Duffless Foundation Guest Blog Series

While the Foundation is the preeminent Pop Culture Think Tank in the world, sometimes we need some help from the outside. So, we've decided to start the Duffless Foundation Guest Blog Series. The first of this series has been submitted by my buddy Kyle. We look forward to Kyle's post, as well as future entries in the Duffless Foundation Guest Blog Series.

Without any more hullabaloo here we go:
This Labor Day weekend, Dimension Films releases 'Halloween' nationwide,marking yet another unfortunate remake of a cult classic. Actually, the new 'Halloween' movie has been rumoured to not be a straight remake of the original, but rather an updated 're-imaged' version from Rob Zombie who wrote, produced, and directed the new film.

Honestly is Hollywood completely out of ideas that they need to 're-imagine' one of the greatest horror movies of my lifetime?

For those of you not familiar with the film, here's my recap of the 1978 original: Flashback, a young Michael Myers kills his sister, Judith with a kitchen knife. Now present day, we are introduced to Myers' psychiatrist,Dr. Sam Loomis, who's the only person on earth who even has a hunch that Myers is "purely and simply... evil". Myers steals a nurse's car to escape from the mental institute where he's been locked up for 15 years. Myers presumably kills a guy for his full-body mechanic jumpsuit and takes Judith's tombstone. Next, Myers breaks into a hardware store, steals a mask, and spies on some high school chicks. Myers then proceeds to kill a dog, a dude with Ambervision sunglasses, and two high school chicks who either smoked pot, drank beer, had sex, or some combination of the three.Finally, Myers tries to kill a goody-two-shoes babysitter, but his killing spree is interrupted by Dr. Loomis who shoots Myers what appears to be six times in the chest at point blank range. Myers falls from the second story of house to the ground below, and when Loomis checks on him, Myers is gone. The end.

What's to re-imagine?

Alright, maybe Ambervision is a bit dated, fine. And I guess one can point out some minor sequences and abnormalities in the original film that don't necessarily add up. For instance, in the original 'Halloween' I've always wondered how Myers knew how to drive a car during his escape from the mental hospital and later cruise around Haddonfield. And even if Myers did take Judith's tombstone,I'd be willing to bet anyone $500 that he wouldn't be able to lift it himself, including up a flight of stairs for display over Annie Brackett's dead body. But do these things really warrant a re-imagining of the entire film?

The original 'Halloween' predates Mrs. Vorhees, Freddy Kruger, and all the other slasher movies from the 80's. It combines the right mix of a creepy soundtrack, "did I just see that" spooky moments, and surprisingly great acting from the entire cast to catapult itself to be tops on my list of all time great horror films.

However, what stands out the most as making the original 'Halloween' so unique amongst slasher movies, is the absence of blood, guts, and gore. In the original film, Michael Myers suffocates, strangles, even stabs his victims, but throughout the entire movie there is really no trace of blood in any scene. Given Zombie is at the helm of the new film, I have a feeling that blood, guts, and gore will be a big part of his re-imagined version.

I'm really not sure what to expect from the new 'Halloween'. Overall, I'm really not looking forward to it, and I think it's a disgrace that its even being made. But to Zombie's credit, I did enjoy his 'The Devil's Rejects' and 'House of 1,000 Corpses', at least up until the host from MTV's Singled Out was killed off. Plus, Zombie's 'Thunderkiss '65' was the opening theme for the original ECW shows, so I can't completely knock him. Not yet,anyways.

Unlike The Bad News Bears remake a few years back, which I absolutely refuse to see (maybe another time I'll explain that), I will see 'Halloween' and I'm almost certain I will hate it.

Maybe thirty years from now when Dimension Films creates a re-re-imagined' Halloween' based on Zombie's re-imagined 'Halloween', the marketing department will re-imagine the release date to be actually on or around Halloween and not Labor Day.

Maybe?

Dan's Top Ten Challenge!

Ok, so in response to my Appetite for Destruction post, loyal reader and fellow blogger Dan of VonTrapperKeeper fame, has issued me a challenge to come up with my top 10 albums of my lifetime...and also, top 10 albums of my formative years (ten years of age and after). That is pretty easy for me, since I'm 30, I'll just say, top 10 of my lifetime and the top 10 of the last 20 years. Now anything made in 1976 qualifies as my lifetime, even if it was released before I was actually born...And I'm going to consider 1987 the cutoff to the formative years portion of the poll, so anything released from 1987 through the present is fair game. Also, this isn't a list based on anything in particular...It's not based on Sales, or Airplay or some critics view on what is considered musically superior to everything else. Although to be honest, most of the albums on here are more or less commercially successful. I was going to put some lesser known stuff on here, but I realized, when it boils down to it, I really don't think these albums were worthy...I may do a top 10 list of albums that no one else has ever heard of list at some point, but right now I'm sticking to the task at hand.

Without further ado, here we go...The Top 10 Albums of my lifetime:

as usual Casey Kasem style

Number 10...Weezer Pinkerton (1996) My favorite Weezer album and I feel an album from one of my favorite band should be included here. El Scorcho is one of the greatest songs of all time (yes that does mean it will make my top 50), and the rest of the album is just behind it in quality...Sadly The Weez doesn't seem to like this album as much as I do, and only play El Scorcho in concert...but whatever It's my list not Rivers...he can continue on with his Asian fetish on his own time.

Number 9...Faith No More, The Real Thing (1989) Another of my favorite bands, and another album that needs to be included. This one was actually a very difficult one because Angel Dust of even King For A Day are also great albums, I actually picked this one based upon the fact that of the FNM albums, it had the greatest commercial success, and biggest hits. I know that may be a shitty way of thinking it, and kind of contradicts my number 10 selection, but I really don't have A Favorite FNM album, so I went with this one.

Number 8...The Clash, London Calling (1977) Such a wide range of music on this Double LP, that I just found out from Wikipedia was sold as a single album because The Clash Duped the Record company into including a free 12 Inch single in the album, which they then recorded as a full album. The straight up punk, the reggae, rockabilly all work really well in this album, and definitely makes it's place on this list.

Number 7...Prince, Purple Rain (1984) This one could be much higher really, so I'll say this, from 7 through 4, any of these could move up or down this list...it's not set in stone. But How could I not include this...I mean, When Dove's Cry, Purple Rain, Let's Go Crazy, Darling Nikki...So great. And that man can play guitar, and sing. Best 10 Dollars I ever spent going to see him at the Fleet Center a few years ago...or was it the TD BankNorth Garden by then?

Number 6...Pearl Jam 10 (1991) This album really was High School for me...you know...flannel shirts, converse all stars, baggy jeans...it was all there. And even though I haven't liked really anything other than bits and pieces of the album Vs....this album stands the test of time...Alive, Evenflow, Black, Jeremy etc. etc. etc....all very good.

Number 5...Van Halen 1984 (1984) I love David Lee Roth...And I love Michael Anthony's backing vocals...and I Love Alex Van Halen's large drum set, and I even love Eddie Van Halen's Guitar and piano playing. I mean, how awesome an album could there be? Jump, Panama and Hot For Teacher...So Great. Great videos, hot chicks, split kicks...what else could you ask for?

Number 4...Nirvana Nevermind (1991) Don't give me this shit about how Bleach is better or whatever...This Album literally changed my life. Along with 10, this album led me out of the morass that is Hair Bands, into a new era...It didn't last all that long, because shortly after this stage I started listening to more Hard Core and Metal, but it really did change my life. My mother used to get scared during the days that I played this album over and over again, maybe not as scared as Guns and Roses, because there wasn't the blatant use of swear words, but still scared.

Number 3...Michael Jackson, Thriller (1982) OK, this has to go here, because this album really did shape my childhood...I mean, first of all the Thriller Video is one of the greatest things ever...especially the behind the scenes making of thriller that was always on TV. But look at this listing of tunes: Wanna Be Starting Something, P.Y.T, Billie Jean, Beat It, Thriller...So f'n good.

Number 2...Beastie Boys, Paul's Boutique (1989) This Album, which did some great sampling, back when you could sample without getting sued. And I mean, it's just great. In Egg Man alone, there are samples from Psycho, Jaws, Cheech and Chong's Next Movie, Aliens, Curtis Mayfield's Superfly, Elvis Costello's Pump It Up, The Commodore's I'm Ready, Dance To The Music by Sly and the Family Stone, Bring the noise by Public Enemy, and Drop it in the Slot by Tower of Power...And that's just one song! Plus the Lyrics are tremendous and I'm willing to say that Hey Ladies, Shadrach and Shake Your Rump will be well received at any party.

Number 1...Guns and Roses, Appetite for Destruction (1987) I don't really feel like going through every thing with this album, so please check out my previous post.

Top 10 Albums of my Formative Years 1987 through 2007.

10. NWA Straight Outta Compton (1988) I needed some Gangsta Rap...now didn't I? And why not the Gangsta Rap Supergroup that is NWA...Ice Cube, Dr. Dre and Easy E? Come on now...NO BRAINER.

9. U2 Joshua Tree (1987) Here's the thing, I'm not even a big U2 fan...really, I'm not. I could give two shits about the stuff released after this album. My partner in crime Duffless is the U2 aficionado in the Foundation. But this album is still great. And yes, maybe it's because I grew up watching MTV 24 hours a day, but Still Haven't Found What We're Looking For, Where The Streets Have No Name, With Or Without You, and Running To Stand Still, are some great tunes...I think I actually like War better, but it's out of the time frame.

8. Oasis, What's The Story (Morning Glory) (1995) Remember I told you that I became a fan of the Hardcore Metal scene after my quick foray into the Alternative movement of the early 90's...Well, liking this album really got me a lot of grief from my friends. But hey, it's a good album

7. R.E.M Out of Time (1991) I know, everyone's going to give me shit for liking this more than other albums, but I'm sorry, I loved it. When I got my first Discman, this was the first cd I bought for it. Absolutely tremendous...and it paved the way for me to like the older stuff too. And I'll say it, Shiny Happy People isn't as bad as people make it out to be!

6. Pinkerton (see above)

5. The Real Thing (See Above)

4. Ten (See Above)

3. Nevermind (See Above)

2. Paul's Boutique (See Above)

1. Appetite for Destruction (See Previous Post)

I'm sure a lot of these albums will be criticized, or lauded...Either way I look forward to your comments or your own lists.

20 Years Later I'm So F'n Old

July 21st marked the 20th Anniversary of one of the greatest moments in American History. July 21st 1987 was the release date of the single greatest album released in my lifetime. The Band Guns and Roses...The Album Appetite for Destruction. It sold over 15 Million copies, a record for a debut album.

Welcome To The Jungle
It's So Easy
Night Train
Out Ta Get Me
Mr. Brownstone
Paradise City
My Michelle
Think About You
Sweet Child Of Mine
You're Crazy
Anything Goes
Rocket Queen

This really was the album of my adolescence. I mean, I was only ten when it came out, but really, I'd say They really hit it big a year or so later, maybe longer, I remember being in 7th grade I think when I had my Guns and Roses shirt, and the posters and magazines and everything else. So that's around 1989 or so. Here's the thing...This Album was popular for like 4 straight years. It wasn't until 1991 that Use Your Illusion was released, and the Guns and Roses/Metallica tour happened. That's 4 years that Appetite was out there and ruled the airwaves...I first remember seeing the video for Welcome To The Jungle when I was in 6th grade I think. Guns and Roses was a constant at school dances (Sweet Child o' Mine and Paradise City only, due to profanities)...We would do the Axl dance, and pretend we were slash playing the guitar. I remember I even attempted to draw Slash in an art project that we had. I think I may have even given the picture to a girl I was keen on...of course I'm an awful artist, and it came out awfully, so it didn't get me anywhere.
I got to see Guns and Roses twice in my life...Once with the Brian May Band...The highlight of that show was when they turned the stage into a large living room, and were playing songs off the G and R Lies EP...and a girl who had a huge tray full of beer and booze dropped it all right there...Hilarity. I also got to go to the Guns and Roses Metallica tour in Foxboro, that almost didn't happen because of Axl's hurt throat and James Hetfield's explosion. During that show, I was treated to a lovely display of women bearing their breasts for the big screen and men showing their appreciation by throwing souvenir cups of soda around the bleachers (thankfully you couldn't get beer by this point).

Eventually as the years went by, Guns and Roses just kind of faded from the limelight...Duff McKagan joined some band with a guy from The Sex Pistols. Izzy Stradlin started the JuJu Hounds...Slash started Slash's Snakepit...Later Slash and Duff joined with former Stone Temple Pilots front man Scott Weiland to form sucessful band Velvet Revolver. Axl has been writing and recording the Chinese Democracy since about 1994...and he toured however briefly with a new lineup which I believe was just him and a bunch of homeless people.

But the real point of this post is that this album has now been around for 2/3rds of my life. 20 Years is a long friggin' time, and it really feels like yesterday that it was new. Time really flies. Anyway, I don't listen to the album multiple times per day like I used to, but every once in a while, I throw it on, I'll never stop listening to it. I mean, just the fact that Rocket Queen is not just one but two of the greatest songs of all time...Paradise City is arguably the greatest rock "Anthem" of all time, and My Michelle has some of the greatest lyrics ever put to paper. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm f'n old...but I love Appetite for Destruction.

Remembering Yaz, not that he died or anything.

Now before you jump to conclusions...this ISN'T a sports blog. But a little background is necessary. When I was growing up, I totally Idolized Carl Yastrzemski of the Red Sox. I'm not sure why, by the time I knew what I was doing, he was well past his prime, and just playing out the strings collecting milestone hits and whatnot before retiring. I didn't see him in 67 when he was the last player to hit for the triple crown, nor was I really a fan when they played in 1978 (Bucky F'n Dent)...so I really never saw his good years, but regardless, I loved the guy. I lovd the guy so much that my Dad got me an Autographed framed picture of his that I proudly displayed in my bedroom. This picture later became the stuff of legends around my friends, who when crashing at my place after drinking have sworn that a Surly Carl Yastrzemski spoke to them in their sleep, telling them not to go to the bathroom. Anyway, I got to meet Yaz a few years ago, and he really did turn out to be as advertised...Kind of a prick. As Sparky Anderson said in David Wells Book, when asked how he would pitch to Yaz if he was playing today, I'd drill that Polish Son Of A Bitch and pitch to the next guy.

Anyway, I was watching TV the other day, and I'm very happy to say that someone has decided to imortalize old Number 8 in another way, and this is by naming a product after him. To the Foundation members I give you YAZ...The Only Birth Control Pill With Proven Efficacy For the Emotional and Physical Symptoms of PMDD.

Yaz has joined Nadz hair removal product as one of the funniest product names of all times! I mean, who doesn't laugh when they hear Nadz...well now, everytime you think of Fuge's favorite surly Polish Ballplayer, you'll think of Birth Control! What I find truly humorous about the commercial though, is that apparently women, when they go out to a night club, immediately start talking about what kind of birth control they are on...and what the pros and cons of the products are. Who knew?!?! Guys just talk about sports, and chicks, and movies and stuff. Maybe we should be talking about what kind of vitamins we take, or what kind of condom we prefer. Anyway, I know this isn't the greatest post of all time, but everytime I see the commercial I have to chuckle...Yaz...Triple Crown...Birth Control.

Good times