UPDATED! Open Letter to the "Boston" River-racist Phoenix

So, I've recieved response from our kind friends at the Phoenix - in an email entitled "Whither Somerville" -
"Thanks for your feedback. I understand your outrage (sort of) but I wouldn't expect any reform soon. The simple reason being that to add another separate category to the movies-listings page would take up space that we often need to list movies and times. A "Cambridge/Somerville" combo category we might consider, but it's not high on our priority list.
Like too many things in this and other publications, the organization of the movie listings is historical. There was a time when there were several more movie theaters in Cambridge than there are now, so giving Cambridge its own heading made complete sense. Plus, back then, we didn't distribute many papers in Somerville. Things have changed, but Cambridge still has more theaters than any of the municipalities we list under suburbs. I'll admit, however, that I hardly think of Somerville as suburban. I see your point and will pass your complaint along to the movie-listings staff. "
- Clif Garboden cgarboden@phx.com
Senior Managing Editor,
Boston Phoenix
126 Brookline Ave., Boston, MA 02215

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Loyal readers, I wanted to share with you one of the more pressing social reforms I am currently working on, my letter to the Phoenix. It is my hope they will learn the error of their ways. River-racism can be stopped in our lifetime, it takes restless citizens with unwaivering ethics to put an end to it. As we kick off 2$ Beer Summer, let me tell you that if the Phoenix does not take swift and immediate action I may have to stage some non-violent protests. If that means a "sit-in" at Sligo and playing the Seeger till this madness stops, so be it! I will do what I have to, I am a patriot!

Open Letter to Boston Phoenix-

Dear Mr. Phoenix,

I am afraid I have discovered a shocking oversight in your publication. In your movie section you currently classify Somerville as "the suburbs" but give Cambridge its own section. Needless to say, I am morally outraged down to the very core of my soul. What kind of sick and twisted illicit cross river love affair has spawned this inequity? Are we Mary Kate, to Cambridge's Ashley - just a little more dirty but you'd still like to nail us in the ass? Somerville will not stand for this kind of second class treatment. We share the "good side" of the river with Cambridge and should afforded the same level of respect. I expect prompt resolution to this egregious situation forthwith!

Disappointedly yours,
Disenfranchised Somerville Resident