Dane Cook is NOT FUNNY.

I repeat Dane Cook is not funny. For months now he has held the top 2 spots on the Newbury Comics local cds list, and has several albums on Billboards top 100. He's gonna play the damn Fleet Center in April, WTF. I'd rather watch a perpetual loop of Larry the Cable Guy sodomizing my grandmother than hear one more kid at school (I work at a college) drone on about the "hysterically funny" Dane Cook. God help us all. When did I become cooler than college students? College kids of my day embraced Bill Hicks, David Cross and Chris Rock, in the olden days it was the college kids who passed along Lenny Bruce and old school Carlin. And what are these kids doing, but embracing Goddamn Dane Cook. Yet again, I find my self saying WTF!

The first problem Mr Cook? Dude, you look just like Ryan Reynolds. Don't get me wrong RR is hot as hell when shirtless, and funny as hell in Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza shop and weirdly Blade 3. But lets face the truth, Mr. Van Wilder is really just a poor man's Jason Lee. So that makes you, Mr. Cook, doubly useless.

Secondly, you invented a new middle finger. Huh, what? Yeah, you heard me right, he invented a new middle finger that his disciples have been flashing around the globe. "One night I did a bit on stage about 5 years ago at the Laugh Factory. I was talking about how the finger is lame now and it's lost its pizzazz.I said I wanted to upgrade the finger and so from now on people should use both the ring finger coupled with the middle finger. I called it the SUPERFINGER, or the Su-Fi"

Are you fucking retarded? How is that funny? Your definition of the Su-Fi -"FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING NOTHING PUDDLE OF FUCKDEW. YOU DRIPPING STICKY BLEACH SMELLING MASS OF EXTREME UBER-MENTAL RETARDATION. SOUR JIZZ FUCKASSFACE. EAT MY FUCK WITH AN EXTRA SIDE OF FUCK FRIES. YOU FUCKHOLE." Oh, I take it all back. You Sir, are Hysterical! Pure Hilarity! See the amazing Su - Fi !!!http://www.myspace.com/danecook

Dude, I'm so getting front row tickets to your show at the HBO Special at the Fleet Center in April. I want to have all your babies. You are so funny. You run around stage, you wear tank tops, you impersonate a pterydactyl, you say naughty words and giggle, you actually made SNL less funny, how do you do it?

Ok, I can't keep this up. I still hate you Dane Cook. I blame you and society, (always blame society, I learned that at Umass). You are lame, you are not funny, you are not edgy, you smell bad and the only time I laughed while writing this damn post was when I read a long ass thread on IMDB about whether or not you have a fake leg. Now fake legs, that's funny! I give you a the real middle finger. Bad Man.