Yankees in town, The bigwigs at NESN decided that the Red Sox would be played in HD, while the Bruins would be relegated to the Non HD channel for the night. I was completely outraged, compared to the crisp clear picture that only my 1080P set could bring me (I still don't know what it means, but I like saying 1080P), non HD looked like you were watching the game through a glass of murky tap water. It was bullshit! Bullshit I say!

I actually got a call from two of my friends who also have HD, and both were exactly the same. Why the fuck is this not in HD? I was very new to the HD world, but for the first time, I understood why people are HD Snobs. And I became one myself.

One thing this TV has done, is that it has actually SAVED me money.

How is this possible you ask? Let me explain: Before HD, I'd spend at least one, if not multiple school nights at the local bar in order to watch the game. Whatever game that may be. Now, instead of spending 30 bucks on a burger and some beer, I just head to the packy, make some dinner, and bam, everything for 10 bucks or less. I'd say I have been to the bar at least 66% less than I was before the tv. Throw in how awesome Xbox is on the big screen, and I've become a homebody.

I'm heading back to vegas next weekend...if my fortunes are like the last time, I will buy a PS3, and it will be official, you will NEVER EVER see me again, unless you want to watch a movie on BluRay, or watch me play Grand Theft Auto 4.

Here's a short list of things I've grown to love since HD.

Golf. I have always watched golf, but seeing the Masters in HD was something completely different...almost indescribable
Nat. Geographic TV (particularly my new favorite show Locked Up Abroad)
HGTV...I don't give a shit about home improvement, but you put it on a channel in the 800's and I'll watch

Burroughs and Books

So I guess I’ve been in a literary mood of late, at least blog wise. But books are pop culture too, so it’s all good.

Last night I saw Augusten Burroughs speak at the Brattle Theater. I've read both Running with Scissors (the movie sucked) and Dry. What always strikes me is how people talk about how “hysterically funny” he is. Sure he can find the humor in terrible situations, and can turn a funny phrase, but I think his memoirs are poorly described as comedy. People asked some great questions, and he read with startling passion and eloquence, I was glad I went. I also got a copy of Running with Scissors signed, instead of his new book because, well I’m too cheap to buy hardcover and well, Scissors is set in Amherst. Go UMASS!

It got me thinking about the whole idea of autographs. I spent a few years living in L.A. and had the chance to get many autographs but never really felt comfortable acknowledging that I recognized those people, I mean I don’t want to bug them. Am I really going to ask Wanda from Doogie Howser for an autograph in the middle of us getting manicures next to each other? I made one promise to The Boy, he gave me strict instructions that if I ever saw Bruce Campbell I had to roll him up in a carpet and throw him over a bridge. I’m not sure why he wanted me to do that, and he can’t explain it himself, as he likes Bruce Campbell. I think his argument was that it just had to be done? Boy, do you care to defend yourself?

Well, years later I did meet Bruce Campbell at a book signing in Cambridge. I got myself an autographed first edition of If Chins Could Kill. Also my friend Hunter had him wish the Goon happy birthday which was edited into his tour du force spoof The Goon Witch Project – which by all accounts is not the worst thing Bruce Campbell’s ever been in (and no I don’t mean my pants). For some reason having a author sign their work, I guess because they wrote it, seems less weird to me. I have one or two singed cds’ but those were kind of awkward to get, but a book, a completed written work by one individual seems more special when autographed, it becomes more of a treasure in some way that other autograph’s don’t –at least for me.

So as I now add my copy of Running with Scissors to my autographed book collection, it joins the ranks with Jon Krakauer’s Under the Banner of Heaven, Nick Hornsby’s High Fidelity and Ricky Gervais' Flannimals – I think I might have a few more I’m forgetting. The last of which was a gift from a friend who tried to get me a Stephen King autographed book but showed with with Gervais instead, not a bad deal!

I love that we live in a city where I can see authors like Krakaur, or go hear talks from some of the greatest minds around like Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky. I know I spend a lot of time on my couch and whenever I go to stuff like this, or seeing Chris Elliot or John Waters or whatever else random talk I go to, I remind myself that life is too short to be in front of the boob tube all day – (don’t hate me boob, you know I love you!).

Update: I just remembered the signed book I was forgetting, Chuck Klosterman IV. He spoke in Harvard Square last year and what I remember was that his name is really pronounced Kloosterman, like Roosterman. Who knew?!

I've reached the Dark Tower at last.

Last night marked a milestone for ol’ Duffless, I finally finished The Dark Tower.

I started it on 11/10/2004 and finished it on 4/22/2008 in a conference room in the Merrimack Valley at 9:02pm.

Yes, that’s right, 3 years, 5 months and 12 days later I’m finally done.

A mere 1259 days from when I started, or 179 weeks, or 30,216 hours, or 1,812,960 minutes (well you get the picture).

It’s been an epic journey in “slow reading”, and much like Roland I took a few friends with me to the Tower. Fellow blogger, Tiger Daisy, (a known reading machine) started it a few weeks after me and plowed through the series at an alarming rate – I think she finished the whole thing in less than 6 months. The benefit, I got her used copies.

Soon after my brother aka “The Boy” joined me on this journey. The Boy is a notorious “slow reader”. It’s not that he reads slowly, it’s that he drags out the completion of books to epic proportions. He took over 2 years reading The Stand, M-O-O-N that spells a fucking long time.

Once he learned about the scope of the Dark Tower, he was on board for this feat of Duffless family literary endurance.

As of this writing, The Boy is about 60 pages into the final book. I have been about a book ahead of him this whole time, but the mission is not to reach the ending quickly, rather to un-artificially drag it out as long as possible, while still working towards reaching the Tower. We read it slowly because it’s what must be done! It’s what makes us who we are! It’s not about winning; my completing first was not a victory, just a mile-marker on the road, or as Stephen King and my friend Dan like to say, it's not the ending its the journey. Dan stole that from King - bastard!

I bought the first book, The Gunslinger, at the The Paperback Exchange. This is the used bookstore at the front of the neighborhood where I grew up. I like going there to pick up cheap paperbacks when I'm back home, usually Stephen King. My mom used to tell me when they would get a new crop of King books, or when they would go on sale. (An interesting to only two people side story -the lady who runs the shop has lived in our neighborhood for like 35 years and is a notorious gossip – the last time The Boy and I were in there, she asked my brother about one of his friends also from the neighborhood, and then told us she hated him and his family and would not piss this friend if he was on fire – harsh words from an old bag!). I digress.

I have been doing another related gauntlet of sorts; I have been on a mission to read every Stephen King book. It started in 1988 with IT and it’s been an epic battle; it seems each time I finish one he has written 2 more. Now that I’ve completed the Dark Tower Series, I have read most of his longer works, but I still have a lot of reading to do. I think another blog post should be devoted to my figuring out where I stand, I think at one point I was around the 50% mark, but he’s writing them faster than I’m reading them, so I’d guess I’m now only about 33% done, but we shall see.

So let’s talk a little bit about The Dark Tower. It’s a 7 volume series written by Stephen King. He started it 34 years ago, but the first book wasn’t published till the early 80s. Before he was even a famous writer, he was working on his first drafts of The Gunslinger (BTW, if you are considering reading the Dark Tower, I suggest getting the revised edition of the Gunslinger, since he made a few edits to tie the series together better.)

If you base your count on the trade paperback editions the books vary in length from the shortest (The Gunslinger @ 336 pages) to the longest, the final book (The Dark Tower @ a wopping 1072 pages). In total the trade paperback editions come in at 4,768 pages. WOOT! The books all vary, its hard to classify the series, its part western, part sci-fi, part horror, part adventure, part crime let alone all the glorious pop culture references and so on and so forth.

What I find most interesting is that since Stephen King started writing these books in the early 70s, he created characters and elements that are injected into many of his other books. Direct connections can be made from the Dark Tower series to books, such as Salem’s Lot, Eyes of the Dragon, The Stand, Rose Madder, Hearts in Atlantis, and on and on and on, it was even referenced in the latest King movie The Mist (which kicked ass btw).

You do not need to have read the Dark Tower to read his other books, and vice versa, but its pretty funny to realize that he’s connected all these worlds and you didn’t even notice it until you started down Tower road. I had always wanted to read the Dark Tower, but never started it because it wasn’t complete until 2004. He took his sweet ass time in finishing the books that’s for sure. But he just wasn’t ready for the series to be complete. However, after his brush with death he felt compelled to finish them at last. He even told fans basically, “yeah, I know I’m being a dick but I’m just not ready to finish”. I love how King is a fan of things himself, and understands his audience’s (Dear Readers) frustration. I think Kings a cool dude, very down to earth in my opinion. I remember how sad and pissed my friend Dan was when King was hit by the minivan having only finished half the series – at the time I was reading the Stand and Dan kept trying to get me to start the Dark Tower –I think he just wanted an other person to feel his pain

So now that I’m done, I have this urge/need to go back and reread the connected books, at the time I didn’t realize the connections. However, that would back-track me on my progress towards finishing all his books. I feel torn on the issue, like I’m being ripped apart by lobstrosities, I need some astin and maybe a bottle of Nooz a-la. Perhaps I will focus on Tower connected books I haven’t read yet, so I guess its time for The Black House, Eyes of the Dragon and Insomnia to name a few. Damn, those are all long too (but not as long as this blog post)! If you are considering starting it, word is they are being turned into a movie series by J.J. Abrams, so I'd suggest getting cracking now and I suggest the illustrated editions, they are cool.

But I love the challenge; I love the idea of plugging away at something for the sheer joy of completing an epic task. I’ve assigned myself two other tasks this summer:

1. walk all 11 miles of the MinuteMan trail out to Bedford and

2. finally tackle War and Peace (or at least start it, its been on my to do list since 1992).

I now need to find who will come on these journeys with me, and who will be ka-tet.

But Thats In Ohio...

Many of you will recognize the title of this blog as a line in a movie. If you don't recognize it, please go watch Revenge of the Nerds Post Hast...POST HASTE!!!!
Ok, but to remind you all, the line happens when Stan Gable, the Star Quarterback and President of Alpha Beta Fraternity asks Dudley Dawson (AKA Booger) "What are you looking at, Nerd?". Booger responds by saying..."I thought I was looking at my Mother's Old Douchebag, but that's in Ohio".
This leads into a new Foundation Blog Series...to go along with many other series that the Foundation has started, and not necessarily finished...
The Foundation Biggest Douchebags of Film Series.
Now, this is not a competition, or list, And surely you will be able to think of bigger douchebags than the ones that I post, but this is hopefully going to be an ongoing series highlighting the biggest douchebag characters in movie history.
Anyway, here we go. Todays entry into the Foundation Biggest Douchebags of Film Series is:

Rick (played by Steve Antin, who later appeared in Goonies as another douchebag: Troy), one of the trio of main characters in the 1982 comedy Last American Virgin.

First off a bit of a plot summary, Rick, Gary (played by Lawrence Monoson, who later played Eric Stoltz' friend in Mask, who was supposed to go on the motorcycle trip with him) and David (played by Joe Rubbo, who appeard in an uncredited role as Wrestler in The World According To Garp) are high school friends who pretty much try to figure out ways to get laid.
Needless to say, in true 80's fashion, Gary ends up falling for Monique from Better off Dead, Hijinks ensue, I would give a better Summary, but really, the movie is summed up quite well in the following video, and it has a nice James Ingram Soundtrack to boot...(from the soundtrack of the movie, which is TREMENDOUS).



What A DOUCHEBAG!

And to Monique, (actually her name was Karen in the movie, but how can I call her anything but Monique) You really dissapoint me too! You are definitely a Douchebag too! How could you hurt Gary so? You're just not nearly as big of a Douchebag as Rick...so you get off easy.

2008 Oscar Blogtacular

Ok, I know that I’ve taken my time on this, I seem to always take too long to get this blog out, and I’m not sure if it means that the quality is higher…I wish it was, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t help at all. So, what was the inspiration to finally start writing this blog? Well, one, I finally picked up the notes I took from the Oscars Party from the duffless compound after forgetting it twice...And then with a la/vegas trip (blog to come soon), another sickness, and the better part of two weeks figuring out what tv to buy...I'm finally ready to post it....so without any further ado, here it is, the 2008 Foundation Oscar Blog.



It’s Oscar night at the Duffless Compound, some background, I’ve seen three best picture nominees, the most since that magical 1997 season, when I saw all five. I’ve seen: There Will Be Blood, No Country For Old Men and Juno. All three I enjoyed…Of the Three I feel that No Country is the favorite to win the Best Picture. Blood was great, but really to me it was almost three hours of Daniel Day Lewis being F’n Awesome, but it wasn’t necessarily a great movie. And Juno, which I liked ended up bugging me, because I find it really hard that any teenage girl would talk like a 30 year old hipster woman. Anyway, I really think that No Country will win, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll pick it for the Oscar Pool. This year, I have a new system…I’m going for a best picture winner that I don’t think anyone else will take, and hope that I build up enough points with the technical/foreign/documentary categories. We’ll see how it works. I don’t want to give away my whole system, but, later on, I'll give a couple of hints.



I arrive at the compound with a 30 pack of the Silver Bullet, to give to the duffless brother as spoils for the Giants beating the Patriots in the Super Bowl. It was painful, yet cathartic, it was like I could finally put the season behind me. Of course I still had to deal with my brother in law and his father, but whatever, the Knicks are so bad, the Empire State needed a win.

Ok, enough sports for now…Back to the Oscar Party.

To warm up the crowd, we watch the SNL skit from the night before entitled I Drink Your Milkshake, Bill Hader did a good Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood…to be honest, let’s just say that the Daniel Plainview Character may be the most quotable character in years, I mean, totally hilarious. Fred Armisen’s Anton Cigurh, was not as good, but whatever. We watched this roughly a half dozen times, and each time it would spark foundation friends in variations of the plainview., a favorite was the “I’ve Abandoned my (fill in the blank)~!!!! For example, if you left your beer on the counter “I’ve abandoned my Bud Light!!!, I’ve Abandoned My Bud Light!!!!” Classic.

Some early comments from the peanut gallery regarding the red carpet…Tilda Swinton Frightens me…
Tilda needs some tan in a can
Ryan Seacrest looks like a priest.

8:30 Broadcast Starts….How soon before John Stewart goes Political, or talks about the Writers strike…The writers strike is mentioned right away…the Political stuff comes a bit later.

8:37 they show Daniel Day Lewis...prompting an “I’ve Abandoned My Moustache!!!” from me. I wish the moustache was more prominent these days.

8:40 They show Tilda Swinton in the crowd…She’s sitting with the people from Michael Clayton…I mention, I’d love to see her sit with the 3/6 Mafia…I think her head would explode.

8:41 Early nomination for Stewart Joke of the night…which is funny because several of us mentioned that we can’t believe that Norbit is nominated for an oscar….

“Even Norbit is nominated tonight…you know, it’s too often that the academy ingnores movies that aren’t good!”

8:43 First award is for Costume Design, and I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure it that Lisa Loeb just won an oscar…if it wasn’t lisa, it was some other girl with cute hipsterish glasses.

8:47 George Clooney is up to introduce the first (of many) montage of the night…I’m not even sure what the montage is about, but from the peanut gallery “are they going to end the montage with Heath Ledger”

8;54 I’m 0 for 2 in my oscar picks, as I was sure the animated movie from Iran would win over Ratatouille…but alas, rats 1 iranian nil

8:56 And we have the first Orchestral interruption of a long speech, when the Rat guy gets musically pushed off stage…it’s a quick start to the orchestra, I expect many more of these.

8:58 Apparently the Orchestra has NO Patience with French People, for the second time already they’ve given the Musical Push to a French person.

9:00 Amy Adams is out to introduce the first best song category (I really wish Anton Cigurh would go up behind her and hit her with the air gun cattle thing) Enchanted is nominated for 3 of 4 best songs…F’ that noise.

9:07 Can you Smelllllllll, what the visual effects are cooking?!?!?!! Why is the Rock qualified to be an oscar presenter? I stand by this, I will call it the Duane Johnson/Jessica Alba rule, until you have been in a movie of note, you can NOT present anything other than the technical merit categories that are taped beforehand at a special ceremony.

9:08 In oscar pool news The Golden Compass’ win in Visual effects has me at 2 for 3 so far…I’m looking pretty good.

9:12 The winner for Art Direction gets yet another musical push…Sweeney Todd be damned says the orchestra.

9:13 Montage number 2…Looks like they are showing all the best supporting actors winner….must be their plan, show all the different major categories and all the winners…Louis Gossett Jr…truly did not capitalize on his oscar for Officer and a Gentleman huh?

9:17 The Winner for Best Moustache in a starring role? Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

9:18 Javier Bardem wins for Best Supporting Actor…First off, in a movie where there are really only three main characters…how do they figure out who the Lead Actor is? I mean, he was in like 70 percent of the movie wasn’t he? Anyway, he wins, there hasn’t been a runaway like this since Coke Classic vs New Coke.

9:25 A song from the movie August Rush…and it involves a Choir. It may need a second blog, but I’m a HUGE fan of choirs. I mean, especially when involved in an 80’s rock song, like Foreigner’s I Want To Know What Love Is. And Madonna’s Like A Prayer. I even watched the first episode of Battle of The Choirs before my roommate made fun of me, and I felt too shamed to watch any future episodes.

9:30 I am pretty sure the Oscars just showed Owen Wilson to prove to everyone that he is still alive.

9:31 I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… I hate animated presenters…F’ That. I mean, I’d be so pissed if I won an oscar, and the person presenting it was an animated Bee voiced by Jerry Seinfield. Upstaged by a fuckin’ bee montage….f’ that.

9:33 The Winner of best animated short for Peter and the Wolf come up….and the guy brings a doll that inspired them to make the film, it’s creepy, and I wonder why he had to bring it on stage. It looks like a doll from one of the Puppet Master movies.

9:34 The Oscars of 2008 may be known as the Montage Oscars…Another montage, this one for former Best Supporting Actresses.

9:36 Post Montage, I think Ruby Dee actually had a stroke on camera…it’s a risk you take when you nominate the elderly.

9:38 The Best Supporting Actress is also the winner of the actress with the least amount of Pigment…Tilda Swinton. Her dress looks like a trashbag...

9:38, They just showed Michael Clayton’s writer Tony Gilroy, and I think h e’s doing his best to look like Jesus.

9:38 from SJ, re Tilda, She’s So Shiny…doesn’t she have someone to put some powder on her?

9:39 Tilda makes a point to say that the oscar statue, looks like her agent…including it’s ass…Those brits are always so whacky with their speeches.

9:42 Some will remember a few years back, that I challenged myself to drink more PBR’s than Jack Nicholson appearances on the Oscars. I was on the top of my game then, and beat him 16 to 14 or something like that. Tonight, I’m coming off strep throught, so I’m not in the best shape, but due to the montages, there has been less Jack sightings, and I’m up on him 6 to 2. Although, I’ll actually call it 5.5 to 2 due to a tragic spilliage incident earlier in the night. I received a party foul, much deserved.

9:44 Jessica Alba is Hot, but unlike what John Stewart just said, she is NOT a fantastic actress, in fact, I’ve named an award after her…The Jessica Alba award for people who have yet to act in a decent film, who have no business at all presenting Oscars, but since they are HOT they are asked to be on the broadcast.

9:45 They are giving away the technical awards, and are showing stock footage of the event that took place earlier. I’m pretty sure they are still showing the same footage from 1984 and if we were watching in HD, we’d be able to tell for sure.

9:49 And another oscar staple, it’s time for the Academy President speech. Always time to get a drink or food or whatever. Speaking of that, I think they snuck the Price Waterhouse Cooper guys in at the beginning of the show.

9”52 This year’s Jessica Alba Award winner….Miley Cyrus!

10:02 Seth Rogen and Jonah hill are on…a role that has been filled by Jack Black and Will Ferrell recently, and thankfully no longer Ben Stiller. It’s the comedy portion of tonights broadcast. I’m so happy, because Jonah Hill has mispronounced Halle Barre’s name about 13 times.

10:04 From the Peanut Gallery…Before Editing did this guy train white tigers? Tizzle

10:07 and there it is, Editors getting the musical push

10:09 The Mixing oscar winner has the laziest eye, I’ve ever seen.
10:13 The chick from La Vie En Rose has just won best actress, I think she may be the 12th French person to win,

10:28 Someone decided it would be a good idea to drink a sip of beer every time a movie came up in the Best Picture Montage that you had seen…8 people vomited, and 2 have been sent to the hospital with possible alcohol poisoning.

10:29 In Oscar pool news I just scored a big win with Bourne Identity sweeping the Editing categories. Both sound and film. I’m now tied for the lead.

10:31 There is a debate on what weighs more…A Pregnant Nicole Kidman, or the gaudy necklace she is wearing.

10:34 Robert Boyle wins an honorary oscar. I’m pretty sure he qualified because he is old enough to remember an unwrinkled attractive Jessica Tandy.

10:42, I swear, Penelope Cruz will always have a place at the Oscars announcing the Foreign Language Film. Speaking of Foreign Language film, I just took the lead in the oscar pool. How? Well, when there isn’t an overwhelming favorite in the foreign language category, if any of the films are about Nazi’s, go with it. Nazi’s and retarded people win Oscars.

10:45 Patrick Dempsey is on right now…I am glad the academy is finally showing him the respect he deserves for his role in Can’t Buy Me Love.

10:46 The last of three enchanted songs has been performed….We’ve muted them all.

10:48 John Travolta is on the screen right now…All I can say is FU.

10:51 Once pulls the upset much to the delight of Once fan Duffless. Enchanted had 3 songs, but couldn’t pull it off. But in the worst ever Orchestral Push, The female part of the duo goes to speak, and the orchestra comes on…This is absolutely ridiculous, a travesty.

10:56 We’re back, and the Oscars do the right thing by bringing the woman back onto the stage to let her say what she had to say, a riot in Somerville was avoided and John Stewart looks like a hero.

11:01 It’s time for the Parade of Dead!!!!!

I’ve written down columns to fill in…One is marked, Didn’t know they were dead. One is marked Loud Applause and one is marked When Will they put Heathe Ledger in. First of all, apparently no one really famous died last year, it’s all behind the scenes people it seems…second, they orchestra is playing, so you can’t hear the ovations from the crowd…Third, they wait for ledger till the end, and leave him on the screen for an awkward amount of time.

11:11 Oscar Pool update, I’ve just taken the lead with 11 correct answers…I’ll now give my system for this years picks…In categories where they are no brainers…go with it….So Bardem and Lewis. In categories where you think there is a favorite, but it’s not clear cut…go with a wild card entry. In the documentaries, go with something about the war. And if it’s in the foreign film categories, go with something about Nazis….If it ever comes down to two acting roles, pick the one that involves being a retard, terminally ill, or substance abusers….follow that and you’ll have as good a shot as anyone.

11;13 The oscar for outstanding Skinematography goes to….opens envelope…Seal!

Why is he even at the Oscars?

Oh yeah, his wife is wicked hot.

11:14 We have the first political speech of the night…I wonder if people are hesitant to talk about Iraq, or Palestine, or Darfur or whatever due to the threat of musical push? I mean if you can’t thank your millions of agents and handlers and producers and fluffers and whatnot, without getting pushed off by the music…how can you be expected to stick up for regions that are stricken by war and famine? Priorities!

11:25 Diablo Cody…let me tell you, this was ALMOST as big of a no brainer as the male acting categories…I mean, do you think anyone WASN’T going to vote for the chick with the tattoos and pinup model haircut who used to be a stripper? It’s a feel good story!

I can just picture one of the people from E earlier….Diablo, who did your dress…This is a dress from Pebbles Flintstones collection.

Patty points out that it’s awesome that Diablo didn’t wear a dress that covered up her tats…

11:31 I’m not some guy that’s into the Mature women fetish or anything…but Hellen Mirren, has a great rack.

11:34 The oscar for best imitation of Ed Harris…and the oscar goes to…Viggo Mortensen…And while we are at it, did Viggo Mortensen get nominated for best actor, or was it specifically his junk?

11:34 In the biggest No Brainer of the night, Daniel Plainview and his son and partner H.W win Best actor. I’m waiting for him to break into the Basket in a Basket, but he keeps his speech very respectful, and tame. I’VE ABANDONED MY CHILD!!!

11:43 Martin Scorcese’s Eyebrows are up to announce best picture, and the winner is…No Country for Old Men. I have to clap out the Coen brothers facial hair stick to itiveness. One has a moustache, I’m always a fan. And one with a beard wearing a skinny hipster suit. I’m glad they won, I didn’t pick them in the oscar pool, I went with Michael Clayton. I figured that Old Men and Blood MAY split, so I’d go with the darkhorse, plus I figured everyone would pick one of the other two movies, so if it came down to it, I could pull out a miracle with the pick. That being said, it doesn’t matter…The coen Brothers winning for best Director was enough, I ;pulled out the oscar pool victory, and walked home with 75 dollars!!! Wooo hooo.

Here’s a recap of the night…Duffless Compound, There Will Be Blood Orange Punch, Bill Hader, Tilda Swinton’s pasty, More famous people need to die, Punch is good, drinking is more fun when you don’t have to work thbe next day.

Come back soon, to see my recap of LA/Las Vegas

Sometimes you just know someone's a dick.

See this guy? This guy is a dick.

Is it the bad eye make up?

The shit ass tattoo?

The lack of shirt?

The bizarre hair?

His smug fucking face?

I dunno, but he sucks hard. If the overall shittyness of this song weren't enough to make me want to jab knitting needles in my ears, (apparently Boost's raison d’ être is tormenting me while I watch CSI on Spike - off topic, there is not one person CSI I don't' want to have a beer with and sex up, anyway), this weird ass white dude seals the deal. Look at him, he's a dick!

The first two people in the commercial are rappers, one I think I've even heard of before Jermain Dupree, granted I'm not much of a rap/hip hop fan, and the stuff I like is pretty old, but this commercial is just weak. Particularly annoying is the use of the word "Tippy", a grown man should not be using, and/or making up that word. Tippy sounds too much like Sippy, do you see Snoop drinking out of a sippy cup, hell no, he's got a goddamned golden chalice!!

So, after the first two guys extol the virtues of Boost Mobile, then out comes the ass clown above. Apparently, this guy is some sort of quasi famous rap/rock crossover dude. I looked him up, I know his name, I now even know a bit about his career, and while this blog is supposed to expand your mind with all things pop culture, F this guy. I'm not giving you his name, it's bad enough I'm even giving him this much attention, but damn that commercial and that guy annoy the ever living crap out of me. Everyone who worked on this should be sterilized, okay okay, some people were just doing their job. Where you at?

Watch the commercial if you must, you've been warned.

RIP Jeff Healey

The Foundation would like to honor an actor from one of the greatest movies of all time at an early age.

Jeff Healey, blind musician and actor, died after a long battle with Cancer at age 41. What most people will remember Jeff from is his role as the house musician at the Double Deuce in the movie Road House.

His biggest line, after a fight in which Patrick Swayze defeated nearly the entire bar was...The Name...is Daulton.

The Foundation will miss you Jeff, and thank you for your part in what can best be considered a gift to humanity...Road House.


By the way, look at that hair!

Oscar Blog coming this week.

I'm Fucking Ben Affleck

It was inevitable Jimmy Kimmel would enact revenge. While this clip is not as laugh out loud funny as IFMD, it is over the top with the range of cameo's, from Brad Pitt to Huey Lewis - - please watch for yourself, and is still very amusing - I personally love the pooka shells.

Oscar Drinking Game

Not to bump Fuge's Post - but this may be useful to your Oscar Viewing this weekend.

The Foundation Oscar Drinking Game

Drink Once if…..

• Someone thanks God.
• Someone cries
• Someone mentions Heath Ledger
• Someone gets played off by the orchestra
• The parade of death shows someone you thought was alive

Drink Twice if…..

• A winner goes on a political tirade
• They pan to someone you thought was dead
• You see the Denzel Washington Rule (this happens when the camera awkwardly points out other famous African American, Asian, Homosexual etc audience members when an award is being given) They also like to focus on any ex girlfriends/boyfriends in the audience - always classy
  

Social if…..

• You see Jack Nicholson
• Wardrobe malfunction
• Someone trips
• A winner/nominee is in the bathroom
• Someone thanks Satan

Pre Oscar Blatherings

Ok, a bunch of things I wanted to talk about...

First, and this was brought to my attention by the almighty Duffless, How I Met Your Mother has not been formally resigned for next season yet. There are apparently a bunch of episodes that will air after St. Patricks day, but next year, the slot hasn't been given to them yet. Let me say this CBS...Don't be dumb, sign them up. As I've talked about before, there are only a few sitcoms left, don't lose one of the best. Also, in cancellation news...Friday Night Lights has been rumored to be possibly shifting to another network. Please let this happen. Move to ABC Family or something so I can keep on watching you, even though it seems Tim Riggins has signed on to some movie roles, so he may not be there if they do change networks, so we'll see if it's worth it.

Secondly, Apparently NBC is going to ditch the Season schedule that has been put into the tv business for many years now. I applaud this, Why do you need to have shows air in the fall, and end in spring, and have nothing in the summer...Rotate that bitch up a bit. So I don't get stuck watching nothing in the summer months. This is definitely a good thing to come out of the writer's strike.

Thirdly, I've seen 3 of the 5 best picture nominees. I plan on seeing michael clayton this weekend, so that will be 4 of 5. I hope. And I will say this...No Country For Old Men despite the lack of closure, is my favorite to win the Oscar...I'd almost pick Juno next, then There Will Be Blood. While I think that Daniel Day Lewis was spectacular, I'm not sure I think the movie was spectacular.

Fourthly, I will be making my debut on the west coast in a few weeks time. I will be in LA, so I look forward to any suggestions as to where I should eat/drink/be merry while I'm there. I look forward to Pinks and my first ever In and Out Burger, but look for more suggestions. I will also be going to Vegas in an attempt to start my career as a professional gambler.

Finally, I will be doing the Oscar Blog again this year, I look forward to the Duffless Foundation viewing party/drinking game/gambling extravaganza, I think I'm coming up with a new system this year for my oscar picks.

Oh, and another thing...There is a list of the top 100 Oscar snubs on Entertainment Weekly's Website right now It's only actors, and I think they justified it as people who didn't get nominated. It's been a while since I've done a list, but Here's my top 3 oscar snubs of all time:

Christian Bale (Empire of the Sun). I like this movie way more than most people, but it absolutely kills me that Christian Bale wasn't nominated for this movie, I know he was only like 11 years old or whatever, but there is no way there were 5 better roles that year than his. Upon Review here was the oscar class for Best Actor in 1988:

Winner Michael Douglas for Wall Street
Other Nominees:
William Hurt Broadcast News
Robin Williams Good Morning Vietnam
Marcello Mastroianni Oci Ciornie
Jack Nicholson Ironweed.

Ok, Big class, I'll admit, but I gotta say he was better than William Hurt, Marcello Mastroianni and Jack Nicholson. Because I never heard of Oci Ciornie, I completely forget Ironweed, and Broadcast News wasn't that good.

Goodfellas. Tell me, what movie do you remember from 1991, Goodfellas, or Dances With Wolves? Tell me which one you'd be more likely to watch again. I mean, a coked up Ray Liotta seeing helicopters deserves an oscar just on it's own.

Finally, Natalie Portman in The Professional. I mean, the only thing that could keep her from being nominated for this movie is the fact that the Academy have no balls, and were afraid that the sexual tension between a preteen Natalie, and Jean Reno would be too controversial...But I still find it hard to believe how well she played that role at such a young age.

Ok, that's all for now...Expect the Oscar blog next week.

Happy Valentines Day

In Honor of Valentines Day I’d like to salute some perfect, yet non traditionally attractive couples. These are people who the stork might have dropped through a forest of ugly trees, but somehow managed to find their mate. These couples are so perfectly matched, I almost believe there is a God. Almost.

I present, Couple Number 1, is there even a need to explain how perfect these two are?

1. Rhea Pearlman & Danny Devito

Couple 2 - Allyce"Ms. Depesto" Beasley & Vincent"I'm creepy but awesome in everything" Schiavelli - sadly this couple divorced and i'm sure their reunion was only prevented by his untimely death. She was nerdy fun on Moonlighting, he was awesome from everything from Fast Times to Better off Dead.

and now onto Couple 3 -
Sarah Gilbert and Johnny Gileki- they have played couples several times starting out on Rosenne, they seem like such a good pairing a younger Danny Devito/Rhea Pearlman combo if you will - however it is not to be, as at least one if not both of them are gay. Don't get me wrong, the Foundation is staunchly pro gay rights and marriage - but these two...damn, these two would be an ugly couple for the ages!

Happy Valentines Day -
I hope someone chooo chooo chooses you and you find your better, and equally ugly half!

RIP Blue Thunder

Sometime between the time I went to bed last night and woke up this morning, I got a text from a friend that said...RIP Blue Thunder. Now, in my blurriness, I thought at first...Jan Michael Vincent died? Then I remembered, he was on Airwolf, so who was in Blue Thunder....OH NO ROY!!!!!!!

A little backstory. Back at the U, I went with a friend of mine from the dorm to another dorm to hang out with his friends from home. When I got there, I got into a room with several people maybe 6, drinking busch lights (or something similar), ordering delivery, and watching Blue Thunder on Umass Cable Access (a truly underrated time of my life, the Umass movie channel would show a mix of old movies, suprisingly new releases, foreign films, and hour long public service announcements about the dangers of binge drinking and riding on the top of elevators). The six or so guys barely noticed I was there, but offered me a beer, and a seat, and I sat there transfixed on the wonder that was Blue Thunder, cheering out the movies hero...Roy Schieder with well placed...Fuck Yeah Roy!'s and the like. Needless to say several of those people are still many of my best friends.

So I'd like to say goodbye to one Roy Scheider. He'll never know, but he's part of a very good memory for me. I look forward to seeing you in the Oscar's Parade of Death.

Late to the Party...Juno Edition

So, I'm making my annual attempt to see all the movies that were nominated for Best Picture...and other major Oscar awards before the show, so I know what the hell is going on...last week, I saw No Country For Old Men. Hand Javier Bardem the Oscar now Friend-O. This week, I saw Juno...Now I was warned by Ms. Duffless that I may want to shoot myself in the head if I hear the soundtrack, but being strongly anti gun, I didn't think that would be a problem. I went to the local theater, and sat down for the show. First things first...I'm not going to go into the movie too much, but I just wanted to say, that while the lead Actress Ellen Page was good, I thought it seemed too much like she was talking like a 30 year old woman was writing her lines for her. Which I guess, in reality she was.
What I really wanted to talk about though is JK Simmons. I have decided to name a new wing to the That Guy Hall of Fame. Now, JK Simmons isn't really someone I'd consider a That Guy...although maybe he is. I mean, he sorta is a That Guy, but he's probably not Hall of Fame worthy. I mean, he's No Taylor Negron. What he is though, is someone that will always be known by a particular role. For instance, Robert Carradine will always be known as Louis Skolnick from Revenge of the Nerds, and come to think of it, Larry B. Scott will always be Lamar Latrell, Curtis Armstrong will always be Booger, and Donald Gibb will always be Ogre! Pat Morita will always be known as Miyagi. And Keith David will always be the Ass to Ass guy from Requiem for a Dream.

JK Simmons will alway be Schillinger from Oz to me. Yes, everyone's favorite white supremacist sexual sadist Vern Schillinger from Oswald Penitentiary in New York. For those who don't know him feel free to familiarize yourself with his Wiki page...of course if you want to watch all the seasons on dvd, perhaps you shouldn't read all the season synopsis.

No matter how many times I see this guy as Spiderman's newspaper editor, as a psychologist on Law and Order (the link between Oz and Law and Order deserves its own blog) or as a cuddly, supportive dad to a pregnant teenaged girl, I'll always remember this guy as the guy who branded a swastika on another mans ass...it's just impossible not to! I feel for JK, I mean, he's a successful working actor that has worked on many successful shows, and some of the biggest movies of the last couple of decades, but to many people he'll always be the guy who was shat upon in the prison gym. For this, JK you are going to be the first Inductee to the Ogre U. Asshole wing of the That Guy Hall of Fame.

Remember, some people may have different opinions of who JK is to them but to me, hell always be big Schill. Congratulations JK, on being the first official inductee!

Tom and Chuck Win It All!

Out of respect to many people I’m keeping this post sports free, however out of disrespect to certain members of Contempt for the World, I’m not keeping this post Tom Petty free.

Had certain members of CFTW (alex) not taunted me by texting Tom Petty (that’s alliteration bitches) hate mail during halftime, perhaps I wouldn’t feel the need to point out Alex’s obvious shortcomings.

I still strongly believe that Alex actually likes Tom Petty – I know he’s much different than Fall Out Boy or whatever emo bullshit Alex is into these days, but my knowledge that Alex CAN actually like good music (see Billy Bragg) makes me feel that he will one day be able to confidently admit that Tom Petty is indeed awesome. Please refer back to my Unified Petty Theory from Feb 2007.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers rocked the house and were an excellent choice for half time. I can’t wait to see him this summer and I stand by my belief that Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are the greatest thing to ever come out of Florida. So FU Alex!

My only other comment is regarding the Superbowl commercials – people are saying these are the funniest ones in years. I didn’t see any commercials that I thought were particularly amusing, barring one. The Coke commercial with Charlie Brown was PHENOMENAL! This commercial worked on every level. It was already funny to see the Stewie blimp fight it out with Underdog, but the second we saw the head of Charlie Brown emerge from behind the building the room went wild. So despite how I might feel about the two teams that played last night, Charlie Brown finally won and all is right in the world!

I'm Fucking Matt Damon!

I have to give mad props to my friend Jill for posting this video on gchat. She of course linked it from Perez Hilton, but F that guy - so I'm linking it from you tube.

Apparently Sarah Silverman just created this video for Jimmy Kimmel's 5th anniversary show. If you didn't know she's been dating him for a few years now. I can't believe that he's had a show for 5 years. I have a love hate relationship with Sarah Silverman, but this is the bee's knees. What I love best is that she got Matt Damon to be in it.

I don't think people realize that he's a funny guy. I'd like to cite the following examples:
1. Spoofing himself in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
2. His completely weird and unexpected yet totally hysterical cameo in Euro Trip: Scotty Doesn't Know
3. His work on SNL, especially as Young Hannibal Lecter (which I can never find online, if you have a link hook me up!!)
4. The fact that for years during interviews he'd sneak in lines in from the song Afternoon Delight without the interviewer noticing.
5. Stuck on You - oh, no wait, that sucked

Anyway, this is the funniest thing I've seen in a while - the only thing that could possibly make this funnier is if she were really fucking Matt Damon - I wish I was.

Random Pop Culture Musings

Louis CK is coming to Boston in a few months and friends have somehow managed to get a posse of folks to head out to see him. Granted he’s no Dane Cook, but it should be more fun than a “bag of dicks”. Our friend KMoore may just die from giggling if he uses that phrase, he simply can’t handle it. If you haven’t seen Louis CK’s special Shameless, you need to educate yourself post haste!

The Goon has recently informed me of a new disgusting pop culture/dirty slang phrase: “The Spocker”. Apparently, the Spocker is like the Shocker, but Spockier, and involves making the Spock gang gesture. This could be the weirdest slash funniest slash grossest term I’ve learned since the great Fuge Upper Decking conversation of 2007.

According to the Goon, (who really earns his name with this new discovery), instead of “two in the pink one in the stink”, the Spocker’s catch phrase is “Live long and finger”. Goon, you’ve really raised the bar on this one.

A pop culture confession, I spent 30 min the other day trying to find a good picture of “Burt” from Valerie/The Hogan Family because I noticed that the guy who plays the manager type in all the Stride Gum commercials was the same dude. While I thought I was the only loser to notice this, the Goon recently confirmed he recognized him as well. Burt was a nerd friends with Jason"It's Your Move" Bateman, unlike Bateman’s other friend, I think his name was Rick, who was a badddd apple, so bad in fact bad he got both a DUI on show and died of Aids. Ouch.

Speaking of sitcom sidekicks, I was never a big Hogan Family fan, but all this thinking of Burt made me think of Boner from Growing Pains. How funny was it when you learned his dad’s name was Sylvester Stabone? I’m still laughing. Speaking of Boner, I love when I learn that random barely famous people are related to other random kinda famous people.

Like, did you know that Boner’s dad was Checkov on Star Trek. I seem to collect random information like this, such as did you know the girl who played the blonde chick who dated Cousin Larry Appleton on Perfect Strangers was the daughter of Mr. Whipple the toilet paper commercial dude. I mean, who needs to know this? Me for some reason.

I also just recently learned that the lady who plays the socially awkward and pregnant cop on Reno 911 is the daughter of the guy who does the voice of not only Lion-O from the Thundercats, but also Count Chocula. Have you ever heard the audio recording of Lion-O swearing, it's pretty good.

Just last night I was watching 30 Rock Season 1 and decided to IMDB (apparently I use this as a verb now) Jason Sudekis because he’s really cute (aww) and lo and behold I learned that he’s the nephew of George Wendt. Now he’s even cuter to me, I mean is there a better drunken uncle than George Wendt? Things I like about Wendt are as follows:

A. how shitfaced he got on national tv during the last Cheers

B. my friend's brother saw him out at a bar and he was double fisting beers

C. his role as a gay poker playing rhode island lout in Outside Providence.

Speaking of Outide Providence and 30 Rock, they both share Alec Baldwin. When 30 Rock first came out I wasn’t sure what it was going to be like, but it sounded really bad and there was that whole confusion between 30 Rock and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. I saw an episode or two of 30 Rock and it just didn’t grab me as funny. However, my tivo captured it now and again on Thursday nights and I started watching it more regularly and it really began to grow on me. I’ve now since watched the whole first season on from streaming Netflix and have laughed my ass off, I think its arguably funnier than the Office, give it a chance if you haven't already -trust me any show with both Tracy Morgan and by my count, at least 3 Lemonparty references, is a winner.

Well, I think the rambling free association pop culture vomit session has come to an end – if you made it this far may God have mercy on your soul.