Monkee Around!

There comes a time in everyone's life when you must stand and be heard. We are defined by our choices. Choose well, or suffer the price. Choosing which Monkee you are willing to bed, just isn't a decision one should take lightly.

In the spirit of, "That was then, this is now" (the Monkee's 80's "hit") I have taken an unresearched journey into my heart, mind and soul to determine my most bed-able Monkee. I will select one Monkee from the past and one Monkee from the present. Whom do you choose?

The Past:

Now you might think that Davy Jones is a slam dunk in this category. Had I but world enough, and a time machine, would I go back in time and steal Marsha Brady's first kiss? I have to say no. While he was marketed at first as the lead singer and the "McCartney" of the group, i.e. the cute one. He just didn't really do it for me. He wasn't "A little bit me, a little bit you", he was however, a little bit short. I like a chap to be the same height as me or taller. Also, as it turned out, he wasn't much more than the tambourine player, as Mickey turned out to be the better singer.

Ah, Mickey, he was my favorite back in the day. He was funny, had big goofy hair and could sing. However, the incessant impersonations of Jimmy Cagney left much to be desired, he had an almost spastic "RobinWilliamsesque" quality to him that I think I'd have a hard time dealing with, although this untapped energy in bed could be a plus.

Now to take the Last Train to Torksville. Peter Tork was probably my second favorites. He was cute in a goofy, corn fed kinda way. He seemed innocent enough, like the kind of guy who wouldn't give you an STD. The way his bangs fell in his eyes was always cute, but they made him seem too dumb on the show, he was like Woody on Cheers.

The smart one was of course, Mike Nesmith. He was the "Zappa" of the band. If I remember correctly there was an episode where he and Zappa played each other. Now, this gave him massive street cred. However, it always seemed like Mike Nesmith was far too concerned with appearing "counterculture enough", I remember one episode where he kept on saying "groovy", and talking about "the man". I think he tried too hard, although, that's not a bad quality in bed. Plus, if he knocked me up my child might find a way to cash in on some of the Liquid Paper money. (I believe his mother invented it - keep in mind, this blog has not been researched other than my memory). But the hat, what the hell was under that snow hat? I think I'll have to pass. I'm just not cool enough to bed Nesmith.

So my winner is….Mickey! I likes me a funny guy, so I guess I'll just have to take some Ritalin in my time machine or get him baked enough to chill him the f out. He better exercise that drummer stamina!

Now, on to the Present Day, or as present as this photo will allow, not sure when it was taken.

Mickey is out. His quirky good looks did NOT hold up the test of time. He doesn't sing anymore (that I know of), and his daughter was in She's Out of Control with Tony Danza – I don't like things Danza related. However, she was also in Miracle Beach with my boy Dean Cameron (Chainsaw from Back to School) – I wonder if he's single? Anyway, I haven't heard of him being up to much of anything since the mid 80's so I rule him out.

Davy, he's probably held up to the elements the best of all Monkees. His cute, young face has helped him age gracefully, and man that accent is too cute. He had a fantastically self deprecating cameo in The Brady Bunch Movie, however, I think I have to officially hit cougar status before I take him on, and I'm about 7 years shy of that.

On to Nesmith... I know he produced REPO MAN in the 80s...that earns him some mad props. But I just can't go hop into bed given his mysterious past 20 years. Also, he was very reluctant to reprise his role in the band in the 80s when they had their come back, he only caught the tail en of it, so fuck him.

So..the winner is PETER TORK. He has aged pretty well, still seems like a cool guy, plus he's a professional touring banjo player, I think he was just at the Paradise the other weekend. He's really, really good. If there's anything that can get a girl into bed, its a good banjo player.

So there you have it..my then and now Monkee's sexcapade list.

So fair Foundation readers...who is your Monkee?? Gay, straight, male, female, this is a decision no person should take lightly. We all have our reasons for our selections. Give it some thought, or better yet, no thought, and share it with us in the comments section.