I'm a Toto Idiot.

The only thing worse than realizing you bought an album 24 damn years go, is realizing you have been singing the wrong f'ing lyrics for those 24 years. I remember buying the cassette Toto IV with some saved birthday money at Caldor. I still have it laying around somewhere, its not like I listen to it every day, or even every decade or anything, but I will admit I have both Rosanna and Africa on my Ipod. (If this blog didn't clue you in already, I clearly have no shame.) But for 24 years I have been singing the wrong words..........motherfucker!

It's not "I cast the rain down in Africa" it's "I bless the rain down in Africa" not that this makes the song make anymore sense to me.

While on the topic of Toto IV and Africa, I would like to go on the record. Let the record show: that this song has the most awkward stanza of lyrics ever recorded. Here it is:

The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what's right
Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti

The last line is so awkward, this has seriously bothered, yet amused me for more than 2 decades. Rhyming Serengeti with company is bad enough, but that freaking final line is twice as long as the line they are trying to rhyme it with. You gotta give it a listen, its hysterical hearing him try to get all that out while keeping in time.
-----------------
I hear the drums echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
She's coming in 12:30 flight
The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
I stopped an old man along the way
Hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies
He turned to me as if to say, "Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you"

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what's right
Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become

Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa, I bless the rains down in Africa
I bless the rains down in Africa, I bless the rains down in Africa
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

A case of the Neville's

Sometimes, just sometimes, you can't stop singing like Aaron Neville. I've personally been suffering from Nevillitis for well over a decade. Word of warning to you people, its highly, highly contagious. Just reading this may infect you. Once you start rolling with your own high pitch Neville impersonation and start subbing in your own lyrics, you are a goner. Its terminal. For the rest of your life, at the oddest moments, you will have the uncontrolable need to unleash your inner Neville. And its always, ALWAYS, set to the tune of I Don't Know Much. I've personally documented and infected at least 10 people over the last six months, I can only presume the rise is expodential.


The biggest and perhaps most effective carrier of this awesome disease has to be Horatio Sanz. Although I have been suffering longer, what he has done with it is spectacular. Once as a judge obsessed with co-coa bu-uu-ut-ter and once during Hurricane Katrina, Golf clap, Mr. Sanz, Golf clap. Sanz 2nd appearance on SNL as Neville


My weekly poker night has come down with a particularly virulent case of the Nevilles...we just can't stop ourselves. One night our singing even summoned Neville himself! We were discussing the phenomenon and signing like Neville, subbing in our own goofy lyrics and at exactly 9:00pm EST I turned on the TV so we could watch World Poker Tour and there, on the screen..Aaron Neville in all his muscley, falsetto glory! WTF! Our powers are strong and we are many!


Look at this face, I know the years are showing
Look at this life, I still don't know where it's going
I don't know much.......But I know I love you
And that may be all I need to know.
Hear Aaron, feel the love

RIP Chris Penn

Let's Hear it For the Boy

We loved you fat, we loved you skinny.

You will be missed.

A Real Pregame Show

Fox's NFL Pregame show was number one in the ratings from the time it came on the air. This December, CBS's Pregame show beat Fox's show in the ratings for the first time. The Pregame show is a great tool, in order for one to get pumped up for the game...To get last minute information, to hear expert opinions and to get previews of all the games that are being played that day. To many, the pregame show is a necessity in order to properly watch a football game.

I'm not here to talke about football though. I'm talking about another type of pregame show. One that can't be pigeonholed into one type of event. The pregame I'm talking about can be for anything really. The pregame that I'm talking about involves Drinking...To some they will also include smoking up, but I'm not all about that.

Think of it like an athletic event. What did your coaches always tell you to do before a big game...Mine used to tell us to stay away from the Drinkin', the Drugs, and the Loose Women, but besides that they tell you to make sure your warmed up.

Well how to you prep for a night out on the town? A sporting event? A concert? A wedding? A Funeral? A big presentation?

By Drinking of course.

There are many different types of pregaming.

First, there's the, I'm so nervous I need something to calm the nerves pregame. This one is often a precursor to an important event, so should be done with care. Events that the Calm the nerves pregame are good for are:

First dates
Meeting your significant other's parents for the first time
Job Interview
Public Speaking appearances.

Because these events can be extremely important to your life, they should be done with care. Stay away from beer, and if you must, make sure you have plenty of breath mints or gum. I prefer orbitz gum, preferably cinnamon. Something like a Screwdriver would be ideal...something that won't leave your breath with a noticable alcohol smell.

Another type of pregame is the: "I'm going out somewhere really expensive tonight, so I'm going to do some quality drinking at home" pregame. This pregame is done to help defray some of the cost that will accompany the night out.

Good drinks for this do include beer. Especially beers drank in the shower.



Nights where the pregame can be done to defray the costs include, nights out at a club with friends, where you know it's going to cost 5 dollars for a bud light and there is a very good chance that you will hear bad techno music.

Another event is a band, or a show playing at a club. These places not only charge cover charges, but also, drinks usually aren't cheap unless the show is at O'briens. This should not be confused with tailgating. Which by itself is probably the most popular type of pregaming.

This can be done anywhere there is an event and a parkinglot. I've tailgated at patriots games...soccer games...concerts including: The Rolling Stones, Lollapalooza, Beastie Boys and more, but the most fun I ever had tailgating was at my friend Tom's wedding. Everyone brought a 30 pack, and not only did we drink before the ceremony, before the reception, but we also brought beers in with us to the reception, and people were asking "did they serve bud light in cans at the bar?"

My favorite pregame has to be the "let's go to a dive bar before we go anywhere else pregame"

In my neighborhood that takes place at either Hogan's Run, The Model or my favorite, the Sillhouette. For those who don't know the sillhouette is the type of place where you can get a 16 oz tall can for 2 bucks. A strong 16 oz mixed drink for 4 bucks, free oversalted popcorn, shitty pool tables and bathrooms that shouldn't even be legal. You go there, before you go to the bar you were planning on going. Why don't you just stay at the sillhoutte? cause it's Pregame.

Dane Cook is NOT FUNNY.

I repeat Dane Cook is not funny. For months now he has held the top 2 spots on the Newbury Comics local cds list, and has several albums on Billboards top 100. He's gonna play the damn Fleet Center in April, WTF. I'd rather watch a perpetual loop of Larry the Cable Guy sodomizing my grandmother than hear one more kid at school (I work at a college) drone on about the "hysterically funny" Dane Cook. God help us all. When did I become cooler than college students? College kids of my day embraced Bill Hicks, David Cross and Chris Rock, in the olden days it was the college kids who passed along Lenny Bruce and old school Carlin. And what are these kids doing, but embracing Goddamn Dane Cook. Yet again, I find my self saying WTF!

The first problem Mr Cook? Dude, you look just like Ryan Reynolds. Don't get me wrong RR is hot as hell when shirtless, and funny as hell in Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza shop and weirdly Blade 3. But lets face the truth, Mr. Van Wilder is really just a poor man's Jason Lee. So that makes you, Mr. Cook, doubly useless.

Secondly, you invented a new middle finger. Huh, what? Yeah, you heard me right, he invented a new middle finger that his disciples have been flashing around the globe. "One night I did a bit on stage about 5 years ago at the Laugh Factory. I was talking about how the finger is lame now and it's lost its pizzazz.I said I wanted to upgrade the finger and so from now on people should use both the ring finger coupled with the middle finger. I called it the SUPERFINGER, or the Su-Fi"

Are you fucking retarded? How is that funny? Your definition of the Su-Fi -"FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING NOTHING PUDDLE OF FUCKDEW. YOU DRIPPING STICKY BLEACH SMELLING MASS OF EXTREME UBER-MENTAL RETARDATION. SOUR JIZZ FUCKASSFACE. EAT MY FUCK WITH AN EXTRA SIDE OF FUCK FRIES. YOU FUCKHOLE." Oh, I take it all back. You Sir, are Hysterical! Pure Hilarity! See the amazing Su - Fi !!!http://www.myspace.com/danecook

Dude, I'm so getting front row tickets to your show at the HBO Special at the Fleet Center in April. I want to have all your babies. You are so funny. You run around stage, you wear tank tops, you impersonate a pterydactyl, you say naughty words and giggle, you actually made SNL less funny, how do you do it?

Ok, I can't keep this up. I still hate you Dane Cook. I blame you and society, (always blame society, I learned that at Umass). You are lame, you are not funny, you are not edgy, you smell bad and the only time I laughed while writing this damn post was when I read a long ass thread on IMDB about whether or not you have a fake leg. Now fake legs, that's funny! I give you a the real middle finger. Bad Man.

That guy's name is Timmy?

As Director of The Foundation I have been hard at work in the field of Who the F was that Guy. While the foundation is primarily a think tank, on occasion we find ours forced into a research situation. If someone even mentions pop culture I am not sure about, or a name I can't place, I just can't stop myself from running straight to IMDB, its a sickness really. God Bless IMBD.

So to answer that enduring question of, Who the Fuck was that Guy, the answer is Timmy. He's Timmy Cappello, although you probably know him best as the weird guy in with the muscles, chains and giant saxophone singing.."I still Believe, I believe" in The Lost Boys. Apparently, Timmy has enough of a following to warrant several websites, most notably, http://www.ultimatetimmyfanz.com/ or UTF as they like to call it. What has been up to lately you ask? Well, he got his nipple pierced and he still believes. His career has yielded some surprising results, apparently he's been a professional Sax player since the early 70s and played on some of Peter Gabriel's late 70s albums. He is the main touring Sax player for Tina Turner and that landed him a role in her Beyond Thunderdome video...and he plays center stage on Tina's tour, resulting in her quaking hip gyrations. Has he boned Ms. Turner? That, alas I do not know.
Little known, and I mean little know, facts about Timmy:
1. He played a drug king's henchman on Miami Vice.
2. Appeared in two, count them, two episodes of The Equalizer, once as a porn shop owner and the other time as a roadie.
3. Co Starred with Bob Dylan(WTF) in Hearts of Fire.
4. Played the owner of a Tap Dance club in Gregory Hynes aptly named Blockbuster, TAP.
5. Tours with Ringo's All Star Band.
6. As lead singer of "The Ken Dolls" he was in the only band ever banned from CBGB's for being "too outrageous."
7. He still believes.

Through the lies, Through the storms
Through the cries, And through the wars
Oh, I still believe

Through the heartache,Through the tears
Through the waiting, Through the years

For people like us
In places like this
We need all the hope
That we can get

(Pumps fist!....Sax Solo.. Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Oh, I still believe

God Bless You, Lifetime!!

The Vaggies: Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence!
As a woman, I like to watch shows which speak to me and help me deal with life's complicated issues. I mean, what if the ghost of small dead molested autistic boy comes to me in a vision to alert me of own child's danger? What if a mysterious, recovering alcoholic, craftsman rents out the barn behind my house and gets ill while my abusive husband is out of town? I swear, not a day goes by where I don't find myself solving a murder at our local bible college, or helping my twin sister escape the clutches of her stalker, by enlisting the help of our local sheriff, who's wife died of cancer 2 year ago and hasn't learned to love again. So thank you Lifetime, for accurately portraying my life. Only through your support could I cope with the danger of being a woman. Congratulations Lifetime, for winning the Duffless Foundation's 1st Annual Vaggie award!

Whats on Lifetime today?
11:00 am When Andrew Came Home The true story of a mother who must cope with her emotionally damaged child when he comes home after being kidnapped by his father five years earlier.

1:00 pm What Kind of Mother Are You? A woman challenges the juvenile justice system to get her rebellious daughter released from a harsh rehabilitation center. Starring: Mel "the new Valerie Bertinelli" Harris

3:00 pm Deadly Appearances A cheating husband is murdered and his wife is suspected, as well as people at a local bible college. Joanne Kilbourn is the working mother, former cop, and lecturer on criminology at a small town university who tries to find the murderer.

5:00 pm Personal Effects An attorney is trying to solve her younger brother's mysterious disappearance while simultaneously helping a new friend rid herself of a stalker. As she begins to uncover the truth, it turns out that the seemingly separate situations are actually connected.

7:00 pm Forbidden Secrets Alex is in the process of getting a divorce from her controlling husband and decides to move back into her family home. When strange things begin to happen, Alex works with Mike, her mother's psychiatrist, and Sam, a trusted old friend, to unravel the mysteries of her childhood and solve the murders of the past and present. Starring: Kristy Swanson (WTF Kristy!!!)

And lest we not forget the Lifetime Movie Channel for Women: SOUNDS DANGEROUS!
Deadly Isolation ,Murder in The Hamptons ,Deadly Betrayal ,The Killing Secret

Sports Movies...And The Rise of Allergens in my Living Room While I Watch Them

I don't know what it is, maybe I'm getting older. Maybe I've gotten in touch with my feminine side, maybe my estrogen levels are elevated for some awful reason...I don't know, but I can say in all honesty that over the past few years I've noticed that I've gotten a little more emotional about things. I don't think I cried at my grandfather's funeral, but now if I watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition, I'm sobbing like a three year old that lost his woobie.

There are some things that will make me get a little misty eyed...The funeral scene in My Girl, The final episode of the Wonder years, when you find out Jack Arnold dies, and any time I think of the montage that WBCN did with U2's Beautiful Day with the highlights of the first Patriots' Super Bowl win interspersed in it for example.

But there is one thing in particular that will make me weep almost every time...Sports Movies. Not all sports movies, for example, I wasn't reaching for tissues when I watched The Replacements or anything, although Keanu Reeves performance was painful at times. But In good pull at your heart strings Sports Movies.

I'll run down the list...

Rudy
Hoosiers
Remember The Titans
Radio
Field of Dreams
The Natural
And of course the biggest one of all...Brian's Song

Tell me there is any man in the world that can watch Brian's Song without crying. The other day I found myself humming along to the music from this movie, and I started crying then. Quite embarrassing in the elevator at work actually. I mean this movie has it all...two friends, two teammates, but also competitors. The break color barriers and become best friends, then when one gets hurt and the other one has an opportunity to take his spot, he doesn't just sit there, he helps his friend get back in shape, cause he doesn't want to be the starter for the wrong reason. Then he comes down with Cancer....And Dies. It's ridiculous how sad this is. And I didn't even mention...this movie stars James Caan...and Billy Dee williams!!! Fuckin' Billy Dee Williams plays Gale Sayers! When Gale does his speech about Brian, in the locker room asking to give him the Game Ball, and to win the game for Brian, you can't help but cry!

Guys, do yourself a favor, if you need to let out some tears, watch one of these movies...No one will blame you, and ladies, if you are wondering why the guy in your life is crying, don't ask him, look at the tv...I guarantee a sports movie is on TV.

Faith No More....The Greatest Cover Band of All Time???

It is my opinion that Faith No More is the greatest cover band of all time. Now of course, they aren't a cover band per se, but I'll argue that the covers that they have done...namely I Started a Joke (BeeGees), Easy (the commodores) and War Pigs (Black Sabbath) are done so well, that they get arguments from me that they are better than the originals! I know this is a very bold statement, as Easy and War Pigs are classic songs by very popular bands and ISAJ is by another extremely famouse band, although not one of their more famous tunes, but I stand by it. Faith No More is in my opinion one of the most underrated bands of all times. At one point they were punished for being a Hard Rock band during the Grunge era...but then they resurfaced and carried on, and released album after album and great song after great song. But were known by many for their only radio hit....Epic.

But Mike Patton has one of the greatest voices in Rock history. He is able to adapt to many different styles. In ISAJ and Easy, he is able to sing in an almost operatic fashion. At the same time mimicking the styles of the original singers, but then elaborating on them in a way that only he could. In War Pigs, Mike does his best to not only copy the style of the Great Ozzy Osbourne, but again, he adds his own flair to the music which makes it their own. On one hand they are covering a song, showing respect to the original artists, but on the other hand, they are able to take the song, and make it their own.

Sure there are bands like Me First And The Gimme Gimme's who actually make their money covering songs (and believe me I love them for doing it), but for my money, I'll take Faith No More and hold their covers above all others. Don't give me all along the watchtower. Don't Give me Don't Be Cruel, Don't Give me Unforgettable...Personally I'll take Faith No More's version of Easy, I Started a Joke, and War Pigs over all of them!

New Years Resolution

I have resolved to post more blogs. As The Duffless Foundation is doing such important work, it cannot go without postings for as long as it has. It is our duty to keep obscure Pop Culture references in the mainstream in a funny, entertaining, and informative way. Therefore, I resolve to update this blog more regularly. While I will not be getting to involved with this post, as I am involved with an online poker tournament, and that of course needs my full attention...I promise you Foundation Fanatics, that I will post on a more regular basis than ever.

Here are some blog topics you should expect to see in the near future (maybe as early as when I get knocked out of this tournament):

Faith No More: The greatest Cover Band of all time?
Sports movies and the rise of allergic reactions in my living room.
How I got addicted to the West Wing.
and
How Great it is that TV38 still shows a marathon of The Three Stooges on New Years Eve.

I hope you all had a safe, healthy and happy Holiday season, and a great and prosperous New Year!

Good Luck Marc!