The Foundation

Oscar Preview

2009-02-19T11:40:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I admit, I deserve a kick in the balls for not posting a blog since the baseball playoffs were ongoing, but hey, whatever, it's my blog, well at least partly my blog...as it's a Foundation. Anyway, I'm going to give you a weak ass Oscar Preview blog, because to be honest, I've only seen one of the movies that has a major nomination. That would be The Wrestler, starring Mickey Rourke who gets a well deserved Oscar Nom for his portrayal of Randy 'The Ram' Robinson, an aged, broken down wrestler, who is struggling to regain his past glories. This film also stars Marisa Tomei's breasts, which really gave a stand out performance as an aging, broken down, stripper who is struggling to regain past glories. That's it, that's all I've seen. I am going to try and see Slumdog Millionaire and Milk before the ceremony, but it may be tough. So this year, may be the MOST unprepared I have ever been for an Oscars. My tops was 1997 when I'd seen every nominated Best Picture, as well as others, but I was in college then, and winter break was pretty boring, and a matinee was pretty cheap.

Will this stop me from doing an Oscar Blog A Thon? NO FREAKIN' WAY!

In fact, there is a very good chance that I will be more drunk at this years blog party...because i am not sick this year, knock on wood, also, I'm seeing Norm MacDonald the night before, so I may have some extra funny kicking around...finally, I think going in totally blind may be worth it, I think part of the fun is randomly picking a winner, before hand, and then rooting for that person, regardless of why you picked them. So that's what I'm going to do this year. Go in blind, but then argue for my picks vehemently. I figure this will make for better reading and for better viewing if you are lucky enough to be invited to the Foundation Compound for the viewing of the Oscars.

I of course will study up on all the nominees, and pick them based on my tried and true Oscar Pool selection process. Remember, never vote against a holocaust documentary. And I just want you all to be on the lookout for the Oscar Blogtacular sometime before March 7th, when I go out to Las Vegas...again.

Finally, a few notes

Friday Night Lights is back again on NBC (it was originally shown to direct tv viewers, but I waited until it came on my tv thank you very much) It's still NOT as good as it was in the first year (which I still say is right up there in the top 10 of all time tv Seasons...of course the Wire is pretty much 1/2 of that list)...but it seems damn good...story lines have been cut, and interconnected to save time and space, it's just good.

Secondly...Dead Like Me has Been added to my can't miss show's list...They only made two seasons on showtime, but like Firefly the producers made a movie to wrap everything up and it just came out on DVD, and I bought the entire collection...Like the "Two Bobs" in office space, I celebrate it's entire catalogue.

Thirdly...Instant Netflix on xbox360 is tremendous...It's better than through the pc, because I can watch it through my wonderful plasma screen without having to hook anything else up! It almost makes not returning the first disc of The Shield for the past year worth the money.

Finally One Oscar Question/Comment. What are the odds that the Oscars double up on Heath Ledger in the Oscar's Parade Of Dead Celebrities this year? Because I think they already bent the rules by including him as the headliner last year, but I don't remember anyone else dying that would supplant him, so I could totally see a double dip...of Costanzian Proportions.

I promise to write more blogs, but I am good at breaking promises.

A little bit creepy.

2008-10-14T09:32:00.005-05:00

I watch a lot of sports, a lot of tv in general really, but specifically, I watch a LOT of sports. And with Baseball and Football sharing a very similar demographic it's not entirely surprising to see that the same advertisers are featured in the broadcast, but one particular advert (in there for our British readers) that has really been bothering me recently is one for Direct TV. You may know the history of the ad campaign, basically actors/actresses are hired to recreate characters that made them famous, only this time, they talk about Directtv and it's superiority to cable. Some examples of the ad campaign include Charlie Sheen recreating his role of Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn in Major League, and The guy that played the liquid metal Terminator in Terminator 2, recreating the liquid metal Terminator in Terminator 2.

The newest version of these ads has got me a little bothered though...The ad, features footage from the movie Poltergeist, in which the little girl is in her parents bedroom, looking at the tv, she then turns around and says: THEY'RE HERE!. Pretty much the most famous scene from the movie, and it was used in all the ads, and posters and whatnot for the movie.

The next shot is one of Mr. Craig T. Nelson, recreating the scene from the movie, but instead talks about how it isn't a poltergeist, it's just that they forgot to switch from Cable to DirectTV, and all the HD options they have and what not. The fact that Craig T. Nelson is recreating his most famous role this side of Minnesota State University, doesn't bother me so much, what bothers me is that he is basically starring in the commercial with his former costar, who died tragically during a hiatus from filming the Awful sequel Poltergeist III, apparently there was some misdiagnosing of illnesses, and she eventually had a cardiac arrest and died. I mean, isn't it a little bit creepy, that this guy is getting paid to recreate a scene in which he's acting with co star who died like 20 years ago. He didn't find this the least little bit creepy?

I mean, I'd like to think that even though Craig T. wasn't involved in the filming of Poltergeist 3 he would have had some sort of a bond with his costar, in fact reading IMDB it says that "The Poltergeist Girl" (Heather O'Rourke for those of you checking) was a calming presence on the set, so you'd assume that he at least would be friendly with this girl...And you'd think he'd be more than a little freaked out to know that he'd be seeing himself on tv recreating a scene through special effects, with his screen daughter from 25 plus years ago, who died at a very young age. I mean, maybe he thinks its a tribute like Natalie Cole singing backup to her father's famous songs and winning tons of grammies for them left and right. Although that was a little f'n creepy too if you asked me. But this just bothers me every time I see it...I mean, he can't be that poor that he needs to take any role that comes his way, he couldn't have suggested another scene that didn't contain so much of "The Poltergeist Girl"?

I don't know, maybe I'm making too much of it, but it just really kinda freaks me out every time I see it, which like I said, during the baseball playoffs and football season is quite often.

Segway Abe

2008-09-15T20:29:00.009-05:00

Today I was driving home from work and saw a guy on Mass Ave on a Segway, in full Abe Lincoln gear, including beard. On his back it said Segway Abe. Being a menace on the road I managed to snap a photo while driving. It didn't come out so hot but I found a closer up one on google which I put below.

I don't know who this guy is, or what he's doing but it is fantastic!! Despite the never ending winters these are the kind of things that keep me loving Boston. The creative weirdo factor is so high, especially around Somerville and Cambridge. From the Morris Dancers I posted about a few years ago, to the SKUL bicycle "gang" and now Segway Abe - I love it!

Too bad Sarah Vowell isn't for another 2 weeks, I feel like she'd be a person who'd appreciate the awesomeness that is Segway Abe. For some weird reason comedians and quirkly misfits (think Conan O'Brien) love our pal Abe.

I found several sites with people trying to figure out who/what he is. I found his myspace page, which could be the only thing left worth checking out on myspace, for the sheer fact that he's listed as being from Vinyl Sidingsburg , plus his only friends seem to be other Abe Lincoln's. Have I mentioned this is fantastic?

http://www.myspace.com/famousfartzone

I think I just threw up

2008-09-14T20:45:00.007-05:00

I love romantic movies. Particularly I like romantic comedies, your average pos crappy romance movies are a wonderful guilty pleasure treat. However, I simply cannot stomach Nicholas Sparks movies. The ladies at work are always going on about crap like The Notebook and how much they love the book and movie. I like some REALLY REALLY bad romance movies but even I have a standard, and Nicolas Sparks is well below my that line.

The last few days I've begun to see commercials for a movie called Nights in Rodanthe. Weird title I know. Anyway, at very first glance it looked like just another Diana Lane middle aged woman finding herself Under the Tuscan Sun type of thing. That was until they revealed a little bit of dialogue that had me almost literally recycle my dinner.

So let me set the scene, based on the limited information in the commercial, Diane Lane is going through a potential divorce. She is also is some sort of innkeeper at some ridiculously nice summer mansion seemingly on the beach. It's off season and Richard Gere is her only guest and he's dealing with some drama of his own. They have some dinner, yadda yadda yadda, and she shows him some wooden box that she's made (yes, I giggle that she showed him her box, I'm a child, but I digress) anyway upon showing him her box she says:

"I made that, it's to keep special things safe."

he replies:

"Who keeps you safe?"

to which I reply:

vomit

REALLY!?! WHO KEEPS YOU SAFE?

are you freaking kidding me, this has to be one of the worst lines in film/literature history.

Pass me a gun.

Do yourself a favor and don't watch this:

Still Better than Dean Koontz

2008-09-01T16:48:00.013-05:00

Earlier today I was informed that All Star Sandwich Bar in Inman Square, Cambridge MA serves poutine. Obviously, I left my house in a matter of seconds. I've been meaning to check this place out for ages, it was good and my belly was sated, but little did I know that I was going to be in for the surprise of the year when I found a youngster reading an Ann Coulter book, IN PUBLIC!

All Star Sandwich Bar is one of those hipster friendly places, in hipster friendly Inman Square. Sure, all sorts of people go there, but boutique sandwich shops in the Republic of Cambridge are the least likely place you'd expect to see someone rocking out with conservative pablum.

I was so surprised I had to surreptitiously take a photo, please excuse the upskirtcam-esque quality from my shitty cellphone. I had to make it look like I was taking a picture of my food, which is all very common among the hipster foodie crowd, lest she think me some sort of weirdo.

I spent time while enjoying my lunch trying to figure out the state of today's youth. Why would someone be reading anything coming out of Anne Coulter's brain, let alone in public? If I had tried that shit at Umass when I was her age they'd have taken my bongs and frisbees away! This young women didn't seem to be the"fuck you world I do what I want" type and I think she's a bit too young to have been overly influenced by Alex P. Keaton, but there she was - sitting there, eating her lunch, doing her thing. I guess I am glad to see people thinking freely and doing what they want, but aside from hurting my soul, seeing someone reading this kind of material in Cambridge is tantamount to wearing a Yankee's hat in Southie.

I think there are a few possible explanations:

1. She actually likes Anne Coulter - sad really, but possible I suppose
2. She's working up the courage to kill herself, and isn't a tasty sandwich a nice last meal?
3. Some sort of leftist experiment
4. She's an idiot savant and this is the last book left in recorded history she's yet to read
5. Some sort of sandwich related dare
6. She is desperately lonely and hoping that the opposites attract thing might really work - if so, sign me up!
7. Catering didn't show up at the the Hitler Youth meeting
8. She's Gov. Palin's knocked up daughter (eating for two obviously) hiding out from the media in liberal town (Republic of Cambridge)

If you have any other possible explanations as to how this could have happened, or insights into today's youth, I'd love to hear them.

IPOD Etiquette

2008-07-22T11:57:00.004-05:00

I'm putting this out there, because I'm not sure of the answer. And I hope any Foundation readers may be able to help me out. I know that we haven't posted in a while, so I know that may be asking a lot, but whatever, I feel like our faithful readers will forgive us.

I take public transportation to work...I love it, well most of the time I love it, I hate the redline and it's 10MPH rule on the Longfellow bridge, but whatever, I haven't put gas in my car for like 4 weeks. But what this means is I often have 45 minutes to an hour of time to kill in the morning and again in the afternoon. So I have taken to doing many things to pass the time, sometimes I read a book, sometimes I read any variation of free newspaper or magazine available at the stops I am frequenting. Sometimes I'll read a book, sometimes I'll play Solitaire on the IPOD...and sometimes, I'll watch movies/tv shows on the ipod that I downloaded from the interwebs.

The question I have, is this, the screen on my ipod is pretty small...and in certain lights very difficult to see, but still I worry, because sometimes, not often, but sometimes an image that may not be suitable for all ages comes upon the screen. A random boobie here, a simulated sex act there, you know basic Pay cable type of stuff, but not Skinemax stuff. For example, I watched Beer Fest on the Ipod, and like 10 seconds into the movie, there's a LOT of Boobs. Like dozens of them...I embarrasedly covered up the ipod and waited out the boobs (I went back later, don't you worry I don't turn down the opportunity to see boobs very often). But what's the rule of thumb here?

Do I assume that the screen will be unviewable by anyone else? Do I care? Do I not watch The Wire when children are present on the bus? Do I not watch Weeds, during rush hour on the red line? Please, all opinions are welcome, but I want to know, should only Network aired programming and G Movies be allowed to be seen on busses and trains? I mean obviously, I'm not going to download the Hustler Real College Girls series and watch them on the bus, but is there a line I shouldn't cross?

Thanks in advance for your comments in opinions!

HD Snob

2008-05-28T14:25:00.004-05:00

I've been so lazy, and haven't posted anything in far too long, but I feel like I need to post SOMETHING...ANYTHING...so I figure I'll post an excuse, as to why I haven't been posting. After my trip to LA/Vegas (I promised a blog, you never got one, I can't find the cord to my camera, so haven't uploaded the pictures yet) I happened to find myself with a few extra paper dollars. I had a few car repairs that I needed to tend to, but I did the more responsible thing. I bought a new TV and accompanying Surround sound system.

The TV I got was a Panasonic Viera 42 inch plasma. It looks very similar to this one, I can honestly say, that this is the best money I've EVER...EVER spent.

Well, except for that 10 bucks I spent to see Prince that time, That is still the best money I've ever spent. I mean, I got to see Prince for 10 bucks...what can top that outside of a stripjoint?

Anyway, tying this back to the title, I never really believed people who said they refused to watch stuff that wasn't in HD. I thought it was hogwash, I mean, they've lived without it for decades, and its not like they are forced watch non HDtv on a 13 inch black and white zenith....It took me all of a day and a half to see what they were talking about. Again, this goes back a bit, but I was watching Game 5 of the NHL playoffs between the Bruins and Canadiens. The first four games had been played on NESN HD, but with the Yankees in town, The bigwigs at NESN decided that the Red Sox would be played in HD, while the Bruins would be relegated to the Non HD channel for the night. I was completely outraged, compared to the crisp clear picture that only my 1080P set could bring me (I still don't know what it means, but I like saying 1080P), non HD looked like you were watching the game through a glass of murky tap water. It was bullshit! Bullshit I say!

I actually got a call from two of my friends who also have HD, and both were exactly the same. Why the fuck is this not in HD? I was very new to the HD world, but for the first time, I understood why people are HD Snobs. And I became one myself.

One thing this TV has done, is that it has actually SAVED me money.

How is this possible you ask? Let me explain: Before HD, I'd spend at least one, if not multiple school nights at the local bar in order to watch the game. Whatever game that may be. Now, instead of spending 30 bucks on a burger and some beer, I just head to the packy, make some dinner, and bam, everything for 10 bucks or less. I'd say I have been to the bar at least 66% less than I was before the tv. Throw in how awesome Xbox is on the big screen, and I've become a homebody.

I'm heading back to vegas next weekend...if my fortunes are like the last time, I will buy a PS3, and it will be official, you will NEVER EVER see me again, unless you want to watch a movie on BluRay, or watch me play Grand Theft Auto 4.

Here's a short list of things I've grown to love since HD.

Golf. I have always watched golf, but seeing the Masters in HD was something completely different...almost indescribable
Nat. Geographic TV (particularly my new favorite show Locked Up Abroad)
HGTV...I don't give a shit about home improvement, but you put it on a channel in the 800's and I'll watch

Burroughs and Books

2008-05-02T14:34:00.011-05:00

So I guess I’ve been in a literary mood of late, at least blog wise. But books are pop culture too, so it’s all good.

Last night I saw Augusten Burroughs speak at the Brattle Theater. I've read both Running with Scissors (the movie sucked) and Dry. What always strikes me is how people talk about how “hysterically funny” he is. Sure he can find the humor in terrible situations, and can turn a funny phrase, but I think his memoirs are poorly described as comedy. People asked some great questions, and he read with startling passion and eloquence, I was glad I went. I also got a copy of Running with Scissors signed, instead of his new book because, well I’m too cheap to buy hardcover and well, Scissors is set in Amherst. Go UMASS!

It got me thinking about the whole idea of autographs. I spent a few years living in L.A. and had the chance to get many autographs but never really felt comfortable acknowledging that I recognized those people, I mean I don’t want to bug them. Am I really going to ask Wanda from Doogie Howser for an autograph in the middle of us getting manicures next to each other? I made one promise to The Boy, he gave me strict instructions that if I ever saw Bruce Campbell I had to roll him up in a carpet and throw him over a bridge. I’m not sure why he wanted me to do that, and he can’t explain it himself, as he likes Bruce Campbell. I think his argument was that it just had to be done? Boy, do you care to defend yourself?

Well, years later I did meet Bruce Campbell at a book signing in Cambridge. I got myself an autographed first edition of If Chins Could Kill. Also my friend Hunter had him wish the Goon happy birthday which was edited into his tour du force spoof The Goon Witch Project – which by all accounts is not the worst thing Bruce Campbell’s ever been in (and no I don’t mean my pants). For some reason having a author sign their work, I guess because they wrote it, seems less weird to me. I have one or two singed cds’ but those were kind of awkward to get, but a book, a completed written work by one individual seems more special when autographed, it becomes more of a treasure in some way that other autograph’s don’t –at least for me.

So as I now add my copy of Running with Scissors to my autographed book collection, it joins the ranks with Jon Krakauer’s Under the Banner of Heaven, Nick Hornsby’s High Fidelity and Ricky Gervais' Flannimals – I think I might have a few more I’m forgetting. The last of which was a gift from a friend who tried to get me a Stephen King autographed book but showed with with Gervais instead, not a bad deal!

I love that we live in a city where I can see authors like Krakaur, or go hear talks from some of the greatest minds around like Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky. I know I spend a lot of time on my couch and whenever I go to stuff like this, or seeing Chris Elliot or John Waters or whatever else random talk I go to, I remind myself that life is too short to be in front of the boob tube all day – (don’t hate me boob, you know I love you!).

Update: I just remembered the signed book I was forgetting, Chuck Klosterman IV. He spoke in Harvard Square last year and what I remember was that his name is really pronounced Kloosterman, like Roosterman. Who knew?!

I've reached the Dark Tower at last.

2008-04-23T12:00:00.008-05:00

Last night marked a milestone for ol’ Duffless, I finally finished The Dark Tower.

I started it on 11/10/2004 and finished it on 4/22/2008 in a conference room in the Merrimack Valley at 9:02pm.

Yes, that’s right, 3 years, 5 months and 12 days later I’m finally done.

A mere 1259 days from when I started, or 179 weeks, or 30,216 hours, or 1,812,960 minutes (well you get the picture).

It’s been an epic journey in “slow reading”, and much like Roland I took a few friends with me to the Tower. Fellow blogger, Tiger Daisy, (a known reading machine) started it a few weeks after me and plowed through the series at an alarming rate – I think she finished the whole thing in less than 6 months. The benefit, I got her used copies.

Soon after my brother aka “The Boy” joined me on this journey. The Boy is a notorious “slow reader”. It’s not that he reads slowly, it’s that he drags out the completion of books to epic proportions. He took over 2 years reading The Stand, M-O-O-N that spells a fucking long time.

Once he learned about the scope of the Dark Tower, he was on board for this feat of Duffless family literary endurance.

As of this writing, The Boy is about 60 pages into the final book. I have been about a book ahead of him this whole time, but the mission is not to reach the ending quickly, rather to un-artificially drag it out as long as possible, while still working towards reaching the Tower. We read it slowly because it’s what must be done! It’s what makes us who we are! It’s not about winning; my completing first was not a victory, just a mile-marker on the road, or as Stephen King and my friend Dan like to say, it's not the ending its the journey. Dan stole that from King - bastard!

I bought the first book, The Gunslinger, at the The Paperback Exchange. This is the used bookstore at the front of the neighborhood where I grew up. I like going there to pick up cheap paperbacks when I'm back home, usually Stephen King. My mom used to tell me when they would get a new crop of King books, or when they would go on sale. (An interesting to only two people side story -the lady who runs the shop has lived in our neighborhood for like 35 years and is a notorious gossip – the last time The Boy and I were in there, she asked my brother about one of his friends also from the neighborhood, and then told us she hated him and his family and would not piss this friend if he was on fire – harsh words from an old bag!). I digress.

I have been doing another related gauntlet of sorts; I have been on a mission to read every Stephen King book. It started in 1988 with IT and it’s been an epic battle; it seems each time I finish one he has written 2 more. Now that I’ve completed the Dark Tower Series, I have read most of his longer works, but I still have a lot of reading to do. I think another blog post should be devoted to my figuring out where I stand, I think at one point I was around the 50% mark, but he’s writing them faster than I’m reading them, so I’d guess I’m now only about 33% done, but we shall see.

So let’s talk a little bit about The Dark Tower. It’s a 7 volume series written by Stephen King. He started it 34 years ago, but the first book wasn’t published till the early 80s. Before he was even a famous writer, he was working on his first drafts of The Gunslinger (BTW, if you are considering reading the Dark Tower, I suggest getting the revised edition of the Gunslinger, since he made a few edits to tie the series together better.)

If you base your count on the trade paperback editions the books vary in length from the shortest (The Gunslinger @ 336 pages) to the longest, the final book (The Dark Tower @ a wopping 1072 pages). In total the trade paperback editions come in at 4,768 pages. WOOT! The books all vary, its hard to classify the series, its part western, part sci-fi, part horror, part adventure, part crime let alone all the glorious pop culture references and so on and so forth.

What I find most interesting is that since Stephen King started writing these books in the early 70s, he created characters and elements that are injected into many of his other books. Direct connections can be made from the Dark Tower series to books, such as Salem’s Lot, Eyes of the Dragon, The Stand, Rose Madder, Hearts in Atlantis, and on and on and on, it was even referenced in the latest King movie The Mist (which kicked ass btw).

You do not need to have read the Dark Tower to read his other books, and vice versa, but its pretty funny to realize that he’s connected all these worlds and you didn’t even notice it until you started down Tower road. I had always wanted to read the Dark Tower, but never started it because it wasn’t complete until 2004. He took his sweet ass time in finishing the books that’s for sure. But he just wasn’t ready for the series to be complete. However, after his brush with death he felt compelled to finish them at last. He even told fans basically, “yeah, I know I’m being a dick but I’m just not ready to finish”. I love how King is a fan of things himself, and understands his audience’s (Dear Readers) frustration. I think Kings a cool dude, very down to earth in my opinion. I remember how sad and pissed my friend Dan was when King was hit by the minivan having only finished half the series – at the time I was reading the Stand and Dan kept trying to get me to start the Dark Tower –I think he just wanted an other person to feel his pain

So now that I’m done, I have this urge/need to go back and reread the connected books, at the time I didn’t realize the connections. However, that would back-track me on my progress towards finishing all his books. I feel torn on the issue, like I’m being ripped apart by lobstrosities, I need some astin and maybe a bottle of Nooz a-la. Perhaps I will focus on Tower connected books I haven’t read yet, so I guess its time for The Black House, Eyes of the Dragon and Insomnia to name a few. Damn, those are all long too (but not as long as this blog post)! If you are considering starting it, word is they are being turned into a movie series by J.J. Abrams, so I'd suggest getting cracking now and I suggest the illustrated editions, they are cool.

But I love the challenge; I love the idea of plugging away at something for the sheer joy of completing an epic task. I’ve assigned myself two other tasks this summer:

1. walk all 11 miles of the MinuteMan trail out to Bedford and

2. finally tackle War and Peace (or at least start it, its been on my to do list since 1992).

I now need to find who will come on these journeys with me, and who will be ka-tet.

But Thats In Ohio...

2008-04-23T10:54:00.002-05:00

Many of you will recognize the title of this blog as a line in a movie. If you don't recognize it, please go watch Revenge of the Nerds Post Hast...POST HASTE!!!!
Ok, but to remind you all, the line happens when Stan Gable, the Star Quarterback and President of Alpha Beta Fraternity asks Dudley Dawson (AKA Booger) "What are you looking at, Nerd?". Booger responds by saying..."I thought I was looking at my Mother's Old Douchebag, but that's in Ohio".
This leads into a new Foundation Blog Series...to go along with many other series that the Foundation has started, and not necessarily finished...
The Foundation Biggest Douchebags of Film Series.
Now, this is not a competition, or list, And surely you will be able to think of bigger douchebags than the ones that I post, but this is hopefully going to be an ongoing series highlighting the biggest douchebag characters in movie history.
Anyway, here we go. Todays entry into the Foundation Biggest Douchebags of Film Series is:

Rick (played by Steve Antin, who later appeared in Goonies as another douchebag: Troy), one of the trio of main characters in the 1982 comedy Last American Virgin.

First off a bit of a plot summary, Rick, Gary (played by Lawrence Monoson, who later played Eric Stoltz' friend in Mask, who was supposed to go on the motorcycle trip with him) and David (played by Joe Rubbo, who appeard in an uncredited role as Wrestler in The World According To Garp) are high school friends who pretty much try to figure out ways to get laid.
Needless to say, in true 80's fashion, Gary ends up falling for Monique from Better off Dead, Hijinks ensue, I would give a better Summary, but really, the movie is summed up quite well in the following video, and it has a nice James Ingram Soundtrack to boot...(from the soundtrack of the movie, which is TREMENDOUS).

What A DOUCHEBAG!

And to Monique, (actually her name was Karen in the movie, but how can I call her anything but Monique) You really dissapoint me too! You are definitely a Douchebag too! How could you hurt Gary so? You're just not nearly as big of a Douchebag as Rick...so you get off easy.

2008 Oscar Blogtacular

2008-04-01T20:45:00.014-05:00

Ok, I know that I’ve taken my time on this, I seem to always take too long to get this blog out, and I’m not sure if it means that the quality is higher…I wish it was, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t help at all. So, what was the inspiration to finally start writing this blog? Well, one, I finally picked up the notes I took from the Oscars Party from the duffless compound after forgetting it twice...And then with a la/vegas trip (blog to come soon), another sickness, and the better part of two weeks figuring out what tv to buy...I'm finally ready to post it....so without any further ado, here it is, the 2008 Foundation Oscar Blog.

It’s Oscar night at the Duffless Compound, some background, I’ve seen three best picture nominees, the most since that magical 1997 season, when I saw all five. I’ve seen: There Will Be Blood, No Country For Old Men and Juno. All three I enjoyed…Of the Three I feel that No Country is the favorite to win the Best Picture. Blood was great, but really to me it was almost three hours of Daniel Day Lewis being F’n Awesome, but it wasn’t necessarily a great movie. And Juno, which I liked ended up bugging me, because I find it really hard that any teenage girl would talk like a 30 year old hipster woman. Anyway, I really think that No Country will win, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll pick it for the Oscar Pool. This year, I have a new system…I’m going for a best picture winner that I don’t think anyone else will take, and hope that I build up enough points with the technical/foreign/documentary categories. We’ll see how it works. I don’t want to give away my whole system, but, later on, I'll give a couple of hints.

I arrive at the compound with a 30 pack of the Silver Bullet, to give to the duffless brother as spoils for the Giants beating the Patriots in the Super Bowl. It was painful, yet cathartic, it was like I could finally put the season behind me. Of course I still had to deal with my brother in law and his father, but whatever, the Knicks are so bad, the Empire State needed a win.

Ok, enough sports for now…Back to the Oscar Party.

To warm up the crowd, we watch the SNL skit from the night before entitled I Drink Your Milkshake, Bill Hader did a good Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood…to be honest, let’s just say that the Daniel Plainview Character may be the most quotable character in years, I mean, totally hilarious. Fred Armisen’s Anton Cigurh, was not as good, but whatever. We watched this roughly a half dozen times, and each time it would spark foundation friends in variations of the plainview., a favorite was the “I’ve Abandoned my (fill in the blank)~!!!! For example, if you left your beer on the counter “I’ve abandoned my Bud Light!!!, I’ve Abandoned My Bud Light!!!!” Classic.

Some early comments from the peanut gallery regarding the red carpet…Tilda Swinton Frightens me…
Tilda needs some tan in a can
Ryan Seacrest looks like a priest.

8:30 Broadcast Starts….How soon before John Stewart goes Political, or talks about the Writers strike…The writers strike is mentioned right away…the Political stuff comes a bit later.

8:37 they show Daniel Day Lewis...prompting an “I’ve Abandoned My Moustache!!!” from me. I wish the moustache was more prominent these days.

8:40 They show Tilda Swinton in the crowd…She’s sitting with the people from Michael Clayton…I mention, I’d love to see her sit with the 3/6 Mafia…I think her head would explode.

8:41 Early nomination for Stewart Joke of the night…which is funny because several of us mentioned that we can’t believe that Norbit is nominated for an oscar….

“Even Norbit is nominated tonight…you know, it’s too often that the academy ingnores movies that aren’t good!”

8:43 First award is for Costume Design, and I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure it that Lisa Loeb just won an oscar…if it wasn’t lisa, it was some other girl with cute hipsterish glasses.

8:47 George Clooney is up to introduce the first (of many) montage of the night…I’m not even sure what the montage is about, but from the peanut gallery “are they going to end the montage with Heath Ledger”

8;54 I’m 0 for 2 in my oscar picks, as I was sure the animated movie from Iran would win over Ratatouille…but alas, rats 1 iranian nil

8:56 And we have the first Orchestral interruption of a long speech, when the Rat guy gets musically pushed off stage…it’s a quick start to the orchestra, I expect many more of these.

8:58 Apparently the Orchestra has NO Patience with French People, for the second time already they’ve given the Musical Push to a French person.

9:00 Amy Adams is out to introduce the first best song category (I really wish Anton Cigurh would go up behind her and hit her with the air gun cattle thing) Enchanted is nominated for 3 of 4 best songs…F’ that noise.

9:07 Can you Smelllllllll, what the visual effects are cooking?!?!?!! Why is the Rock qualified to be an oscar presenter? I stand by this, I will call it the Duane Johnson/Jessica Alba rule, until you have been in a movie of note, you can NOT present anything other than the technical merit categories that are taped beforehand at a special ceremony.

9:08 In oscar pool news The Golden Compass’ win in Visual effects has me at 2 for 3 so far…I’m looking pretty good.

9:12 The winner for Art Direction gets yet another musical push…Sweeney Todd be damned says the orchestra.

9:13 Montage number 2…Looks like they are showing all the best supporting actors winner….must be their plan, show all the different major categories and all the winners…Louis Gossett Jr…truly did not capitalize on his oscar for Officer and a Gentleman huh?

9:17 The Winner for Best Moustache in a starring role? Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

9:18 Javier Bardem wins for Best Supporting Actor…First off, in a movie where there are really only three main characters…how do they figure out who the Lead Actor is? I mean, he was in like 70 percent of the movie wasn’t he? Anyway, he wins, there hasn’t been a runaway like this since Coke Classic vs New Coke.

9:25 A song from the movie August Rush…and it involves a Choir. It may need a second blog, but I’m a HUGE fan of choirs. I mean, especially when involved in an 80’s rock song, like Foreigner’s I Want To Know What Love Is. And Madonna’s Like A Prayer. I even watched the first episode of Battle of The Choirs before my roommate made fun of me, and I felt too shamed to watch any future episodes.

9:30 I am pretty sure the Oscars just showed Owen Wilson to prove to everyone that he is still alive.

9:31 I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… I hate animated presenters…F’ That. I mean, I’d be so pissed if I won an oscar, and the person presenting it was an animated Bee voiced by Jerry Seinfield. Upstaged by a fuckin’ bee montage….f’ that.

9:33 The Winner of best animated short for Peter and the Wolf come up….and the guy brings a doll that inspired them to make the film, it’s creepy, and I wonder why he had to bring it on stage. It looks like a doll from one of the Puppet Master movies.

9:34 The Oscars of 2008 may be known as the Montage Oscars…Another montage, this one for former Best Supporting Actresses.

9:36 Post Montage, I think Ruby Dee actually had a stroke on camera…it’s a risk you take when you nominate the elderly.

9:38 The Best Supporting Actress is also the winner of the actress with the least amount of Pigment…Tilda Swinton. Her dress looks like a trashbag...

9:38, They just showed Michael Clayton’s writer Tony Gilroy, and I think h e’s doing his best to look like Jesus.

9:38 from SJ, re Tilda, She’s So Shiny…doesn’t she have someone to put some powder on her?

9:39 Tilda makes a point to say that the oscar statue, looks like her agent…including it’s ass…Those brits are always so whacky with their speeches.

9:42 Some will remember a few years back, that I challenged myself to drink more PBR’s than Jack Nicholson appearances on the Oscars. I was on the top of my game then, and beat him 16 to 14 or something like that. Tonight, I’m coming off strep throught, so I’m not in the best shape, but due to the montages, there has been less Jack sightings, and I’m up on him 6 to 2. Although, I’ll actually call it 5.5 to 2 due to a tragic spilliage incident earlier in the night. I received a party foul, much deserved.

9:44 Jessica Alba is Hot, but unlike what John Stewart just said, she is NOT a fantastic actress, in fact, I’ve named an award after her…The Jessica Alba award for people who have yet to act in a decent film, who have no business at all presenting Oscars, but since they are HOT they are asked to be on the broadcast.

9:45 They are giving away the technical awards, and are showing stock footage of the event that took place earlier. I’m pretty sure they are still showing the same footage from 1984 and if we were watching in HD, we’d be able to tell for sure.

9:49 And another oscar staple, it’s time for the Academy President speech. Always time to get a drink or food or whatever. Speaking of that, I think they snuck the Price Waterhouse Cooper guys in at the beginning of the show.

9”52 This year’s Jessica Alba Award winner….Miley Cyrus!

10:02 Seth Rogen and Jonah hill are on…a role that has been filled by Jack Black and Will Ferrell recently, and thankfully no longer Ben Stiller. It’s the comedy portion of tonights broadcast. I’m so happy, because Jonah Hill has mispronounced Halle Barre’s name about 13 times.

10:04 From the Peanut Gallery…Before Editing did this guy train white tigers? Tizzle

10:07 and there it is, Editors getting the musical push

10:09 The Mixing oscar winner has the laziest eye, I’ve ever seen.
10:13 The chick from La Vie En Rose has just won best actress, I think she may be the 12th French person to win,

10:28 Someone decided it would be a good idea to drink a sip of beer every time a movie came up in the Best Picture Montage that you had seen…8 people vomited, and 2 have been sent to the hospital with possible alcohol poisoning.

10:29 In Oscar pool news I just scored a big win with Bourne Identity sweeping the Editing categories. Both sound and film. I’m now tied for the lead.

10:31 There is a debate on what weighs more…A Pregnant Nicole Kidman, or the gaudy necklace she is wearing.

10:34 Robert Boyle wins an honorary oscar. I’m pretty sure he qualified because he is old enough to remember an unwrinkled attractive Jessica Tandy.

10:42, I swear, Penelope Cruz will always have a place at the Oscars announcing the Foreign Language Film. Speaking of Foreign Language film, I just took the lead in the oscar pool. How? Well, when there isn’t an overwhelming favorite in the foreign language category, if any of the films are about Nazi’s, go with it. Nazi’s and retarded people win Oscars.

10:45 Patrick Dempsey is on right now…I am glad the academy is finally showing him the respect he deserves for his role in Can’t Buy Me Love.

10:46 The last of three enchanted songs has been performed….We’ve muted them all.

10:48 John Travolta is on the screen right now…All I can say is FU.

10:51 Once pulls the upset much to the delight of Once fan Duffless. Enchanted had 3 songs, but couldn’t pull it off. But in the worst ever Orchestral Push, The female part of the duo goes to speak, and the orchestra comes on…This is absolutely ridiculous, a travesty.

10:56 We’re back, and the Oscars do the right thing by bringing the woman back onto the stage to let her say what she had to say, a riot in Somerville was avoided and John Stewart looks like a hero.

11:01 It’s time for the Parade of Dead!!!!!

I’ve written down columns to fill in…One is marked, Didn’t know they were dead. One is marked Loud Applause and one is marked When Will they put Heathe Ledger in. First of all, apparently no one really famous died last year, it’s all behind the scenes people it seems…second, they orchestra is playing, so you can’t hear the ovations from the crowd…Third, they wait for ledger till the end, and leave him on the screen for an awkward amount of time.

11:11 Oscar Pool update, I’ve just taken the lead with 11 correct answers…I’ll now give my system for this years picks…In categories where they are no brainers…go with it….So Bardem and Lewis. In categories where you think there is a favorite, but it’s not clear cut…go with a wild card entry. In the documentaries, go with something about the war. And if it’s in the foreign film categories, go with something about Nazis….If it ever comes down to two acting roles, pick the one that involves being a retard, terminally ill, or substance abusers….follow that and you’ll have as good a shot as anyone.

11;13 The oscar for outstanding Skinematography goes to….opens envelope…Seal!

Why is he even at the Oscars?

Oh yeah, his wife is wicked hot.

11:14 We have the first political speech of the night…I wonder if people are hesitant to talk about Iraq, or Palestine, or Darfur or whatever due to the threat of musical push? I mean if you can’t thank your millions of agents and handlers and producers and fluffers and whatnot, without getting pushed off by the music…how can you be expected to stick up for regions that are stricken by war and famine? Priorities!

11:25 Diablo Cody…let me tell you, this was ALMOST as big of a no brainer as the male acting categories…I mean, do you think anyone WASN’T going to vote for the chick with the tattoos and pinup model haircut who used to be a stripper? It’s a feel good story!

I can just picture one of the people from E earlier….Diablo, who did your dress…This is a dress from Pebbles Flintstones collection.

Patty points out that it’s awesome that Diablo didn’t wear a dress that covered up her tats…

11:31 I’m not some guy that’s into the Mature women fetish or anything…but Hellen Mirren, has a great rack.

11:34 The oscar for best imitation of Ed Harris…and the oscar goes to…Viggo Mortensen…And while we are at it, did Viggo Mortensen get nominated for best actor, or was it specifically his junk?

11:34 In the biggest No Brainer of the night, Daniel Plainview and his son and partner H.W win Best actor. I’m waiting for him to break into the Basket in a Basket, but he keeps his speech very respectful, and tame. I’VE ABANDONED MY CHILD!!!

11:43 Martin Scorcese’s Eyebrows are up to announce best picture, and the winner is…No Country for Old Men. I have to clap out the Coen brothers facial hair stick to itiveness. One has a moustache, I’m always a fan. And one with a beard wearing a skinny hipster suit. I’m glad they won, I didn’t pick them in the oscar pool, I went with Michael Clayton. I figured that Old Men and Blood MAY split, so I’d go with the darkhorse, plus I figured everyone would pick one of the other two movies, so if it came down to it, I could pull out a miracle with the pick. That being said, it doesn’t matter…The coen Brothers winning for best Director was enough, I ;pulled out the oscar pool victory, and walked home with 75 dollars!!! Wooo hooo.

Here’s a recap of the night…Duffless Compound, There Will Be Blood Orange Punch, Bill Hader, Tilda Swinton’s pasty, More famous people need to die, Punch is good, drinking is more fun when you don’t have to work thbe next day.

Come back soon, to see my recap of LA/Las Vegas

Sometimes you just know someone's a dick.

2008-03-10T21:15:00.006-05:00

See this guy? This guy is a dick.

Is it the bad eye make up?

The shit ass tattoo?

The lack of shirt?

The bizarre hair?

His smug fucking face?

I dunno, but he sucks hard. If the overall shittyness of this song weren't enough to make me want to jab knitting needles in my ears, (apparently Boost's raison d’ être is tormenting me while I watch CSI on Spike - off topic, there is not one person CSI I don't' want to have a beer with and sex up, anyway), this weird ass white dude seals the deal. Look at him, he's a dick!

The first two people in the commercial are rappers, one I think I've even heard of before Jermain Dupree, granted I'm not much of a rap/hip hop fan, and the stuff I like is pretty old, but this commercial is just weak. Particularly annoying is the use of the word "Tippy", a grown man should not be using, and/or making up that word. Tippy sounds too much like Sippy, do you see Snoop drinking out of a sippy cup, hell no, he's got a goddamned golden chalice!!

So, after the first two guys extol the virtues of Boost Mobile, then out comes the ass clown above. Apparently, this guy is some sort of quasi famous rap/rock crossover dude. I looked him up, I know his name, I now even know a bit about his career, and while this blog is supposed to expand your mind with all things pop culture, F this guy. I'm not giving you his name, it's bad enough I'm even giving him this much attention, but damn that commercial and that guy annoy the ever living crap out of me. Everyone who worked on this should be sterilized, okay okay, some people were just doing their job. Where you at?

Watch the commercial if you must, you've been warned.

RIP Jeff Healey

2008-03-03T20:27:00.003-05:00

The Foundation would like to honor an actor from one of the greatest movies of all time at an early age.

Jeff Healey, blind musician and actor, died after a long battle with Cancer at age 41. What most people will remember Jeff from is his role as the house musician at the Double Deuce in the movie Road House.

His biggest line, after a fight in which Patrick Swayze defeated nearly the entire bar was...The Name...is Daulton.

The Foundation will miss you Jeff, and thank you for your part in what can best be considered a gift to humanity...Road House.

By the way, look at that hair!

Oscar Blog coming this week.

I'm Fucking Ben Affleck

2008-02-25T15:37:00.003-05:00

It was inevitable Jimmy Kimmel would enact revenge. While this clip is not as laugh out loud funny as IFMD, it is over the top with the range of cameo's, from Brad Pitt to Huey Lewis - - please watch for yourself, and is still very amusing - I personally love the pooka shells.

Oscar Drinking Game

2008-02-22T16:44:00.002-05:00

Not to bump Fuge's Post - but this may be useful to your Oscar Viewing this weekend.

The Foundation Oscar Drinking Game

Drink Once if…..

Someone thanks God.
Someone cries
Someone mentions Heath Ledger
Someone gets played off by the orchestra
The parade of death shows someone you thought was alive

Drink Twice if…..

A winner goes on a political tirade
They pan to someone you thought was dead
You see the Denzel Washington Rule (this happens when the camera awkwardly points out other famous African American, Asian, Homosexual etc audience members when an award is being given) They also like to focus on any ex girlfriends/boyfriends in the audience - always classy

Social if…..

You see Jack Nicholson
Wardrobe malfunction
Someone trips
A winner/nominee is in the bathroom
Someone thanks Satan

Pre Oscar Blatherings

2008-02-22T13:17:00.003-05:00

Ok, a bunch of things I wanted to talk about...

First, and this was brought to my attention by the almighty Duffless, How I Met Your Mother has not been formally resigned for next season yet. There are apparently a bunch of episodes that will air after St. Patricks day, but next year, the slot hasn't been given to them yet. Let me say this CBS...Don't be dumb, sign them up. As I've talked about before, there are only a few sitcoms left, don't lose one of the best. Also, in cancellation news...Friday Night Lights has been rumored to be possibly shifting to another network. Please let this happen. Move to ABC Family or something so I can keep on watching you, even though it seems Tim Riggins has signed on to some movie roles, so he may not be there if they do change networks, so we'll see if it's worth it.

Secondly, Apparently NBC is going to ditch the Season schedule that has been put into the tv business for many years now. I applaud this, Why do you need to have shows air in the fall, and end in spring, and have nothing in the summer...Rotate that bitch up a bit. So I don't get stuck watching nothing in the summer months. This is definitely a good thing to come out of the writer's strike.

Thirdly, I've seen 3 of the 5 best picture nominees. I plan on seeing michael clayton this weekend, so that will be 4 of 5. I hope. And I will say this...No Country For Old Men despite the lack of closure, is my favorite to win the Oscar...I'd almost pick Juno next, then There Will Be Blood. While I think that Daniel Day Lewis was spectacular, I'm not sure I think the movie was spectacular.

Fourthly, I will be making my debut on the west coast in a few weeks time. I will be in LA, so I look forward to any suggestions as to where I should eat/drink/be merry while I'm there. I look forward to Pinks and my first ever In and Out Burger, but look for more suggestions. I will also be going to Vegas in an attempt to start my career as a professional gambler.

Finally, I will be doing the Oscar Blog again this year, I look forward to the Duffless Foundation viewing party/drinking game/gambling extravaganza, I think I'm coming up with a new system this year for my oscar picks.

Oh, and another thing...There is a list of the top 100 Oscar snubs on Entertainment Weekly's Website right now It's only actors, and I think they justified it as people who didn't get nominated. It's been a while since I've done a list, but Here's my top 3 oscar snubs of all time:

Christian Bale (Empire of the Sun). I like this movie way more than most people, but it absolutely kills me that Christian Bale wasn't nominated for this movie, I know he was only like 11 years old or whatever, but there is no way there were 5 better roles that year than his. Upon Review here was the oscar class for Best Actor in 1988:

Winner Michael Douglas for Wall Street
Other Nominees:
William Hurt Broadcast News
Robin Williams Good Morning Vietnam
Marcello Mastroianni Oci Ciornie
Jack Nicholson Ironweed.

Ok, Big class, I'll admit, but I gotta say he was better than William Hurt, Marcello Mastroianni and Jack Nicholson. Because I never heard of Oci Ciornie, I completely forget Ironweed, and Broadcast News wasn't that good.

Goodfellas. Tell me, what movie do you remember from 1991, Goodfellas, or Dances With Wolves? Tell me which one you'd be more likely to watch again. I mean, a coked up Ray Liotta seeing helicopters deserves an oscar just on it's own.

Finally, Natalie Portman in The Professional. I mean, the only thing that could keep her from being nominated for this movie is the fact that the Academy have no balls, and were afraid that the sexual tension between a preteen Natalie, and Jean Reno would be too controversial...But I still find it hard to believe how well she played that role at such a young age.

Ok, that's all for now...Expect the Oscar blog next week.

Happy Valentines Day

2008-02-14T16:13:00.008-05:00

In Honor of Valentines Day I’d like to salute some perfect, yet non traditionally attractive couples. These are people who the stork might have dropped through a forest of ugly trees, but somehow managed to find their mate. These couples are so perfectly matched, I almost believe there is a God. Almost.

I present, Couple Number 1, is there even a need to explain how perfect these two are?

Rhea Pearlman & Danny Devito

Couple 2 - Allyce"Ms. Depesto" Beasley & Vincent"I'm creepy but awesome in everything" Schiavelli - sadly this couple divorced and i'm sure their reunion was only prevented by his untimely death. She was nerdy fun on Moonlighting, he was awesome from everything from Fast Times to Better off Dead.

and now onto Couple 3 -
Sarah Gilbert and Johnny Gileki- they have played couples several times starting out on Rosenne, they seem like such a good pairing a younger Danny Devito/Rhea Pearlman combo if you will - however it is not to be, as at least one if not both of them are gay. Don't get me wrong, the Foundation is staunchly pro gay rights and marriage - but these two...damn, these two would be an ugly couple for the ages!

Happy Valentines Day -
I hope someone chooo chooo chooses you and you find your better, and equally ugly half!

RIP Blue Thunder

2008-02-11T10:22:00.000-05:00

Sometime between the time I went to bed last night and woke up this morning, I got a text from a friend that said...RIP Blue Thunder. Now, in my blurriness, I thought at first...Jan Michael Vincent died? Then I remembered, he was on Airwolf, so who was in Blue Thunder....OH NO ROY!!!!!!!

A little backstory. Back at the U, I went with a friend of mine from the dorm to another dorm to hang out with his friends from home. When I got there, I got into a room with several people maybe 6, drinking busch lights (or something similar), ordering delivery, and watching Blue Thunder on Umass Cable Access (a truly underrated time of my life, the Umass movie channel would show a mix of old movies, suprisingly new releases, foreign films, and hour long public service announcements about the dangers of binge drinking and riding on the top of elevators). The six or so guys barely noticed I was there, but offered me a beer, and a seat, and I sat there transfixed on the wonder that was Blue Thunder, cheering out the movies hero...Roy Schieder with well placed...Fuck Yeah Roy!'s and the like. Needless to say several of those people are still many of my best friends.

So I'd like to say goodbye to one Roy Scheider. He'll never know, but he's part of a very good memory for me. I look forward to seeing you in the Oscar's Parade of Death.

Late to the Party...Juno Edition

2008-02-07T09:59:00.000-05:00

So, I'm making my annual attempt to see all the movies that were nominated for Best Picture...and other major Oscar awards before the show, so I know what the hell is going on...last week, I saw No Country For Old Men. Hand Javier Bardem the Oscar now Friend-O. This week, I saw Juno...Now I was warned by Ms. Duffless that I may want to shoot myself in the head if I hear the soundtrack, but being strongly anti gun, I didn't think that would be a problem. I went to the local theater, and sat down for the show. First things first...I'm not going to go into the movie too much, but I just wanted to say, that while the lead Actress Ellen Page was good, I thought it seemed too much like she was talking like a 30 year old woman was writing her lines for her. Which I guess, in reality she was.
What I really wanted to talk about though is JK Simmons. I have decided to name a new wing to the That Guy Hall of Fame. Now, JK Simmons isn't really someone I'd consider a That Guy...although maybe he is. I mean, he sorta is a That Guy, but he's probably not Hall of Fame worthy. I mean, he's No Taylor Negron. What he is though, is someone that will always be known by a particular role. For instance, Robert Carradine will always be known as Louis Skolnick from Revenge of the Nerds, and come to think of it, Larry B. Scott will always be Lamar Latrell, Curtis Armstrong will always be Booger, and Donald Gibb will always be Ogre! Pat Morita will always be known as Miyagi. And Keith David will always be the Ass to Ass guy from Requiem for a Dream.

JK Simmons will alway be Schillinger from Oz to me. Yes, everyone's favorite white supremacist sexual sadist Vern Schillinger from Oswald Penitentiary in New York. For those who don't know him feel free to familiarize yourself with his Wiki page...of course if you want to watch all the seasons on dvd, perhaps you shouldn't read all the season synopsis.

No matter how many times I see this guy as Spiderman's newspaper editor, as a psychologist on Law and Order (the link between Oz and Law and Order deserves its own blog) or as a cuddly, supportive dad to a pregnant teenaged girl, I'll always remember this guy as the guy who branded a swastika on another mans ass...it's just impossible not to! I feel for JK, I mean, he's a successful working actor that has worked on many successful shows, and some of the biggest movies of the last couple of decades, but to many people he'll always be the guy who was shat upon in the prison gym. For this, JK you are going to be the first Inductee to the Ogre U. Asshole wing of the That Guy Hall of Fame.

Remember, some people may have different opinions of who JK is to them but to me, hell always be big Schill. Congratulations JK, on being the first official inductee!

Tom and Chuck Win It All!

2008-02-04T10:47:00.000-05:00

Out of respect to many people I’m keeping this post sports free, however out of disrespect to certain members of Contempt for the World, I’m not keeping this post Tom Petty free.

Had certain members of CFTW (alex) not taunted me by texting Tom Petty (that’s alliteration bitches) hate mail during halftime, perhaps I wouldn’t feel the need to point out Alex’s obvious shortcomings.

I still strongly believe that Alex actually likes Tom Petty – I know he’s much different than Fall Out Boy or whatever emo bullshit Alex is into these days, but my knowledge that Alex CAN actually like good music (see Billy Bragg) makes me feel that he will one day be able to confidently admit that Tom Petty is indeed awesome. Please refer back to my Unified Petty Theory from Feb 2007.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers rocked the house and were an excellent choice for half time. I can’t wait to see him this summer and I stand by my belief that Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are the greatest thing to ever come out of Florida. So FU Alex!

My only other comment is regarding the Superbowl commercials – people are saying these are the funniest ones in years. I didn’t see any commercials that I thought were particularly amusing, barring one. The Coke commercial with Charlie Brown was PHENOMENAL! This commercial worked on every level. It was already funny to see the Stewie blimp fight it out with Underdog, but the second we saw the head of Charlie Brown emerge from behind the building the room went wild. So despite how I might feel about the two teams that played last night, Charlie Brown finally won and all is right in the world!

I'm Fucking Matt Damon!

2008-02-01T12:43:00.001-05:00

I have to give mad props to my friend Jill for posting this video on gchat. She of course linked it from Perez Hilton, but F that guy - so I'm linking it from you tube.

Apparently Sarah Silverman just created this video for Jimmy Kimmel's 5th anniversary show. If you didn't know she's been dating him for a few years now. I can't believe that he's had a show for 5 years. I have a love hate relationship with Sarah Silverman, but this is the bee's knees. What I love best is that she got Matt Damon to be in it.

I don't think people realize that he's a funny guy. I'd like to cite the following examples:
1. Spoofing himself in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
2. His completely weird and unexpected yet totally hysterical cameo in Euro Trip: Scotty Doesn't Know
3. His work on SNL, especially as Young Hannibal Lecter (which I can never find online, if you have a link hook me up!!)
4. The fact that for years during interviews he'd sneak in lines in from the song Afternoon Delight without the interviewer noticing.
5. Stuck on You - oh, no wait, that sucked

Anyway, this is the funniest thing I've seen in a while - the only thing that could possibly make this funnier is if she were really fucking Matt Damon - I wish I was.

Random Pop Culture Musings

2008-01-24T12:12:00.000-05:00

Louis CK is coming to Boston in a few months and friends have somehow managed to get a posse of folks to head out to see him. Granted he’s no Dane Cook, but it should be more fun than a “bag of dicks”. Our friend KMoore may just die from giggling if he uses that phrase, he simply can’t handle it. If you haven’t seen Louis CK’s special Shameless, you need to educate yourself post haste!

The Goon has recently informed me of a new disgusting pop culture/dirty slang phrase: “The Spocker”. Apparently, the Spocker is like the Shocker, but Spockier, and involves making the Spock gang gesture. This could be the weirdest slash funniest slash grossest term I’ve learned since the great Fuge Upper Decking conversation of 2007.

According to the Goon, (who really earns his name with this new discovery), instead of “two in the pink one in the stink”, the Spocker’s catch phrase is “Live long and finger”. Goon, you’ve really raised the bar on this one.

A pop culture confession, I spent 30 min the other day trying to find a good picture of “Burt” from Valerie/The Hogan Family because I noticed that the guy who plays the manager type in all the Stride Gum commercials was the same dude. While I thought I was the only loser to notice this, the Goon recently confirmed he recognized him as well. Burt was a nerd friends with Jason"It's Your Move" Bateman, unlike Bateman’s other friend, I think his name was Rick, who was a badddd apple, so bad in fact bad he got both a DUI on show and died of Aids. Ouch.

Speaking of sitcom sidekicks, I was never a big Hogan Family fan, but all this thinking of Burt made me think of Boner from Growing Pains. How funny was it when you learned his dad’s name was Sylvester Stabone? I’m still laughing. Speaking of Boner, I love when I learn that random barely famous people are related to other random kinda famous people.

Like, did you know that Boner’s dad was Checkov on Star Trek. I seem to collect random information like this, such as did you know the girl who played the blonde chick who dated Cousin Larry Appleton on Perfect Strangers was the daughter of Mr. Whipple the toilet paper commercial dude. I mean, who needs to know this? Me for some reason.

I also just recently learned that the lady who plays the socially awkward and pregnant cop on Reno 911 is the daughter of the guy who does the voice of not only Lion-O from the Thundercats, but also Count Chocula. Have you ever heard the audio recording of Lion-O swearing, it's pretty good.

Just last night I was watching 30 Rock Season 1 and decided to IMDB (apparently I use this as a verb now) Jason Sudekis because he’s really cute (aww) and lo and behold I learned that he’s the nephew of George Wendt. Now he’s even cuter to me, I mean is there a better drunken uncle than George Wendt? Things I like about Wendt are as follows:

A. how shitfaced he got on national tv during the last Cheers

B. my friend's brother saw him out at a bar and he was double fisting beers

C. his role as a gay poker playing rhode island lout in Outside Providence.

Speaking of Outide Providence and 30 Rock, they both share Alec Baldwin. When 30 Rock first came out I wasn’t sure what it was going to be like, but it sounded really bad and there was that whole confusion between 30 Rock and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. I saw an episode or two of 30 Rock and it just didn’t grab me as funny. However, my tivo captured it now and again on Thursday nights and I started watching it more regularly and it really began to grow on me. I’ve now since watched the whole first season on from streaming Netflix and have laughed my ass off, I think its arguably funnier than the Office, give it a chance if you haven't already -trust me any show with both Tracy Morgan and by my count, at least 3 Lemonparty references, is a winner.

Well, I think the rambling free association pop culture vomit session has come to an end – if you made it this far may God have mercy on your soul.

Quick and Dirty Oscar Nomination Wrap up

2008-01-22T16:58:00.000-05:00

Best Picture: "Atonement," ''Juno," ''Michael Clayton," ''No Country for Old Men," ''There Will Be Blood."

Juno, really? I saw it, it was ok. The dialogue was entirely unbelievable and the soundtrack made me want to stick a gun in my mouth and blow my brains out. But other than that it was pretty good. I liked it, and I like the trend of the Academy giving quirky dramatic comedies more respect – ala Little Miss Sunshine, but I’m still shocked to see it here especially at the expense of other “indie” films – not that indie films really exist anymore. I really didn’t think that Once stood a shot at best picture, but seeing Juno there makes wish Once got the nod instead. I also much preferred Into the Wild.
No Country for Old Men was amazing, but until I see Blood this week I withhold judgment.

Actor: George Clooney, "Michael Clayton"; Daniel Day-Lewis, "There Will Be Blood"; Johnny Depp, "Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street"; Tommy Lee Jones, "In the Valley of Elah"; Viggo Mortensen, "Eastern Promises."

I am psyched that Johnny Depp got a nod for this. He won’t win, but he did a hell of a job on this film. I also support their support of Viggo’s junk, however I do feel that legislature should be enacted that requires Viggo to maintain his hair like in Lord of the Rings at all times. I didn’t see In the Valley of Elah, but they could give it to TLJones for No Country, so I take their word that he’s good. He’s really become a great actor, good thing Al Gore invented him.(Actually they were college roommates). I haven’t seen There Will be Blood Yet, but there is no doubt that Daniel Day Lewis will win this Oscar. In fact, I think the Academy should just send him the an Oscar every 4 to 5 years and save us the time suspense. Although, FU Academy, I’m still pissed about In the Name of the Father being robbed!

Actress: Cate Blanchett, "Elizabeth: The Golden Age"; Julie Christie, "Away From Her"; Marion Cotillard, "La Vie en Rose"; Laura Linney, "The Savages"; Ellen Page, "Juno."

Ok, Ellen Page? Really? She did a great job, don’t get me wrong, but her character had in my mind one amazing scene in the film. Ask me about it, no spoilers from me yet. I think that Marion Cotillard will win this Oscar, unless they decide Julie Christie and reward her for years of good work.

Supporting Actor: Casey Affleck, "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford"; Javier Bardem, "No Country for Old Men"; Hal Holbrook, "Into the Wild"; Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Charlie Wilson's War"; Tom Wilkinson, "Michael Clayton."

I predicted months ago that Hal Holbrook would get an Oscar nod for Into the Wild, I believe I said just send it to him now. He did a fantastic job and he’s old as fuck. However, up against Javier Bardem is a death sentence. I hadn’t realized that Javier’s role would be considered Supporting and not Lead. Hal, baby…I think you’re screwed. Casey Affleck, good for you! I wish I had a double burrrrger.

Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett, "I'm Not There"; Ruby Dee, "American Gangster"; Saoirse Ronan, "Atonement"; Amy Ryan, "Gone Baby Gone"; Tilda Swinton, "Michael Clayton."

Amy Ryan for crack whore bitch of the year! Gets my vote. However, Cate Blanchet is nominated for both Lead and Supporting, I think she stands a chance here – she looks scarily like Dylan. Don’t factor Ruby Dee out, she’s a legend. I’m very happy to see Tilda Swinton get some props, she’s great in everything.

Director: Julian Schnabel, "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly"; Jason Reitman, "Juno"; Tony Gilroy, "Michael Clayton"; Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, "No Country for Old Men"; Paul Thomas Anderson, "There Will Be Blood."

Jason Reitman – again, more Juno outrage. Am I missing something here? The Direction did not stand out in this movie, not at all. I think it’s a fistfight between PTA and the Coen’s. I like them both for this nomination. This could really go either way. I’ll abstain for now – but I’m leaning Coen.

Adapted Screenplay: Christopher Hampton, "Atonement"; Sarah Polley, "Away from Her"; Ronald Harwood, "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly"; Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, "No Country for Old Men"; Paul Thomas Anderson, "There Will Be Blood."

I’m rooting for Sarah Polley here, even though she doesn’t stand a chance. Like her and have enjoyed her whole career – she’s really an interesting person, plus I think my friend Hunter would kill me if I didn’t root her on.

Original Screenplay: Diablo Cody, "Juno"; Nancy Oliver, "Lars and the Real Girl"; Tony Gilroy, "Michael Clayton"; Brad Bird, Jan Pinkava and Jim Capobianco, "Ratatouille"; Tamara Jenkins, "The Savages."

Ugg, I thought Ratatouille was one of the weakest of the recent amazing Pixar movies. I love Brad Bird, but I didn’t think the plot was original at all. I can see Juno winning this one, and actually deserves the nod. However, do I want to reward anyone with a stupid name like Diablo Cody?

Art Direction: "American Gangster," ''Atonement," ''The Golden Compass," ''Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street," ''There Will Be Blood."
Tim Burton, 115%. I give it 4 for gore.

Cinematography: "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford," ''Atonement," ''The Diving Bell and the Butterfly," ''No Country for Old Men," ''There Will Be Blood."

No question, No Country.

Original Song: "Falling Slowly" from "Once," Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova; "Happy Working Song" from "Enchanted," Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz; "Raise It Up" from "August Rush," Nominees to be determined; "So Close" from "Enchanted," Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz; "That's How You Know" from "Enchanted," Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz.

Someone explain to my why a movie is allowed to have more than 1 song nominated? Then explain to me why that movie was Enchanted and not ONCE. Fuck you Hollywood. Am I the only one who saw Once? Grrr.
Although I’m not Pearl Jam fan, it’s a sin that Into the Wild was overlooked. Eddie Vedder should be outraged, he did an amazing job with the film. This category is rigged.

Documentary Feature: "No End in Sight," ''Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience," ''Sicko," ''Taxi to the Dark Side," ''War/Dance."

Well, I saw Sicko and it scared me more than 12 Cloverfield monsters – so yeah. Sicko all the way.

Film Editing: "The Bourne Ultimatum," ''The Diving Bell and the Butterfly," ''Into the Wild," ''No Country for Old Men," ''There Will Be Blood."

I actually think Into the Wild stands a chance here, it was very well edited.

So here you go, what were your thoughts?

I hate the Ghost Whisperer

2008-01-16T17:17:00.000-05:00

Maybe it’s because I’m a former catholic, but I feel like I must confess to my at least one of my pop culture sins. I love/hate/love The Ghost Whisperer.

I can’t justify it, but I will try to explain. The show isn’t very good, far from it actually. However, I seem to find myself watching it every week.

I was first trapped by the show because of my love of the Friday night post work nap. I’d find myself napping in front of the tv and then waking up with the GW already in progress and getting sucked in. What started off as an occasional one night stand with the GW has, sadly, turned into a full blown relationship. For this I have much shame. Just the other day I added GW to my tivo, MY TIVO, my sacred, sacred Tivo.

I think what I like about the show is how much it annoys me. I love hating it. My biggest issue with the show is that the main character Melinda (J. Love Hewitt, or Hugetits according to Dre/Goon) speaks to the dead but she never repeats what they have said verbatim. She always puts it in her own words, and its crazy annoying. I mean, come on now Hugetits, if I bother to defy a normal death and come back and haunt my loved ones, I think the least you can do is take a fucking message correctly. I mean, is that really so hard to ask? I’ll see if I can find a youtube clip of this, its sooo annoying.

I also hate Hugetits because she has a kick ass craftsman style house. I want that house damnit. I don’t understand where the hell they live that a fireman and some weird ass antique shop owner can afford this giant beautiful house, but some how they do. Let alone this town they live in, which is basically on some sort of hell mouth, is even more sickeningly sweet than that damn town on the Gilmore Girls.

Lets see, what else? I also hate her wardrobe, she’s always wearing these low cut blouses when hanging around with kids; I mean put a shirt on lady. Additionally, she dresses in this bizarre retro fifties porno housewife style, poofy skirts and slutty tops and don’t even get me started on her fake eyelashes and four tons of eyeliner. I will say her husband is hot. I’d like to have a job where I run a store that no one shops in but I can have a hot husband and a kickass house – fucking bitch! See, I hate her but I love hating her. She lives in this small town, yet no one ever seems to notice that the hot lady who owns the antique shop is always talking to herself in public?

Well, there is tons more about this show which annoys me, but really it’s me with the problem. I love the Ghost Whisper because I like ghost stuff and being a bitch. The end.

I May Never Kiss A Girl Again

2008-01-03T12:30:00.000-05:00

I May Never Kiss A Girl Again...

I hope this isn't the case, but I foresee it happening this way. Why, you ask, do I say this? I'll tell you, the reason is that as of this past weekend, I started playing XBOX 360's Call of Duty 4. You may be confused, so let me explain.
I would consider myself a Recreational Video Game player at best. I'm not one of the people that wait in line the first night for a new gaming system or anything. And I think 500 bucks is WAY too much to spend on anything that can't drive you somewhere, or give you shelter, or let you watch baseball in high def. I've gotten my gaming systems well after they have come out on the market. Starting all the way back from Atari, I've had Atari, Nintendo, Sega Genesis, Playstation (my roommates), Playstation 2, and now XBOX 360.
Sure, I've spent my time playing video games, from hours of playing space invaders, to Mario Bros. and down the line, but I've never considered myself much of a gamer (except for the 3 week period that I was addicted to Everquest, thank god I was able to stop that, although from time to time I still miss my level 24 rogue). I tend to stick to the same type of games from system to system...Usually I'll play the baseball/football/Soccer games for a while, although I get bored easily. I'll pretty much play every Final Fantasy Game that gets released, although many I never finish, because I get bored before the end. I also have played the Grand Theft Auto series (I always have finished these, but then never gone back to play them again). One thing I've also played is either Call of Duty or Medal Of Honor. This goes back to the original PlayStation system...Again, I'd always finish these games, but then would never play them again.

You see a pattern...I get a game, I'll play it for a while, maybe I'll finish it, then I'm done. But this has all changed, due to one thing: XBOX 360 Live. My first foray into XBOX 360 Live came about because when I went to buy the Call of Duty 4 game at gamestop, I checked some reviews first. See, this is the first Call of Duty that wasn't based on World War 2. So I wanted to make sure people thought it was good. I read a few comments, and read that: The single player game is too short, but the multiplayer option kicks Halo 3's ass. Now like I said, I'm not a gamer, my game systems can go months without having been played, and have never played a Halo game, but I was shunned by the staff at a game store once for admitting this fact, so I figured if not playing the game garnered such a response, it has to be a well respected game...and if people are saying this is BETTER than that, it must be good, so I decided to go for it and give it a chance. I had my XBOX 360 headset, and was thinking of getting the XBOX live membership anyway, so why not give it a go. That was last Saturday...and other than New Years Eve, I haven't stopped playing since. Of course I've gone to bed, and to work, but this game is truly just so addictive, that I find myself turning off stuff I would never turn off in order to play it.
I mean seriously, I'm so bad at this game, and I get insulted and taunted by pre teens all day long, but I just can't stop playing, it's like I'm a video game massochist. The other night, I was being taunted so bad by the same player, I quit the game, I went back and played another, but I made sure that the guy wasn't playing in the same game again.
Now I've actually thought of some benefits that playing this game, during every hour I'm awake at home. One, hand eye coordination. Two, Money Saving, if I stay home and play the game all the time, I won't go out to bars, and drink all the time. Three, surprisingly I feel that if I play this game as much as I have...I will actually lose weight. I know, you think I'm crazy but hear me out. First of all, I won't be going to the bar, so thats tons of empty calories right there saved. Also, I've tried to play this game drunk, can't do it...so I know that I'll remain sober if I play it...And finally, When I get into the groove, I forget about eating. I swear to god, I haven't wanted to eat at all when playing this game, I just go and go and go for hours, not eating, drinking as little as possible to avoid bathroom breaks. I'm telling you, this could work.
So this is what the problem is...If I keep this up, I'll never have a girlfriend...I mean, sure, maybe I'll meet a chick from Korea that plays the game in some sort of a chat room, and maybe she won't actually end up being some huge perv named Skip from Idaho. But otherwise how am I supposed to meet chicks in my living room with a headset on? And even if I did happen to meet a chick, what are the chances that she'd want to kiss a guy who wears a headset in his spare time anyway?

F' The Writer's Strike!

2007-12-18T14:57:00.000-05:00

First off, let me say that I'm in no way qualified to judge which side of the writer's strike is right and which is wrong. I haven't read much into it, although it seems like the writers are looking for a piece of the pie on internet revenues, which the Networks/studios haven't figured out how to make money on yet.
Regardless...We need this strike to end...and I mean soon.

I'm not a basher of reality tv in any way. I've been a Survivor fan since the beginning. The Amazing Race? Spectacular...except when they went to the Family System. Four players? Come On! But there are limits to what I can take...For example, in the timeslot that was normally saved for two of my favorite shows, Heroes and Chuck, was an exciting 2 HOUR LONG Deal or No Deal. I mean, unless you told me that the breifcase models were going to strip down to their panties and have a tickle fight, I'll be glad to never have to endure another hour of that show...let alone TWO! Also, currently on air, there are 2 different shows that are Karaoke based. One is Singing Bee starring former boybander Joey Fatone, the other is Don't Forget The Lyrics starring Wayne Brady. I've seen them both, and all I have to say is this: Say What Karaoke beat you to the punch about a decade ago.

There is also a great show called "Battle Of The Choirs" starring former boybander Nick Lachey and girlbander Kelley Rowland, as well as the No Talent Ass Clown Michael Bolton. Now while I'm fully in favor of pop/rock song that employ the choir (Like A Prayer, I wanna Know What Love Is etc.) I don't need to see an American Idol ripoff featuring them, nor do I need to see The Next American Rock Band or the Next Great Wedding Singer, or whatever they can come up with next.

There is ONE thing that I am excited about though with the writer's strike. And yes, it is the Return of American Gladiators. I loved this show growing up...and really look forward to a new version of it, hosted by the newly single Hulk Hogan. I've seen commercials, and they definitely show that the Joust and Assault are back as events...I can't want to see the new events. Will they keep Breakthrough and Conquer? Powerball? I can't wait to find out.

I'm really worried that some shows are going to suffer greatly by the writer's strike, especially new shows that have had to cut short plot lines. I feel that these new shows may just get axed rather than giving them a new shot after the strike is settled.

Also, with the Strike, I really don't want to see movies that were pushed out too quickly, I have heard that studios pushed forward deadlines for scripts drastically, and I hope that doesn't lead to a lower quality of film, I'm sure it will, but I hope it doesn't happen. I can totally see a few sequels that have no business being made...or some films that have been rewritten by directors, because the writers are on strike, and just ruining it.

I will say this, The Dark Knight looks UNBELIEVABLE...Heathe Ledger as the Joker looks scary, really scary. Batman Begins was such a good flick, and I think the combo of Christian Bale as Batman and Michael Caine as Alfred is really the perfect combo. Supposedly Ledger's acting was so good, the studio has chosen to not even advertise that there are two villain's in the film (Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent AKA Two Face). Either way, it's Definitely the one film I'm looking forward to seeing next year.

The one good thing about the Writer's strike, is that I'll have more time to watch the New Look Celtics and suddenly not sad sack Bruins play more often...

Foundation Movie Review Time

2007-11-30T15:47:00.000-05:00

After some internal dialogue within the Foundation, I've decided that I'm relying too much on lists these days...and that maybe a little much of the blog is taken up by TV these days...so I'm going in a slightly different direction. I'm giving you a good, old fashioned, Siskel and Ebert like Movie Review.

First off, this movie played in limited release at the Kendall Theater, which being new to the "Good" side of the river...there, I said it, the good side...I haven't been to often enough. But the place is absolutely DESOLATE at 9:30 on a Monday, let me tell you. Other than that, it's a very good venue for movie watching. nice seats, convenient parking/t access etc.

Anyway, The movie I was there to see was Life Of Reilly, a film version of Charles Nelson Reilly's One Man Show called Save It For The Stage. Loyal reader Dan Nolan would say, this blog has focused a little too much on Mr. Reilly, but I'm fine with that. Basically, it's a two hour movie with Chuck telling stories and spinning yarns about his INCREDIBLY interesting life, from being a nearly blind kid in The Bronx, to surviving the Hartford Circus Fire, to joining an acting class whose fellow students included: Jason Robards, Jerry Stiller, Hal Holbrook, Anne Meara and the incredibly ageless (with the help of many many plastic surgeries) Charles Grodin. Basically this movie was about Charles Dropping Names of all the people he knew, and worked with, as well as talking about how difficult his life was growing up with a family stricken with alcoholism, depression, mental disease, adultery, and poverty. But it is extremely powerful going between laughing and nearly crying several time throughout the movie.

See it if you can...

Just a little TV stuff, Chuck and Life were both picked up by NBC to finish out their first seasons...Here's hoping that they catch on and stay for even longer than that.

Expect more later.

Craptastic Power Ballads!

2007-11-25T22:14:00.000-05:00

Yes, its Duffless and I'm back and torturing you again. I absolutely adore cheesy, hammy, overacted soap operaesque crap rock ballads. To set the stage I'll give you some introductory examples:

1. Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler, I swear the lyrics were written by a romance novelist. Truly craptacular! Fake thunder sounds, a street-wise Hercules fresh from the fight, does it get any better?

2. Meatloaf's- I'll Do Anything for Love, But I Won't do That. People always joke about what Meatloaf will or won't do, which yes is/was kinda funny - however one of the greatest/crappiest/greatest rock lyrics of all time is found in that song and is always overlooked. "Would you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?" So we are to believe that this woman is so enflamed with desire for the Loaf, that nothing short of holy water could possibly cool her down? Classic!

Which brings us to one of my all time favorite Craptastic Power Ballads - which really cannot be fully appreciated without watching the video. Allow me to present - Heart's - All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You.

The gist of the plot -

On a rainy night, a woman alone picks up a hitchhiker and takes him to a seedy motel room and proceeds to bone him all night and leaves the next day.
Another rainy night a few years later she finds herself back at that same motel, this time holding her son.
The hitchhiker now works at the motel's front desk. He looks at her child and immediately recognizes that he is the father because of his similar eyes.
The women confesses that she loves another man but he couldn't knock her up so she went out to get herself pregged up, but she really appreciated all the orgasms and the gift of her bastard son.

Things to think about:
1. Hello, AIDS anyone? This was 1990, people were living in fear of getting AIDS and here is some woman riding(hee hee) around trying to get knocked up.
2. Invitro was readily available in 1990, as was adoption.
3. She not only picked up a stranger on the side of the road, but he didn't even have a coat or an umbrella in the rain - man she got lucky this dude was 90s style hot.
3a. Despite the lyrics clearly stating that he was indeed wearing no coat, you see that in the video he is wearing a cool guy leather jacket and at one point has apparently and gentlemanly given it to her to wear over her shoulders - he only removes it to make sweet and tender love to her. Also note that despite the rain, when he gets in the car he's some how completely dry.
4. She left the next morning, and we are supposed to believe he was upset about this?? Sounds like the ideal situation for him, you have to presume she paid for the room the night before. Free sex and no awkward morning after,dream come true! If a 90s Wilson sister bangs you, you pray, PRAY, she is gone the next morning, especially if its Anne or is it Nancy, which ever the shittier, fatter one is - I can't tell, its all in soft focus and slimming black side panels.
5. Notice the blonde Wilson sister worshiping her phallic like guitar at the 1:20 mark and at the end of the video. All hail the powerful sperm filled cock!
6. He loved that women who boned him so much that he got a job working at the motel so she could find him? Yeah, creepy PSYCHOs never work at motels.
7. He determined paternity based on eye color. WTF
8. If you are in a highschool english class where your teacher just showed you that songs are really poetry, listen up you can use these next subtle metaphors: "He brought the woman out of me, So many times, easily" - OH YEAH!!!
"And in the morning when he woke all, I left him was a note, I told him I am the flower you are the seed We walked in the garden We planted a tree" - I don't get this one, its far too subtle for me, pure poetry! Andrew Marvell move over!

Well, I hope you've enjoyed this flashback. Remember, wrap that shit.

Lists

2007-11-13T09:06:00.000-05:00

I'll be quite honest...generally I hate making lists. I don't make shopping lists, I don't make to do lists, I don't make christmas lists...I do however enjoy a TOP LIST...for example the delayed but happening Top 50 Songs of all time list, the AFI top 100 Movies list, and especially the Classic Rock Top 500 Classic Rock Songs of All Time Memorial Day Weekend List. Here is a list, I don't get. The VH1 Greatest Songs of the 80's list. I'd have included a link straight to their site, but apparently the VH1 website is more difficult to navigate than either the various "ways" of boston, be it the Jamaica, River, VFW Park, West Roxbury Park or whatever, or The Boston Herald's website. Anyway, I will state at first that I have no problem overall with the list...Because A) it was voted on by viewers and people are stupid and B) no one contacted either Duffless or myself, so really, this list isn't valid.
100 Greatest 80s Songs List

First off I'll start at the top...This list is crap for the simple reason that the top 6 songs, aren't even the best songs by the artists that sang them, with the exception of Princes When Doves Cry...that one belongs, even higher than 5.! Pour Some Sugar On Me? Hasn't anyone ever heard of Photograph? Livin' On A Prayer, good song, but No Wanted Dead Or Alive....And the Hall And Oates Song? First off, find yourself in the 20's, and change your name to Maneater or Private Eye, and we'll talk...And Billy Jean? REALLY, I Mean Really? Not Thriller? Ok, that one could be argued, which one was the better song, and whether or not the thriller video enters into it.

I'm not going to get too picky with the actual spots on the list, but I'm pretty sure this list was voted on by people that weren't even alive in the 80's...My evidence? Please look at numbers 30-33. Again, I could go even further, but how is any of those songs not in the top 20? Love is a Battlefield? Top 10. Tainted Love, arguably top 10, Sister Christian? Only one of the greatest rock anthems of all time top 15 at least. Queen and David Bowie, under pressure? How is that not better than Hall and Oates at number 6, the only reason that this atrocity could occur is that people thought the song came out in the 70's, or the backlash of Vanilla Ice sampling it, really hurt.

I'll give the show credit, it did well, not so much with the rankings, but with the former 80's stars that they were able to russle up and interview...as well as some nice where are the now segments (The chick from Berlin is definitely Wicked Hot even today), but the actual rankings were putrid, I know viewers voted them in, but couldn't there have been a veto process?

Also, here is a list of the top songs of the last 25 years that VH1 Did as well, in case you are interested.
VH1 Top Songs List

Finally I may as well just do it...My top 10 Songs of the 80's list admittedly, this list is going to be songs that I'd have seen on MTV or heard on the radio, so VERY commercial radio driven:

10. Tainted Love (Soft Cell)

9. Don't Stop Believin' (Journey)

8. Jump (Van Halen)

7. Sister Christian (Night Ranger)

6. Love Is A Battlefield (Pat Benetar)

5. Don't You Want Me Baby (Human League)

4. Take on Me (A-HA)

3. Thriller (Michael Jackson)

2. Rocket Queen (Guns And Roses)

1. When Doves Cry (Prince)

Of course I should really do a list where I break this down by Pop and Rock, but really this blog isn't all about lists...

Ok, so one more thing, if anyone sees me with a starbucks cup these days, please punch me in the face, the Egg Nog Latte is out, and I CAN NOT AFFORD either the costs or the caloric intake. I'd drink those all day, every day if I could. But that's a story for another day I guess.

Ok, What The F' Was I Thinking?

2007-10-23T08:26:00.000-05:00

How can I not blog for OVER A MONTH!?!?!?! Sorry, not going to happen again. Little Recap of what's going on. First and foremost, the Sox are in the world series. Tomorrow night is game one, and while this isn't a Sports Blog, I'll admit, the sox in the playoffs means less time for me to blog. There's just too much going on.

Also, New TV Seasons are upon us. In addition to Fuge Favorites How I Met Your Mother, Heroes, Friday Night Lights and the entire Thursday Night comedy lineup on NBC (besides 30 Rock, I just never got into it), I'm going to add two new shows to my watching schedule...

First, a show that I wouldn't say is very stimulating on an intellectual level, but VERY stimulating on the Hot Chick level is Chuck. Chuck is the story of a computer geek turned spy when his old college roommate sends him a file that he shouldn't see. Anyway, this show has some funny parts to it, it has a man named Jayne from Firefly/Serenity in it, and it has attractive new chicks. All in all, I can't complain.

My second new show is also on NBC...it's called Life. I'll admit, I watched this show purely based on the fact that the star was Col. Dick Winters from Band Of Brothers...which is one of my favorite TV Shows/Miniseries/Movies of all time. The show's main plot is this: Cop (Dick Winters, and yes, I know he has a character name, and an actual name, but he will be known as Dick Winters from here on) is wrongly accused and convicted of a heinous crime and sent to jail. Now, for those of you who don't know about Jail, first thing you need to do is go rent Lock Up/American History X/Blood In Blood Out/An Innocent Man/Oz/Escape From Alcatraz/Shawshank Redemption et al, so you know exactly what happens to a cop in jail...it's not pretty. He's in jail for 12 years before he's exonerated by DNA evidence (sounds like the work of the Innocence Project to me). When he gets out, he gets a huge settlement from the city, and is allowed his old job back with a promotion to detective. Of course, Dick not only solves the crimes, and makes up for lost time in the bedroom, but he is also trying to find out who framed him and caused him to spend 12 years in the joint. Great show! Also, I don't want to sound all sexist, and whatnot, but this show also features very attractive women...just sayin'

That's really it for new shows, and let me tell you, I really love the fact that you can watch the shows on NBC.Com for free...some have commercials every 7 or 8 minutes, but most of the time, they aren't even there and I watch it uninterrupted.

Ok, what else...Oh Yeah...Commercials. I know this is far from an original thought, BUT, I can tell you that unless there are very extreme circumstances, I will not be purchasing or viewing, or using any of these products if I can avoid it: Chevy Trucks, Frank TV, Hardwood Flooring from Lowes or Cingular/ATT. I'll tell you why. You're commercials are annoying, and actually lead me to want to BOYCOTT your product. I'll start at the beginning...Chevy Truck, I know you probably signed a contract with Johnny Cougar to use "This is Our Country" in so many commercials, but The American Public is absolutely DONE with it. I can't believe it EVER helped sell a vehicle for you. It doesn't matter if you change the background to the commercial or remix the music, it's still teh same fucking song! And we're sick of it! Give us something else. Now Frank TV...I know you are a talented impressionist, I still say your John Madden is impeccable...your Dr. Phil...not so much, but anyway, can that carry a whole show? Secondly could TBS please promo a show that isn't even going to be aired until two months later, so incessantly that I and many others will NOT tune in when it finally comes on? I think so.

Ok, Lowes, you're next...you have an actress use the term Labradoodle in your commercial. Not only will I never buy hardwood flooring from you, I now want to kick anyone who would ever use the word Labradoodle. And maybe even their Labradoodles themselves.

and finally...Cingular/ATT...I'm not necessarily as upset by the content of your commercial...Just the timing, you are airing a commercial starring Roger Clemens...who decided to play for the Yankees this year...The Yankees aren't in the playoffs anymore, and Clemens may have played his last game after injuring himself during a playoff loss to the Indians...that's not very timely of you.

Now for some Kudos...Miller High Life commercials...Keep it up! The addition of the Certified Purveyor commercials are genius...Two Hot Dogs Any Way I want Them This is my kind of place! Miller High Life...Keep it up! That's it for now, but Hopefully I'll have more blogs soon...Go Sox!

Another Loss

2007-09-18T11:55:00.000-05:00

The Duffless Foundation is sad to announce that another favorite has passed away. Only a few months after Charles Nelson Reilley left us, he was joined by his partner in crime...Brett Somers.

Somers as many of you will know was married to Jack Klugman of Quincy and Odd Couple fame...It was Klugman who suggested that The Match Game use his wife as a regular panellist, and a legend was born. Brett, who's wigs and big glasses became a staple of the game show era, was a constant on the Match Game for many, many years.

The big Three of the match game were definitely Brett, Charles and Richard Dawson (often called Dickie by Brett)...and now two of them are gone. They say things happen in threes, and I just hope that Richard is in a clean state of health, although knowing his reputation, he probably has picked up any of a number of sexual diseases with his playboy lifestyle.

Somers was born in New Brunswick Canada, before moving to New York to be an actress...She was involved in many Broadway productions, but is probably most famous for being the wife of Jack Klugman, she had three children, two with Klugman, and one from a previous marriage.

She will be missed, by friends, family and The Duffless Foundation.

Duffless Foundation That Guy Hall of Fame

2007-09-06T20:42:00.000-05:00

I apologize for the lack of blogs..100% of the Foundation has moved in the past couple of weeks, so we apologize, that being said, I think we owe you something, anything really. So without further ado...The Duffless Foundation That Guy Hall of Fame is inducting a new member.

This was a staple portion of the duffless foundation for about one month back in 2006, so why not, let's bring it back...

This months that guy has been in many films...in fact I feel like he's been ini a million movies...and a bit of trivia he was Hannibal Lechter way before anyone started winning oscars. Today's entry into the That Guy Hall Of Fame definitely follows the rules of the game...which of course is...Mention a movie...someone asks you who is in it, you say the actors name, and when they look at you not knowing who you are talking about you say...you know, he was the guy that was the bad guy in whatever movie...and then they say...Oh yeah That Guy! We all know how it works...

But anyway, Today's nominee is none other than Brian Cox...Who's that you say? Well, he is not the former nfl linebacker that was suspended for flipping off fans (remember when that was a suspendable offense?) and won a superbowl with the Patriots. I'm talking Brian Cox who you might know best as The Headmaster from the movie Rushmore...Oh yeah...That Guy!

Brian has been in such movies as the aforementioned Rushmore, XMen, Running With Scissors, The 25th Hour, The bourne movies, Adaptation, The Rookie, For The Love Of The Game, Braveheart, and what must have been his proudest moment...The Glimmer Man starring Steven Seagal. I mean, check him out on IMDB this guy has been in tons of movies. He's from Scotland, but he's played Scots, Brits, Yanks, Irishmen, and apparently Russians too.

So Brian Cox, congratulations on having a name that will not only always make immature people giggle, but will also be remembered as being in the Duffless Foundation That Guy Hall of Fame.

Duffless Foundation Guest Blog Series

2007-08-10T11:13:00.001-05:00

While the Foundation is the preeminent Pop Culture Think Tank in the world, sometimes we need some help from the outside. So, we've decided to start the Duffless Foundation Guest Blog Series. The first of this series has been submitted by my buddy Kyle. We look forward to Kyle's post, as well as future entries in the Duffless Foundation Guest Blog Series.

Without any more hullabaloo here we go:
This Labor Day weekend, Dimension Films releases 'Halloween' nationwide,marking yet another unfortunate remake of a cult classic. Actually, the new 'Halloween' movie has been rumoured to not be a straight remake of the original, but rather an updated 're-imaged' version from Rob Zombie who wrote, produced, and directed the new film.

Honestly is Hollywood completely out of ideas that they need to 're-imagine' one of the greatest horror movies of my lifetime?

For those of you not familiar with the film, here's my recap of the 1978 original: Flashback, a young Michael Myers kills his sister, Judith with a kitchen knife. Now present day, we are introduced to Myers' psychiatrist,Dr. Sam Loomis, who's the only person on earth who even has a hunch that Myers is "purely and simply... evil". Myers steals a nurse's car to escape from the mental institute where he's been locked up for 15 years. Myers presumably kills a guy for his full-body mechanic jumpsuit and takes Judith's tombstone. Next, Myers breaks into a hardware store, steals a mask, and spies on some high school chicks. Myers then proceeds to kill a dog, a dude with Ambervision sunglasses, and two high school chicks who either smoked pot, drank beer, had sex, or some combination of the three.Finally, Myers tries to kill a goody-two-shoes babysitter, but his killing spree is interrupted by Dr. Loomis who shoots Myers what appears to be six times in the chest at point blank range. Myers falls from the second story of house to the ground below, and when Loomis checks on him, Myers is gone. The end.

What's to re-imagine?

Alright, maybe Ambervision is a bit dated, fine. And I guess one can point out some minor sequences and abnormalities in the original film that don't necessarily add up. For instance, in the original 'Halloween' I've always wondered how Myers knew how to drive a car during his escape from the mental hospital and later cruise around Haddonfield. And even if Myers did take Judith's tombstone,I'd be willing to bet anyone $500 that he wouldn't be able to lift it himself, including up a flight of stairs for display over Annie Brackett's dead body. But do these things really warrant a re-imagining of the entire film?

The original 'Halloween' predates Mrs. Vorhees, Freddy Kruger, and all the other slasher movies from the 80's. It combines the right mix of a creepy soundtrack, "did I just see that" spooky moments, and surprisingly great acting from the entire cast to catapult itself to be tops on my list of all time great horror films.

However, what stands out the most as making the original 'Halloween' so unique amongst slasher movies, is the absence of blood, guts, and gore. In the original film, Michael Myers suffocates, strangles, even stabs his victims, but throughout the entire movie there is really no trace of blood in any scene. Given Zombie is at the helm of the new film, I have a feeling that blood, guts, and gore will be a big part of his re-imagined version.

I'm really not sure what to expect from the new 'Halloween'. Overall, I'm really not looking forward to it, and I think it's a disgrace that its even being made. But to Zombie's credit, I did enjoy his 'The Devil's Rejects' and 'House of 1,000 Corpses', at least up until the host from MTV's Singled Out was killed off. Plus, Zombie's 'Thunderkiss '65' was the opening theme for the original ECW shows, so I can't completely knock him. Not yet,anyways.

Unlike The Bad News Bears remake a few years back, which I absolutely refuse to see (maybe another time I'll explain that), I will see 'Halloween' and I'm almost certain I will hate it.

Maybe thirty years from now when Dimension Films creates a re-re-imagined' Halloween' based on Zombie's re-imagined 'Halloween', the marketing department will re-imagine the release date to be actually on or around Halloween and not Labor Day.

Maybe?

Dan's Top Ten Challenge!

2007-08-07T11:08:00.000-05:00

Ok, so in response to my Appetite for Destruction post, loyal reader and fellow blogger Dan of VonTrapperKeeper fame, has issued me a challenge to come up with my top 10 albums of my lifetime...and also, top 10 albums of my formative years (ten years of age and after). That is pretty easy for me, since I'm 30, I'll just say, top 10 of my lifetime and the top 10 of the last 20 years. Now anything made in 1976 qualifies as my lifetime, even if it was released before I was actually born...And I'm going to consider 1987 the cutoff to the formative years portion of the poll, so anything released from 1987 through the present is fair game. Also, this isn't a list based on anything in particular...It's not based on Sales, or Airplay or some critics view on what is considered musically superior to everything else. Although to be honest, most of the albums on here are more or less commercially successful. I was going to put some lesser known stuff on here, but I realized, when it boils down to it, I really don't think these albums were worthy...I may do a top 10 list of albums that no one else has ever heard of list at some point, but right now I'm sticking to the task at hand.

Without further ado, here we go...The Top 10 Albums of my lifetime:

as usual Casey Kasem style

Number 10...Weezer Pinkerton (1996) My favorite Weezer album and I feel an album from one of my favorite band should be included here. El Scorcho is one of the greatest songs of all time (yes that does mean it will make my top 50), and the rest of the album is just behind it in quality...Sadly The Weez doesn't seem to like this album as much as I do, and only play El Scorcho in concert...but whatever It's my list not Rivers...he can continue on with his Asian fetish on his own time.

Number 9...Faith No More, The Real Thing (1989) Another of my favorite bands, and another album that needs to be included. This one was actually a very difficult one because Angel Dust of even King For A Day are also great albums, I actually picked this one based upon the fact that of the FNM albums, it had the greatest commercial success, and biggest hits. I know that may be a shitty way of thinking it, and kind of contradicts my number 10 selection, but I really don't have A Favorite FNM album, so I went with this one.

Number 8...The Clash, London Calling (1977) Such a wide range of music on this Double LP, that I just found out from Wikipedia was sold as a single album because The Clash Duped the Record company into including a free 12 Inch single in the album, which they then recorded as a full album. The straight up punk, the reggae, rockabilly all work really well in this album, and definitely makes it's place on this list.

Number 7...Prince, Purple Rain (1984) This one could be much higher really, so I'll say this, from 7 through 4, any of these could move up or down this list...it's not set in stone. But How could I not include this...I mean, When Dove's Cry, Purple Rain, Let's Go Crazy, Darling Nikki...So great. And that man can play guitar, and sing. Best 10 Dollars I ever spent going to see him at the Fleet Center a few years ago...or was it the TD BankNorth Garden by then?

Number 6...Pearl Jam 10 (1991) This album really was High School for me...you know...flannel shirts, converse all stars, baggy jeans...it was all there. And even though I haven't liked really anything other than bits and pieces of the album Vs....this album stands the test of time...Alive, Evenflow, Black, Jeremy etc. etc. etc....all very good.

Number 5...Van Halen 1984 (1984) I love David Lee Roth...And I love Michael Anthony's backing vocals...and I Love Alex Van Halen's large drum set, and I even love Eddie Van Halen's Guitar and piano playing. I mean, how awesome an album could there be? Jump, Panama and Hot For Teacher...So Great. Great videos, hot chicks, split kicks...what else could you ask for?

Number 4...Nirvana Nevermind (1991) Don't give me this shit about how Bleach is better or whatever...This Album literally changed my life. Along with 10, this album led me out of the morass that is Hair Bands, into a new era...It didn't last all that long, because shortly after this stage I started listening to more Hard Core and Metal, but it really did change my life. My mother used to get scared during the days that I played this album over and over again, maybe not as scared as Guns and Roses, because there wasn't the blatant use of swear words, but still scared.

Number 3...Michael Jackson, Thriller (1982) OK, this has to go here, because this album really did shape my childhood...I mean, first of all the Thriller Video is one of the greatest things ever...especially the behind the scenes making of thriller that was always on TV. But look at this listing of tunes: Wanna Be Starting Something, P.Y.T, Billie Jean, Beat It, Thriller...So f'n good.

Number 2...Beastie Boys, Paul's Boutique (1989) This Album, which did some great sampling, back when you could sample without getting sued. And I mean, it's just great. In Egg Man alone, there are samples from Psycho, Jaws, Cheech and Chong's Next Movie, Aliens, Curtis Mayfield's Superfly, Elvis Costello's Pump It Up, The Commodore's I'm Ready, Dance To The Music by Sly and the Family Stone, Bring the noise by Public Enemy, and Drop it in the Slot by Tower of Power...And that's just one song! Plus the Lyrics are tremendous and I'm willing to say that Hey Ladies, Shadrach and Shake Your Rump will be well received at any party.

Number 1...Guns and Roses, Appetite for Destruction (1987) I don't really feel like going through every thing with this album, so please check out my previous post.

Top 10 Albums of my Formative Years 1987 through 2007.

10. NWA Straight Outta Compton (1988) I needed some Gangsta Rap...now didn't I? And why not the Gangsta Rap Supergroup that is NWA...Ice Cube, Dr. Dre and Easy E? Come on now...NO BRAINER.

9. U2 Joshua Tree (1987) Here's the thing, I'm not even a big U2 fan...really, I'm not. I could give two shits about the stuff released after this album. My partner in crime Duffless is the U2 aficionado in the Foundation. But this album is still great. And yes, maybe it's because I grew up watching MTV 24 hours a day, but Still Haven't Found What We're Looking For, Where The Streets Have No Name, With Or Without You, and Running To Stand Still, are some great tunes...I think I actually like War better, but it's out of the time frame.

8. Oasis, What's The Story (Morning Glory) (1995) Remember I told you that I became a fan of the Hardcore Metal scene after my quick foray into the Alternative movement of the early 90's...Well, liking this album really got me a lot of grief from my friends. But hey, it's a good album

7. R.E.M Out of Time (1991) I know, everyone's going to give me shit for liking this more than other albums, but I'm sorry, I loved it. When I got my first Discman, this was the first cd I bought for it. Absolutely tremendous...and it paved the way for me to like the older stuff too. And I'll say it, Shiny Happy People isn't as bad as people make it out to be!

6. Pinkerton (see above)

5. The Real Thing (See Above)

4. Ten (See Above)

3. Nevermind (See Above)

2. Paul's Boutique (See Above)

1. Appetite for Destruction (See Previous Post)

I'm sure a lot of these albums will be criticized, or lauded...Either way I look forward to your comments or your own lists.

20 Years Later I'm So F'n Old

2007-08-02T09:40:00.000-05:00

July 21st marked the 20th Anniversary of one of the greatest moments in American History. July 21st 1987 was the release date of the single greatest album released in my lifetime. The Band Guns and Roses...The Album Appetite for Destruction. It sold over 15 Million copies, a record for a debut album.

Welcome To The Jungle
It's So Easy
Night Train
Out Ta Get Me
Mr. Brownstone
Paradise City
My Michelle
Think About You
Sweet Child Of Mine
You're Crazy
Anything Goes
Rocket Queen

This really was the album of my adolescence. I mean, I was only ten when it came out, but really, I'd say They really hit it big a year or so later, maybe longer, I remember being in 7th grade I think when I had my Guns and Roses shirt, and the posters and magazines and everything else. So that's around 1989 or so. Here's the thing...This Album was popular for like 4 straight years. It wasn't until 1991 that Use Your Illusion was released, and the Guns and Roses/Metallica tour happened. That's 4 years that Appetite was out there and ruled the airwaves...I first remember seeing the video for Welcome To The Jungle when I was in 6th grade I think. Guns and Roses was a constant at school dances (Sweet Child o' Mine and Paradise City only, due to profanities)...We would do the Axl dance, and pretend we were slash playing the guitar. I remember I even attempted to draw Slash in an art project that we had. I think I may have even given the picture to a girl I was keen on...of course I'm an awful artist, and it came out awfully, so it didn't get me anywhere.
I got to see Guns and Roses twice in my life...Once with the Brian May Band...The highlight of that show was when they turned the stage into a large living room, and were playing songs off the G and R Lies EP...and a girl who had a huge tray full of beer and booze dropped it all right there...Hilarity. I also got to go to the Guns and Roses Metallica tour in Foxboro, that almost didn't happen because of Axl's hurt throat and James Hetfield's explosion. During that show, I was treated to a lovely display of women bearing their breasts for the big screen and men showing their appreciation by throwing souvenir cups of soda around the bleachers (thankfully you couldn't get beer by this point).

Eventually as the years went by, Guns and Roses just kind of faded from the limelight...Duff McKagan joined some band with a guy from The Sex Pistols. Izzy Stradlin started the JuJu Hounds...Slash started Slash's Snakepit...Later Slash and Duff joined with former Stone Temple Pilots front man Scott Weiland to form sucessful band Velvet Revolver. Axl has been writing and recording the Chinese Democracy since about 1994...and he toured however briefly with a new lineup which I believe was just him and a bunch of homeless people.

But the real point of this post is that this album has now been around for 2/3rds of my life. 20 Years is a long friggin' time, and it really feels like yesterday that it was new. Time really flies. Anyway, I don't listen to the album multiple times per day like I used to, but every once in a while, I throw it on, I'll never stop listening to it. I mean, just the fact that Rocket Queen is not just one but two of the greatest songs of all time...Paradise City is arguably the greatest rock "Anthem" of all time, and My Michelle has some of the greatest lyrics ever put to paper. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm f'n old...but I love Appetite for Destruction.

Remembering Yaz, not that he died or anything.

2007-08-01T12:03:00.001-05:00

Now before you jump to conclusions...this ISN'T a sports blog. But a little background is necessary. When I was growing up, I totally Idolized Carl Yastrzemski of the Red Sox. I'm not sure why, by the time I knew what I was doing, he was well past his prime, and just playing out the strings collecting milestone hits and whatnot before retiring. I didn't see him in 67 when he was the last player to hit for the triple crown, nor was I really a fan when they played in 1978 (Bucky F'n Dent)...so I really never saw his good years, but regardless, I loved the guy. I lovd the guy so much that my Dad got me an Autographed framed picture of his that I proudly displayed in my bedroom. This picture later became the stuff of legends around my friends, who when crashing at my place after drinking have sworn that a Surly Carl Yastrzemski spoke to them in their sleep, telling them not to go to the bathroom. Anyway, I got to meet Yaz a few years ago, and he really did turn out to be as advertised...Kind of a prick. As Sparky Anderson said in David Wells Book, when asked how he would pitch to Yaz if he was playing today, I'd drill that Polish Son Of A Bitch and pitch to the next guy.

Anyway, I was watching TV the other day, and I'm very happy to say that someone has decided to imortalize old Number 8 in another way, and this is by naming a product after him. To the Foundation members I give you YAZ...The Only Birth Control Pill With Proven Efficacy For the Emotional and Physical Symptoms of PMDD.

Yaz has joined Nadz hair removal product as one of the funniest product names of all times! I mean, who doesn't laugh when they hear Nadz...well now, everytime you think of Fuge's favorite surly Polish Ballplayer, you'll think of Birth Control! What I find truly humorous about the commercial though, is that apparently women, when they go out to a night club, immediately start talking about what kind of birth control they are on...and what the pros and cons of the products are. Who knew?!?! Guys just talk about sports, and chicks, and movies and stuff. Maybe we should be talking about what kind of vitamins we take, or what kind of condom we prefer. Anyway, I know this isn't the greatest post of all time, but everytime I see the commercial I have to chuckle...Yaz...Triple Crown...Birth Control.

Good times

Frenchie!

2007-07-29T16:34:00.000-05:00

So I was "watching" tv today while playing poker and heard a familiar voice. I look up and a commercial for French's Mustard in on. The voice I recognized was one DiDi Conn, aka "Frenchie" from the movies Grease and Grease 2. This had me wondering a few things:
1. Did they approach her?
2. Was this her idea to get some extra bucks because of her name as "Frenchie"?
3. Wasn't she on Benson?
4. Am I the smartest girl in the world for making the French's/Frenchie connection?

So I go to youtube find the commercial and 2 people have already made the connection. Alas, I'm not to be the first on Everest.
So to answer some of my questions, yes, it was her and yes she was indeed on Benson. To answer your unspoken question, yes, unless I find these two people I will die cold and unloved. However, before my uselessness to society kills me, might I suggest that French's pursue the mom from Better Off Dead for their next commercial?

Please to enjoy:

The Worst of SNL, by popular demand

2007-07-27T10:28:00.000-05:00

Duff’s Top 10 Worst SNL Cast Members

Melanie Huttsel – my number one pick with a bullet. Sure she was fantastic as Jan Brady, and very good as Tori Spelling. However, she made that same goddamned face for every character, and that out of breath voice.. Uggg…she had ZERO range. ZERO.

Robert Downey Jr – I don’t care how coked up he was, he had no reason to be on this show.

Anthony Michael Hall – ditto, minus the coke.

Maya Rudolph – Ok, I know this might ruffle some feathers, but she’s been on the show what, 10 years? Are her boringly repetitive impressions of Whitney Houston and Donatella Versace even funny, or relevant? The Nuni skit has been on like 5x, wtf. Sure, she can sing, I’ll give her that, but this is a comedy show. Her tired skits bring this show down.

Terry Sweeney – Through no fault of his own. He was funny, but the show just didn’t know what to do with him. He was great as Nancy Reagan, however the show didn’t know what to do with an openly gay cast member. To my knowledge he’s the only openly gay cast member in history. So, he’s on my worst list not because of him, but because so called “edgy” SNL wasn’t able to write for him. While I love SNL, they would have been better to been riskier in their comedy. Past season 1 or 2, snl has never been edgy, counterculture or even the slightest bit non mainstream.

Chevy Chase – Yes, he was funny, yes he was good on update and as Ford etc. However, he is known for being the biggest asshole to ever take the stage at SNL. I don’t think I’ve ever read a good word about him on the show, other than from Lorne Michaels. By all accounts he was very racist and homophobic. I believe he told Terry Sweeney to die of Aids, if memory serves. Good riddance. Why has such a terrible man, made so many things I love? FLETCH!

Chris Kattan – sure, he’s kinda funny. But I can’t think of a sketch of his that didn’t make me groan. A few Mangos were funny, just a few. Gay Hitler, yeah that was good, but how old is that joke?

Jay Mohr – I want to put him on this list, because I feel like he never fit in. He always felt more like an actor than a comic. However, his fantastic Googly eye-d Andrew McCarthy impression was spot on, and he was an early adopter of the now overused Walken impression. So he is spared. I’ll put Beth Cahill in this spot, because I don’t even remember her being on the show at all.

Jerry Minor – Very funny guy, as shown by his Mr. Show appearances, but totally underused on SNL. I think they were shopping around for token black guys and sent him back to the bench.

Jim Belushi – A man only famous because of the death of his brother. I don’t see much talent here at all, his career is suspect. He’s also the #1 target of David Cross, and that’s good enough reason for me.

Fuge's Bottom 10
I'd like to start off by saying that My bottom 10 includes the Entire cast of 1985-1986 besides John Lovitz, Dennis Miller and Nora Dunn. No business being on the show at all. So here it goes.

Countdown Style:

Number 10. Joan Cusack. I mean, she is just on the cursed 1985-86 cast...SO forgettable. I mean, I've liked her post SNL, in movies and whatnot...and find her strangely hot, but sorry, your era was so bad.

Number 9. Randy Quaid. Again, I've appreciated some of his work, especially in the National Lampoons Movies, but SNL, I'm sorry.

Number 8. Melanie Hutsell. I mean, other than the Jan Brady Character, which is almost entertaining, everything else she did was the same thing with just a dumb look on her face, no comedic value at all.

Number 7. Pamela Stephenson. I don't even remember a single character she played...but I know she sucked.

Number 6. Danitra Vance...your season was so forgettable, I don't know who you are...but you have to be on the list.

Number 5. Terry Sweeney. 85-86...Hired to act in drag, which can be funny, and he wasn't bad, but he has to be ashamed of the era.

Number 4 and 3 Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Junior. I am pretty sure they just did this show so they could get high. I mean, Why?

Number 2. Chris Kattan. Fuck You Mango.

Number 1. Jim Belushi. I mean, Brian Doyle Murray is at least pretty funny. You on the other hand, are awful...and should be ashamed of yourself. The only beneficial thing you ever did for society was make the movie The Principal, because besides movies about Martial Arts Style Tournaments, the Principal coming in to clean up the evil High School is right up near the top on my movie Genre list. But awful.

He Said, She Said

2007-07-26T17:02:00.001-05:00

Ok, so here goes my SNL Picks, no order.

1. Chris Parnell - a dark horse pick for sure, but also one of the most under-rated cast members of all time. Fired not once, but twice from the show. Always funny, is known for not breaking character (Jimmy and Horatio, i'm looking at you). Last but not least, his raps. Those alone get him on the list.

2. Eddie Murphy - Ok, as per SNL rules you always have to have the token black guy. You have to have a black guy, a fat guy, a very tall guy, a very short guy, a canadian and throw in a few women. Mad props for Ellen Cleghorne for finding a way to get on the show, she was a rule breaker! Ok, back to Murpy, The Best of Eddie Murphy from SNL is one of my all time favorite videos. I think I can still quote it word for word. Between his sketches, short films and impersonations, he is still one of the most talented people snl has ever seen.

3. Norm McDonald - NORM! I'm sorry, but he's hysterical. He can host my Weekend Update anyday. He's brilliant, his celebrity jeopardy 80s Burt Reynolds earns him a spot, his Weekend Update and fuck you NBC/Lorne Michaels type attitude keeps him there. For some laughs check out some of Norm's appearances on Letterman...they are up on youtube and not to be missed.

4. Phil Hartman - UNFROZEN CAVEMAN LAWYER. nuff said

5. Kevin Nealon - I'm glad he's finally being appreciated due to Weeds, but damn he was always funny, a great straight man, and more than fills the tall man spot. He ties together any seat.

6. Martin Short - you need a short man, and I really don't want to sit through any chris kattan shit. While he can be annoying, he can also be brilliant. WAIT, NO FUCK IT. ACKROYD GETS THIS SPOT. He's not a shortman, but I mean come on. Ackroyd all the way. Plus if he gains some weight, he can have the fat guy spot, as neither Belushi nor Farley are making this list.

7.Will Ferrell - He's earned it. Fuge sums it up well. Diamond, Celeb Jeopardy, Cowbell, I could go on. Although I'm relucant to have him on due to the cheerleading, he's more than made up for it, although we do already have a lot of tall guys.

8. This last spot almost went to a lot of people. I considered Tim Meadows, Jon Lovitz, Seth Meyers, Charles Rocket (just for saying FUCK on tv) so I declare a Tie between Dana Carvey and Adam Sandler.

The ladies:
1. Victoria Jackson - so funny as a dumb blonde, also I need me some Love Toilet.
2. Gilda - slam dunk
3. Jane Curtain - perfect for those straight man roles, plus I've heard she's an ignorant slut.
4. Amy Poehler - always funny, always. I do even like when she plays that little annoying little girl.

This was tough, its hard to come up with a cast thats not only good, but you can see working well together. You need people who can be over the top funny, and people who are more dry and clever, you need someone who can do some musical stuff, and you need people who aren't one trick ponies riding out the same sketch over and over again. Also you have to consider the brillant people who just had no place on SNL. There was that season where they wanted to change things up and they brought on Michael Mckeon, Janeanne Garafolo and Chris Elliott. All brilliant comedians, but much to late in their careers to be on SNL. I like SNL as more of a proving ground. I say the same about Bill Murray, Garrett Morris, Brian Doyle Murray, Chris Rock and some other, all funny but just not good on the show.

Your Fantasy SNL Cast.

2007-07-26T11:28:00.000-05:00

A fellow SNL Fan sent me around an email in which his friends decided who they would want in their Favorite SNL Cast of all time.

The rules were simple, 8 Males, 4 Females. Then he posted a spreadsheet and people sent around emails discussing the picks...I was happy to be included, and since I haven't posted a blog in a while, I figured, why not bring it to the foundation so that you can try it out yourself.

Here's a link to help you remember who the castmembers were:

http://snl.jt.org/cast/listcast.phtml

So here's my cast, and the reason why I picked them...

Males:

John Belushi. I mean, I needed one classic cast member on there. And come on now, Joe Cocker? Belushi was great.

Chris Farley. I decided to keep the fat dead guy theme going. Also, the skit with him and greatly coiffed Patrick Swayze as Chippendale's dancers is one of the greatest things ever put on film.

Dana Carvey. When I was growing up, It was all about Carvey, Chopping Brocolli, Church Lady Wayne's World...which brings us to:

Mike Meyers. Again, Wayne's World. And Lothar of the Hill People, and Coffee Talk, all brilliant in my opinion.

At the halfway point we are definitely top heavy on the late 80's early 90's, let's try to change that a bit...

Will Ferrell...I mean, I think I'd put him in here JUST for his work as James Lipton, but throw in Alex Trebek, Cowbell and Neil Diamond Storyteller, and you just have a winner.

Adam Sandler, I'll admit, I loved Opera Man. Moreso than the Crazy Costume guy or Cajun Man. I also think that the skits where he played Shannen Doherty's ex boyfriend, and the "You Can't Get There From Here" is worth it. Plus I'm giving him lots of credit for Billy Madison, which I know isn't an SNL skit, but I do love it so.

Norm MacDonald...again, I think this is mostly because I LOVE Norm MacDonald. I mean, his voice alone cracks me up. Also his work as fake Burt Reynolds on Celebrity Jeopardy alone gets him on this list. And he can help out on Weekend Update.

To finish out the list...I went with Darrel Hammond. And I'm not even sure why, I think because of his Clinton, and definitely the Sean Connery stuff on Celebrity Jeopardy...I love Celebrity Jeopardy, And to give some credence to the new cast, although he's been on so long, it isn't like he's really new or anything.

Female

Now these two, I'll admit I'm including because I've had a fantasy about having a threesome with them on the weekend update desk for a while now....

Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. So Hot!

Next I went with Molly Shannon...I think she did some great work, people seem to remember her mostly for Mary Catherine Gallagher, but she did a lot more in my opinion. Especially her work as Monica Lewinsky...with John Goodman as Linda Tripp.

Finally, I had to go Old School and go with Gilda Radner...She was Just great...Roseanne Rosanadanah, Barbara Wawa and the old lady on Weekend Update that would get corrected and then say Never Mind.

So there it is, it's not so much a glorification of my opinions as I'm opening the floor to you, the foundation to give your own lists, and to criticize mine.

Also, A personal note...I will be moving to Somerville soon!

This means that Duffless and I will probably never get to use the "Sides of the River" idea in a post, but it does mean that there will be a higher concentration of Awesomeness on the Cambridge Somerville side of the river...I look forward to much drinking of cheap beer and eating of good food in the davis/teele area!

Dick Stinks!

2007-07-23T21:06:00.000-05:00

While I don't want to see this site turn into every other blog that just reposts celebrity news and you tube videos, sometimes there is celeb news so juicy that the foundation MUST report.

Jon Lovitz has literally kicked Andy Dick's ass!

Apparently there has been bad blood between the two of them since Phil Hartman's death. Now I don't know the details, and some reports say that the ass kicking wasn't as bad as reported in this link, but nevertheless, JON LOVITZ KICKED ANDY DICK'S ASS!

http://www.nypost.com/seven/07172007/gossip/pagesix/pagesix.htm

Like I needed anymore reason to love Lovitz!

My Favorite Quote

2007-07-22T21:09:00.000-05:00

"The best post apocalyptic movie about dragons ever." - The Boy

I've got problems!

2007-07-09T22:17:00.000-05:00

But I'm not alone. Everytime I see this Verizon Fios commercial and I kept thinking that the Dad is a really, really bad parent. I mean he just lets his kid hang around with the Fios guy, visiting his truck, while he 's busy reading the paper? So I thought, I must be the only freak who's reading this into this innocent commercial. So I went on the hunt to find the clip, and it took me all of 5 seconds. Please to enjoy:

I'm surprised that:
1. Someone took the time to record and upload this commercial to youtube.
2. Other people questioned this guy's parenting skills.
3. 51 people who not only found the commercial, but have commented on it!

Not to bring Baseball into this, after all I'm technically from the Bronx (go sox), this post is just too classic for words:

BronxBomberFan: Terrible paranting in this commercial. You have a cute kid and hes asking if hes talking to the cable guy. THE CABLE GUY IS A PETIFILE!.

I'm sending Bronx Bomber fan a dictionary post haste! "PETIFILE?" "Paranting?" good lord, these!!! are the people with the same sick mind as me?

Monkee Around!

2007-06-27T18:16:00.000-05:00

There comes a time in everyone's life when you must stand and be heard. We are defined by our choices. Choose well, or suffer the price. Choosing which Monkee you are willing to bed, just isn't a decision one should take lightly.

In the spirit of, "That was then, this is now" (the Monkee's 80's "hit") I have taken an unresearched journey into my heart, mind and soul to determine my most bed-able Monkee. I will select one Monkee from the past and one Monkee from the present. Whom do you choose?

The Past:

Now you might think that Davy Jones is a slam dunk in this category. Had I but world enough, and a time machine, would I go back in time and steal Marsha Brady's first kiss? I have to say no. While he was marketed at first as the lead singer and the "McCartney" of the group, i.e. the cute one. He just didn't really do it for me. He wasn't "A little bit me, a little bit you", he was however, a little bit short. I like a chap to be the same height as me or taller. Also, as it turned out, he wasn't much more than the tambourine player, as Mickey turned out to be the better singer.

Ah, Mickey, he was my favorite back in the day. He was funny, had big goofy hair and could sing. However, the incessant impersonations of Jimmy Cagney left much to be desired, he had an almost spastic "RobinWilliamsesque" quality to him that I think I'd have a hard time dealing with, although this untapped energy in bed could be a plus.

Now to take the Last Train to Torksville. Peter Tork was probably my second favorites. He was cute in a goofy, corn fed kinda way. He seemed innocent enough, like the kind of guy who wouldn't give you an STD. The way his bangs fell in his eyes was always cute, but they made him seem too dumb on the show, he was like Woody on Cheers.

The smart one was of course, Mike Nesmith. He was the "Zappa" of the band. If I remember correctly there was an episode where he and Zappa played each other. Now, this gave him massive street cred. However, it always seemed like Mike Nesmith was far too concerned with appearing "counterculture enough", I remember one episode where he kept on saying "groovy", and talking about "the man". I think he tried too hard, although, that's not a bad quality in bed. Plus, if he knocked me up my child might find a way to cash in on some of the Liquid Paper money. (I believe his mother invented it - keep in mind, this blog has not been researched other than my memory). But the hat, what the hell was under that snow hat? I think I'll have to pass. I'm just not cool enough to bed Nesmith.

So my winner is….Mickey! I likes me a funny guy, so I guess I'll just have to take some Ritalin in my time machine or get him baked enough to chill him the f out. He better exercise that drummer stamina!

Now, on to the Present Day, or as present as this photo will allow, not sure when it was taken.

Mickey is out. His quirky good looks did NOT hold up the test of time. He doesn't sing anymore (that I know of), and his daughter was in She's Out of Control with Tony Danza – I don't like things Danza related. However, she was also in Miracle Beach with my boy Dean Cameron (Chainsaw from Back to School) – I wonder if he's single? Anyway, I haven't heard of him being up to much of anything since the mid 80's so I rule him out.

Davy, he's probably held up to the elements the best of all Monkees. His cute, young face has helped him age gracefully, and man that accent is too cute. He had a fantastically self deprecating cameo in The Brady Bunch Movie, however, I think I have to officially hit cougar status before I take him on, and I'm about 7 years shy of that.

On to Nesmith... I know he produced REPO MAN in the 80s...that earns him some mad props. But I just can't go hop into bed given his mysterious past 20 years. Also, he was very reluctant to reprise his role in the band in the 80s when they had their come back, he only caught the tail en of it, so fuck him.

So..the winner is PETER TORK. He has aged pretty well, still seems like a cool guy, plus he's a professional touring banjo player, I think he was just at the Paradise the other weekend. He's really, really good. If there's anything that can get a girl into bed, its a good banjo player.

So there you have it..my then and now Monkee's sexcapade list.

So fair Foundation readers...who is your Monkee?? Gay, straight, male, female, this is a decision no person should take lightly. We all have our reasons for our selections. Give it some thought, or better yet, no thought, and share it with us in the comments section.

Top 50 Songs of All Time

2007-06-11T16:16:00.000-05:00

A few years back, pre foundation My Buddy Kyle and I decided to write down our top fifty songs of all time list...then we'd get together drink a bunch of beers and present them to eachother and listen to the songs...

It's about 4 or 5 years later, and after one day reminiscing about how old we were getting (we both were recruited to play on an over 30 softball team this year), we decided to revisit the idea, and when we do, I will bring both lists to you the foundation members.

It's much harder than you think, I mean, you forget so many songs you hear, that you think are awesome, and my list will probably be ridiculed and made fun of for a long time by you guys, but I figure it will be a good time.

The Best of all time lists are one of my favorite things ever. Whether it's VH1 doing the top 100 videos of all time, or the Local Maine classic rock station that provides our memorial day soundtrack with their Memorial Day Weekend Top 500 of all time list...so why not do our own...stay tuned to the Foundation for my official list but here are some of the artists you can expect to see:

The Life Of Reilly

2007-05-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

The Duffless Foundation is very sad to hear the news that actor, director and game show personality Charles Nelson Reilly has passed away over the holiday weekend at the age of 76 from complications from Pneumonia . Charles will be sorely, sorely missed.

Reilly was an accomplished stage actor...winning a Tony early in his career. He was also on many television series, and was a frequent contributor to many talk shows, including The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. But who are we kidding, he is best known for his work on the long running game show...Match Game, hosted by Gene Rayburn. Charles was one of many stars who were regulars on the show, but he is often associated with Brett Somers, his neighbor in the top row of stars. Other regulars were Richard Dawson, Fannie Flagg, MacLean Stevenson and Betty White. The Match Game was really a groundbreaking show, with it's risque talk and subject matter.

After the Match Game, and a host of other Game Show appearances, Reilly made many guest appearances on shows such as The Love Boat...The Drew Carey Show, and one of Duffless' favorite xfiles ever. He was nominated for Emmies for both the Drew Carey Show and the Xfiles. He was later nominated for another Tony, this time for direction, and also produced the one man show...The Life of Reilly, in which he came out of the closet for the first time ever.

Charles Nelson Reilly also may be the greatest Halloween Costume I'd ever come up with ...until I pulled off Meatloaf a couple of years ago. I really need to find the pictures of that night.

CNR...you will be missed...and the Duffless Foundation salutes you and your tremendous body of work.

What Has Happened To The Sitcom?

2007-05-17T21:00:00.000-05:00

First off...I'd like to also say that our 2 month hiatus was inexcusable and unnecessary, but I will do my best to keep this blog going strong and better than ever. So with that Let's start this blog up again for the second time!

i'm 30 years old...I was born in 1976 that means I was I was around during what I consider the golden age of the sitcom...let's say between the mid 80's and the mid 90's...Back in those days you could count on a steady diet of great 30 minute blocks of comedy, back to back pretty much every night of the week. Let's look at a typical weekly schedule on the 4 networks...every night there were at least two great sitcoms on. For example in 1988/1989 here were the Sitcoms on every night of the week:

Sunday Nights: Family Ties, Married With Children, My Two Dads

Monday Nights: Alf, Valerie's Family, Kate And Allie, Newhart, Designing Women (I'm not saying I liked them all mind you, but hey it's a sitcom)

Tuesday Nights: Who's The Boss, Growing Pains (the Wonder Years was added mid season)

Wednesday Night: Perfect Strangers, Head Of The Class

Thursday Night: Sledge Hammer, The Cosby Show, A Different World, Cheers, Night Court

Friday Night: Full House, Max Headroom

Saturday Night: My Sister Sam, Everything's Relative, Amen, 227, Golden Girls, Facts Of Life.

That's about 30 Sitcoms over the course of the week, and of those I'd say I watched about 15 of them pretty regularly...Let's compare that to 2006/2007.

Sunday Night: The Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad, War at Home (only one of which is live action!)

MOnday Night: The Class, How I Met Your Mother, New Adventures of the Old Christine, Two And A Half Men

Tuesday Night: None

Wednesday Night: 30 Rock originally aired on Wednesday, but I'll include that on Thursday cause that's where it ended up...so NONE.

Thursday Night: My Name Is Earl, The Office, Scrubs, The Afforementioned 30 Rock. Til Death apparently is on Fox, but I don't think anyone has ever watched this.

Friday Night: None

Saturday Night: None.

So basically 4 nights a week, there isn't a single Sitcom on the air. One night a week there is exactly one sitcom that uses actual actors...all the others are animated. So we'll say basically 4.5 nights a week, there isn't a single sitcom on the air. I figure that makes for 9 maybe 10 sitcoms per week...compared to 3o. Where have they all gone? Why are they not popular anymore.

I realize that there is so much to do these days, with cable, internet, dvd, etc...but back in the day...Thursday night was an event, everyone watched The Cosby Show and Cheers...Everyone! People still make an effort to watch hour long reality shows, or dramas, but not 30 minute comedies? Are they too expensive to make? Are struggling comedians asking for too much money these days?

Sometimes I don't want to invest 1 hour into a show, I want to laugh, and be done with something quick, which is why I love How I Met Your Mother, and the Thursday NBC lineup. but apparently no one else does because the only comedies even in the top 20 of the ratings per week are Two and A Half Men (unwatchable), and King Of Queens (not even on anymore!). I find this so hard to believe, EVERYONE talks about the office. I know for a fact that I will talk to people tomorrow about Pam and Jim going out to dinner! I'm going to talk about The Temp breaking up with Kelly, I'm going to talk about Shrute Bucks, and people are going to know what I'm talking about, yet it's not even in the top 20 of the ratings!

It just bothers me that good quality programming isn't getting made, because it's easier to win in the ratings with a 4th Law and Order, or a different quiz show hosted by a has been actor, or a show where people Sing or Dance and get judged. I may have failed in my attempt to make PBR the number one beer in America for the first time since 1893...but I won't fail in my attempt to bring back the Sitcom to the American Airwaves...

Bruce Campbell is The Man - and We're Back

2007-05-14T18:23:00.000-05:00

No excuses, the Foundation dropped the ball these past two months, but now we are back and more useless than ever.

I'm not going to waste too much precious Foundation time to explain in in detail the man, the myth, the legend that is Bruce Campbell. If you haven't seen Evil Dead II, Army of Darkness or Bubba Ho Tep, what are you even doing here? Bruce is, basically the King of all "That Guys." So soon have you forgotten The Adventures of Brisco County Jr, or Jack Of All Trades???

I've been an FOB or fan of Bruce for years now. I was lucky enough to get to meet him and have my copy of his best seller, "If Chin's Could Kill" signed. Presently, he's the new spokesman for Old Spice. Old Spice is smart to use quirky marketing to reach a younger audience, as I believe the average has long since made the pages of the book of the dead. His cult status and "Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way" persona, might just give them the street cred they are looking for, so mad props to the marketing genus behind this. The latest ad just premiered this weekend and its even better than ever. So for your viewing pleasure I present, Bruce and Duran Duran:

For more Bruce action, I suggest you check out Spiderman 3 for no other reason than the Bruce cameo. A life long friend of Sam Raimi, Bruce appears in almost every Raimi movie, in addition to many Coen brother films. So far Bruce has been a Wrestling Announcer, a snooty theater usher/manager and now he's at his cult finest playing a snooty, possibly fake french accented matre'd. The movie was kinda lame, but Bruce's five minutes were spectacular. Word is the scene is up on You Tube, Yahoo, but since I don't feel like being sued this week, I'll leave you with that info. Bruce will also be releasing a documentary movie later this year

The Zombie March 2007 had a few references to Bruce this weekend. A sign recommending the election of Bruce in 2008 and a non zombie, Asian Ash from Evil Dead. Stay tuned for more about the Zombie March later this week. Now Gimme some sugar, baby!

The Oscar Blog 07

2007-03-02T15:37:00.000-05:00

Allright, you may ask yourself, why did it take so long to post a blog about the oscars? Well, I have no real excuse...but I hope to not dissapoint with the effort I'm about to undertake. So without further ado...

Fuge's Second Oscars Blogtacular...

A slight change of venue this year, as instead of being home alone drinking by myself, this year Duffless opened up the compound to friends of the foundation...for an Oscars Special Viewing Party. Another difference this year is that I was sick all weekend (great for my Duffless Foundation Mission to bring Pop Culture greatness to Canada let me tell you) so I wasn't able to match my drinking escapades of years past...I hope this won't take away from your entertainment value...I'd like to think that I can still bring you as much entertainment without the help of mass amounts of alcohol, but who am I kidding?

Well anyway, without further ado for the second time:

6:45 Pm Duffless Compound and the first ever Duffless Foundation Oscars Special Viewing party...Beer, Snacks, Friends, 2 tvs, and good times for all. E on the tv, oscars pool sheets being filled out, we're ready to go.

A few questions from the pregame show that I have...First off, why is Ryan Seacrest famous again? He doesn't seem to have any talent, he isn't funny, he's not incredibly good looking, in fact I'm pretty sure that he must have some kinda dirty pictures that he's using to blackmail various network heads and executives.
Is Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu actually Julio Iglesias from 20 years ago?

How difficult a choice was it for Meryl Streep to choose what child she brought with her to the Oscars?

Since I'm watching the Oscars in a crowd this year, I'll be sure to bring you the great quotes from the peanut gallery.

You see, I'm not a woman, therefore I don't think the same way as women do, and I was quite sure of this while watching the red carpet, normally my critique of people coming up the carpet would be "She looks hot" or "He has awful hair". But women take it to another level...My favorite example was this:

"Beyonce Looks Less Oily Than She Usually Does"

"Yeah, She Looks Like She Forgot The Body Butter"

What does that mean?

I don't know...well anyway, On to the show.

8:30 PM Apparently everyone who was ever nominated was involved in some sort of a montage, I love a montage, but this was tough, Basically it was a bunch of people you've never heard of saying how many times they've been nominated and yet they've never won.

Peter O'Toole is shown...I'm going to need proof that this guy isn't already dead...He looks worse than the nazi's after they opened the arc of the covenant in Raiders of the Lost Arc.

8:40 PM The show actually starts. People were wondering what Ellen DeGeneres would be wearing...I'm not sure, but I think it's the tux Beetlejuice wears when he's going to marry Winona Ryder.

They are calling this The Most International Oscars...Ellen incorrectly calls Penelope Cruz a mexican...Awesome...and one of the best supporting actresses from Babel's dates has the best moustache of all time!

8:46 I think by law I have to root for Jennifer Hudson, because we share the same last name...but I think I'd really rather have Dame Judy Dench win or something.

8:47 The first of many jokes about Al Gore losing the election to George Bush...You gotta love those whacky zany liberals making fun of themselves.

8:48 Host Ellen DeGeneres makes a joke about how if there were no Blacks, Jews or Gays in hollywood there would be no Oscars (Duffless from the Peanut Gallery: Sorry Mexicans!)

8:49 and here comes the first award...and Nicole Kidman is handing it out for Art Direction...Apparently no one gave her any artistic direction on picking out her dress with a huge f'n bow on the shoulder.

And Pan's Labyrinth wins...Mexico...Mexico...Mexico.

8:53 and the honor of giving out awards to technical and scientific people that aren't important enough to be on the real show?....Maggie Gyllenhaal...Great job pretending you were interested.

8:57 And apparently it's a musical spot with Will Ferell and Jack Black. Two people who are teetering on the line of never being able to star in a movie by themselves ever again.

Sidenote, I can't decide if Will's hair looks more like an early 80's John McEnroe, Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter or Little Orphan Annie.

Why don't you decide:

Will Ferrell Jack Black Oscar Video

The musical rendition is awesome...A highlight being John C. Reilly explaining that you need to take serious roles, like he did in Boogie nights...All three sexually harrassing Dame Helen Mirren, and Will saying that Marky Mark was actually pretty badass.

9:03 It's historic...The makeup guy from Pan's Labyrinth is the first person to get the gentle nudge from the Orchestra for talking too long....The Musical Push!

9:04 I think Will Smith's son has too many names.

9:06 They are doing some oscar for Short right now...Some Danish people are nominated, and apparently they aren't part of the cool international oscars because they are seated right next to the johns or something.

And West Bank Story (a musical?) I'm intrigued.

9:15 In another reason why the oscars go long every year, they have a choir of people who are doing sound effects on the stage right now...Couldn't they have gotten Michael Winslow to show up and do 2 minutes and save some time?

(from the peanut gallery...Duffless again, I want to hear them make fake fart sounds!)

9:22 is there any doubt in anyone's mind that Apocolypto is not winning a single thing tonight? And yes, I think it has something to do with Mel Gibson's thoughts on the Jews.

925 Someone who is nominated for something, who is probably International has just received the second Musical Push.

9:26 First big category...Best Supporting Actor. Eddie Murphy is the favorite. I think Marky Mark may pull it out...Jackie Earle Haley is of course the one I really want to win, because I want him to mention his role of Kelly Leak...Djimon Honsou chooses the best roles ever, he's been nominated like 3 times, and has only done 4 movies as far as I can tell.

And the winner is...Alan Arkin! Who's crass talking, heroin smoking, grandfather in Little Miss Sunshine was hilarious, but a role that seemed too small for me to win, I'm happy though.

Speaking of that, I'm pretty sure Eddie Murphy won, but then the academy got wind of Norbit and rescinded it's vote. I mean, NORBIT?

9:29, Martin Scorcese's eyebrows are some kind of simbiotic relationship, I'm sure of it.

9:35 This can't be good, Randy Newman is playing piano for James Taylor. Time to grab a snack!

9:36 They are going through the nominees for Best Song. I'm pretty sure that this is the first time in the past 20 years that Phil Collins hasn't been nominated for an oscar for a disney film. And it's only because 3 of the songs are from Dreamgirls. Also Melissa Etheridge is nominated, her girlfriend apparently used to be or still is Lou Diamond Phillips' ex wife, and had David Crosby's baby. I think she should have Steven Stills' baby next.

9:41 They just showed Jerry Seinfield in the crowd and it looked like he just smelled someone elses fart.

9:47 If I was drinking this year, and I had to have more beer drank than Jack Nicholson Sitings, I'd have to have had 4 beers by now.

9:49 George Miller is on stage, he's either wearing a weird scarf, or he has a medical condition that left him with no shoulders.

9:53 Were I not sick, and a pussy, I'd just have had to drink my 5th beer.

9:54 Tom Hanks is onstage, and his hair is much better than it was when he was in the Davinci Code phase.

9:57 That's Six Nicholsons
9:58 Make That 7!

9:59 after a somewhat emotional acceptance speech, the writer for the departed get's a slight musical push...I'll call it a nudge.

10PM 1st beer cracked...Miller High Life Light...I'm pretty sure at this point last year I was 11 beers deep.

1006 I'm pretty sure they just showed Billy Dee Williams, but I can't get confirmation...

1008 The lady who won for costume designer, you'd expect her to be more fashionable. She's dressed up like a school principal or something.

1013...Sherri Lansing just got an award for being a good humanitarian. Her arms are skinnier than a famin victim.

1015 This year there were two movies about 19th century magicians. We haven't had that much overkill since 2 movies about Steve Prefontaine came out at the same time.

10:20 The sillhoutte people making shapes to go along with the movies, just used props...that shouldn't be allowed.

1027 I'm pretty sure that the director of the Oscars has told his camerapeople, if someone starts babbling in a speech, please put a camera on Beyonce's Rack.

10:35 Upset special number 2, Pan's Labyrinth which won every technical oscar in the book, just lost to a German movie for Best Foreign Film, that's like a 15 seed beating a 2 seed in the NCAA championships.

10:36 Faye Dunaway really, really looked like a witch.

10:37 The Sillhouette crew just pulled off snakes on a plane...Good for them! Sidenote, Samuel L Jackson has now starred in yet another movie with Snake in the title. Black Snake Moan. Apparently the movie stars him and Christina Ricci's panties.

10:38 In one of the 3 no brainer categories, Jennifer Hudson wins for Dreamgirls...when she starts stumbling in her speech, they show Beyonce's rack again.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say, this is the last time she'll every be nominated for anything.

10:47 They are doing a short category again, and apparently...US people don't like to make short movies...I wonder why?

10:55 What's more of a slam dunk, Al Gore winning for Best Documentary or me going to bed alone tonight...I'd say it's a push.

11:00 Clint Eastwood is really fuckin' old. He's not Peter O'Toole I think he's dead old...but he's really old.

11:05 From foundation member Alex...via GChat. Alex: I switched to the oscars, saw Celine Dion, threw up, and am now gay.

11:12 Hugh Jackman does a lot of broadway...draw your own conclusions.

I think we just had 2 more Jack Nicholson sightings...I think that's 8 and 9.

11:19 The guy who wrote Little Miss Sunshine (which just one for Original Screenplay) sounds like a real geek. D and D, Star Wars, and Comic Books kinds of geeky.

11:27 From Duffless That may be the best cleavage of the night! (referring to Jennifer Hudson) Her right boob was dangerously close to showing areola.

Currently the Dreamgirls people are singing the three nominated songs in Medley fashion...And Beyonce is singing her ass off...I bet it's because she wasn't nominated and she wants people to know that she is the real star...She seems like that.

11:33 From Duffless, Look at Travolta's Hair Plugs!

11:34 Best original song, the odds say go with Dreamgrils with 60% of the nominations...but no Melissa Ethridge wins for Inconvenient Truth, and imediately goes political. I love Al Gore too!

11:40 Will Smith has the same condition as Dick Clark, he hasn't aged one day since he moved in with Uncle Phil in Bel Air.

11:45 There is another montage...which I thought was about racism...but apparently has become a montage of every movie Michael Mann has ever seen, (duffless)

And for the second time in two events (Oscars and Superbowl) The foo fighters song Best In You is played, unexpectedly.

11:48 Some woman who edits all of Scorcese's films just won an oscar...and Scorcese is crying. I think he may be crying because he's never won, and the editor has won a bunch. Marty is so close to becoming Susan Lucci.

11:50 PARADE OF DEAD!!!!!

The best part of the night...let's see who applauds for who.

Memorable Dead:

Don Knotts (polite applause)
Red Buttons (slightly more than Knotts)
Darren McGavin (Polite Applause)
Maureen Stapleton( Polite applause)
James Doohan (beam me up scotty, Polite applause)

Apparently people have been instructed to not show favorites

Nevermind there was a noticeable difference in the volume of Peter Boyle's applause.

Jack Pallance (one armed pushups)
Mako
Jack Warden
Robert Altman (probably the most applause)

James brown wasn't a part of the parade of dead, he did finish off the strange Michael Mann montage, so I believe that was what they considered a tribute. Six Bud Light talls to be delivered to Duffless for her being right.

12Am Best Actress, or should we say The Helen Mirren show. It was about time a Brit made an acceptance speech...They know how to act!

I kinda liked Calendar Girls, if you haven't seen it, it's about british women who do a nude calendar to raise money for cancer, and end up on The Tonight Show, and at parties with Scott Ian from Anthrax. Helen Mirren shows her boobs...Just sayin!

1205 Best Actor...Let's not be crazy...Peter O'Toole may look like he's dead, but he ain't beating Forrest Whitaker. Who will become the third actor from Fast Times to win an oscar.

And with that, I remember my favorite line from Fast Times:

He's gonna Shit...He's gonna Kill Us!

Well What is it...is he gonna shit, or is he gonna kill us?

First He's gonna Shit...Then He's Gonna Kill Us!

1210, it's Director time...And it's time for Scorcese to finally get the monkey off his back...and he does. It's about time, I mean for god sakes he lost to Kevin Costner and Dances With Wolves when he did Goodfella's. Robbery!

12:20 the go right into best Picture and Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton will give the award away tonight...Keaton usually wears high necks and gloves to cover her skin up, but tonight she's doing neither...wierd. And jack nicholson's sunglasses are only slightly less creepy than Jackie Earle Haley's (by the way if I had to drink every time I saw jack nicholson tonight, I'd be in the hospital with a new liver right now)

Diane Keaton is having a lot of trouble reading off the teleprompter...I don't know if it's because she forgot her glasses or something, but Jack has to pretty much read everything, and that's creepy.

Speaking of that. I work in an office building that is in a Mall...and when I walk through this mall there are ads and posters all through it. And recently there have been ads for some Museum exhibit with close up photos of famous and non famous people...And they chose to show a pic of Jack Nicholson, and it was the first thing I saw one morning in the mall, and let me tell you, it's absolutely frightening to see that much Jack Nicholson.

12:30 Best Picture goes to the departed...I thought Little Miss Sunshine was going to win after the surprise Arkin win and the win for Original Screenplay, but The Departed wins for Adapted Screenplay, Director and Picture, and deservedly so, it was a great movie, and had some terrific dialogue in it. Congrats to all.

One thing, I know the award technically goes to the Producer, but don't you think you could step aside and let Marty speak a little? I mean, it's kinda his award.

That's the end of the show...Ellen, had a few cute moments including asking Marty Scorcese to take a picture of her and Clint Eastwood for her "Myspace Profile"

but in reality, it was pretty tame, and not very funny.

It was also long...Too many damn montages, I'm all about the Montage, but they need to make sense. The Mann Montage could have been lost...Also the Special Effects Singers was about 5 minutes too long.

And let's get the song nominees out of the way in quickfire medley format from now on, we don't need 5 five minute songs over the course of the show...get them all out of the way in one chunk so people can go grab a bite, or a drink, or go to the bathroom or inject themselves with narcotics...whatever.

The Song with Jack Black, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilley was definitely the high point of the night for me, it was well done...and Will's hair was awesome...

Oh yeah, and I forgot what time it happened buy Happy Feet beat Cars for best animated feature...I know even though my nephew was asleep at the time, he was throwing over tables in disgust when that happened. I didn't see either, so I don't know what one was better.

Ok, that's all for the Fuge Oscar Blogtacular...Next year I promise to drink more and be more funny...being sick on big weekends really sucks...

The Unified Petty Theory

2007-02-20T20:12:00.000-05:00

It is my theory, that during any party/hanging out situation putting Tom Petty on is always acceptable and appreciated.

Back in college we used to fight over what cd to put on. Some liked metal, some liked grunge (which like an onion on the belt, was the fashion at the time) and others of us preferred (cough.. cough) sad bastard British music. There was very little acceptable overlap, especially once the drinking began. Here is where Tom Petty is your "go to" guy. He's the Switzerland of music, he's neutral territory. Everybody likes him, nobody hates him.

Weirdly, Tom Petty has always been famous, and yet has never been FAMOUS. Everybody likes Tom Petty, he's a unifying factor without being uncool, like say a Billy Joel. Most bands have had ups and downs, yet he's always around. I have found in my subsequent experience that the Unified Petty Theory has stood the test of time. He's like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, its always in the kitchen and sometimes you forget how awesome it is. I look forward to another 30 years of Petty and PBJ!

I hate you Nancy Grace

2007-02-16T10:55:00.000-05:00

Nancy Grace is just pure evil. She purports to be an advocate for victims. If you watch her for a few minutes you might believe that. If you watch it for a few more minutes a few times, you come to realize the monster that she is. On top of her self serving, ratings grabbing exploitation of victims, she's also a stone cold bitch. Her voice and tone are enough to kill a small child. I flip past her once in a while and get more angry each time. She fixates on whatever the national headline is, the girl who died in aruba, the kidnapped kids that were found, Anna Nicole Smith and then she exploits them with zero compassion or tact. She yells at victims and pretends to have their best interest in mind. Her show alone makes all of CNN's credibility suspect in my mind. Here is an excerpt from last night. Yes, I can understand the media interest in ANS, and even wanting to know the details of the results. However, how sick and twisted are these questions and why would America need to know these details - that is why we have medical examiners. I don't care how f'd up ANS was, she was still a person, someone's mother, someone's daughter. Fuck you Nancy Grace.

GRACE: OK. Good to know. Doctor, the internal organs of Anna Nicole Smith, specifically the heart and the brain, where are they?

PERPER: Those were retained by us for purposes of examination. The heart is retained for examination and for additional testing by a cardiac pathologist, and the brain has to be fixed in a fixative fluid for about 10 days prior to the examination by a neuropathologist.

GRACE: Doctor, when the person is buried, they`re embalmed and buried, do the internal organs go back into the body?

PERPER: Yes, with the exception of the one which we retain. And if the family requires to have those body returned for burial after completion of our testing, we will certainly comply with this request.

GRACE: OK. And Dr. Perper, I know from reading so many autopsy reports that you look at every internal organ, it is weighed, it is held in your hand. Do those organs, such as the kidney and the liver, do they go back into the body?

PERPER: Correct.

GRACE: OK.PERPER: Except for small pieces which are taken for microscopic examination.

What do these things all have in common?

2007-02-16T01:46:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentines Day Foundation Readers

2007-02-14T12:35:00.000-05:00

Finding the Simpson's not funny, that's a paddlin'

2007-02-12T23:24:00.000-05:00

First of all, I can't believe I've blogged this long without going off about The Simpson's. Let the record show, my life has been significantly happier because of the weekly joy that is the Simpson's.

Growing up there was a rule at our dinner table, No Simpsons Quoting! My little brother was just about the same age as Bart when the show started. My poor parents had to endure years of random Simpson's blathering each and every dinner. College and my moving out offered their ears some peace, at least until the holidays.

Although there was a "No Simpsons" rule, we did not, nay could not obey it. We just couldn't stop ourselves. Eventually my parents realized the futility of this rule: their kids were just too fucked up and nothing could be done.

As the years passed they finally went with it. I can remember calling home one time and telling my Mom to say to my bro, "Food goes in here", to which he instantly replied "it sure does."

Later my brother called me laughing, both pissed and impressed that I was able to get my mom to quote the Homer. He was just jealous and envious of my awesomeness!!

My little bro, "the boy", just turned 25. That means if Bart were real he'd also be 25! For the last, I'd say 6 or 7 years, I've endured countless conversations about how "the Simpsons just aren't funny anymore." People who know how much I love this show feel the need to engage me in the topic. While yes, I will admit, the episodes are less consistent, especially after the Conan years, the show is till relevant and funny. Damnit people, THE SIMPSONS ARE STILL FUNNY!

Comedy evolves over time, since the characters can't age the writing must mutate to keep fresh. Some seasons are more whacked out, some are more sentimental. Variety, thy name is Simpsons!

Last night's episode is a clear example of one of the more whacked out episodes. I wish I could have been there when the writers pitched the idea: "Bart runs away with his pregnant girlfriend to get married." Bart is 10!!! F'ing classic.

Even better than the main plot was the Homer subplot. Bart gets a driver's license and Homer gives him a cell phone and informs him that Bart must now be available to Homer whenever he needs him. As a result, you get to hear through the phone calls, the crazy shit that Homer gets himself into behind the scenes. At one point he has to call Bart to find out the difference between Ketchup and Catsup, else he'll be beheaded. You don't know where Homer is, or how this could have possibly have happened.

You never really see where Homer is during these calls, but you learn that the situations Homer gets involved in, which aren't episodes, are even more f'd up than you could imagine. Yes, I realize i'm talking like Homer is real. I mean he is, isn't he?

We also learn that Lenny and Carl might also be brothers. Any episode with Lenny and Carl is a keeper.

So for all of you Simpson's doubters, please wait til the movie comes out to bad mouth it. I've got a bad feeling about it. This season has been great, and the Simpson's are still hilarious!

Oscars Update

2007-02-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

I've watched two movies that are of Oscar Nomination importance the last few days...thanks Bittorrent!

First I watched The Little Children. Starring Kate Winslet (nominated) and Jackie Earle Haley (nominated as well). As much as I'd like Jackie Earle to take him the statue due to his early work, and as much as I think he did a great job in this (absolutely f'n creepy! by the way), I think I can say with all honesty that both Marky Mark, and Alan Arkin had roles I'd consider to be better suited for the Oscar. Either way I think the point is moot, because Eddie Murphy is going to win because people are figuratively suckling his junk at every opportunity.

If you haven't seen The Little Children, I definitley reccomend it, there is some good acting, some real creepy scenes, and Kate Winslet's Boobs...What else could you really want?

I then saw Half Nelson, starring Ryan "I love thos cupcakes like McAdams loves" Gossling. Gossling was the only nominee in this movie, although I feel Shareeka Epps may have deserved it for her role as Drey, but as I've read in other published reports, the Academy was probably ready to nominate one young female actor this year and Abigail Breslin filled up that quota. Gossling was great in this movie playing a drug addicted teacher who tries to teach his students that history is more than just about memorizing dates and names. Anyways, the movie doesn't have a lot of plot twists and turns, but the characters and the dialogue is great...I suggest it as well.

I don't think Gossling can win anything, I mean, he's not going up against Dame Helen, but he is going up against Forrest Whitaker, and in this battle he has less chance to beat Forrest Whitaker than Lincoln High did of beating Ridgemont after Spicoli spraypainted the car to pretend it was a prank after he had crashed it.

I think I'm going to try to get Blood Diamond next...and then maybe The Queen...I don't know...I'll keep you updated!

Something for Nothing!!!!!

2007-02-03T13:44:00.000-05:00

I remember being a kid and looking through the Sears catalogue, mostly at the toy section, dreaming of what I wanted or making a Christmas list. However, there were two other sections that caught my childhood fancy. The first was the section with all the giant wooden swingsets, I envisioned how perfectly one would fit in our backyard. But the section I spent most of my time with was the metal detector section.

I dreamed of getting one and walking around our neighborhood, beaches, and parks finding untold fortunes. Ever since I was a little kid I've been a bit like Peter from Office Space. I haven't really had career aspirations and I don't really want to work. That being said, I am very hard working, my parents raised me with a strong work ethic. BUT, I dream of getting something for nothing, of striking it rich without actually "working".

I think this is part of the reason I've been so attracted to poker. To me, while its hard work, its not really "working". I still dream of getting a metal detector, of finding a valuable painting hidden behind an old canvas, or of winning the lottery (even though I rarely play).

I must not be the only one with these weird childhood fantasies. This one has faded less over time than my other childhood fixations, such as UFOs, Bigfoot, Nessie etc. I recently discovered a show called, The Best Place to Find Cash & Treasures.

This show is awesome! It's on the Travel Channel and basically each episode has a woman going on some sort of treasure hunt. She pans for gold, mines for diamonds and hunts for meteors. Then she takes what she's found, gets it appraised, and sometimes sells it. Many of these place are free to the public. There area places out west where you can go mine things like gold and sunstones for free!! I want to go!! She's hunted for fossils, prehistoric shark teeth, and geodes as well. At the diamond mine she found other miners who collected tens of thousands of dollars of diamonds but don't sell them because are part of their collection. Trust me, I'd sell mine so fast!!!

New England doesn't seem to have many locations for this kind of activity. Perhaps I could find some gold fillings from a corpse somewhere on Revere Beach. Whitey Bulger, if you are reading this, get cracking on some hits. Unless I take a vacation I might be SOL when it comes to finding my treasure. I think the show is great, check it out and then buy me a metal detector damnit or at least take me panning for gold!!

http://travel.discovery.com/tv/cash-treasures/cash-treasures.html

Oscars Preview

2007-01-29T09:34:00.000-05:00

Two things I can tell you for sure, Dame Helen Mirren will win for her role in the Queen, and I will be drunk on the night of February 25th.

I love the Oscars for so many reasons...Not just because of the movies, but I love to see so many things that can only happen when Hollywood's biggest stars get together in the same place.

I love it when Actresses wear revealing dresses and the rumors that they weren't wearing underwear start to surface.

I love it when nominees have to put on the good face when they didn't win the oscar.

I love it when some nobody who wins an oscar for Best Documentary Short program takes too long on his speech, and the orchestra cues up and starts playing.

I love it when someone make a political comment, and the crowd doesn't expect it, so they don't know whether to clap or not.

I love it when they make jokes about whatever happened the past year that are somewhat awkward, and then they show the person who was joked about and they are making a fake laugh, but inside they are plotting the death of Bruce Villanch who wrote the joke...Mel Gibson should fit this role quite well this year.

I even love it when they do the Nominations for the Best Costumes, and they show all the hand drawn story boards with all the costume ideas on them.

And I REALLY LOVE the Parade of dead stars. They should really have an applause o meter in the bottom right hand of the screen, with just a respectful applause registering as "No one knows who this is" to the standing ovation: "This Person Had either a lot of pull, or made a lot of people some money"

That being said, I guess it's time for my predictions...projections and hopes and dreams for this years Oscar Ceremony.

First things first, I'd like to consider the Duffless Foundation the online home for the Jackie Earle Haley for Best Supporting Actor Committee. Like I said, I haven't seen this movie yet...but I'm working on it. But I think I would give 100 dollars just to see his acceptance speech...I mean this guy hasn't made a decent movie since 1983's Losing It! And the 10 second long clip of his they showed on the SAG awards last night was uber creepy, and to me worthy of upsetting Eddie Murphy for the award. This guy was a Pizza Delivery guy in San Antonio in between his last tv movie and 2006 where the director for the Movie All The King's Men remembered his work in the 70's and decided he'd be good for a role he had in mind. And now, he's on the red carpet ready to see if he wins an oscar. Even if he doesn't win, he already has, he's brought legitimacy to a career...One that really didn't need any (if you've seen Breaking Away), but legitimacy nonetheless.

Second, I'd like to say that the Best Supporting Actor category is my favorite so far. I mean, Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine was freakin' Hilarious...Marky Mark in the Departed, was the best role in the whole damn film, which was full of them. I'm sure Marky's friends from back in the day will be sending him Good Vibrations from Boston. And of course Jackie Earle Haley is also nominated. My fingers will be crossed for him, but I think Eddie Murphy will probably win for his role in Dreamgirls. I have nothing much to say about this, other than the fact that if the star of NORBIT wins an Oscar, I think I'm going to puke. Oh yeah, Djimon Honsou was nominated as well. This guy knows how to pick a role...it seems like he's nominated for almost everything he does! I hear Blood Diamond just wasn't that good of a movie though, so he won't win...but Dreamgirls wasn't good either I hear...so:

Prediction: Winner...Marky Mark sans Funky Bunch
Who I hope wins: Jackie Earle Haley
I would be happy if anyone but Eddie Murphy wins.

Best Supporting Actress...

I've seen only one of these movies, Little Miss Sunshine. So I will go purely based on gut. Saying that, I'm kind of torn. Rinko Kikuchi from Babel is pretty hot. Jennifer Hudson Shares my last name. Abigail Breslin was awesome...but I'm still pissed that Christian Bale wasn't nominated for Empire of the Sun when he was a kid so I won't vote for any kid actors until his awesomeness in that movie is recognized. Adrianna Barazza is in the same movie as Rinko Kikuchi but is not hot. and finally Cate Blanchette won last year for the Aviator, so she isn't winning this year.

Prediction: Winner Jennifer Hudson (have to go with my family)

Best Actor...

This category appears to be locked up for Forrest Whitaker...which is fine by me. He's been in several of my favorite movies of all time. From his early workin Fast Times At Ridgemont High, to his work in VietNam era movies Platoon and Good Morning VietNam, I've always liked him. I haven't seen this movie, but it seems like an unstoppable force. For this reason, I won't even bother going into the other actors...except to say that Peter O'Toole was nominated for Venus, and after seeing him on the interview circuit, I'm not sure he's going to make it until the awards presentation, this guy is old, and crazy, and he wears scarves to cover up his old man neck. Leo was nominated for Blood Diamond, Ryan Gosling (I love those cupcakes like Mcadams loves Gosling) was nominated for Half Nelson, which I don't think is about wrestling...sadly. And finally Will Smith was nominated for Pursuit of Happyness.

Prediction...Whitaker in a landslide

Best Actress...

To mirror what my prestigious costar Duffless writes, Dame Judy Dench and Dame Helen Mirren definitely go over the old british lady limit in this category, but Mirren is winning this without a doubt for her work in The Queen. I really liked her in Calendar Girls, which I'm not really comfortable admitting, but I did.

The other nominees are Meryl Streepin Devil Wears Prada, Penelope Cruz in Volver, Judy Dench in Notes on a Scandal and Kate Winslet in Little Children. On a side note, Kate was responsible for getting Jackie Earle Haley the part in this movie, so she gets an extra thumbs up from me!

Prediction...Mirren in a bigger landslide than Whitaker.

Best Director...

Okay this appears to be a two horse race, with longtime nominee Martin Scorcese playing the Susan Lucci role (6 nominations no awards) and Clint Eastwood looking to take home his 3rd oscar for directing...after Million Dollar Baby and The Unforgiven. He was also nominated for directing Mystic River.

Scorcese has actually lost like 3 times to actors turned directors in this category...with Kevin Costner winning for Dances with Wolves (shocking in retrospect) over Goodfellas...Robert Redford for Ordinary People knocking out Raging Bull...and Clint Eastwood himself for Million Dollar Baby knocking off The Aviator.

The thing is, I hear a lot of Scorcese's Departed and Eastwood's Letters From Iwo Jima may cancel themselves out leaving Babel's Mexican guy to win. I don't think this is going to happen, I think The Departed will pull this one out, and Scorcese will finally get his due. I mean, the guy has only made some of the most memorable movies of all time and has never won anything...this is his time.

Prediction....Scorcese.

Best Picture
The nominees are The Departed, Babel, Little Miss Sunshine, Letters From Iwo Jima, and The Queen. Again, this seems to be a case where The Departed and Letters From Iwo Jima could cancel eachother out allowing Babel to win especially after Babel's win in the Golden Globes. That being said, I don't think it happens here...I think Scorcese will win again with the based in Boston Drama The Departed.

I kinda wish the Oscars would adopt the Golden Globes system of having a Drama and a Comedy category, cause I really kinda think that Sascha Baron Cohen and Borat should have been nominated for the best picture, but there's no way that The Academy would nominate two different comedies...even though Little Miss Sunshine was pretty damned depressing.

Anyway, Prediction...The Departed

I won't bore you with all the little awards...because unlike previous years there's nothing that fun to report...There's no Billy Zabka getting nominated for best Short, or Hoop Dreams not getting nominated for best Documentary.

So I'll go through some of them very quick.

Best Foreign Language-Volver
Best Documentary-An inconvenient truth (biggest layup outside Helen Mirren)
Best Animated- Cars, for my nephew.
Best Adapted Screenplay- The Departed (I almost put Borat, but I didn't have the balls)
Best Original Screenplay- Little Miss Sunshine, I'm calling the upset!
Best Song- Prince, because seeing him was the best 10 dollars I've ever spent.

Allright, I guess that's enough...

One thing I will promise, I will be there February 25th, fresh off a road trip to sunny Toronto Ontario Canada, drinking my canned american beers, and bringing you the most entertaining recap of the oscars this side of Fox News.

Oh while I'm at it, I'm going to say that this time there is no way that I outdrink Jack Nicholson appearances. I'm not saying that I don't polish off more than a twelve pack, but with The Departed being nominated, I have a feeling that I won't be even close to being able to keep up with him...I promise I'll try.

Also, I think the five nominees for top applause in the parade of dead have to be:
Robert Altman
Red Buttons
Peter Boyle
Don Knotts
Shelly Winters

Robert Altman takes the cake, with Peter Boyle getting a surprise second.

This Foundation Member will also be remembering the deaths of Bruno Kirby, Chris Penn and Mr. Vernon/Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson (Paul Gleason) with a tip of the old beer can towards the heaven...And a special Parade of Dead Salute will go to James Brown. I really can't wait to see how many times I say to myself: Holy Shit...He/She Died?

Ok, that's enough, I'm done with this...

I'll be back beforehand, but this is it for Oscar talk until the 25th.

To follow up Fuge, my Oscar thoughts.

2007-01-24T13:12:00.000-05:00

I want this to be the year where they come out and reverse last year's Best Picture decision. Why can't they admit that last year's decision was just hollywood sucking its own dick? Crash Sucked!!!

I have to clap out the Marky Mark nod for The Departed. As much as I should hate this former pants dropper, man he was good in that. I do like Alan Arkin, but this year I give it to the funky bunch in a landslide.

If you belong to a hollywood death pool, now is the time to increase your shares of Peter O'Toole. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, I even loved High Spirits with Steve Gooootenbergo, but this nomination is a harbinger of death.

Other comments, do we really need both Dame Helen Mirren and Dame Judi Dench nominated in the old british bag category, shouldn't one suffice?

Abigail Breslin was nominated...interesting. Maybe we finally have someone who can kick Dakota Fanning's ass without going to jail.

I will also attempt to see most of the films nominated. I am unable to bring myself to see United 93. I am also having a hard time bringing myself to see the Iwo Jima movie, I like the idea of showing the other side of Flags of Our Fathers, but I just don't know if I have it in me to see both movies.

An Inconvenient Truth is a slam dunk for Best Doc. I would have liked to have seen it get a best picture nod as well, but I know how it goes. Pan's Labrynth will also be a no brainer for Best Foreign film.

I see Grandma's Boy failed to garner a nomination. I will give it my own Duffless Award for "Best Movie That Should Have Sucked", but I loved it for some weird reason.

For overlooked I'd have to say The Proposition should have been nominated for a cinematography award.

Well, I plan on getting really drunk during 2 Dollar Beer Winter and enjoying some Oscars and seeing who gets the most claps during the Parade of Death. My money's on a tie between Jack Palance and Robert Altman. Peter Boyle will be getting most of my claps.

What day is it?...October? No, It's Oscar Nomination Day!

2007-01-23T23:33:00.000-05:00

Today, is one of my favorite days of the year...and I'm sure you can tell from the headline, why that is.

It's Oscar Nominations Day!!!

I don't claim to have seen all the movies that were nominated...in fact the last time I've even seen all 5 nominated best picture candidates was the 1998 show...(Titanic, Good Will Hunting, The Full Monty, LA Confidential, As Good As It Gets)...but I still love this day.

Here's why, because I generally look at the list of Nominees, then regardless of whether I've seen the film, I come up with the picks I think will win. I'm not quite ready to pick my winners yet.

But I will say this.

I'm happy about two things...

1...The fact that Little Miss Sunshine was nominated for Best Picture instead of Dreamgirls.

I mean, that movie can't be good can it? Most reviews I've seen have given it 2 stars or less!

and

2....The fact that one of my favorites, star of The Bad News Bears and Breaking Away....Jackie Earle Haley has come out of obscurity to get nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his work in The Little Children.

I swear I'll see that movie sometime, I promise. but who cares, i'm rooting for him, because he was Kelly Leak, the best Cigarette Smoking, Motorcycle ridin, Air Hockey Husltling, Frilly Suede Jacket wearing little leaguer in the world!

This weekend I'll come up with my completely uninformed predictions on the rest of the categories, but chalk me up for this one...The best supporting actor will be Jackie Earle Haley!

Here is a link to all of the nominations...

http://www.oscars.org/79academyawards/noms.html

I'll be back with my predictions this weekend!

Congratulations Jackie Earle!

2007-01-23T14:31:00.000-05:00

Jackie Earle Haley was nominated today for Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture by the Academy Awards!

We at the Foundation are proud of you and will be supporting you all the way up to the Show!

*expect an Academy Awards Nominations Blog tonight!*

Happy New Year...No Particular Thoughts

2007-01-04T12:43:00.000-05:00

I'd like to first say, I hope everyone of the foundation members had a wonderful holiday season, no matter what holiday you celebrate...Also, a happy new year to everyone...Let's hope that 2007 is the best year ever!

Ok, couple of things I wanted to go over this new year...first off, The world lost a legend on Christmas Day. James Brown, the Hardest Workin' Man in Show Business...The Godfather of Soul...The Sex Machine himself passed away.

James may have been the most influential Pop Culture Idol of all time. I mean, his music was great, but really his Mug Shot after an arrest that had something to do with imprisoning his wife and driving across state lines, led to such great Celebrity Mug Shots as Nick Nolte, Marv Albert and more recently Nicole Ritchie.

The Parade of Dead at the oscars should be extra special this year...

Speaking of the oscars, I've decided that I may have to do a full blog posting on the two actors...or roles that I felt deserved to be nominated for Best Actor/Actress and weren't. It's funny, but both roles I have were Child actors, but their roles were so good, that shouldn't have been held against them.

The first was Christian Bale in Empire of the Sun. This kid carried a movie that was like 14 hours long...excelled!

The second is Nathalie Portman in Leon (The Professional). I swear the only reason she didn't get nominated is because there was a hint of pedophilia in the movie...although the American release had far less of it that the European/Uncut release.

Any way, I think I'll break down the acting categories of the respective years at some point, but right now, I have to get back to work.

Oh one last thing, I'm addicted to the books of James Patterson and John Grisham...I stood at the bookstore last night for 25 minutes deciding which book I wanted to buy more (Cross by Patterson or An Innocent Man by Grisham). I chose Cross, and today...less than 24 hours later, i'm almost done with the book. 20 bucks for 24 hours of reading doesn't seem like a good bargain. So Barnes and Nobles...Help me out, put the books by these guys next to the Romance novels or something, so I don't buy them in hardcover.

Allright, I'll be back with a more substantial blog soon, maybe even later today.

The Greatest Little League Baseball Player Ever!

2006-12-13T15:08:00.000-05:00

Then

Now

Jackie Earle Haley...better known as Kelly Leak from the Bad News Bears films, may be known for another reason come this spring. Turns out Jackie Earle has returned to acting, and had a supporting role in the movie Little Children. I've yet to see the movie, but apparently it is a set in boston movie about the lives of married couples and their children...If I'm not mistaken Jackie plays a pedophile, but I could be wrong.

Well it turns out that Jackie's role won the New York Film Critics Award for Best Supporting Actor. And now they are talking Oscar!!!! I've never been this excited since I saw that Johnny Lawrence/Chaz Osbourne himself Billy Zabka was nominated in the best short film category a few years ago!

The movie is written and directed by the same guy who did the movie In The Bedroom, and stars Kate Winslet and Jennifer Connelly...and their breasts.

I've missed Jackie Earle. He made two of my favorite movies of all time...Bad News Bears and Breaking Away. And that's pretty much it, but he's always garnered much respect from me. Now all I can say is congratulations! And Good Luck Jackie Earle, I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors...and if I had a vote come this spring...you'd be it!

My attempt at being Kobayashi

2006-12-11T16:17:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday night, I decided to throw my hat into the ring of competitive eating.

I'd long thought I had quite the stomach, and figured, if they can do it...So can I. In the past I'd had my picture taken at various restaurants where if you eat the big burger you get your picture on the wall. But now, I wanted more...I wanted a title. I wanted to be the Spikes' Hot Dogs "TOP DOG". I chose the venue...Davis Square. I didn't choose Davis because the record is 2 hot dogs less than the Allston Location...I chose it because I wanted to come over to the other side of the river and take away one of it's accolades...To plant the Allston-Brighton flag into Somerville's home turf.

The record for the Davis location is 12 dogs. You may think this seems like a small amount, but for those of you who aren't familiar with a Spikes Dog, the are quite large, and the bun isn't so much a bun as a large piece of French Bread. I did some research, and tried my best to prepare. I'd often chug gallons of water with dinner, to try to stretch my stomach, I came up with a plan of attack, and decided that last Wednesday was the night of nights.

I showed up at the location with my trusty Nano in hand...loose fitting pants around my waist and a hunger from eating only a light breakfast during the day. I spoke to the man at the counter, and said I was going to try to best the record...he told me the rules (1.5 hours, all hot dogs and buns must be eaten, no bathroom breaks or trips out of the store, and no puking) and before he started me off, he let me know that the owner of the current record was sitting directly to my left.

A woman, smallish in stature probably around 100 pounds. She turns to me and says "if you beat my record, I'll just come back and beat you tomorrow". I admit, I was intimidated. I rip through the first 6 hot dogs at a blistering pace, my plan...eat 10 hot dogs in 30 minutes, then coast to the last 3 to set the record...if I have time I'll eat one or two more to make my record a little bit harder to break.

I think I had her worried through six hot dogs...which I think I ate in 10 minutes.

At dog seven, she knew she was going to be keeping the record and left. I hadn't hit the wall, but I was having trouble eating the dogs, requiring a lot more liquid. I got through 2 more dogs, and wanted to call it quits. But Realized if I ate one more, I'd have eaten the second most hot dogs in the history of that particular location (tied really, one other had eaten 9). I knew 10 wasn't a possibility. I choked down the last dog, now full to the nth degree. Her record was safe, and even more, she had my respect. Even though I still had about 45 minutes to go in the contest, I knew it was over, the taste of hot dog was becoming vile to me, I couldn't swallow any more without taking a swig of pepsi (like swallowing a pill), So I told the man that I was all done. He got me my trophy, a Spikes visor (they didn't have my tshirt size)...Took my picture, banished the one time holder of second place to the next row, and congratulated me.

I left knowing that I could have prepared more, and I probably could get over the 10 dog mark, if I wanted to try again...but really, what do I have to prove. I know I did my best, and know that I gave it a good run.

I thank my friends that were there to support me, and I wish that I could have done better for them. But alas, I did not, but they had a good time.

I think it will be quite a long time before I eat hot dogs again and enjoy them, but I'll be back, and this time it will be fore my enjoyment, not to try to win some tshirt and get my picture on the wall.

Kobayashi...Girl at Spikes...you are the true heroes of the eating world, I am but your servant.

Fall F'n Finale!!!

2006-12-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

Ok NBC cut the shit...Let's stop calling the winter Hiatus anything other than what it is...a time to take a break for the holidays and make some space for some holiday specials and reruns.

Let's stop this fuckin Fall Finale Insanity. You've already practically ruined my life chaining me to my tv for almost 3 nights a week...if you add Sunday Night Football and Friday Night Lights together. Now you need to try to fool me into thinking that this Fall Finale is anything other than the last new show that will be on for a while? I'm too smart for you NBC. I know what you're up to...You're hoping IDENTITY will be this years Deal or No Deal. Something that next year you'll be able to fill 3 hours of programming per week with...since sooner or later people will tire of the worlds most famous Obssessive Compulsive Howie Mandel. I understand this...really I do...and to tell you the truth I could use the break...but don't try to fool me that this is something than it really is! A Break!

And more importantly...Please don't use this opportunity to sell two sets of dvd's for a whole season!

Don't make me buy Season 1a and 1b of Heroes! I'll fuckin download that shit illegally so fast and hand it out like jesus flyers outside of a red sox game...I swear to god.

Thank god Monday Night Football doesn't have a "Fall Finale" at least I'll have something to watch on Monday nights.

Statute of Limitations

2006-11-19T21:14:00.000-05:00

The Duffless Foundation came upon a situation where it felt it could do some real good for society. A situation came up where I was gmail chatting with a Friend of the Foundation (FOF for future reference). During the conversation I was relaying a story about when I was in the movie theater in Beautiful Revere Massachusetts seeing The Sixth Sense...when near the end, when you figure out that Bruce Willis' character is in fact dead already, a woman sitting behind me yelled out, "I knew he was dead!" over and over again. In my attempt to tell a story, I never thought that I may run into an issue that the person I was speaking to might not have seen the movie yet. I mean, the movie was out in 1999! This FOF took solace in the fact that he was one of two people in the world who didn't know the ending. To him I said...FU, you can't be pissed at me for revealing the secret to a movie that not only has 99.9% of the population seen, but that was released in a previous decade, nay MILLENIUM!!!!

It was decided that The Duffless Foundation will now set the guidelines for when you can talk about movies without consequence...A Statute of Limitations. Follow these guidelines and you can worry not about being a douche, you are covered by our Douche Free Guarantee.

The Duffless Founcation Decrees that up until a movie is released on DVD or six months after the release of the film in theaters, you need to ask someone whether or not they've seen the movie before discussing any part of the plot and or quoting any particularly memorable or funny lines.

This situation is different in the case of a movie with either a twist, or a mystery...a la The Sixth Sense. A 1 year cushion will be added. After one year of release of the dvd, a person is no longer required any courtesy in talking about the movie.

Depending on how much you like the person, if a film is outside of this one year period, and makes it clear to you that they haven't seen it, it is your discretion as to whether or not you reveal the plot twist/quote.

After 5 years of being released, not only will you be completely absolved of any douchebaginess for revealing anything about the movie. Also, if someone still hasn't seen the movie, it is up to your discretion whether or not you want to make fun of them or not.

So to recap.

Length of time before you do not need to ask someone whether or not they've seen a movie before mentioning plot and or quotes:

6 Months or DVD Release. No Plot twists or Special Circumstances
1 Year after DVD Release. Plot Twists or Special Circumstances.

5 Years after release of movie, No douchebaginess/make fun of person.

Thank you very much, any questions can be sent to Fuge.dufflessfoundation@gmail.com

Lard Clock Catastrophe

2006-11-14T22:20:00.000-05:00

Now don't get me wrong, one thing I love more than a good donut is John Goodman. I love a skinny-ish John Goodman in Revenge of the Nerds, I love a fat John Goodman in almost everything. I especially loved when John Goodman seemed to spend a year or two randomly appearing on SNL for seemingly no reason. I think he just thought it was funny. Goodman as Linda Tripp, pure hilarity.

But all I'm saying is this, if I were running a huge donut company, I don't think John Goodman would be my go to guy for voiceover work.

Chocolate Frosted Cake Donut, 360 calories, 20 grams of fat - - soooo f'ing good, and soooo f'ing unhealthy - mmmmmm Goodman.

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack to the State House Again.

2006-11-13T14:48:00.000-05:00

Apparently, for only $5.95 billed to your cell phone or credit card, you can do a walking tour of Boston narrated by the scarved one himself, Steven Tyler. Run by TalkingStreets.com, this tour "Rebels and Dreamers of Boston", starts off in the Public Gardens and takes you on a historical tour of the city, narrated by Steven Tyler.

You can hear a sample here: http://www.talkingstreet.com/tours_freepreview.php?tourid=bos

I really don't know what else to say about this, its just so weird.
The Lower East Side of NYC one is narrated by Jerry Stiller, now THAT might get my 6 bucks!

I want my Two Dollarism.

2006-11-04T08:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I could blame the Loch Ness Monster, Big Ben/Parliament or Maryland Crabs for my recent MIA status, but that only accounts for 2 missing weeks, lets chalk the rest up to a mean case of the lazies. But I'm back, and will try to post more - and despite my attempts to kill Nessie with a hammer, he/she is still swimming around the Highlands.

While listening to my ipod on my journey, I discovered something new to love, something so awesomely funny it is found in a rare few songs. What is this? Well, I'm glad you asked. My new favorite thing is when a song unexpectedly has a 2 Dollar word. Prior to this, my favorite cheesy terrible song feature was the use and abuse of thunder.

Below you will find two of my favorite examples of what I like to call Two Dollarism. Yes, I know the expression is 25Cent word, but at the foundation we enjoy 2 Dollar Beer Summer, the "I want my two dollars" kid, and these songs are at least 4x better than anything 50cent ever recorded, so I'm sticking with it. If you have more examples, use the comments section and go down in the annals of pop culture history. I said annals.

Example 1 - Jessie's Girl - Rick Springfield

"Y'know I feel so dirty when they start talkin' cute
I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is prob'ly moot
'Cause she's watchin' him with those eyes
And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it
And he's holdin' her in his arms, late late at night "

Ok, he just worked the word Moot, into what is arguably one of the top 20 Eighties songs. Moot! Not to mention, I love the way he says "I just know it", it sounds like a verbal shaking of the fist...I love the irony of having such a word like Moot in what is a sugary pop song.

Example 2 - Cleaning Out My Closet - Eminem
"Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen who you think this record is dissin', but put yourself in my position, just try to envision witnessin'your Mama poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen, bitchin' that someone's always goin'through her purse and shits missin', going through public housing systems, victim of Munchausen's Syndrome, my whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't 'til I grewup, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya' stomach, doesn't it"

Munchausen's Syndrome, really? Did Eminem just rhyme missin with Munchausen's Syndrome? Classic! Now thats a Two Dollarism if I've ever heard one. Although, to be technical, I believe Mr. Mathers was a victim of Munchausen's by Proxy, which is when the parent gets attention by making the child ill, as opposed to Munchausen's when the person makes themselves ill, but I'll let it slide this time. Send us your Two Dollarisms!

The Duffless Foundations Lifetime Achievement Award

2006-10-23T20:39:00.000-05:00

It's been a while...but I've found my inspiration, to blog again. I found this inspiration in the marathon viewing of 20 episodes of the first season of the excellent television program Scrubs.

And after this marathon session, I've decided to award the Duffless Foundation Lifetime Achievement Award to John C. McGinley. To all the educated great members of the Foundation, you know that John C. has a great Resume, or CV to our British members, that really doesn't need to be mentioned, but just in case there are some new members out there, here it goes. John C. really came out to the forefront of the Hollywood world in the mid 80's with a role in Oliver Stone's award winning Viet Nam war epic Platoon, playing the whiny "Red" always looking for a way out, he did find himself stealing the show from names such as Defoe, Berrenger, Sheen, Depp, Whitaker and Foundation Gravel Voice Hall of Famer Francisco Quinn.

Stone obviously saw something in a young McGinley because he brought him in on some other films...Wall Street, and Born on the Fourth of July. McGinley realizing how great it was to work with talented people, then moved on to work with the geniuses that are Swayze, Busey and Reeves. Point Break brought us big action, great performances and unforgettable quotes. John C. played the asshole boss better than anyone else ever dreamed of.

Later on in his career, John C. made a couple of more great choices. That brings us to 1994 when John C. was blessed to work again with some of the greatest actors of his time...First, he was in On Deadly Ground with Steven Seagal...then later he joined up with Busey again and Ice T in the updated movie version of The Most Dangerous Game...entitled Surviving the Game.

John C. then decided to make his name in television, with guest appearances on Friends and The Practice, before making his triumphant return to movies. Many people may have passed on the 1999 film that really led him down the path to today's award. The movie had no major movie stars, wasn't hyped very well, and wasn't given much respect more than being a movie that was written by the guy who did Beavis and Butthead. But John C. knew there was something there. The movie of course was Office Space. The movie became something of a definition of an entire generation of cubicle dwelling office workers. And John C. knew that. Choosing his projects was always one of John C.'s greatest attributes.

John C.'s other great attribute is is range...Early in his career he was often cast in Dramas, but now he realized that he can take over the comedy world...not only on the big screen, but in TV land as well.

Which brings me back full circle to the Scrubs Marathon that I had this past weekend. Zach Braff may get all the headlines, but everyone knows that John C.'s Dr. Perry Cox is the true, true star of this show. The show is laughs through and through, and most of them are courtesy of John C. McGinley

Because of his work, and our appreciation, on behalf of The Duffless Foundation...I want to award the Lifetime Achievement Award to Mr. John C. McGinley!!!!

Congratulations John C.! We appreciate your work!
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001525/

Thirty is the new...

2006-10-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

Today is a historic day in the world. I am no longer a twenty something, I am now 30. I know, I know, thank you all for your kind birthday wishes. To be honest, I don't feel any different except that people decide to call me old man, and ask me if I feel any different, so then I think that maybe I should feel different. Well maybe subconsciously I do feel different, I did just go to a financial advisor about retirement plans.

ANYWAY I digress.

This blog is purely to celebrate the awesomeness that happens on my birthday.

Here are some notable events that have happened on my birthday:

in 1957 Sputnik was launched, starting the Space Age.

in 1822 Future president Rutherford B. Hayes was born.

in 1777 George Washington led troops into Germantown PA...heavy American casulaties occured.

In 1940, Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini conferred at Brenner Pass in the Alps, where the Nazi leader sought Italy's help in fighting the British.

In good news though, in 1970 Janis Joplin Died!

Some other famous people that share my birthday include:

Alicia Silverstone (also 1976)
Susan Sarandon (1946)
Charlton Heston (1923)
Stuttering John Melendez (1965)
Liev Schreiber (1967)
One Hit Wonder Jon Secada (1961)
Armand Assante (1949)
Russell Simmons (1957)
Rachel Leigh Cook (1979)

So, not a bad day, couple of oscar winners, two stars of a classic teen movie, a one hit wonder who may have had more success on the latin charts, and others.

Enjoy my birthday everyone, and I hope to bring you blogs for many many years to come!

DAMN YOU NBC!!!!

2006-10-02T21:26:00.000-05:00

I'm a fickle tv watcher...I'll admit it. It took me a while to come around to the American Office. I would skip My Name Is Earl all the time. But I've come around. I now consistently watch 5 shows on your network! Three of them are full hour long shows...Heroes, Studio 60 and ER (yes, I'm back watching ER too), and what do you do to repay me. You use the song that was in my head for 4 entire years during my college years as a theme song on your commercials for Friday Night Lights. Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow was literally in my head for roughly 4 years. From the middle of my first semester freshman year, til right about the time of graduation...There was a good chance that I would be humming, whistling or even singing that song. The funny thing is that Sheryl Crow is one of the last things you'd ever, ever expect to be singing. In college I was a hardcore freak...I wore jean shorts a wallet chain and a blue hooded sweatshirt every day.

I listened to bands like Snapcase, Sick of it All and H2O...I didn't listen to Mix 98.5 shit like Sheryl Crow, but without fail, it was in my head. I hate to admit it, I would have been dissallowed from going to shows, I am lucky I wasn't branded a poseur. But I couldn't help it.

What didn't help matters is that my friend jay, would often wait until everyone was being quiet, and would sing the song so I would get it fresh in my head again...and I'd be really pissed, but what could I do. I think it took not being around Jay an other friends every minute of every day, to be rid of Ms. Crow's early 90's song...but now it's back...

Every time I turn around I see the promo, and here that voice and that opening line: God I feel like Hell tonight. And I hate you for it NBC...What have I done to deserve this fate!

Do I have to watch Deal or No Deal?

Must I not make fun of John Madden?

I'll do it...I swear! Just stop that commercial!

Rudd vs. Livingston - Take a Stand!

2006-09-17T13:08:00.000-05:00

The time has come for The Foundation to take a stand, the battle Rudd vs. Livingston has raged on for far too long. Decisions like this are not easy, but I am ready to stand and be counted. Is Livingston a poor man's Rudd or is Rudd a poor man's Livingston? While I cannot speak for Fuge, my vote has been cast.

Both actor's careers have taken them down the same roads. People often confuse them or find them interchangeable. Who doesn't love both actors? The both were raised in the Midwest, are the same age give or take a few months, and both came into public attention circa 1995/96 ( Rudd in Clueless and Ron Livingston in Swingers). Need I also mention both are cute, funny, and scruffy looking. Who are you calling scruffy looking?

Anway, Rudd came out of the gate stronger. His first major role being the romantic lead to Alicia Silverstone in the underrated Clueless. At the same time, Livingston was playing a supporting role to Vaughn and Favreau, but he was still money.

Livington then eclipsed Rudd, with the veritable cinematic bitch slap that was Office Space. Rudd floundered for a little while, taking roles in some small romantic comedies like The Object of My Affection and Overnight Deliveries. During this time, Livingston floundered as well, he just couldn't seem to capitalize fully on his Office Space street cred.Both then switched gears and headed towards the dramatic. Livingston in Band of Brothers and Rudd in The Cider House Rules.

The next stage in the Rudd vs. Livingston battle took place on the small screen. Livingston playing Berger, one of Carrie's longer lasting boyfriends on Sex in the City and Rudd moving in as Phoebe's boyfriend/husband on Friends.

This was a defining moment in Rudd vs Livingston. Both took on romantic comedy special tv appearances on two wildly popular shows. However, the fact that Livingston wound up on Sex in the City with Rudd on Friends is of utmost importance. The Sex in the City role was funny and cute, but had a touch of the dramatic. But Rudd's role on Friends was all goofy and funny/romantic, no drama whatsoever. It is this distinction that lifts and separates these two awesome actors. Rudd is, by his very nature, funny. Livingston can act funny when given a good script, such as Office Space, however I don't think he is naturally as funny as Rudd. If I had to put money on who would be funnier at a dinner party, my money would be on Rudd. Hands down.

Rudd spend some of his time in the early 2000s taking on improv based roles, such as his character in Wet Hot American Summer and small roles in episodes of Stella and Strangers with Candy. He seemed to thrive in these goofball comic roles, andwhile he seemed to be having fun, they garnered him little attention.

By this time, both actors appeared to be neck and neck, but then it was Rudd's turn for some cinematic bitchslapping of his own. All his improv work paid off bigtime with his role of Brian Fantana in Anchorman (mmm sex panther)followed up by a strong performance in The 40 Year Old Virgin. At last he found his niche.

Livingston took another route, while still enjoying being a wise ass from time to time, he went the more dramatic route with a brilliant cameo on House and starring on his own TV show this summer Standoff - while not a well written show, Livingston is the best thing about it and I wish him all the best.

The past 2 years have been the defining point in the Livingston/Rudd battle. I think it is clear who has my undying allegiance. I'm clearly a Rudd woman. However, by no means doubt my love of all things Livingston. I consider myself like Vince Vaughn, I started out with Livingston and he means to world to me, but in the end it was Rudd who stole my heart. I ask myself, who can give me more laughs per minute and who can make me snarf a 2$ beer. Rudd. Rudd all the way.

I've been gone too long

2006-09-13T10:39:00.000-05:00

But I'm back now. As some of you may know, The Foundation lost a dear friend recently, and no, I don't mean Bruno Kirby. My friend Jason passed away after a battle with cancer that lasted 2.5 years.

So, between going to Ireland, and dealing with the passing of my friend, I've been far from ready to post entertaining and funny blogs for my readerships enjoyment. This hiatus is now over. I feel that I'm back and in the game now. I have been upset and crying a lot over the past couple of weeks, so it helped me remember this:

The Top Five Movies that are guaranteed to make Fuge Cry no matter the circumstance...In reverse order Casey Kasem style.

Number 5. Field of Dreams

Having a catch with your old man, even after he was dead??? That's Touching. And this is the only time I'll call it, "Having a Catch". It's playing catch, but for somereason in Iowa, they call it "Having a Catch".

Number 4. Rudy

When I was at Umass, one of the greatest things that the campus offered was the Cable Station. Which showed relatively new movies (movies you'd see now on Starz or Encore). And they would show them for two weeks at a time or so. Whenever Rudy came on the station, the part near the end when the crowd chants for the Coach to put Rudy in...RUDY, RUDY, RUDY!, everyone on campus would start along with the chant. That's where the allergies start kicking in, and right when he runs on the field and bloated John Favreau yells, "he's so little", and after he sacks the quarterback and the still bloated Favreau yells "Who's The Wild Man Now?!" full on waterworks.

Number 3. Good Will Hunting

No real joke here, but It's Not Your Fault, It's Not Your Fault. Well it is my fault for having to break out the tissues for that scene.

Number 2. My Girl.

I know, it's questionable that I even admit that I've seen this movie. Little Anna Chlumsky never really did anything else besides make this movie. But I defy anyone to watch the funeral scene, where she's crying and asking where Thomas J's glasses are. "He Can't See Without His Glasses" without wiping the salty discharge from their eyes at least once.

Number 1. Brian's Song.

I've often said that this movie is the only excuse for any guy to cry out loud. I mean it's about football, it stars Billy Dee Williams and a Young James Caan, is about two friends who break racial barriers and play for the Chicago Bears. ONe gets cancer and dies, and Billy Dee does the most moving speeches in the locker room and when accepting the ComeBack Player of the Year award. I won't even try to pretend I"m not crying when I'm watching this, cause as soon as someone asks why you are crying, all they have to do is see Billy Dee in that afro, and everyone will understand.

So there it is, the five movies guaranteed to make me cry. I promise, I'll be back with some upbeat, positive funny posts in the near future, but I really just wanted to get back in slowly to the game.

Oh yeah, by the way, Ireland was awesome, but I really wish they had their own tv. I watched mostly English TV while I was there, and the Irish stations carried nothing but English American and Australian programming...I think I actually watched more "Friends" while hung over in the morning in 9 days in Ireland than I had in the bast 3 years of my life. I love English programming so much, I wish I got a taste of some Irish programming, it would have to be good, I'd think..but alas other than news...Nothing.

High Fidelity type musings: or how I learned to be happy and still love Bob Seger

2006-08-31T21:17:00.000-05:00

So, I got stood up tonight. I was supposed to meet him at Sligo. Walk in the door Bob Seger is playing on the jukebox, Hollywood Nights and then Turn the Page. I'm in heaven, this night is going to be awesome! For those who don't know, there is little I enjoy more than playing Seger on dive bar jukebox.

Cut to 45 min later, he's a no show, and I'm stood up. He is either very late or was killed in tragic blimp accident over Harvard Stadium. I take off and feel sad. I've got a slight buzz on and just don't feel like being alone.

I walk over to the Davis Square square. A busker is playing guitar, some standard song. Then out of nowhere, the guitar guy starts playing Way Over Yonder in the Minor Key, by Billy Bragg and Woody Guthrie. I love this song. Seriously love this song. This random song, on this weird and random sad night. I can promise you, no one else was meant for that song tonight. It was played for me, and only me. I clapped, gave the guy a dollar and a smile. It makes me think of Rob in High Fidelity: "People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" Yes, this happens to me, too much Cure and Smiths in my life. But sometimes, the perfect song plays at the perfect time and all is back to right in the world.

It also makes me think about some Badly Drawn Boy lyrics: "And songs are never quite the answer, Just a soundtrack to a life" Tonight, despite being a bit sad, the soundtrack was spot on. Way over Yonder was simple and made me smile. The pure joy of that moment made up for my indulgent sadness. It's these little, simple things; a song playing just for me, just for me in that crowd, that makes all the difference.

Irish That Guy!

2006-08-21T14:14:00.000-05:00

Ok, as I've posted in the past, there are a bunch of guys that are known as "That Guys" you might not know their name, but when you someone says..."You Know...That Guy that delivered the pizza to Spicoli in Fast Times", you can immediately picture him. Bill Simmons, has brought the level of "That Guys" to astronomical heights in his column for ESPN page 2.

Today, in preparation for my trip to Ireland, I'd like to add another face to the That Guy Hall Of Fame. The man is Colm Meaney. Some of you may know him as "That Guy From Star Trek The Next Generation"...

Some of you may know him as "That Guy from Cliffhanger with Stallone and Lithgow", some of you still may know him as "That Guy who's car gets smashed when it gets attached to the plane in Con Air"...

Some crazy people out there may even know him as "That Guy that played the mayor in the movie Mystery Alaska, yeah, that guy remember his wife was banging that guy that played Shep in ER the Glory Years before Gilbert Lowe died and Doug Ross went on to win oscars!"

But I'll always know him as "That Guy that is in every movie who needs someone to play either an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman or an Englishman."

So in honor of my trip to Ireland...I hereby enshrine Colm Meaney into the "Duffless Foundation That Guy Hall of Fame"

Congrats Colm.

A Man Called Hal

2006-08-18T11:13:00.000-05:00

Why I love Hal.
Hal takes up race walking. Hal built the equivalent of a grown up fort in his garage. Hal has a rich fantasy life. Hal fills the house with the most elaborate Domino display ever. Hal stops going to work because he's rented a steamroller and is busy crushing things for fun. Hal sneaks the boys out to stock car races. Hal loves to roller disco. Hal builds a fighting robot with the nerd kids. Hal dreams of buying a Porsche. Hal leaves a couch on train tracks. Hal is a militant soccer coach. Hal gets carried away with poker bets. Hal gets drunk and tears down walls to put on an addition to the house. Hal is delusional and has beautiful visions of grandeur. Hal takes a baby and daddy class and bets on the babies, such as which baby can fill a diaper the most, baby shuffle board, baby drool-off. Hal has a Christmas tree selling scheme. Hal buys a hot tub. Hal starts a pirate radio station. Hal makes the boys build him a Tiki Hut in the garage. Hal gets caught up in the world of motivational speaking. Hal makes an elaborate pitching machine in the driveway out of toys and garage junk.

But my favorite HAL episode ever is when Dewey has to sell magazines for school, one of the prizes are "Pogo Shoes", Hal then has dreams of himself a neighborhood hero, bouncing around the hood in his pogo shoes, to the envy of all the other neighborhood dads.

This is why I love Hal, he's the dreamer of the family. He's rarely the center of the episode, but for me always the best part. He has a rich fantasy world in his head, he is the ultimate dreamer. Its not that he's a bad dad, in fact he often bonds with his boys over his own crazy schemes and dreams. Malcolm in the Middle is all about Hal. Bryan Cranston, pure genius.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUN_5fecL8Y

Bye Bye Bruno

2006-08-16T08:23:00.000-05:00

It's a responsibility that the Foundation takes upon itself...but not one that it necessarily likes to do. We at the Duffless Foundation feel it is our responsibility to report on the deaths of our favorite hollywood celebs...and today, it is with sadness that I announce the passing of one Mr. Bruno Kirby. Kirby, probably best known for his roles opposite Billy Crystal in "When Harry Met Sally" and "City Slickers"...

But I remember him best playing the role of uptight 2nd Lieutentant Steven Hauk. Kirby was great playing the polka loving, radio station lackey that was trying to reel in Robin Williams as Adrian Cronauer.

I'll also remember Bruno as Victor Ray, Carmine's nephew in "The Freshman"...It must have been quite the thrill for Kirby to work next to Ferris Bueller and The Godfather in the same movie! Also, finally, Kirby is also well known by the Foundation in his role in This Is Spinal Tap...In fact we just spoke about this recently. Not even knowing that Mr. Kirby was fighting Leukemia. Kirby played the limo driver Tommy Pischedda. With a remarkable showing in the extra scenes. Truly the best extra scenes a DVD ever included. Just ahead of Just Over Eighteen volume 2...but I digress.

So to wrap up, the Duffless Foundation will point their two dollar beers up towards the heavens this week, in honor of a legend. Mr. Bruno Kirby, dead at age 57.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0456124/

Whacking Day! It's Finally Here!

2006-08-15T16:35:00.000-05:00

This Saturday! 5:15pm!! Snakes on a Plane - Boston Common Theater!

BUY TICKETS NOW! - http://www.fandango.com/MoviePage.aspx?date=8/19/2006&mid=88794

Pre Game at The Tam - starting at 3:00pm!

Give a shout out and let me know if you are going!

He was in What?

2006-08-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

I was flipping through the channels yesterday on a rather weak Sunday afternoon for television viewing. I was pretty hungover from the day before, so I just really wanted some background noise to hopefully nap to.

I came across the Baseball movie "Angels in the Outfield". I think it's actually a remake of an older film, but this was the one starring Tony Danza, Danny Glover, Christopher Lloyd, That Guy Taylor Negron and a young Joseph Gordon-Levitt of "10 Things I Hate About You fame".

What amazed me about this wonderful piece of trash movie...was that there was not one...but TWO oscar winners in the cast. Playing the role of the Foster Mother who cared for young Levitt was Brenda Fricker, who won her Oscar for Supporting Actress in "My Left Foot". Also, making an appearance was a young Adrian Brody who played young ballplayer Danny Hemmerling. Brody of course won his best actor oscar for his role in the movie "The Piano".

So Fricker actually starred in this film, after her oscar. Maybe she thought that this would help her with the American Audience...I don't know. Brody was much more understandable, he was a young actor trying to make a name. He has since been much more selective with his choices of roles since winning an oscar. Actually come to think of it...I don't even think he's made a movie since he won...maybe he is like George Costanza, he knows when to call it a day.

So when I was watching this, I started to come up with a list of movies that I couldn't believe had Oscar winning actors in it.

We'll start at the top...

Ishtar...Perhaps Dustin Hoffman (wins for Kramer vs. Kramer and Rain Man) and Warren Beatty (never won for actor but did win for Director for Reds) thought that this one looked good on paper, but obviously that didn't translate to the screen.

Every Tom Hanks film until Big.

The Next Karate Kid. Hillary Swank has been in three films that I remember...and won two oscars. One was with Mr. Miyagi...and was pretty awful.

Boat Trip, Snow Dogs, Rat Race and Chill Factor...Cuba Gooding Junior.

Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion...Mira Sorvino.

Rocky Horror Picture Show...Susan Sarandon

Return of the Killer Tomatoes...George Clooney

Satisfaction...Julia Roberts

Toys...Jamie Foxx and Robin Williams and was written and Directed by Oscar Winner Barry Levinson!

Career Opportunities...Jennifer Connelly

And Finally, the classic of all classics...Jury Duty, starring Pauly Shore and Tia Carrerre, also starred two time Oscar award winning Actress Shelly Winters.

Which just goes to prove, that no matter how bad a movie appears to be, you maybe, just maybe may catch either a future oscar winner on the way up...or a former oscar winner who is crashing down, down, down.

Punishment for my month long exile.

2006-08-02T18:03:00.000-05:00

I am guity and I must be punished. I've been lazy, busy, away for work, but mostly lazy. For these sins I must be punished. Its been exactly one month since my last post. As absolution to the pop culture Gods, I have watched the following 3x today. Don't get me wrong, I kinda like Guttenberg. Perhaps I'm a glutton for punishment, but I have a soft spot for this guy, he's been the butt of jokes for all these years and always has a smile on his face. All you jaded, gen x cynic types must admit, you kinda liked Mahoney growing up! He's the quintessential nice guy boy man. The definition of non threatening. This video and his moose knuckle find me, for the first time ever, thinking about that fact that Guttenberg probably has a penis.

From You Tube and Gawker - I give you the greatest and worst movie intro of all time, but look at GBerg, look how happy he is! A 2$ Beer to anyone who rents and watches this movie! This song is stuck in my head!

F' The Emmys

2006-07-06T14:08:00.000-05:00

So, I just looked at Boston.Com and there was an article about the emmy nominations being announced today. And first of all, I want to know, why the hell do they announce them at like 5 in the morning LA time? Is it that important that other countries get the nominations, considering there aren't any BBC shows up for best reality program, although there should be.

Let me ask you this...

How does Neil Patrick Harris, who plays Barney on How I Met Your Mother, arguably the greatest television role since Latka Gravas, not get nominated for Best Supporting Actor in a comedy. It is the single greatest comedic performance on TV today! And more on this, Was Will and Grace funny? Ever? How long with the Emmy's continue to suckle on NBC's Ass? First it was Frasier picking up more Emmy's than Scott Weiland picked up arrests for Posession, I think even the dog (that just passed away) got a nomination for suporting actor a few times, now it's Will and Grace. I swear to god, that show stopped being edgy about 3 minutes into the first show. Oh my God Gay People!!!!!! Let's give them emmy's, maybe they won't realize we won't give them the right to marry!!! I will say that the character Jack, played by Sean something or other is probably one of the better parts of that show, but that doesn't mean he should be winning emmy's every f'n year. Barney is the best character on a comedy series...period...and I will not back down until that is known by everyone.

I do give the Emmy's credit for nominating Allison Janney and Alan Alda from The West Wing. But Martin Sheen, he was barely in this past season, he hardly deserves to be nominated as a lead in a drama series. Even if this was the best non-sorkin West Wing, Sheen's character was not in it enough for him to be nominated.

I know I'm rambling, but didn't Weeds get nominated, and didn't Mary Louise Parker win a Golden Globe for her role in it a few months ago? Why didn't that transfer over to the emmys? I mean, has that much quality programming come out in that time? Elizabeth Perkins, Kevin Nealon, Mary Louise Parker and Justin Kirk all deserved to be nominated in my opinion. It's one of the fuge top 5 of shows out there on the air.

One other is Entourage, and Jeremy Piven, who is awesome deserves a nomination for supporting actor, but I think that Kevin Dillon aka Johnny Drama shouldn't be overlooked. Maybe it's because these shows are soooo Awesome the assholes at the academy feel that they can't nominate more than one person per show or something. I don't know but it's just wrong. Why limit it to five nominees, if people are awesome enough, just nominate them and let people pick from 7 or 8 people instead of just 5.

Finally, in the Reality Show/Competition category, I really have no real qualms with the shows picked, survivor, project runway, amazing race. But Ed Vs. Spencer needs to be on that list somehow...if you haven't seen the show it is about two friends, who I hear are former professional snowboarders, who live together. Every show they come up with a competition. Oh yeah, and they are English and call eachother names like Twat and Cock all the time. So they have these competitions like "Who can become the most famous", "Who Can Gain The Most Weight" and "Who Do Women Like More" and hilarity ensues, there is constant attempts to sabotage, there is trash talking and mind games, there is drunkeness, there's a little bit of everything. Then the winner gets to put the loser through a Humiliation, which often involved nakedness or runins with the cops.

It's great, watch it, and vote for it for an Emmy next year. Finally, I think the Duffless Foundation should be responsible for all awards given to movies and tv shows. I mean it's only fair that the two most awesome bloggers in the world be allowed to bestow awards upon movies and tv shows.

Right?

A Tribute to the Moustaches of Tombstone

2006-07-02T10:41:00.000-05:00

Boy's I'm your huckleberry! I recently learned that all the moustaches in the movie Tombstone were grown by the actors and not fake. I have to salute their dedication to kick ass facial hair. Although you may disagree, i've saluted the fantastic face fur in order of awesomeness. However, I have to give Billy Zane some props for his pretty boy curls, but no stash, mean no tribute, sorry Zane!

Heat Vision and Jack

2006-06-26T18:56:00.000-05:00

Someone described this show as the "greatest show you'll never see" and now thanks to you tube, you can see it. I got my hands on a copy of Heat Vision and Jack a few years ago, passed it around friends, and then forgot all about it. Sometime Saturday afternoon it just popped in my head again, and now, loyal foundation readers you too can see the legendary HEAT VISION AND JACK! Shot in 1999 after the Ben Stiller Show went off the air, this pilot was shot with Stiller, Owen Wilson and Jack Black as the lead. Stiller was trying to find a good vehicle for his pal Black, who at the time was struggling in obscurity, although an underground fave in Tenacious D before they went big. A bidding war broke out over this show, however at the last minute the network decided it was too expensive and too crazy to air. I wish networks would take more chances on quality shows like Get a Life and Arrested Development and realize how far street cred can get you. But these bastards never learn, and Heat Vision was to only survive as an underground video.

Heat Vision and Jack is a spoof of action and sci fi shows, think The Six Million Dollar Man etc. It has, sniff, rest in peace, Vincent Sciavelli and, in a career defining role, Ron Silver. I'm not embedding this because its 30 min long, however treat yourself to watching this. Let it download, get some cookie dough and laugh your ass off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lWgXDOAJ5s

England like a Mofo

2006-06-21T18:05:00.000-05:00

So I've been watching and reading a lot of British things lately, the latest Nick Hornby book, Coupling, The Office and let us not forget Ed vs. Spencer which Fuge was nice enough to point me to. Ed vs. Spencer is about two roommates who compete each episode on things like who can gain the most weight, anyway, this show merits its own post, I mean one of them was England's Air Guitar champion for 2 years in a row, that's skills.

So anyway, in the last six month I've realized I've picked up a lot of British slang, here are some of my favorites, some old favs and some new:

Minge: the area which houses the vajayjay, ie, the muff or the mound, or a woman's front ass
Pants: underwear or panties
Redundancies: layoffs, ie. your job has become redundant, pack your shit and get out
Knobhead: dick head
Jumper: sweater
Trainers: sneakers
Nappys: poopy diapers
Togs: swim trunks
Bin Bag: trash bag
Bollocks: balls
Buggerer: an anal sexer!
Poof: homo
Prat: moron
Brill: Brilliant or awesome
Slag: to make fun of, not your mom
Tosser: chronic masterbator
Skint: broke, no cizzash
Ponce: Slacker and perhaps douchebag
Snog: vigorous Frenching!
Shag: vigorous boinking!
Pissed: get drunk
Knock Up: to wake up, not impregnate
Fanny: see minge! - in the Uk, fannypack would mean vaginabag
Kip: short nap
Mini Break: small vacation/long weekend
Sacked: fired
Smart: looking good
and my new fav
Gusset: the front, crotchal region of a women's panties

There are so many, please share your favs!

Dane Cook still sucks, and All Things Sandler!

2006-06-16T18:36:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I think I'm so obsessed with pop culture that every conversation I have is Foundation material. Also, I'm very, very lazy. So, instead of an original blog posting, this one is inspired by an email conversation I recently had with a long time friend I met in college, he's also a long time Foundation reader. Due to a sick trainwreck like curiosity he rented some Dane Cook to see if he was indeed as bad as I claimed. He then posed the following question: "Is there any correlation between Cook and Sandler, Sandler was loved by all the meatheads at school when we were there?"

Good Question, yet my hatred of all things Dane Cook, leaves me recoiling at the mere comparison to Sandler. My good friend at least had the courtesty to state that Cook and Sandler are not as bad as "Larry the Cable Guy" - well, point made, but that doesn't put Sandler in the Dane Cook category. I'm not a huge Sandler fan, however I'm not, not a Sandler fan, if you know what I mean, he has brought me some joy in my life, and I know for a fact my friend loves Madison.

My Response: HOW DARE YOU! Have you seen Billy Madison? Perhaps a small correlation - I've never really loved Sandler's stand up, but Cook is just a hack, and I'm getting the vibe that you kinda liked it and I hang my head in shame. Not as bad as "larry the cable guy" - - that's like saying shit tacos are better than shit sandwiches - ok, now that I've thought about Spinal Tap I feel better - - a funny guy you should check out is Zack Galifinakis - his stand up is hysterical! I saw him on Comedy Central a few times, and then last year during the comedians of comedy tour - he was great, so was Brian Poshen and suprisingly, Patton Oswald is funny, I'd not have guessed that, but Zack G is by far one of the best comedians working today, I don't know why you didn't care for the David Cross cd's, you break my heart."

My friend responded by clarifying his hatred of Dane Cook, however he then issued the following challengef: "Billy Madison & his CD are very funny but the rest of his career is complete horseshit and you cannot deny that."

This challenge led to a Foundation critique of all things Sandler, cut and pasted from my email for your reading pleasure:
Billy Madison - pure genius
Wedding Singer- HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!
Spanglish- I'm the only person in America who liked this movie!
Big Daddy- I kinda liked it, but half due to jon stewart and the kid is kinda funny
Mr. Deeds - horrible, although mostly Wynona Ryder's fault, but still, not good - but you have to admit Tutorro was good in it
50 First Dates- neither good nor bad, terrible soundtrack
Punch-Drunk Love- this has been a source of heated debate between Hunter and myself, he loves it, I said it was a fucking arty piece of shit.
Anger Management - snoozefest
The Waterboy - dumb, just fucking dumb
Little Nicky - by far his greatest sin against humanity
Happy Gilmore - dude, this is funny - 80's throwback funny to movies like One Crazy Summer - but not quite as good
Bulletproof- never saw it, but lets say it sucks balls
Mixed Nuts- its been a long time but I remember it being vaguely entertaining
Airheads- dude, I like this movie - mostly for buscemi, but its a great throw away sat afternoon movie and......and he had a small role in Shakes the Clown - have to give him some respect When all is said and done, I have to give him the thumbs up - show me someone else in hollywood who keeps a low profile, isn't annoying and just likes to make movies with his friends - I can't fault him on this at all - I have to give Sandler the thumbs up! The smartest move he ever made was to leave stand up for comedic acting.

I would like to thank my friend for his long time dedication to the arts, and while we sometimes disagree, I've rarely had question of his cinematic and comedic tastes! Now go out there, and you find that fucking puppy!

Please see this movie!

2006-06-11T19:57:00.000-05:00

I want to urge all Foundation readers to go see An Inconvenient Truth. I saw it today and it was very done but frightening. However, I left the theater with a sense of hope, a hope that its not too late, a hope that we can all do our own personal best to save the environment. Al Gore jokes aside, he did a wonderful job with this film and not since Jimmy Carter have I ever seen a politician use their access, connections and passion to actually try and make this world a better place. I wasn't sure what to expect from this movie, but I was shocked at how well the material, which is basically a slideshow, is presented. While this post is not typical of the intent of this blog, I consider this one of the small things I can do to help the cause. I URGE YOU TO PLEASE GO SEE THIS FILM. It's currently playing in Harvard Square and other places around town.

If you don't want to listen to me, here are some other thoughts on the film: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/inconvenient_truth/?sortby=rating&critic=fresh

Wish both Foundation members luck!

2006-06-09T18:33:00.000-05:00

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 7897186

What Station Plays The Oldies?

2006-06-09T10:43:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to Oldies 103 FM in Boston right now, and I've heard Grand Funk Railroad, Elton John, Billy Joel (Uptown Girl which was from the 80's) and Eric Clapton.

I'm wondering when a classic rock station took over for Oldies 103. I'm not complaining too much, the music is good, and I get to here some great songs like Brandy and Bus Stop on a daily basis, but where can I go to find songs like:

Earth Angel
Sh-Boom
In The Still Of The Night
Sillhoette on the Shade
even The Lion Sleeps Tonight!

I want DooWop, I want Old Motown, I want Frankie Valli, I want Frankie and the Teenagers.

I mean, I actually heard Matthew Wilder's Break My Stride, and Turn The Beat Around by Miami Sound Machine on Oldies, so I know they must have changed format.

Bad News Belinda

2006-06-08T20:21:00.000-05:00

Bad news Belinda Carlisle, you are gonna burn. According to this T shirt and apparently the bible, Liars go to Hell. "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death." Don't blame me Belinda, blame the Bible, but maybe God likes shitty music and you will be spared? Your song is damn catchy.

Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth
Ooh heaven is a place on earth
They say in heaven love comes first
We'll make heaven a place on earth
Ooh heaven is a place on earth

Here is the main question, who exactly says, "in heaven loves come first?" I did some googling and I've yet to find that "expression" anywhere, yet, you claim "THEY SAY IN HEAVEN LOVES COMES FIRST", really? they say that do they? Funny, I've never heard it. You fill that song with LIES!!!!!! When I google the expression only links to your own song come up, weird huh? I want to know who "they" are, and how do you know them? According to God, you are no more than a whoremonger! How do you sleep at night? "They" don't exist, because you are a LIAR. Tsk Tsk, Carlisle, Tsk Tsk.

World Cup Action

2006-06-08T07:31:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow starts the World Cup. Which means, I'll be living the life of Ben Kenobi...an Old Hermit.

I'll try my best to post here, but please view my other blog...

http://thedoubledeuce.blogspot.com/

Thank You!

Moustaches

2006-06-05T22:16:00.000-05:00

So, many of you will know that I'm a big fan of the Moustache...There's something to be said someone who has the confidence to sport hair nowhere else but on their upper lip...

I will honor these men with a series of posts honoring The Greatest Moustaches of all time.

These Moustaches will cross many different realms of pop culture. Movies, Reality TV, Sports, and Politics...

The first honoree is none other than WWF superstar and the star of the movie No Holds Barred with Tony "Zeus" Liston...Hulk Hogan.

Yes Thunderlips himself, the Ultimate Male.

In fact I've taken to calling the Fu Manchu style of Moustache, the Hulk Hogan in his Honor.

Hulk Hogan has been a good guy, he's been a bad guy, he's been a nanny, he's been an Alien...but one thing has always been constant...his moustache.

So here's to you Hulk.

Thanks for all the Moustache Memories.

Toss this cookie!

2006-05-31T19:03:00.000-05:00

Is it me or does this cookie look like a vagina?

Ok, so I recently won a free dozen homemade cookies from our friends at the Casa Highland blog. It's about time my mad googling skills paid off. So, I was asked to let Casa Highland know what kind of cookies I want. Hmm...this of course lent itself to more googling. Where I discovered, the Worlds Filthiest Cookie(not to be confused with the worlds stinkiest cactus - that goes out to you Tremblay.) Apparently, this nortorious cookie was eaten by Chris Rock and Marilyn Manson on the Graham Norton Effect, but couldn't be shown on tv.

I may just settle for chocolate chip.

Video of the cookie on Graham Norton:http://www.lickdeeznutz.com/mansonrockcookies.mov

I'm Back...with Mixed Emotions

2006-05-30T21:28:00.000-05:00

First things first...I would like to echo my foundation compatriot in honoring the passing of the fine actor Paul Gleason. He is a major factor in two of my all time favorite movies. One as Duffless so thoughtfully recounted in her earlier post was The Breakfast Club...

The other, is a much different film but nonetheless a shining moment for Mr. Gleason. The movie...Die Hard. Paul Gleason's role was small, in comparison to the other roles in the film, but he was still an integral part of the film, bringing both comedy and drama...Intensity and Frivolity.

He played the role of Deputy Chief of Police Dwayne T. Robinson. The sometimes bumbling man in charge at the scene at the hostage situation at Nakatomi Plaza. Dwayne was definitely not the most popular member of the LAPD that night, in fact, he made many more mistakes than he made sucesses.

My favorite scene involving Mr. Gleason is really every time that he introduces himself in the movie...which is really like 4 or 5 different times during the movie. Just the way he'd say "This is Deputy Chief of Police Dwayne T. Robinson", really just made me melt. Anyway, We'll miss you Paul, but If I was at the Oscars next year, I'd clap it out for you when you appear in the Parade of Dead stars.

Ok, a bit of an explanation of my absence. I had computer issues again. I've been very active in trying to get more technologically savvy...So I bought myself an Ipod. An Ipod Nano to be more specific. It's so awesome! The problem was my computer was ill prepared to accept the awesomeness of myself and an Ipod together. So it broke.

I was finally able to get it to the point that I could get it to work, or more specifically, my friend the IT guy got it to work, I just supplied the PBR. Anyway, in between the time I got the Ipod, and go tthe computer fixed, I bought a laptop. This laptop is the single greatest thing that's happened to me since I lost my virginity. I think so at least, as I was kinda drunk. Both when I got my laptop, and lost my virginity.

I digress. Now that I have the laptop, I can't believe it took me so long! If someone had just told me that I could search for pOrn, play poker and download music all while taking a shit, I would have bought this thing long ago!

That being said, I'm back, and I have no excuse as to why it will take me 20 something days to post something again, in fact I have another post in mind for tonight, but I'll hold off on it, in order to give Paul Gleason the respect he deserves.

Good Night Deputy Chief Of Police Dwayne T. Robinson.

Good Night Mr. Dick Vernon

Anyway,

Now thats it! I'm gonna be right outside those doors. Next time I have to come in here, I'm crackin' skulls.

2006-05-29T18:15:00.000-05:00

Rest in Peace Principal Veron. Paul Gleason, another great character actor taken too soon.

I remember clearly the day that I realized I was getting old. I saw the Breakfast Club 2 or 3 years ago and actually started to feel for the principal and what he was trying to do. It was then I knew I was old. When I was a kid, I wanted to be in the Breakfast club, they were so cool - - and now I relate more to Dick. How the tide has turned.

Here is the Duffless Foundation Tribute:

Richard Vernon: What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire?
John Bender: Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.

Richard Vernon: [Andrew laughs at Bender's backtalk] You think he's funny? You think this is cute? You think he's "bitchin," is that it? Let me tell you something. Look at him - he's a bum! You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is!

Richard Vernon: You think about this: when you get old, these kids - when *I* get old - they're going to be running the country.
Carl: Yeah.
Richard Vernon: Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me.
Carl: I wouldn't count on it

Richard Vernon: You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and a little less time trying to impress people.

Richard Vernon: What was that ruckus?
Andrew Clark: Uh, what ruckus?
Richard Vernon: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.
Brian Johnson: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

Richard Vernon: Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.

We've got motherfucking snakes!

2006-05-24T09:08:00.000-05:00

As you may be aware it is 2$ Beer Summer - - and one of the official activities of this summer is Snakes on a Plane. Save the date, August 18th! 2$ Beer Summer field trip to see Snakes on a Plane -

Location: Boston Common Theater
Time: TBD - Evening
Required Pre-game : many many 2$ beers at The Tam
Sam Jackson Impersonations: unlimited

Facts about Snakes on a Plane:
1.) There are snakes, and they are on a plane.

2.) Sam Jackson only signed on for this film because of the title. It was later changed to "Pacific Air Flight 121", but Jackson demanded they reverse the change. "We're totally changing that back. That's the only reason I took the job: I read the title."(imdb)

3.) In March 2006 New Line Cinema, due to massive fan interest on the Internet, allowed for a 5 day reshoot to film new scenes to take the movie from PG-13 to a R-rated film (originally the film wrapped principal photography in September 2005). Among these additions is the Jackson character's line, "I want these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane," a line that originated in an anticipatory internet parody of the movie

Firecrotch! Firecrotch! Firecrotch!

2006-05-20T13:31:00.000-05:00

Ok, so there is this mega rich douchebag named Brandon something who hangs around with Paris Hilton - he got loaded and was "interview" by TMZ where he shared his drunken thoughts about Lindsey Lohan and her flaming red, freckle shooting v-jay. While, this dude is without question the biggest douchebag in the universe, I have to give him a mini golf clap for 1.) His dedication to 200$ Beer Summer and 2.) Firecrotch! Not since the Ginger kids episode of South Park have I seen such red pube bashing.

On a side note: I've been trying, with varying degrees of success, to lauch "Slam Pig" in 2006 - perhaps if my father were an oil magnate I'd have more success.

From Gawker or Defamer, I can't remember which:

The little war between Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan has a whole new front: Brandon Davis, the oil scion best known for boozing his way to the top of Los Angeles’ tower of celebutwat nightlife. The omnipresent cultural pornographers at TMZ have released a video shot last night, featuring Paris Hilton and Davis — who’s so drunk as to sport some impressive facial bloat. Always a gentleman, Davis defends his lady friend, ranting about Lohan for an impressive three-and-a-half minutes before throwing the ultimate gauntlet (as transcribed by our brother Defamer): “Lindsay Lohan is a firecrotch, she has freckles coming out of her vagina, and her clitoris is seven feet long.” Well, now you know.
For quick reference, we’ve put together a handy rundown of Davis’ important stats from the video:
• Usage of “fuck” (including “fucking”): 10
• References to Lohan’s freckles: 3
• References to Lohan’s genitalia (including her “pussy,” “skanky pussy,” and “7-ft long clit”): 5
• References to the orange/red color of Lohan’s pubic hair: 4
• Number of times Davis utters “firecrotch”: 10
• Unflattering references to Lohan’s attractiveness as compared to that of her incarcerated father: 1

Beautiful Weirdos

2006-05-08T18:47:00.000-05:00

At the Foundation we try to understand and celebrate all things pop culture. Sometimes, just sometimes, we run a foul of something we just can't categorize. I had just such an experience today in the middle of Davis Square on my way home from work. Who are these beautiful weirdos? What are they doing, and why? I ask you loyal readers to come to my aid, what is going on here?. Are they simply celebrating 2$ Beer Summer? Is this what happens to those kids in high school who quote Monty Python just a "little" too much? Is this a mating ritual, God help me, are these people couples, yet I am still single? Help me explain these creatures!

Here is what I know: They appeared tonight at 7pm, they are multi generational and co-ed,they dance to the phat beats of their a accordian and recorder players. The men and women do not mingle while dancing, but both wave white scarves and jingle jangle when they dance.

The men wear:

Clockwork Orange type white clothes
blue suspenders
red and blue ribbons on their nipplish areas
sleigh bells around their shins
red baseball hats, black shoes and blue neckerchiefs

The women wear:

white pants and shirts, but they rock blue vests
yellow and blue arm ribbons
sleigh bells on their shins and black shoes

I decree a challenge. The first person who can explain to me who these people are will win a 2$ beer. However, the the funniest explanation wins, TWO, that's right, TWO 2$ Beers, courtesy of the Duffless Foundation!