The Life Of Reilly

The Duffless Foundation is very sad to hear the news that actor, director and game show personality Charles Nelson Reilly has passed away over the holiday weekend at the age of 76 from complications from Pneumonia . Charles will be sorely, sorely missed.

Reilly was an accomplished stage actor...winning a Tony early in his career. He was also on many television series, and was a frequent contributor to many talk shows, including The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. But who are we kidding, he is best known for his work on the long running game show...Match Game, hosted by Gene Rayburn. Charles was one of many stars who were regulars on the show, but he is often associated with Brett Somers, his neighbor in the top row of stars. Other regulars were Richard Dawson, Fannie Flagg, MacLean Stevenson and Betty White. The Match Game was really a groundbreaking show, with it's risque talk and subject matter.

After the Match Game, and a host of other Game Show appearances, Reilly made many guest appearances on shows such as The Love Boat...The Drew Carey Show, and one of Duffless' favorite xfiles ever. He was nominated for Emmies for both the Drew Carey Show and the Xfiles. He was later nominated for another Tony, this time for direction, and also produced the one man show...The Life of Reilly, in which he came out of the closet for the first time ever.

Charles Nelson Reilly also may be the greatest Halloween Costume I'd ever come up with ...until I pulled off Meatloaf a couple of years ago. I really need to find the pictures of that night.

CNR...you will be missed...and the Duffless Foundation salutes you and your tremendous body of work.

What Has Happened To The Sitcom?

First off...I'd like to also say that our 2 month hiatus was inexcusable and unnecessary, but I will do my best to keep this blog going strong and better than ever. So with that Let's start this blog up again for the second time!

i'm 30 years old...I was born in 1976 that means I was I was around during what I consider the golden age of the sitcom...let's say between the mid 80's and the mid 90's...Back in those days you could count on a steady diet of great 30 minute blocks of comedy, back to back pretty much every night of the week. Let's look at a typical weekly schedule on the 4 networks...every night there were at least two great sitcoms on. For example in 1988/1989 here were the Sitcoms on every night of the week:

Sunday Nights: Family Ties, Married With Children, My Two Dads

Monday Nights: Alf, Valerie's Family, Kate And Allie, Newhart, Designing Women (I'm not saying I liked them all mind you, but hey it's a sitcom)

Tuesday Nights: Who's The Boss, Growing Pains (the Wonder Years was added mid season)

Wednesday Night: Perfect Strangers, Head Of The Class

Thursday Night: Sledge Hammer, The Cosby Show, A Different World, Cheers, Night Court

Friday Night: Full House, Max Headroom

Saturday Night: My Sister Sam, Everything's Relative, Amen, 227, Golden Girls, Facts Of Life.

That's about 30 Sitcoms over the course of the week, and of those I'd say I watched about 15 of them pretty regularly...Let's compare that to 2006/2007.

Sunday Night: The Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad, War at Home (only one of which is live action!)

MOnday Night: The Class, How I Met Your Mother, New Adventures of the Old Christine, Two And A Half Men

Tuesday Night: None

Wednesday Night: 30 Rock originally aired on Wednesday, but I'll include that on Thursday cause that's where it ended up...so NONE.

Thursday Night: My Name Is Earl, The Office, Scrubs, The Afforementioned 30 Rock. Til Death apparently is on Fox, but I don't think anyone has ever watched this.

Friday Night: None

Saturday Night: None.

So basically 4 nights a week, there isn't a single Sitcom on the air. One night a week there is exactly one sitcom that uses actual actors...all the others are animated. So we'll say basically 4.5 nights a week, there isn't a single sitcom on the air. I figure that makes for 9 maybe 10 sitcoms per week...compared to 3o. Where have they all gone? Why are they not popular anymore.

I realize that there is so much to do these days, with cable, internet, dvd, etc...but back in the day...Thursday night was an event, everyone watched The Cosby Show and Cheers...Everyone! People still make an effort to watch hour long reality shows, or dramas, but not 30 minute comedies? Are they too expensive to make? Are struggling comedians asking for too much money these days?

Sometimes I don't want to invest 1 hour into a show, I want to laugh, and be done with something quick, which is why I love How I Met Your Mother, and the Thursday NBC lineup. but apparently no one else does because the only comedies even in the top 20 of the ratings per week are Two and A Half Men (unwatchable), and King Of Queens (not even on anymore!). I find this so hard to believe, EVERYONE talks about the office. I know for a fact that I will talk to people tomorrow about Pam and Jim going out to dinner! I'm going to talk about The Temp breaking up with Kelly, I'm going to talk about Shrute Bucks, and people are going to know what I'm talking about, yet it's not even in the top 20 of the ratings!

It just bothers me that good quality programming isn't getting made, because it's easier to win in the ratings with a 4th Law and Order, or a different quiz show hosted by a has been actor, or a show where people Sing or Dance and get judged. I may have failed in my attempt to make PBR the number one beer in America for the first time since 1893...but I won't fail in my attempt to bring back the Sitcom to the American Airwaves...

Bruce Campbell is The Man - and We're Back

No excuses, the Foundation dropped the ball these past two months, but now we are back and more useless than ever.

I'm not going to waste too much precious Foundation time to explain in in detail the man, the myth, the legend that is Bruce Campbell. If you haven't seen Evil Dead II, Army of Darkness or Bubba Ho Tep, what are you even doing here? Bruce is, basically the King of all "That Guys." So soon have you forgotten The Adventures of Brisco County Jr, or Jack Of All Trades???

I've been an FOB or fan of Bruce for years now. I was lucky enough to get to meet him and have my copy of his best seller, "If Chin's Could Kill" signed. Presently, he's the new spokesman for Old Spice. Old Spice is smart to use quirky marketing to reach a younger audience, as I believe the average has long since made the pages of the book of the dead. His cult status and "Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way" persona, might just give them the street cred they are looking for, so mad props to the marketing genus behind this. The latest ad just premiered this weekend and its even better than ever. So for your viewing pleasure I present, Bruce and Duran Duran:



For more Bruce action, I suggest you check out Spiderman 3 for no other reason than the Bruce cameo. A life long friend of Sam Raimi, Bruce appears in almost every Raimi movie, in addition to many Coen brother films. So far Bruce has been a Wrestling Announcer, a snooty theater usher/manager and now he's at his cult finest playing a snooty, possibly fake french accented matre'd. The movie was kinda lame, but Bruce's five minutes were spectacular. Word is the scene is up on You Tube, Yahoo, but since I don't feel like being sued this week, I'll leave you with that info. Bruce will also be releasing a documentary movie later this year

The Zombie March 2007 had a few references to Bruce this weekend. A sign recommending the election of Bruce in 2008 and a non zombie, Asian Ash from Evil Dead. Stay tuned for more about the Zombie March later this week. Now Gimme some sugar, baby!

The Oscar Blog 07

Allright, you may ask yourself, why did it take so long to post a blog about the oscars? Well, I have no real excuse...but I hope to not dissapoint with the effort I'm about to undertake. So without further ado...

Fuge's Second Oscars Blogtacular...

A slight change of venue this year, as instead of being home alone drinking by myself, this year Duffless opened up the compound to friends of the foundation...for an Oscars Special Viewing Party. Another difference this year is that I was sick all weekend (great for my Duffless Foundation Mission to bring Pop Culture greatness to Canada let me tell you) so I wasn't able to match my drinking escapades of years past...I hope this won't take away from your entertainment value...I'd like to think that I can still bring you as much entertainment without the help of mass amounts of alcohol, but who am I kidding?

Well anyway, without further ado for the second time:

6:45 Pm Duffless Compound and the first ever Duffless Foundation Oscars Special Viewing party...Beer, Snacks, Friends, 2 tvs, and good times for all. E on the tv, oscars pool sheets being filled out, we're ready to go.


A few questions from the pregame show that I have...First off, why is Ryan Seacrest famous again? He doesn't seem to have any talent, he isn't funny, he's not incredibly good looking, in fact I'm pretty sure that he must have some kinda dirty pictures that he's using to blackmail various network heads and executives.
Is Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu actually Julio Iglesias from 20 years ago?






How difficult a choice was it for Meryl Streep to choose what child she brought with her to the Oscars?

Since I'm watching the Oscars in a crowd this year, I'll be sure to bring you the great quotes from the peanut gallery.

You see, I'm not a woman, therefore I don't think the same way as women do, and I was quite sure of this while watching the red carpet, normally my critique of people coming up the carpet would be "She looks hot" or "He has awful hair". But women take it to another level...My favorite example was this:

"Beyonce Looks Less Oily Than She Usually Does"

"Yeah, She Looks Like She Forgot The Body Butter"

What does that mean?

I don't know...well anyway, On to the show.

8:30 PM Apparently everyone who was ever nominated was involved in some sort of a montage, I love a montage, but this was tough, Basically it was a bunch of people you've never heard of saying how many times they've been nominated and yet they've never won.

Peter O'Toole is shown...I'm going to need proof that this guy isn't already dead...He looks worse than the nazi's after they opened the arc of the covenant in Raiders of the Lost Arc.

8:40 PM The show actually starts. People were wondering what Ellen DeGeneres would be wearing...I'm not sure, but I think it's the tux Beetlejuice wears when he's going to marry Winona Ryder.

They are calling this The Most International Oscars...Ellen incorrectly calls Penelope Cruz a mexican...Awesome...and one of the best supporting actresses from Babel's dates has the best moustache of all time!

8:46 I think by law I have to root for Jennifer Hudson, because we share the same last name...but I think I'd really rather have Dame Judy Dench win or something.

8:47 The first of many jokes about Al Gore losing the election to George Bush...You gotta love those whacky zany liberals making fun of themselves.

8:48 Host Ellen DeGeneres makes a joke about how if there were no Blacks, Jews or Gays in hollywood there would be no Oscars (Duffless from the Peanut Gallery: Sorry Mexicans!)

8:49 and here comes the first award...and Nicole Kidman is handing it out for Art Direction...Apparently no one gave her any artistic direction on picking out her dress with a huge f'n bow on the shoulder.

And Pan's Labyrinth wins...Mexico...Mexico...Mexico.

8:53 and the honor of giving out awards to technical and scientific people that aren't important enough to be on the real show?....Maggie Gyllenhaal...Great job pretending you were interested.

8:57 And apparently it's a musical spot with Will Ferell and Jack Black. Two people who are teetering on the line of never being able to star in a movie by themselves ever again.

Sidenote, I can't decide if Will's hair looks more like an early 80's John McEnroe, Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter or Little Orphan Annie.

Why don't you decide:

Will Ferrell Jack Black Oscar Video








The musical rendition is awesome...A highlight being John C. Reilly explaining that you need to take serious roles, like he did in Boogie nights...All three sexually harrassing Dame Helen Mirren, and Will saying that Marky Mark was actually pretty badass.


9:03 It's historic...The makeup guy from Pan's Labyrinth is the first person to get the gentle nudge from the Orchestra for talking too long....The Musical Push!

9:04 I think Will Smith's son has too many names.

9:06 They are doing some oscar for Short right now...Some Danish people are nominated, and apparently they aren't part of the cool international oscars because they are seated right next to the johns or something.

And West Bank Story (a musical?) I'm intrigued.

9:15 In another reason why the oscars go long every year, they have a choir of people who are doing sound effects on the stage right now...Couldn't they have gotten Michael Winslow to show up and do 2 minutes and save some time?

(from the peanut gallery...Duffless again, I want to hear them make fake fart sounds!)

9:22 is there any doubt in anyone's mind that Apocolypto is not winning a single thing tonight? And yes, I think it has something to do with Mel Gibson's thoughts on the Jews.

925 Someone who is nominated for something, who is probably International has just received the second Musical Push.

9:26 First big category...Best Supporting Actor. Eddie Murphy is the favorite. I think Marky Mark may pull it out...Jackie Earle Haley is of course the one I really want to win, because I want him to mention his role of Kelly Leak...Djimon Honsou chooses the best roles ever, he's been nominated like 3 times, and has only done 4 movies as far as I can tell.

And the winner is...Alan Arkin! Who's crass talking, heroin smoking, grandfather in Little Miss Sunshine was hilarious, but a role that seemed too small for me to win, I'm happy though.

Speaking of that, I'm pretty sure Eddie Murphy won, but then the academy got wind of Norbit and rescinded it's vote. I mean, NORBIT?

9:29, Martin Scorcese's eyebrows are some kind of simbiotic relationship, I'm sure of it.

9:35 This can't be good, Randy Newman is playing piano for James Taylor. Time to grab a snack!

9:36 They are going through the nominees for Best Song. I'm pretty sure that this is the first time in the past 20 years that Phil Collins hasn't been nominated for an oscar for a disney film. And it's only because 3 of the songs are from Dreamgirls. Also Melissa Etheridge is nominated, her girlfriend apparently used to be or still is Lou Diamond Phillips' ex wife, and had David Crosby's baby. I think she should have Steven Stills' baby next.

9:41 They just showed Jerry Seinfield in the crowd and it looked like he just smelled someone elses fart.

9:47 If I was drinking this year, and I had to have more beer drank than Jack Nicholson Sitings, I'd have to have had 4 beers by now.

9:49 George Miller is on stage, he's either wearing a weird scarf, or he has a medical condition that left him with no shoulders.

9:53 Were I not sick, and a pussy, I'd just have had to drink my 5th beer.

9:54 Tom Hanks is onstage, and his hair is much better than it was when he was in the Davinci Code phase.

9:57 That's Six Nicholsons
9:58 Make That 7!

9:59 after a somewhat emotional acceptance speech, the writer for the departed get's a slight musical push...I'll call it a nudge.

10PM 1st beer cracked...Miller High Life Light...I'm pretty sure at this point last year I was 11 beers deep.

1006 I'm pretty sure they just showed Billy Dee Williams, but I can't get confirmation...

1008 The lady who won for costume designer, you'd expect her to be more fashionable. She's dressed up like a school principal or something.

1013...Sherri Lansing just got an award for being a good humanitarian. Her arms are skinnier than a famin victim.

1015 This year there were two movies about 19th century magicians. We haven't had that much overkill since 2 movies about Steve Prefontaine came out at the same time.

10:20 The sillhoutte people making shapes to go along with the movies, just used props...that shouldn't be allowed.

1027 I'm pretty sure that the director of the Oscars has told his camerapeople, if someone starts babbling in a speech, please put a camera on Beyonce's Rack.

10:35 Upset special number 2, Pan's Labyrinth which won every technical oscar in the book, just lost to a German movie for Best Foreign Film, that's like a 15 seed beating a 2 seed in the NCAA championships.

10:36 Faye Dunaway really, really looked like a witch.

10:37 The Sillhouette crew just pulled off snakes on a plane...Good for them! Sidenote, Samuel L Jackson has now starred in yet another movie with Snake in the title. Black Snake Moan. Apparently the movie stars him and Christina Ricci's panties.

10:38 In one of the 3 no brainer categories, Jennifer Hudson wins for Dreamgirls...when she starts stumbling in her speech, they show Beyonce's rack again.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say, this is the last time she'll every be nominated for anything.

10:47 They are doing a short category again, and apparently...US people don't like to make short movies...I wonder why?

10:55 What's more of a slam dunk, Al Gore winning for Best Documentary or me going to bed alone tonight...I'd say it's a push.

11:00 Clint Eastwood is really fuckin' old. He's not Peter O'Toole I think he's dead old...but he's really old.

11:05 From foundation member Alex...via GChat. Alex: I switched to the oscars, saw Celine Dion, threw up, and am now gay.

11:12 Hugh Jackman does a lot of broadway...draw your own conclusions.

I think we just had 2 more Jack Nicholson sightings...I think that's 8 and 9.

11:19 The guy who wrote Little Miss Sunshine (which just one for Original Screenplay) sounds like a real geek. D and D, Star Wars, and Comic Books kinds of geeky.

11:27 From Duffless That may be the best cleavage of the night! (referring to Jennifer Hudson) Her right boob was dangerously close to showing areola.

Currently the Dreamgirls people are singing the three nominated songs in Medley fashion...And Beyonce is singing her ass off...I bet it's because she wasn't nominated and she wants people to know that she is the real star...She seems like that.

11:33 From Duffless, Look at Travolta's Hair Plugs!

11:34 Best original song, the odds say go with Dreamgrils with 60% of the nominations...but no Melissa Ethridge wins for Inconvenient Truth, and imediately goes political. I love Al Gore too!

11:40 Will Smith has the same condition as Dick Clark, he hasn't aged one day since he moved in with Uncle Phil in Bel Air.

11:45 There is another montage...which I thought was about racism...but apparently has become a montage of every movie Michael Mann has ever seen, (duffless)

And for the second time in two events (Oscars and Superbowl) The foo fighters song Best In You is played, unexpectedly.

11:48 Some woman who edits all of Scorcese's films just won an oscar...and Scorcese is crying. I think he may be crying because he's never won, and the editor has won a bunch. Marty is so close to becoming Susan Lucci.

11:50 PARADE OF DEAD!!!!!

The best part of the night...let's see who applauds for who.

Memorable Dead:

Don Knotts (polite applause)
Red Buttons (slightly more than Knotts)
Darren McGavin (Polite Applause)
Maureen Stapleton( Polite applause)
James Doohan (beam me up scotty, Polite applause)

Apparently people have been instructed to not show favorites

Nevermind there was a noticeable difference in the volume of Peter Boyle's applause.

Jack Pallance (one armed pushups)
Mako
Jack Warden
Robert Altman (probably the most applause)

James brown wasn't a part of the parade of dead, he did finish off the strange Michael Mann montage, so I believe that was what they considered a tribute. Six Bud Light talls to be delivered to Duffless for her being right.

12Am Best Actress, or should we say The Helen Mirren show. It was about time a Brit made an acceptance speech...They know how to act!

I kinda liked Calendar Girls, if you haven't seen it, it's about british women who do a nude calendar to raise money for cancer, and end up on The Tonight Show, and at parties with Scott Ian from Anthrax. Helen Mirren shows her boobs...Just sayin!

1205 Best Actor...Let's not be crazy...Peter O'Toole may look like he's dead, but he ain't beating Forrest Whitaker. Who will become the third actor from Fast Times to win an oscar.

And with that, I remember my favorite line from Fast Times:

He's gonna Shit...He's gonna Kill Us!

Well What is it...is he gonna shit, or is he gonna kill us?

First He's gonna Shit...Then He's Gonna Kill Us!

1210, it's Director time...And it's time for Scorcese to finally get the monkey off his back...and he does. It's about time, I mean for god sakes he lost to Kevin Costner and Dances With Wolves when he did Goodfella's. Robbery!

12:20 the go right into best Picture and Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton will give the award away tonight...Keaton usually wears high necks and gloves to cover her skin up, but tonight she's doing neither...wierd. And jack nicholson's sunglasses are only slightly less creepy than Jackie Earle Haley's (by the way if I had to drink every time I saw jack nicholson tonight, I'd be in the hospital with a new liver right now)




Diane Keaton is having a lot of trouble reading off the teleprompter...I don't know if it's because she forgot her glasses or something, but Jack has to pretty much read everything, and that's creepy.

Speaking of that. I work in an office building that is in a Mall...and when I walk through this mall there are ads and posters all through it. And recently there have been ads for some Museum exhibit with close up photos of famous and non famous people...And they chose to show a pic of Jack Nicholson, and it was the first thing I saw one morning in the mall, and let me tell you, it's absolutely frightening to see that much Jack Nicholson.

12:30 Best Picture goes to the departed...I thought Little Miss Sunshine was going to win after the surprise Arkin win and the win for Original Screenplay, but The Departed wins for Adapted Screenplay, Director and Picture, and deservedly so, it was a great movie, and had some terrific dialogue in it. Congrats to all.

One thing, I know the award technically goes to the Producer, but don't you think you could step aside and let Marty speak a little? I mean, it's kinda his award.

That's the end of the show...Ellen, had a few cute moments including asking Marty Scorcese to take a picture of her and Clint Eastwood for her "Myspace Profile"

but in reality, it was pretty tame, and not very funny.

It was also long...Too many damn montages, I'm all about the Montage, but they need to make sense. The Mann Montage could have been lost...Also the Special Effects Singers was about 5 minutes too long.

And let's get the song nominees out of the way in quickfire medley format from now on, we don't need 5 five minute songs over the course of the show...get them all out of the way in one chunk so people can go grab a bite, or a drink, or go to the bathroom or inject themselves with narcotics...whatever.

The Song with Jack Black, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilley was definitely the high point of the night for me, it was well done...and Will's hair was awesome...

Oh yeah, and I forgot what time it happened buy Happy Feet beat Cars for best animated feature...I know even though my nephew was asleep at the time, he was throwing over tables in disgust when that happened. I didn't see either, so I don't know what one was better.

Ok, that's all for the Fuge Oscar Blogtacular...Next year I promise to drink more and be more funny...being sick on big weekends really sucks...

The Unified Petty Theory

It is my theory, that during any party/hanging out situation putting Tom Petty on is always acceptable and appreciated.

Back in college we used to fight over what cd to put on. Some liked metal, some liked grunge (which like an onion on the belt, was the fashion at the time) and others of us preferred (cough.. cough) sad bastard British music. There was very little acceptable overlap, especially once the drinking began. Here is where Tom Petty is your "go to" guy. He's the Switzerland of music, he's neutral territory. Everybody likes him, nobody hates him.


Weirdly, Tom Petty has always been famous, and yet has never been FAMOUS. Everybody likes Tom Petty, he's a unifying factor without being uncool, like say a Billy Joel. Most bands have had ups and downs, yet he's always around. I have found in my subsequent experience that the Unified Petty Theory has stood the test of time. He's like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, its always in the kitchen and sometimes you forget how awesome it is. I look forward to another 30 years of Petty and PBJ!

I hate you Nancy Grace

Nancy Grace is just pure evil. She purports to be an advocate for victims. If you watch her for a few minutes you might believe that. If you watch it for a few more minutes a few times, you come to realize the monster that she is. On top of her self serving, ratings grabbing exploitation of victims, she's also a stone cold bitch. Her voice and tone are enough to kill a small child. I flip past her once in a while and get more angry each time. She fixates on whatever the national headline is, the girl who died in aruba, the kidnapped kids that were found, Anna Nicole Smith and then she exploits them with zero compassion or tact. She yells at victims and pretends to have their best interest in mind. Her show alone makes all of CNN's credibility suspect in my mind. Here is an excerpt from last night. Yes, I can understand the media interest in ANS, and even wanting to know the details of the results. However, how sick and twisted are these questions and why would America need to know these details - that is why we have medical examiners. I don't care how f'd up ANS was, she was still a person, someone's mother, someone's daughter. Fuck you Nancy Grace.

GRACE: OK. Good to know. Doctor, the internal organs of Anna Nicole Smith, specifically the heart and the brain, where are they?

PERPER: Those were retained by us for purposes of examination. The heart is retained for examination and for additional testing by a cardiac pathologist, and the brain has to be fixed in a fixative fluid for about 10 days prior to the examination by a neuropathologist.

GRACE: Doctor, when the person is buried, they`re embalmed and buried, do the internal organs go back into the body?

PERPER: Yes, with the exception of the one which we retain. And if the family requires to have those body returned for burial after completion of our testing, we will certainly comply with this request.

GRACE: OK. And Dr. Perper, I know from reading so many autopsy reports that you look at every internal organ, it is weighed, it is held in your hand. Do those organs, such as the kidney and the liver, do they go back into the body?

PERPER: Correct.

GRACE: OK.PERPER: Except for small pieces which are taken for microscopic examination.

What do these things all have in common?

Happy Valentines Day Foundation Readers

Finding the Simpson's not funny, that's a paddlin'

First of all, I can't believe I've blogged this long without going off about The Simpson's. Let the record show, my life has been significantly happier because of the weekly joy that is the Simpson's.

Growing up there was a rule at our dinner table, No Simpsons Quoting! My little brother was just about the same age as Bart when the show started. My poor parents had to endure years of random Simpson's blathering each and every dinner. College and my moving out offered their ears some peace, at least until the holidays.

Although there was a "No Simpsons" rule, we did not, nay could not obey it. We just couldn't stop ourselves. Eventually my parents realized the futility of this rule: their kids were just too fucked up and nothing could be done.

As the years passed they finally went with it. I can remember calling home one time and telling my Mom to say to my bro, "Food goes in here", to which he instantly replied "it sure does."

Later my brother called me laughing, both pissed and impressed that I was able to get my mom to quote the Homer. He was just jealous and envious of my awesomeness!!

My little bro, "the boy", just turned 25. That means if Bart were real he'd also be 25! For the last, I'd say 6 or 7 years, I've endured countless conversations about how "the Simpsons just aren't funny anymore." People who know how much I love this show feel the need to engage me in the topic. While yes, I will admit, the episodes are less consistent, especially after the Conan years, the show is till relevant and funny. Damnit people, THE SIMPSONS ARE STILL FUNNY!

Comedy evolves over time, since the characters can't age the writing must mutate to keep fresh. Some seasons are more whacked out, some are more sentimental. Variety, thy name is Simpsons!

Last night's episode is a clear example of one of the more whacked out episodes. I wish I could have been there when the writers pitched the idea: "Bart runs away with his pregnant girlfriend to get married." Bart is 10!!! F'ing classic.

Even better than the main plot was the Homer subplot. Bart gets a driver's license and Homer gives him a cell phone and informs him that Bart must now be available to Homer whenever he needs him. As a result, you get to hear through the phone calls, the crazy shit that Homer gets himself into behind the scenes. At one point he has to call Bart to find out the difference between Ketchup and Catsup, else he'll be beheaded. You don't know where Homer is, or how this could have possibly have happened.

You never really see where Homer is during these calls, but you learn that the situations Homer gets involved in, which aren't episodes, are even more f'd up than you could imagine. Yes, I realize i'm talking like Homer is real. I mean he is, isn't he?

We also learn that Lenny and Carl might also be brothers. Any episode with Lenny and Carl is a keeper.

So for all of you Simpson's doubters, please wait til the movie comes out to bad mouth it. I've got a bad feeling about it. This season has been great, and the Simpson's are still hilarious!

Oscars Update

I've watched two movies that are of Oscar Nomination importance the last few days...thanks Bittorrent!

First I watched The Little Children. Starring Kate Winslet (nominated) and Jackie Earle Haley (nominated as well). As much as I'd like Jackie Earle to take him the statue due to his early work, and as much as I think he did a great job in this (absolutely f'n creepy! by the way), I think I can say with all honesty that both Marky Mark, and Alan Arkin had roles I'd consider to be better suited for the Oscar. Either way I think the point is moot, because Eddie Murphy is going to win because people are figuratively suckling his junk at every opportunity.

If you haven't seen The Little Children, I definitley reccomend it, there is some good acting, some real creepy scenes, and Kate Winslet's Boobs...What else could you really want?

I then saw Half Nelson, starring Ryan "I love thos cupcakes like McAdams loves" Gossling. Gossling was the only nominee in this movie, although I feel Shareeka Epps may have deserved it for her role as Drey, but as I've read in other published reports, the Academy was probably ready to nominate one young female actor this year and Abigail Breslin filled up that quota. Gossling was great in this movie playing a drug addicted teacher who tries to teach his students that history is more than just about memorizing dates and names. Anyways, the movie doesn't have a lot of plot twists and turns, but the characters and the dialogue is great...I suggest it as well.

I don't think Gossling can win anything, I mean, he's not going up against Dame Helen, but he is going up against Forrest Whitaker, and in this battle he has less chance to beat Forrest Whitaker than Lincoln High did of beating Ridgemont after Spicoli spraypainted the car to pretend it was a prank after he had crashed it.

I think I'm going to try to get Blood Diamond next...and then maybe The Queen...I don't know...I'll keep you updated!

Something for Nothing!!!!!

I remember being a kid and looking through the Sears catalogue, mostly at the toy section, dreaming of what I wanted or making a Christmas list. However, there were two other sections that caught my childhood fancy. The first was the section with all the giant wooden swingsets, I envisioned how perfectly one would fit in our backyard. But the section I spent most of my time with was the metal detector section.

I dreamed of getting one and walking around our neighborhood, beaches, and parks finding untold fortunes. Ever since I was a little kid I've been a bit like Peter from Office Space. I haven't really had career aspirations and I don't really want to work. That being said, I am very hard working, my parents raised me with a strong work ethic. BUT, I dream of getting something for nothing, of striking it rich without actually "working".

I think this is part of the reason I've been so attracted to poker. To me, while its hard work, its not really "working". I still dream of getting a metal detector, of finding a valuable painting hidden behind an old canvas, or of winning the lottery (even though I rarely play).

I must not be the only one with these weird childhood fantasies. This one has faded less over time than my other childhood fixations, such as UFOs, Bigfoot, Nessie etc. I recently discovered a show called, The Best Place to Find Cash & Treasures.

This show is awesome! It's on the Travel Channel and basically each episode has a woman going on some sort of treasure hunt. She pans for gold, mines for diamonds and hunts for meteors. Then she takes what she's found, gets it appraised, and sometimes sells it. Many of these place are free to the public. There area places out west where you can go mine things like gold and sunstones for free!! I want to go!! She's hunted for fossils, prehistoric shark teeth, and geodes as well. At the diamond mine she found other miners who collected tens of thousands of dollars of diamonds but don't sell them because are part of their collection. Trust me, I'd sell mine so fast!!!

New England doesn't seem to have many locations for this kind of activity. Perhaps I could find some gold fillings from a corpse somewhere on Revere Beach. Whitey Bulger, if you are reading this, get cracking on some hits. Unless I take a vacation I might be SOL when it comes to finding my treasure. I think the show is great, check it out and then buy me a metal detector damnit or at least take me panning for gold!!

http://travel.discovery.com/tv/cash-treasures/cash-treasures.html

Oscars Preview

Two things I can tell you for sure, Dame Helen Mirren will win for her role in the Queen, and I will be drunk on the night of February 25th.

I love the Oscars for so many reasons...Not just because of the movies, but I love to see so many things that can only happen when Hollywood's biggest stars get together in the same place.

I love it when Actresses wear revealing dresses and the rumors that they weren't wearing underwear start to surface.

I love it when nominees have to put on the good face when they didn't win the oscar.

I love it when some nobody who wins an oscar for Best Documentary Short program takes too long on his speech, and the orchestra cues up and starts playing.

I love it when someone make a political comment, and the crowd doesn't expect it, so they don't know whether to clap or not.

I love it when they make jokes about whatever happened the past year that are somewhat awkward, and then they show the person who was joked about and they are making a fake laugh, but inside they are plotting the death of Bruce Villanch who wrote the joke...Mel Gibson should fit this role quite well this year.

I even love it when they do the Nominations for the Best Costumes, and they show all the hand drawn story boards with all the costume ideas on them.

And I REALLY LOVE the Parade of dead stars. They should really have an applause o meter in the bottom right hand of the screen, with just a respectful applause registering as "No one knows who this is" to the standing ovation: "This Person Had either a lot of pull, or made a lot of people some money"

That being said, I guess it's time for my predictions...projections and hopes and dreams for this years Oscar Ceremony.

First things first, I'd like to consider the Duffless Foundation the online home for the Jackie Earle Haley for Best Supporting Actor Committee. Like I said, I haven't seen this movie yet...but I'm working on it. But I think I would give 100 dollars just to see his acceptance speech...I mean this guy hasn't made a decent movie since 1983's Losing It! And the 10 second long clip of his they showed on the SAG awards last night was uber creepy, and to me worthy of upsetting Eddie Murphy for the award. This guy was a Pizza Delivery guy in San Antonio in between his last tv movie and 2006 where the director for the Movie All The King's Men remembered his work in the 70's and decided he'd be good for a role he had in mind. And now, he's on the red carpet ready to see if he wins an oscar. Even if he doesn't win, he already has, he's brought legitimacy to a career...One that really didn't need any (if you've seen Breaking Away), but legitimacy nonetheless.

Second, I'd like to say that the Best Supporting Actor category is my favorite so far. I mean, Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine was freakin' Hilarious...Marky Mark in the Departed, was the best role in the whole damn film, which was full of them. I'm sure Marky's friends from back in the day will be sending him Good Vibrations from Boston. And of course Jackie Earle Haley is also nominated. My fingers will be crossed for him, but I think Eddie Murphy will probably win for his role in Dreamgirls. I have nothing much to say about this, other than the fact that if the star of NORBIT wins an Oscar, I think I'm going to puke. Oh yeah, Djimon Honsou was nominated as well. This guy knows how to pick a role...it seems like he's nominated for almost everything he does! I hear Blood Diamond just wasn't that good of a movie though, so he won't win...but Dreamgirls wasn't good either I hear...so:


Prediction: Winner...Marky Mark sans Funky Bunch
Who I hope wins: Jackie Earle Haley
I would be happy if anyone but Eddie Murphy wins.

Best Supporting Actress...

I've seen only one of these movies, Little Miss Sunshine. So I will go purely based on gut. Saying that, I'm kind of torn. Rinko Kikuchi from Babel is pretty hot. Jennifer Hudson Shares my last name. Abigail Breslin was awesome...but I'm still pissed that Christian Bale wasn't nominated for Empire of the Sun when he was a kid so I won't vote for any kid actors until his awesomeness in that movie is recognized. Adrianna Barazza is in the same movie as Rinko Kikuchi but is not hot. and finally Cate Blanchette won last year for the Aviator, so she isn't winning this year.

Prediction: Winner Jennifer Hudson (have to go with my family)

Best Actor...

This category appears to be locked up for Forrest Whitaker...which is fine by me. He's been in several of my favorite movies of all time. From his early workin Fast Times At Ridgemont High, to his work in VietNam era movies Platoon and Good Morning VietNam, I've always liked him. I haven't seen this movie, but it seems like an unstoppable force. For this reason, I won't even bother going into the other actors...except to say that Peter O'Toole was nominated for Venus, and after seeing him on the interview circuit, I'm not sure he's going to make it until the awards presentation, this guy is old, and crazy, and he wears scarves to cover up his old man neck. Leo was nominated for Blood Diamond, Ryan Gosling (I love those cupcakes like Mcadams loves Gosling) was nominated for Half Nelson, which I don't think is about wrestling...sadly. And finally Will Smith was nominated for Pursuit of Happyness.

Prediction...Whitaker in a landslide

Best Actress...

To mirror what my prestigious costar Duffless writes, Dame Judy Dench and Dame Helen Mirren definitely go over the old british lady limit in this category, but Mirren is winning this without a doubt for her work in The Queen. I really liked her in Calendar Girls, which I'm not really comfortable admitting, but I did.

The other nominees are Meryl Streepin Devil Wears Prada, Penelope Cruz in Volver, Judy Dench in Notes on a Scandal and Kate Winslet in Little Children. On a side note, Kate was responsible for getting Jackie Earle Haley the part in this movie, so she gets an extra thumbs up from me!

Prediction...Mirren in a bigger landslide than Whitaker.

Best Director...

Okay this appears to be a two horse race, with longtime nominee Martin Scorcese playing the Susan Lucci role (6 nominations no awards) and Clint Eastwood looking to take home his 3rd oscar for directing...after Million Dollar Baby and The Unforgiven. He was also nominated for directing Mystic River.

Scorcese has actually lost like 3 times to actors turned directors in this category...with Kevin Costner winning for Dances with Wolves (shocking in retrospect) over Goodfellas...Robert Redford for Ordinary People knocking out Raging Bull...and Clint Eastwood himself for Million Dollar Baby knocking off The Aviator.

The thing is, I hear a lot of Scorcese's Departed and Eastwood's Letters From Iwo Jima may cancel themselves out leaving Babel's Mexican guy to win. I don't think this is going to happen, I think The Departed will pull this one out, and Scorcese will finally get his due. I mean, the guy has only made some of the most memorable movies of all time and has never won anything...this is his time.

Prediction....Scorcese.

Best Picture
The nominees are The Departed, Babel, Little Miss Sunshine, Letters From Iwo Jima, and The Queen. Again, this seems to be a case where The Departed and Letters From Iwo Jima could cancel eachother out allowing Babel to win especially after Babel's win in the Golden Globes. That being said, I don't think it happens here...I think Scorcese will win again with the based in Boston Drama The Departed.

I kinda wish the Oscars would adopt the Golden Globes system of having a Drama and a Comedy category, cause I really kinda think that Sascha Baron Cohen and Borat should have been nominated for the best picture, but there's no way that The Academy would nominate two different comedies...even though Little Miss Sunshine was pretty damned depressing.

Anyway, Prediction...The Departed

I won't bore you with all the little awards...because unlike previous years there's nothing that fun to report...There's no Billy Zabka getting nominated for best Short, or Hoop Dreams not getting nominated for best Documentary.

So I'll go through some of them very quick.

Best Foreign Language-Volver
Best Documentary-An inconvenient truth (biggest layup outside Helen Mirren)
Best Animated- Cars, for my nephew.
Best Adapted Screenplay- The Departed (I almost put Borat, but I didn't have the balls)
Best Original Screenplay- Little Miss Sunshine, I'm calling the upset!
Best Song- Prince, because seeing him was the best 10 dollars I've ever spent.

Allright, I guess that's enough...

One thing I will promise, I will be there February 25th, fresh off a road trip to sunny Toronto Ontario Canada, drinking my canned american beers, and bringing you the most entertaining recap of the oscars this side of Fox News.

Oh while I'm at it, I'm going to say that this time there is no way that I outdrink Jack Nicholson appearances. I'm not saying that I don't polish off more than a twelve pack, but with The Departed being nominated, I have a feeling that I won't be even close to being able to keep up with him...I promise I'll try.

Also, I think the five nominees for top applause in the parade of dead have to be:
Robert Altman
Red Buttons
Peter Boyle
Don Knotts
Shelly Winters


Robert Altman takes the cake, with Peter Boyle getting a surprise second.

This Foundation Member will also be remembering the deaths of Bruno Kirby, Chris Penn and Mr. Vernon/Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson (Paul Gleason) with a tip of the old beer can towards the heaven...And a special Parade of Dead Salute will go to James Brown. I really can't wait to see how many times I say to myself: Holy Shit...He/She Died?

Ok, that's enough, I'm done with this...

I'll be back beforehand, but this is it for Oscar talk until the 25th.

To follow up Fuge, my Oscar thoughts.

I want this to be the year where they come out and reverse last year's Best Picture decision. Why can't they admit that last year's decision was just hollywood sucking its own dick? Crash Sucked!!!

I have to clap out the Marky Mark nod for The Departed. As much as I should hate this former pants dropper, man he was good in that. I do like Alan Arkin, but this year I give it to the funky bunch in a landslide.

If you belong to a hollywood death pool, now is the time to increase your shares of Peter O'Toole. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, I even loved High Spirits with Steve Gooootenbergo, but this nomination is a harbinger of death.

Other comments, do we really need both Dame Helen Mirren and Dame Judi Dench nominated in the old british bag category, shouldn't one suffice?

Abigail Breslin was nominated...interesting. Maybe we finally have someone who can kick Dakota Fanning's ass without going to jail.

I will also attempt to see most of the films nominated. I am unable to bring myself to see United 93. I am also having a hard time bringing myself to see the Iwo Jima movie, I like the idea of showing the other side of Flags of Our Fathers, but I just don't know if I have it in me to see both movies.

An Inconvenient Truth is a slam dunk for Best Doc. I would have liked to have seen it get a best picture nod as well, but I know how it goes. Pan's Labrynth will also be a no brainer for Best Foreign film.

I see Grandma's Boy failed to garner a nomination. I will give it my own Duffless Award for "Best Movie That Should Have Sucked", but I loved it for some weird reason.

For overlooked I'd have to say The Proposition should have been nominated for a cinematography award.

Well, I plan on getting really drunk during 2 Dollar Beer Winter and enjoying some Oscars and seeing who gets the most claps during the Parade of Death. My money's on a tie between Jack Palance and Robert Altman. Peter Boyle will be getting most of my claps.

What day is it?...October? No, It's Oscar Nomination Day!

Today, is one of my favorite days of the year...and I'm sure you can tell from the headline, why that is.

It's Oscar Nominations Day!!!

I don't claim to have seen all the movies that were nominated...in fact the last time I've even seen all 5 nominated best picture candidates was the 1998 show...(Titanic, Good Will Hunting, The Full Monty, LA Confidential, As Good As It Gets)...but I still love this day.

Here's why, because I generally look at the list of Nominees, then regardless of whether I've seen the film, I come up with the picks I think will win. I'm not quite ready to pick my winners yet.

But I will say this.

I'm happy about two things...

1...The fact that Little Miss Sunshine was nominated for Best Picture instead of Dreamgirls.

I mean, that movie can't be good can it? Most reviews I've seen have given it 2 stars or less!

and

2....The fact that one of my favorites, star of The Bad News Bears and Breaking Away....Jackie Earle Haley has come out of obscurity to get nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his work in The Little Children.

I swear I'll see that movie sometime, I promise. but who cares, i'm rooting for him, because he was Kelly Leak, the best Cigarette Smoking, Motorcycle ridin, Air Hockey Husltling, Frilly Suede Jacket wearing little leaguer in the world!

This weekend I'll come up with my completely uninformed predictions on the rest of the categories, but chalk me up for this one...The best supporting actor will be Jackie Earle Haley!

Here is a link to all of the nominations...

http://www.oscars.org/79academyawards/noms.html

I'll be back with my predictions this weekend!

Congratulations Jackie Earle!

Jackie Earle Haley was nominated today for Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture by the Academy Awards!

We at the Foundation are proud of you and will be supporting you all the way up to the Show!

*expect an Academy Awards Nominations Blog tonight!*

Happy New Year...No Particular Thoughts

I'd like to first say, I hope everyone of the foundation members had a wonderful holiday season, no matter what holiday you celebrate...Also, a happy new year to everyone...Let's hope that 2007 is the best year ever!

Ok, couple of things I wanted to go over this new year...first off, The world lost a legend on Christmas Day. James Brown, the Hardest Workin' Man in Show Business...The Godfather of Soul...The Sex Machine himself passed away.

James may have been the most influential Pop Culture Idol of all time. I mean, his music was great, but really his Mug Shot after an arrest that had something to do with imprisoning his wife and driving across state lines, led to such great Celebrity Mug Shots as Nick Nolte, Marv Albert and more recently Nicole Ritchie.

The Parade of Dead at the oscars should be extra special this year...

Speaking of the oscars, I've decided that I may have to do a full blog posting on the two actors...or roles that I felt deserved to be nominated for Best Actor/Actress and weren't. It's funny, but both roles I have were Child actors, but their roles were so good, that shouldn't have been held against them.

The first was Christian Bale in Empire of the Sun. This kid carried a movie that was like 14 hours long...excelled!

The second is Nathalie Portman in Leon (The Professional). I swear the only reason she didn't get nominated is because there was a hint of pedophilia in the movie...although the American release had far less of it that the European/Uncut release.

Any way, I think I'll break down the acting categories of the respective years at some point, but right now, I have to get back to work.

Oh one last thing, I'm addicted to the books of James Patterson and John Grisham...I stood at the bookstore last night for 25 minutes deciding which book I wanted to buy more (Cross by Patterson or An Innocent Man by Grisham). I chose Cross, and today...less than 24 hours later, i'm almost done with the book. 20 bucks for 24 hours of reading doesn't seem like a good bargain. So Barnes and Nobles...Help me out, put the books by these guys next to the Romance novels or something, so I don't buy them in hardcover.

Allright, I'll be back with a more substantial blog soon, maybe even later today.

The Greatest Little League Baseball Player Ever!

Then


Now

Jackie Earle Haley...better known as Kelly Leak from the Bad News Bears films, may be known for another reason come this spring. Turns out Jackie Earle has returned to acting, and had a supporting role in the movie Little Children. I've yet to see the movie, but apparently it is a set in boston movie about the lives of married couples and their children...If I'm not mistaken Jackie plays a pedophile, but I could be wrong.

Well it turns out that Jackie's role won the New York Film Critics Award for Best Supporting Actor. And now they are talking Oscar!!!! I've never been this excited since I saw that Johnny Lawrence/Chaz Osbourne himself Billy Zabka was nominated in the best short film category a few years ago!

The movie is written and directed by the same guy who did the movie In The Bedroom, and stars Kate Winslet and Jennifer Connelly...and their breasts.

I've missed Jackie Earle. He made two of my favorite movies of all time...Bad News Bears and Breaking Away. And that's pretty much it, but he's always garnered much respect from me. Now all I can say is congratulations! And Good Luck Jackie Earle, I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors...and if I had a vote come this spring...you'd be it!

My attempt at being Kobayashi

Last Wednesday night, I decided to throw my hat into the ring of competitive eating.

I'd long thought I had quite the stomach, and figured, if they can do it...So can I. In the past I'd had my picture taken at various restaurants where if you eat the big burger you get your picture on the wall. But now, I wanted more...I wanted a title. I wanted to be the Spikes' Hot Dogs "TOP DOG". I chose the venue...Davis Square. I didn't choose Davis because the record is 2 hot dogs less than the Allston Location...I chose it because I wanted to come over to the other side of the river and take away one of it's accolades...To plant the Allston-Brighton flag into Somerville's home turf.

The record for the Davis location is 12 dogs. You may think this seems like a small amount, but for those of you who aren't familiar with a Spikes Dog, the are quite large, and the bun isn't so much a bun as a large piece of French Bread. I did some research, and tried my best to prepare. I'd often chug gallons of water with dinner, to try to stretch my stomach, I came up with a plan of attack, and decided that last Wednesday was the night of nights.

I showed up at the location with my trusty Nano in hand...loose fitting pants around my waist and a hunger from eating only a light breakfast during the day. I spoke to the man at the counter, and said I was going to try to best the record...he told me the rules (1.5 hours, all hot dogs and buns must be eaten, no bathroom breaks or trips out of the store, and no puking) and before he started me off, he let me know that the owner of the current record was sitting directly to my left.

A woman, smallish in stature probably around 100 pounds. She turns to me and says "if you beat my record, I'll just come back and beat you tomorrow". I admit, I was intimidated. I rip through the first 6 hot dogs at a blistering pace, my plan...eat 10 hot dogs in 30 minutes, then coast to the last 3 to set the record...if I have time I'll eat one or two more to make my record a little bit harder to break.

I think I had her worried through six hot dogs...which I think I ate in 10 minutes.

At dog seven, she knew she was going to be keeping the record and left. I hadn't hit the wall, but I was having trouble eating the dogs, requiring a lot more liquid. I got through 2 more dogs, and wanted to call it quits. But Realized if I ate one more, I'd have eaten the second most hot dogs in the history of that particular location (tied really, one other had eaten 9). I knew 10 wasn't a possibility. I choked down the last dog, now full to the nth degree. Her record was safe, and even more, she had my respect. Even though I still had about 45 minutes to go in the contest, I knew it was over, the taste of hot dog was becoming vile to me, I couldn't swallow any more without taking a swig of pepsi (like swallowing a pill), So I told the man that I was all done. He got me my trophy, a Spikes visor (they didn't have my tshirt size)...Took my picture, banished the one time holder of second place to the next row, and congratulated me.

I left knowing that I could have prepared more, and I probably could get over the 10 dog mark, if I wanted to try again...but really, what do I have to prove. I know I did my best, and know that I gave it a good run.

I thank my friends that were there to support me, and I wish that I could have done better for them. But alas, I did not, but they had a good time.

I think it will be quite a long time before I eat hot dogs again and enjoy them, but I'll be back, and this time it will be fore my enjoyment, not to try to win some tshirt and get my picture on the wall.

Kobayashi...Girl at Spikes...you are the true heroes of the eating world, I am but your servant.

Fall F'n Finale!!!

Ok NBC cut the shit...Let's stop calling the winter Hiatus anything other than what it is...a time to take a break for the holidays and make some space for some holiday specials and reruns.

Let's stop this fuckin Fall Finale Insanity. You've already practically ruined my life chaining me to my tv for almost 3 nights a week...if you add Sunday Night Football and Friday Night Lights together. Now you need to try to fool me into thinking that this Fall Finale is anything other than the last new show that will be on for a while? I'm too smart for you NBC. I know what you're up to...You're hoping IDENTITY will be this years Deal or No Deal. Something that next year you'll be able to fill 3 hours of programming per week with...since sooner or later people will tire of the worlds most famous Obssessive Compulsive Howie Mandel. I understand this...really I do...and to tell you the truth I could use the break...but don't try to fool me that this is something than it really is! A Break!

And more importantly...Please don't use this opportunity to sell two sets of dvd's for a whole season!

Don't make me buy Season 1a and 1b of Heroes! I'll fuckin download that shit illegally so fast and hand it out like jesus flyers outside of a red sox game...I swear to god.

Thank god Monday Night Football doesn't have a "Fall Finale" at least I'll have something to watch on Monday nights.

Statute of Limitations

The Duffless Foundation came upon a situation where it felt it could do some real good for society. A situation came up where I was gmail chatting with a Friend of the Foundation (FOF for future reference). During the conversation I was relaying a story about when I was in the movie theater in Beautiful Revere Massachusetts seeing The Sixth Sense...when near the end, when you figure out that Bruce Willis' character is in fact dead already, a woman sitting behind me yelled out, "I knew he was dead!" over and over again. In my attempt to tell a story, I never thought that I may run into an issue that the person I was speaking to might not have seen the movie yet. I mean, the movie was out in 1999! This FOF took solace in the fact that he was one of two people in the world who didn't know the ending. To him I said...FU, you can't be pissed at me for revealing the secret to a movie that not only has 99.9% of the population seen, but that was released in a previous decade, nay MILLENIUM!!!!

It was decided that The Duffless Foundation will now set the guidelines for when you can talk about movies without consequence...A Statute of Limitations. Follow these guidelines and you can worry not about being a douche, you are covered by our Douche Free Guarantee.

The Duffless Founcation Decrees that up until a movie is released on DVD or six months after the release of the film in theaters, you need to ask someone whether or not they've seen the movie before discussing any part of the plot and or quoting any particularly memorable or funny lines.

This situation is different in the case of a movie with either a twist, or a mystery...a la The Sixth Sense. A 1 year cushion will be added. After one year of release of the dvd, a person is no longer required any courtesy in talking about the movie.

Depending on how much you like the person, if a film is outside of this one year period, and makes it clear to you that they haven't seen it, it is your discretion as to whether or not you reveal the plot twist/quote.

After 5 years of being released, not only will you be completely absolved of any douchebaginess for revealing anything about the movie. Also, if someone still hasn't seen the movie, it is up to your discretion whether or not you want to make fun of them or not.

So to recap.

Length of time before you do not need to ask someone whether or not they've seen a movie before mentioning plot and or quotes:

6 Months or DVD Release. No Plot twists or Special Circumstances
1 Year after DVD Release. Plot Twists or Special Circumstances.

5 Years after release of movie, No douchebaginess/make fun of person.

Thank you very much, any questions can be sent to Fuge.dufflessfoundation@gmail.com