Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Unified Petty Theory


It is my theory, that during any party/hanging out situation putting Tom Petty on is always acceptable and appreciated.

Back in college we used to fight over what cd to put on. Some liked metal, some liked grunge (which like an onion on the belt, was the fashion at the time) and others of us preferred (cough.. cough) sad bastard British music. There was very little acceptable overlap, especially once the drinking began. Here is where Tom Petty is your "go to" guy. He's the Switzerland of music, he's neutral territory. Everybody likes him, nobody hates him.


Weirdly, Tom Petty has always been famous, and yet has never been FAMOUS. Everybody likes Tom Petty, he's a unifying factor without being uncool, like say a Billy Joel. Most bands have had ups and downs, yet he's always around. I have found in my subsequent experience that the Unified Petty Theory has stood the test of time. He's like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, its always in the kitchen and sometimes you forget how awesome it is. I look forward to another 30 years of Petty and PBJ!

Friday, February 16, 2007

I hate you Nancy Grace


Nancy Grace is just pure evil. She purports to be an advocate for victims. If you watch her for a few minutes you might believe that. If you watch it for a few more minutes a few times, you come to realize the monster that she is. On top of her self serving, ratings grabbing exploitation of victims, she's also a stone cold bitch. Her voice and tone are enough to kill a small child. I flip past her once in a while and get more angry each time. She fixates on whatever the national headline is, the girl who died in aruba, the kidnapped kids that were found, Anna Nicole Smith and then she exploits them with zero compassion or tact. She yells at victims and pretends to have their best interest in mind. Her show alone makes all of CNN's credibility suspect in my mind. Here is an excerpt from last night. Yes, I can understand the media interest in ANS, and even wanting to know the details of the results. However, how sick and twisted are these questions and why would America need to know these details - that is why we have medical examiners. I don't care how f'd up ANS was, she was still a person, someone's mother, someone's daughter. Fuck you Nancy Grace.

GRACE: OK. Good to know. Doctor, the internal organs of Anna Nicole Smith, specifically the heart and the brain, where are they?

PERPER: Those were retained by us for purposes of examination. The heart is retained for examination and for additional testing by a cardiac pathologist, and the brain has to be fixed in a fixative fluid for about 10 days prior to the examination by a neuropathologist.

GRACE: Doctor, when the person is buried, they`re embalmed and buried, do the internal organs go back into the body?

PERPER: Yes, with the exception of the one which we retain. And if the family requires to have those body returned for burial after completion of our testing, we will certainly comply with this request.

GRACE: OK. And Dr. Perper, I know from reading so many autopsy reports that you look at every internal organ, it is weighed, it is held in your hand. Do those organs, such as the kidney and the liver, do they go back into the body?

PERPER: Correct.

GRACE: OK.PERPER: Except for small pieces which are taken for microscopic examination.

What do these things all have in common?
















Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Monday, February 12, 2007

Finding the Simpson's not funny, that's a paddlin'


First of all, I can't believe I've blogged this long without going off about The Simpson's. Let the record show, my life has been significantly happier because of the weekly joy that is the Simpson's.

Growing up there was a rule at our dinner table, No Simpsons Quoting! My little brother was just about the same age as Bart when the show started. My poor parents had to endure years of random Simpson's blathering each and every dinner. College and my moving out offered their ears some peace, at least until the holidays.

Although there was a "No Simpsons" rule, we did not, nay could not obey it. We just couldn't stop ourselves. Eventually my parents realized the futility of this rule: their kids were just too fucked up and nothing could be done.

As the years passed they finally went with it. I can remember calling home one time and telling my Mom to say to my bro, "Food goes in here", to which he instantly replied "it sure does."

Later my brother called me laughing, both pissed and impressed that I was able to get my mom to quote the Homer. He was just jealous and envious of my awesomeness!!

My little bro, "the boy", just turned 25. That means if Bart were real he'd also be 25! For the last, I'd say 6 or 7 years, I've endured countless conversations about how "the Simpsons just aren't funny anymore." People who know how much I love this show feel the need to engage me in the topic. While yes, I will admit, the episodes are less consistent, especially after the Conan years, the show is till relevant and funny. Damnit people, THE SIMPSONS ARE STILL FUNNY!

Comedy evolves over time, since the characters can't age the writing must mutate to keep fresh. Some seasons are more whacked out, some are more sentimental. Variety, thy name is Simpsons!

Last night's episode is a clear example of one of the more whacked out episodes. I wish I could have been there when the writers pitched the idea: "Bart runs away with his pregnant girlfriend to get married." Bart is 10!!! F'ing classic.

Even better than the main plot was the Homer subplot. Bart gets a driver's license and Homer gives him a cell phone and informs him that Bart must now be available to Homer whenever he needs him. As a result, you get to hear through the phone calls, the crazy shit that Homer gets himself into behind the scenes. At one point he has to call Bart to find out the difference between Ketchup and Catsup, else he'll be beheaded. You don't know where Homer is, or how this could have possibly have happened.

You never really see where Homer is during these calls, but you learn that the situations Homer gets involved in, which aren't episodes, are even more f'd up than you could imagine. Yes, I realize i'm talking like Homer is real. I mean he is, isn't he?

We also learn that Lenny and Carl might also be brothers. Any episode with Lenny and Carl is a keeper.

So for all of you Simpson's doubters, please wait til the movie comes out to bad mouth it. I've got a bad feeling about it. This season has been great, and the Simpson's are still hilarious!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Oscars Update

I've watched two movies that are of Oscar Nomination importance the last few days...thanks Bittorrent!

First I watched The Little Children. Starring Kate Winslet (nominated) and Jackie Earle Haley (nominated as well). As much as I'd like Jackie Earle to take him the statue due to his early work, and as much as I think he did a great job in this (absolutely f'n creepy! by the way), I think I can say with all honesty that both Marky Mark, and Alan Arkin had roles I'd consider to be better suited for the Oscar. Either way I think the point is moot, because Eddie Murphy is going to win because people are figuratively suckling his junk at every opportunity.

If you haven't seen The Little Children, I definitley reccomend it, there is some good acting, some real creepy scenes, and Kate Winslet's Boobs...What else could you really want?

I then saw Half Nelson, starring Ryan "I love thos cupcakes like McAdams loves" Gossling. Gossling was the only nominee in this movie, although I feel Shareeka Epps may have deserved it for her role as Drey, but as I've read in other published reports, the Academy was probably ready to nominate one young female actor this year and Abigail Breslin filled up that quota. Gossling was great in this movie playing a drug addicted teacher who tries to teach his students that history is more than just about memorizing dates and names. Anyways, the movie doesn't have a lot of plot twists and turns, but the characters and the dialogue is great...I suggest it as well.

I don't think Gossling can win anything, I mean, he's not going up against Dame Helen, but he is going up against Forrest Whitaker, and in this battle he has less chance to beat Forrest Whitaker than Lincoln High did of beating Ridgemont after Spicoli spraypainted the car to pretend it was a prank after he had crashed it.

I think I'm going to try to get Blood Diamond next...and then maybe The Queen...I don't know...I'll keep you updated!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Something for Nothing!!!!!


I remember being a kid and looking through the Sears catalogue, mostly at the toy section, dreaming of what I wanted or making a Christmas list. However, there were two other sections that caught my childhood fancy. The first was the section with all the giant wooden swingsets, I envisioned how perfectly one would fit in our backyard. But the section I spent most of my time with was the metal detector section.

I dreamed of getting one and walking around our neighborhood, beaches, and parks finding untold fortunes. Ever since I was a little kid I've been a bit like Peter from Office Space. I haven't really had career aspirations and I don't really want to work. That being said, I am very hard working, my parents raised me with a strong work ethic. BUT, I dream of getting something for nothing, of striking it rich without actually "working".

I think this is part of the reason I've been so attracted to poker. To me, while its hard work, its not really "working". I still dream of getting a metal detector, of finding a valuable painting hidden behind an old canvas, or of winning the lottery (even though I rarely play).

I must not be the only one with these weird childhood fantasies. This one has faded less over time than my other childhood fixations, such as UFOs, Bigfoot, Nessie etc. I recently discovered a show called, The Best Place to Find Cash & Treasures.

This show is awesome! It's on the Travel Channel and basically each episode has a woman going on some sort of treasure hunt. She pans for gold, mines for diamonds and hunts for meteors. Then she takes what she's found, gets it appraised, and sometimes sells it. Many of these place are free to the public. There area places out west where you can go mine things like gold and sunstones for free!! I want to go!! She's hunted for fossils, prehistoric shark teeth, and geodes as well. At the diamond mine she found other miners who collected tens of thousands of dollars of diamonds but don't sell them because are part of their collection. Trust me, I'd sell mine so fast!!!

New England doesn't seem to have many locations for this kind of activity. Perhaps I could find some gold fillings from a corpse somewhere on Revere Beach. Whitey Bulger, if you are reading this, get cracking on some hits. Unless I take a vacation I might be SOL when it comes to finding my treasure. I think the show is great, check it out and then buy me a metal detector damnit or at least take me panning for gold!!

http://travel.discovery.com/tv/cash-treasures/cash-treasures.html